Blood Lines

Demon Girl by Penelope Fletcher

2012-01-20T11:04:00.006-05:00

Spoilers Ahead

I don't know about you but I love e-books and e-readers. That's not to say I've given up on traditional books--they're still my favourite and always will be. But e-readers let me hang on to way more books than my already-full shelves will allow. They let me check out books I might not otherwise be interested in. They save my hands in winter (anyone else notice that paper just sucks the moisture right out of skin?) And most importantly they give a voice to writers who wouldn't stand a chance in the deeply flawed traditional publishing industry (sorry but when a semi-literate like Snooki can get a book deal while unknown--but excellent--writers get passed over, you know there's a problem...) Thanks to my Kindle I discovered Penelope Fletcher's voice in her debut novel, Demon Girl.

I have to start by mentioning the cover. I know we're not supposed to judge a book by its cover but in truth you can gauge a lot about a book that way. I've seen a lot of really bad covers among the e-books, mostly involving terrible computer graphics and cheesy/random stock photos. Demon Girl's cover is as pretty and well-designed as anything put out by a traditional publisher. Good job.

As for the story, it's part one of a three (or more?) part paranormal series. Rae Wilder lives in a world where the few remaining humans huddle behind a protected wall, hiding from the vicious demons running wild on the outside. Human society is ruled by the Sect and their Clerics, a draconian bunch who seek and destroy demon-kind wherever they find it. But Rae isn't an average human--she's stronger, faster, and has the irresistible desire to break the rules and explore beyond the wall. What she doesn't expect is to find a pair of Clerics torturing and killing a helpless--and harmless--young female fairy. When they hear Rae she knows she has to run, and when they let the tracking dogs loose she's in serious trouble.

From there Rae's life becomes one complicated mess. When her terror of the Clerics triggers the unbinding of a spell that's been masking her true "demon" (that is, fairy) nature behind a glamour of humanity she's no longer sure where she stands. As if discovering you're not actually human isn't enough of a shock she unwillingly becomes bonded to Braendan, a fellow fairy, and even more unwillingly ends up with a blood bond to vampire Tomas (naturally fairies and vamps aren't supposed to get along). While she's trying to get a grasp on her true nature and new reality she becomes enmeshed in the unpleasant--and violent--world of fairy politics and manipulations. Pretty overwhelming stuff.

Fletcher has come up with a good concept, but the execution is more often shaky than not. The interesting story is repeatedly bogged down by some truly illogical plot devices (why would Rae even consider returning to the Clerics' world after discovering she's a demon?) Rae also suffers from starting off as a pretty cool character who ends up frequently annoying and useless, whining her way through the book and passing out continually. The character of the White Witch is also pretty pointless. Luckily Braendan and Tomas are likeable-. Both are charming enough that they'll draw female readers right in, they're sensible, they're protective of Rae (again something maybe female readers will appreciate more) and they can kick serious ass. You can easily see why she's torn between them (I also kept wishing she'd follow their examples).

The book also suffers from poor editing. There are tons of mistakes throughout that are both distracting and annoying. A good editor could have also smoothed out the problems I mentioned above. Skimping on editing is the number one thing not to do as an author. And your friends don't count. On the other hand, as much as I can't stand editing issues, I still kept reading (sometimes staying up way too late as I had to see what happened next). That's got to count for something.

I thought the end of the book was done well--without giving too much away, enough got resolved so that it was satisfying but not so much that it was a little too tidy. There's plenty left to keep up interest in the rest of the series and I have a feeling (or at least a hope) that Rae will continue to evolve as a character.

Fletcher was only 23 when she wrote this book, which leaves a lot of time for future improvement. But the potential for her talent is definitely there and Demon Girl, despite all its issues, was still good enough that I bought the second book in the series. If you've got an e-reader I recommend giving Demon Girl a go. Support young talent and get your vampire fix while you're at it.

Fang Files

Appearance: Sickly pale human with red-ringed eyes and long, sharp fangs that descend when hungry, angry or excited. Their eyes become all black when the vampire fully emerges. Dead vampires turn to ash.

Strengths: Ability to hypnotize humans. Super strength and speed. Heightened senses. No need to breathe. Their bites initially hurt but then feel pleasurable to the victim. Quick healing.

Weaknesses: Sunlight, stakes, silver, decapitation, blood lust, starvation.

Mythology: A vampire's human body has died so they have no breath, heartbeat or body heat. Vampires need invitations into private residences. Vampires organize themselves into nests. Cannot turn humans--they are genetically mutated humans.

Text Bite

"The dead ones were not the kind of demons people dressed up to make scarier than they actually were. Vampires were the creatures you made nicer in stories to that you didn't pass out when reports came your way one had breached the Wall and eaten a few homeless people."

"People said vampires were soulless, and I did not agree. They had souls, dark ones. Here I must say I also believed there were different kinds of dark. There was a dark that was evil and cruel, and there was a dark that was solitary and simply absent of light."

Demon Girl: Book One of the Rae Wilder Novels by Penelope Fletcher.

The Vampire Diaries S3 E9 "Homecoming"

2012-01-17T16:53:00.007-05:00

Spoilers Ahead

It's weird: I keep hearing from other people about how great this season of TVD is and I keep wondering if we're watching the same season. I don't know--I'm just finding it overwhelmingly lacklustre. The pacing is rushed, the writing is uninspired, the acting is meh (even from Ian, which sucks as much as it is surprising). As I'm watching I keep checking the clock to see if it's almost over. Not a good sign. That being said "Homecoming" wasn't bad. It wasn't great, but it wasn't horrible, either. Although, in the end, isn't that just another way of saying it was disappointing?

If you'll recall last episode Michael showed up and promised Stefan that he would kill Klaus--if Stefan could lure him back to Mystic Falls. And if Stefan couldn't manage the task? Then Michael would kill him instead. Death threats--the ultimate motivational tool. Anyway, this episode starts off with Stefan giving Klaus a call. The Original Hybrid is off in Portland making himself a group of hybrid playmates. Stefan informs him that Michael has been daggered (anyone else bothered by the use of the word dagger as a verb?) Of course Klaus is going to have to come back to see this for himself and to finish daddy off while he's there.

Klaus's return coincides with the Big Event happening this episode: Homecoming. Okay, do we really need to have an event every single episode? As a plot device it's getting old, and it wasn't that interesting to begin with. You know, things can happen within a story even without a large gathering. Anyway, our heroes decide to take advantage of the dance to trap and kill Klaus. While Elena stresses that too many things can go wrong with their plan, Damon comes up with a secret contingency plan of his own.

Elena is right to worry. Things start going awry when the school gym floods and the party has to be moved to Ty's house. Right away Bonnie notices that there are a lot of people there who they don't know. We find out why a moment later as Ty chats with Stefan. It turns out this isn't Ty's party--it's Klaus's. And it's not Homecoming anymore, it's a wake for Michael. The strangers are Klaus's new hybrids. I hope Damon's contingency plan took all this into account.

Klaus tells Stefan that as soon as Michael is permanently dead it'll be time to reunite the family. He's confident none of his siblings will mind being staked and stuck in coffins for years/decades/centuries. He also promises Stefan that as soon as Michael is dead he'll free Stefan from the compulsion he's under.

Back at Salvatore central, Damon and Michael are preparing for the big moment. When Stefan shows up to tell them it's time, Damon lets him know they have a plan--but it doesn't involve him. At that point Michael pounces on Stefan and drains him. I guess being drained of blood doesn't actually kill a vampire, which--now that I think about it--makes sense since the tomb vampires survived for more than a century with no blood. Damon's still shocked, though, having expected Michael to do something simple, like break Stefan's neck. Doesn't stop him from leaving to kill Klaus, though.

Speaking of, as Klaus waits for Stefan to get back with Michael's body he has a chat with Ty. He starts off by telling Ty that he compelled his mother to go to church and pray for Ty's friends. I found that pretty funny (just the image of Carol Lockwood on her knees in a church...) Ty's more confused than amused. Klaus then goes on to point out all his hybrids, who also all happen to be sired. He lets it be known that if Ty's friends make any move whatsoever against him, his hybrids may feel "obligated to retaliate." Then he urges Ty to warn his friends.

Ty starts with Caroline. She insists she doesn't know anything about what might be happening that night but even if she did she wouldn't tell him because he's "sired to Team Klaus" and can't be trusted. So he shoots her up with vervain and gets Matt to get her and everyone else out of there. Must be fun to be Matt: when you're not in danger from all the paranormal beings around you, you're stuck running errands for them. He's got to be at the top of the useless characters list.

Klaus also has a chat with Elena, letting her know that whatever she's got planned to give it her best shot because she won't succeed. Elena spends the conversation acting twitchy, which certainly doesn't tip Klaus off that something's in the works.

After Ty takes care of Caroline he heads back to the party only to be intercepted by Damon. I'm not even sure why they start fighting but Ty tries to bite Damon. Just as Damon is about to stake Ty (with Michael's super special stake, no less) both of them grab their heads in pain. That would be Bonnie interfering. She stops before Damon passes out but Ty is now out of the equation. Damon tells Bonnie he's there with the stake because he's the only one who could get into the house. At least that makes sense.

When Klaus is told he has a visitor at the door named Michael, he doesn't seem at all surprised. He orders his hybrids to all move out back and then goes to the door, where it turns out Michael really is waiting. So much for the element of surprise (by the way, since it seems Originals can't enter homes without invitations I have to ask again how Rebekah waltzed into the Salvatores' place a couple of episodes back. Anyone remember her being invited?) Klaus is careful not to cross the threshold as his hybrids surround Michael. Not at all concerned, Michael mocks and taunts Klaus, and points out that his hybrids are still half-vampire and can, therefore, still be compelled by him. Looks like the hybrids are backing up dad.

Hybrid Mindy steps onto the scene holding on to Elena. Michael then threatens Klaus to come out and face him or else Elena--and his ability to make hybrids--dies. Michael doesn't just like to stick the knife in, he also likes to twist it. Some of his taunts to Klaus are downright cruel. Michael might have a point but you can see why Klaus is so damaged, having been raised by someone like that. I also have to give kudos to the actor and director for having Klaus cry without it being cheesy or trite. Without naming names I have seen the single-tear-rolling-down-the-cheek bit way too many times and at this point it just makes me laugh. But this show seems to get it right so good on them. Anyway, Klaus calls Michael's bluff and the next thing we know Elena is getting a knife in the back.

As Klaus stands stunned, Damon shows up behind him and drives the stake into his gut. The heart is a little to the north, my friend. But just as he is about to stake Klaus properly Stefan shows up out of nowhere and holds Damon down. Klaus takes the opportunity to grab the stake and use it on Michael, who screams and promptly burns to nothing. So, that's it for Michael, huh? The huge threat who's been hunting Klaus for 1000 years and who--if woken--would kill them all because he's such a badass. Colour me underwhelmed. This show has a problem with massive build-ups and anticlimactic resolutions.

As for Elena, it turns out she was actually Katherine. She gets up after the stabbing (surprising Michael, who thought it really was Elena and stabbed her anyway), tosses a couple of wolfsbane grenades at the hybrids, and promptly disappears. Damon also disappears. But Klaus is satisfied and grants Stefan his freedom.

Back at his place, Damon is Pissed. He has no idea what went wrong or why Stefan double-crossed them. Elena is a calming influence, reassuring him that they'll survive this. I wish these two would just get together already--they're clearly stupid for each other. If I were Elena I'd grab Damon and take off, far, far away from Mystic Falls. It's not like she has any reason to stay there. But I guess that's why no one would make a TV show out of my life. At least she agrees that Stefan's not coming back and they have to let him go.

As they're talking Damon gets a call from Katherine. She's just calling to say goodbye because she's going back into hiding. Is Klaus really still pissed at her? Anyway, after they hang up she tells someone sitting next to her that Damon doesn't know where it all went wrong. It turns out to be Stefan next to her and he replies that Damon doesn't need to know. She drops him off at the side of the road and we're treated to a flashback to the party. When Klaus was talking to "Elena" he tells her something we didn't see before: if he dies, Damon will die along with him. His hybrids have orders even after he's gone.

From there Katherine revives Stefan and tells him what's happening. She's counting on him to care enough to save Damon. That's a big risk she's taking there. She insists it's their only option because if they call off the plan entirely they'll have to deal with Michael's wrath. But...didn't Michael compel the hybrids? He couldn't have compelled them not to kill Damon? Uh, Vampire Diaries, your plot hole is showing.

Back in the present again Katherine informs Stefan that she wanted to save him as well, or rather, to save his humanity since she liked the old Stefan better. She also claims that no matter how much vampires try to shut their humanity off it always tries to fight its way back in. Stefan says he doesn't want to let his emotions back in, not after everything he's done (*cough*coward*cough*) but Katherine needs him to feel so that he can do what she needs him to do next: get mad.

If you're wondering where Rebekah's been through all this, she's having an epically bad day. Not only has she recently found out that her beloved brother Klaus is the person actually responsible for killing their mother, but now she's going to help kill him (let's just say she's having mixed feelings). On top of that she has some major daddy issues (she blames Michael for turning them all into vampires and destroying their family). And it gets worse. As she's getting ready for her first ever high school dance Elena shows up with Rebekah's necklace (aka Elena's necklace/the first witch's necklace/the necklace that wouldn't die). More emotional upheaval for poor Rebekah (even I'm starting to feel sorry for her). On the bright side she doesn't have a chance to wreck her makeup crying because a moment later Elena shoves a dagger through her back and into her heart. Elena had good reason (she couldn't risk Rebekah turning on them and helping Klaus) but still--that was cold.

Ty and Caroline are also on the emotional upheaval train. She's (rightly) upset that he's spending so much time with Rebekah, not to mention the whole sired by Klaus thing. After he knocks her out and she regains consciousness in her own bed she has serious trust issues with him. Ty tries to explain that it's worth it for him to be under Klaus's control because his life is better now. Thanks to Klaus he doesn't have to go through the pain of turning at the full moon (or at all). And he doesn't want Caroline to give up on him. Unfortunately for Ty, Caroline just can't deal with him anymore. High school love--so fickle.

The episode ends with Klaus getting a call from Stefan, who lets him know that since he took everything from Stefan, he's returning the favour. As Stefan is saying this Klaus discovers that the coffins containing his family are gone. Klaus's instant response is to threaten to kill Stefan and everyone he knows. Stefan's not too concerned, though, because if Klaus kills him he'll never get his family back. Then he asks Klaus whether, since he spent the entire episode talking about how he's been one step ahead for the last 1000 years, he was prepared for this.

Like I said, not really a bad episode but that plot hole--along with other lesser issues--ensures it's not a good one, either. And I feel that this describes the entire season. A few bad episodes are understandable and forgivable but I think we've passed that limit on TVD. Come on, guys--bring back the inspiration of season 2.

Fang Files

Appearance: Pale human until the vampire emerges, then dark/red eyes, dark facial veins and prominent fangs. Hybrids' appearances change depending on which aspect is dominating (wolf or vampire).

Strengths: Ability to compel humans. Originals can also compel other vampires. Can feed on human, animal, or vampire blood. Resistant to most ways of being killed. Fast healing. Ability to turn emotions/humanity on or off at will.

Weaknesses: Werewolf/hybrid bites. Witchcraft. Vervain. Stakes. An Original vampire can be temporarily killed only by a special dagger dipped in the ashes of an ancient white oak tree. An Original can be permanently killed only by a stake made from that oak tree. A regular vampire can't use the dagger on an Original without dying themselves.

Mythology: Michael basically invented vampires by using magic to make himself and his children immortal (the blood lust and other drawbacks were unintended side effects). These are the Original vampires. To be "sired" means that a vampire has an unusually strong connection and loyalty to their maker, putting their maker's needs above their own. Vampires need an invitation into a private residence.

Sound Bites

Klaus: [on the phone to Stefan] Portland is fantastic--once you get over all the whiny music and healthy-looking people. [Side note: isn't Seattle the place for whiny music?]

Elena: We can't trust Rebekah not to turn on us.
Damon: Oh, really? 'Cause, you know, vampires are usually so reliable.

Ty: [to Caroline] I'm here hanging streamers and I have glitter all over my hands. If I'm sired to anybody it's to you.

Damon: Do you trust me?
Elena: Yes.
Damon: Then you have nothing to worry about.

Damon: [to Michael] Why feed on vampires? Don't tell me it's for the smooth aftertaste.

Doorman: Invite only, vampire.
Damon: Here's my RSVP, [rips out the guy's heart and tosses it on him] hybrid.

The Vampire Diaries, Season 3 Episode 9 "Homecoming." Written by Evan Bleiweiss. Directed by Joshua Butler. From The CW.

True Blood S4 E8 "Spellbound"

2011-12-29T23:34:00.009-05:00

Spoilers Ahead

The post-holidays are upon us and with that comes a return to real life. Well, we knew it had to happen sooner or later. But what better way to welcome the new year than with hot vampires? You could do a lot worse.

Let's get the non-vampire events out of the way...

While Alcide is still unsure that the Shreveport werewolf pack is the one for him, Debbie is more than ready to settle down. Even Marcus is impressed with him when he steps in to stop a fight between two of the younger members. Speaking of Marcus, he's instructed the weres to keep out of the vampire-witch conflict, mainly because he's sure the vampires will win and--much as they all hate to admit it--weres are no match for vamps. This prompts Debbie to make Alcide promise to stay away from Sookie because Sookie comes with vampires.

Elsewhere, Sam goes to see Luna and, with the help of her young daughter, manages to finagle an invite for dinner. They're both still upset about what Tommy did but she's at least starting to acknowledge that it wasn't Sam's fault. As they're having dinner suddenly Marcus barges in. Remember when Luna said her ex was a psycho werewolf? Yeah. He's less than impressed that "his" woman is hanging out with a shifter (but aren't Luna and Emma shifters?) and that his daughter really likes said shifter. When Luna threatens to call his parole officer if he causes trouble he decides he's going to make Sam pay. Sigh. Why can't people just get along?

Meanwhile Tommy, having been banished by Sam, breaks into Maxine's and steals some of her personal items. Then he shifts into Maxine and meets with the representative of the gas company that wants to buy the leasing rights to Maxine's land. Tommy has to be the world's worst bargainer but he does get a small cheque from the guy. At least enough to get him out of Bon Temps. Mind you, he makes it as far as the woods before he collapses, sick from the shift.

You'd think with everything else going on there wouldn't be time for anything more. And yet... Terry and Arlene have to bring baby Mikey in with them to work. As they argue about keeping an eye on him the ghost lady shows up and starts singing to Mikey. Suddenly Lafayette shows up and sees her. And she sees him as well. Later as Lafayette sleeps at home the ghost lady shows up. We're treated to a flashback/dream in which we see her before she was a ghost. Once upon a time she was a happy new mother bringing home a doll (the creepy one that now belongs to Mikey) to her baby son. Unfortunately the baby's father--a married white man--has taken it upon himself to make it so no one will ever know about the child or his affair with a "negresse" (her word, but I think there's something sad and elegant about it). As she begs to see her baby one last time Lafayette wakes and the ghost possesses him. Now that he's been taken over by the ghost lady, Lafayette ambles over to the Bellefleur place and grabs Mikey while everyone else is asleep. It's hard not to feel sorry for the ghost woman.

As if all that wasn't enough, there's still plenty more happening with the vampires and witches. If you'll recall the last episode, Jessica--under Antonia's spell--had just thrown open Bill's front doors to greet the sun. Jason had been running to save her but got held up by one of Bill's guards (I guess there's such a thing as too much security). Just as Jessica starts turning into a crispy critter Jason tackles her. He manages to shut the doors with his foot but then he has to contend with a furious, out-of-control vampire.

Jessica's about to sink her fangs into Jason's neck when the witches end the spell. She returns to her senses and then kisses Jason in gratitude for saving her. She then immediately apologizes but they both end up kissing each other. Disturbingly they keep kissing as Bill calls out for her despondently, thinking she's dead.

Eventually they manage to break apart and Jason carries her downstairs where Bill is relieved to see her still alive. Unfortunately there's a chance the witches will redo the spell so Jason has to silver Jessica all over again, even more heavily than before (ouch) so that they can be safe until nightfall. Bill and Jason also make a deal that Jason won't report the dead guard in the cell (Jessica killed him in order to escape but she doesn't remember) if Bill will overlook the guard outside whom Jason shot in the shoulder in order to get to Jessica.

Once it is safe and Jessica has healed and gone home, Hoyt is thrilled to see her. She's not quite as happy. She tells him she wants to move out and he immediately starts crying, whining and even begging her to stay. She's getting increasingly annoyed with him and when he claims he'll die if she leaves she obliges and kills him. Yeah, you probably shouldn't say things like that to vampires. Outside Jason is waiting for her in his truck. He thinks she looks hot spattered with blood and want to have sex. Right now. He also wants her to bite him while they're having sex. Jessica once again is happy to oblige.

And then she wakes up.

But maybe reality is worse than her dream. When Jess really does get home Hoyt doesn't even acknowledge her. She tells him that she loves him but she wants to break up. There's definitely no crying or whining from him. Instead he gets angry, shouts at her and says all kinds of really hurtful things (she doesn't deserve him, he wants someone who can give him daylight and kids...) Finally he tells her to get the fuck out and revokes her invitation. Clearly Jessica is not the monster in this relationship. And it sucks because they were such a good couple in the beginning. I think I need to go listen to some country music.

Jason, meanwhile, has gone back to work, meeting Andy at the scene where Beulah Carter, secret vampire, burned in the sun. In the throes of his V addiction Andy is actually tempted to lick up the remains. In other words he's not much different from any other addict. Bill shows up too, making a statement on camera (using his glamouring skills) about how Beulah's death was a suicide, a not uncommon experience among vampires with all the anti-vampire sentiment running rampant these days.

After work Jason gets paid a visit by Jessica. She tells him she broke up with Hoyt. Again, things don't exactly go as smoothly as in her dream. He gets upset because Hoyt is his bestie and then he revokes her invitation. Poor Jessica. Jason then tries to distract himself with pushups, forgetting that Jessica shares a blood bond with him and can feel what he feels. No use pretending you're not into her, my friend.

Eric made it through the witches' assault more or less okay, although his silver-inflicted injuries are extensive enough that he needs real blood to heal (True Blood just won't cut it this time). Of course Sookie offers her own neck (there are other arteries and veins, you know). He ends up offering her his own blood, as well, so that they can be "one." As one they both enjoy some mutual ultra-vivid hallucinations, ending up in a bed in the snowy woods. Not unappealing.

Later as they lie in bed, Eric suggests they run away together. He really doesn't want his memories back. If it were me I think I'd take that offer but Sookie doesn't want to leave her home or to leave Bill to die (I guess she's got a point there). She also tells Eric that he's a warrior and he would never forgive himself for running from a fight. Sigh--stupid practicality intrudes again.

But I think Bill will need all the help he can get. As Antonia watches the news she's livid that all their effort only got one vampire killed. Tara has the sudden realization that they're not actually protecting themselves--they're indiscriminately killing vampires. Antonia is perfectly okay with that--her intention is to wipe out all vampires everywhere. Bill's at least trying to work something out. He calls Antonia (I'm not sure how he knows where to find her) and apologizes on behalf of all vampires for what was done to her. He believes there can be peace between them if they're both willing. She's not exactly convinced but finally Antonia agrees to meet him--alone and unarmed--at midnight in the cemetery at Bon Temps.

As Bill prepares at home for the meeting with Antonia, Sookie and Eric arrive to join the fight. He reluctantly agrees to let Sookie take part before heading to the cemetery. When Antonia arrives she's already hostile and neither of them is surprised that they brought back up (although Sookie is shocked to see Tara on Antonia's side). Bill promises that his vampires will leave the witches alone (under penalty of death) if Antonia will lift the spells on Eric and Pam. Antonia points out that the vampires he wants her to help are the ones who've already harmed the witches. Will he kill them once she lifts the spells? As Bill is giving his word that the vampires will leave the witches alone Sookie hears Antonia silently casting a spell. She warns Bill and suddenly more vampires arrive.

I don't know what sets him off but out of nowhere Eric decides to rip the heart out of one of the witches. Sookie is shocked (like she didn't know what he was capable of). Antonia casts a thick fog and everything descends into chaos. Some are killing whoever they find. Sookie is running around useless. Bill releases every witch unharmed as he searches for Antonia. Tara kills a vampire and looks sickened by what she's done. But then Pam finds her and is ready to end her--until Bill shows up and orders Pam to never harm Tara or he'll personally execute her. Pam takes off and Tara is just dumbfounded.

As Eric feasts on a dead witch and Bill is confronting more of them, Sookie gets shot. Both men sense it and in that moment of vulnerability Bill gets silvered and Eric is put under Antonia's spell much as Luis was. Luckily for Sookie Alcide broke his promise to Debbie and comes to her rescue when he hears her scream. Unluckily for possibly both of them, Debbie sees Alcide do it. Just as things are looking as though they can't possibly get any worse the camera pans slowly out until everything is obscured by the fog.

I'm not worried for Sookie (and not just because she's the main character) but I am concerned about what's going to happen to all the vampires. Who would have thought a small coven of witches could turn out to be so much trouble? And now that Debbie's aware of Alcide's betrayal, who knows what she's capable of? Also, are they completely done with the fairies on the show? Because if so that was pretty damn anticlimactic.

Fang Files

Appearance: Pale humans with red-rimmed eyes and long, snakelike fangs that extend or retract at will (and also when the vampire is excited). They cry blood. A dead vampire is a mass of stringy, bloody bits

Strengths: Super strength and speed. Fast healing (faster with real blood). Ability to glamour (hypnotize) humans.

Weaknesses: Witchcraft, silver, the sun. When vampires haven't properly rested at night they get the "bleeds" (bleeding from their eyes and nose).

Mythology: Once a human has consumed a vampire's blood, there will always be a bond between the two. On the other hand, vampire blood is also a powerful and illegal drug that many humans become addicted to. A vampire needs an invitation to enter a home (and they can't legally own property); their invitation can also be revoked, forcing them to leave immediately.

Sound Bites

Marcus: [re: vampires] Those dead fuckers are hardcore. They will kill you and not blink an eye.

Sookie: I'm trusting you, Eric.
Eric: I won't betray you. Ever.
Sookie: I may remind you of that someday.

Hoyt: [to Jessica] Maybe my mama was right all along--maybe God really does hate fangs. And you know what? So do I.

Eric: I just want to be with you and only you. Forever.
Sookie: There's no such thing as forever.

True Blood, Season 4 Episode 8 "Spellbound." Written by Alan Ball. Directed by Daniel Minahan. From HBO.

Being Human (UK) S1 E4

2011-11-30T07:03:00.019-05:00

Spoilers Ahead

Monsters and mobs go hand in hand. I mean, what's the point of being supernatural if you don't have the occasional run-in with villagers and their pitchforks? Well, we've got the mob this episode but they're going after the wrong monster. It's an interesting twist and makes for the perfect plot device.

Episode 4 starts off with Mitchell narrating and having something of an existential crisis. I think we can all relate to his concerns about belonging. But it's particularly poignant for our three protagonists as George returns home after the full moon scratched up, wearing women's clothes, and scaring off the normal people. As for Annie, what is she if not the ultimate outsider, continuing to exist but unable to fully interact with anyone else? You really understand the pain and unhappiness inherent in what otherwise seem like pretty cool circumstances (powers, immortality, superhuman strength...)

Enraged about Herrick taking Lauren back last episode Mitchell goes to pay him a visit. Herrick shuts Mitchell up with a lecture on how badly he's treated Lauren, abandoning her after turning her and not taking care of her as he should have. He points out that Lauren's only with him (Herrick) because Mitchell isn't taking responsibility for her. Considering Mitchell treats Herrick like he's the devil incarnate, Herrick is pretty patient. You really don't get a sense that he's evil at all--just that he cares about Mitchell and is loyal to his fellow vampires. He finally dismisses Mitchell by telling him to go do his thing (that is, try to be human) and when he's done to come home as there will always be a place for him. Makes you wonder why Mitchell is so adamantly opposed to all things vampire and Herrick in particular.

When he gets home Mitchell finds Annie stress cleaning after her realization that the man she loved is also the one who killed her. More disturbing than the cleaning, though, is Annie's new--and uncontrollable--skills as a poltergeist. Every time she's set off dishes go flying, glass explodes, fixtures fall from the ceiling. Fun all around! And speaking of stressing George has a date with Nina and is panicking, not only about what to wear but also that she might just prefer the wolf (which was on the verge of emerging the last time they saw each other) to him.

Things start really getting interesting when Mitchell intervenes as two boys bully another one. The bullies give him attitude and he scares them off with his all-black vampire eyes. In the process he makes friends with the bullied boy, Bernie, and his mom, Fleur. Charmed by his defending her son (and undoubtedly by his smouldering good looks), Fleur invites Mitchell in for tea. Later she lets Mitchell take Bernie out for the day, which I find a bit weird. Fine--she doesn't believe children should be wrapped in cotton wool (agreed) but letting a man you only just met take your kid out for the day--is it just me or is that asking for trouble? Come on--even Mitchell asks her if she's sure that's a good idea!

Not that he has any ulterior motive other than just hanging out with a nice kid who reminds him of himself at that age. They bond and bowl and all is going well until Lauren shows up. Mitchell pulls her away angrily but Lauren claims she's only there to say goodbye. She says she and the other vampires got the message and that they're going to respect his decision and leave him alone. Although he still worries about her his relief becomes increasingly evident. Especially when Bernie falls and cuts himself and Mitchell doesn't react at all to the blood. Maybe he can do this human thing, after all.

To celebrate he brings Bernie home to meet George and pig out on junk food. At one point Bernie notices a Laurel and Hardy statue and asks who they are. Aghast at the ignorance of youth Mitchell tells him to run up to his room and grab the first Laurel and Hardy dvd he sees. Mitchell promises he'll laugh more than he ever has before.

The next morning Bernie puts the movie on but it's clear he did not end up with a Laurel and Hardy dvd. Instead he's watching Lauren's vampire porn. And then Fleur sees it. She shows up at Mitchell's enraged and starts telling the entire neighbourhood that he's a perv and a pedophile. Mitchell tries to explain what happened but by then no one's listening. All the neighbours start turning against him (and by extension, George), spraying graffiti on the house, egging it, picketing, throwing garbage, refusing to let them shop in their stores, spitting on them and worse.

As if things aren't already bad enough for Mitchell, Herrick shows up at work in an official capacity (for anyone who's forgotten, he's a cop) to see him about the serious allegations made by his neighbours. Herrick is more than willing to make this go away and before he leaves he has Mitchell reminiscing about the good old days when they would deal with problems like this vampire-style. Mitchell claims he doesn't want Herrick's help but it's hard to believe he really wants nothing to do with his fellow vamps. It's pretty obvious Herrick doesn't believe it either.

Events come to a head when Bernie sneaks over to apologize to Mitchell for everything that's happened. As Mitchell is reassuring him that none of it is his fault, one of the more obnoxious neighbours intervenes. Soon the mob has arrived and Mitchell is starting to get pissed off. Meanwhile Fleur starts shouting from across the street for Bernie to come home now. Poor Bernie is clearly torn but then he starts running for home, somehow not seeing the car that's coming toward him. Mitchell sees it, though, and runs. Unfortunately he gets there a second too late and they're both hit by the car. But only Mitchell gets up again. Fleur and Mitchell are devastated. The mob just gawks.

George and Nina's relationship is really up and down this episode. At first he's relieved to find out she doesn't prefer the wolf to him when she suggests they slow things down a bit (apparently when he rocked her world last episode it was a bit much for her). But as things start going downhill with the neighbours he becomes convinced he and Mitchell will never be accepted anywhere or be able to live any kind of normal life. He becomes cold to Nina and then tells her it's over, that trouble follows him and he can't be with her anymore. Nina's not entirely convinced and she shows up at his place to tell him so. He keeps pushing her away until she finally gives up, first making sure he knows she would have listened to him.

He's determined to stay away from Nina but after Bernie is hit George goes to see her, horrified to the point of tears that he's just seen a child killed. Nina is a great support and George eventually tells her that he has secrets but he can't tell her about them yet. This prompts her to reveal her own secret--horrific scars on her abdomen (she doesn't give details, just says that people can be bastards). Their relationship seems to have found its footing and I really hope it works out for them.

While all this has been going on Annie's been having her own relationship issues. Her stress level goes off the charts when Owen shows up at the house with his new girlfriend. Annie tries her best to control her uncontrollable poltergeisting (yeah that's a word), although her efforts aren't entirely effective. After talking to the guys about the situation with the neighbours Owen is understanding but still gives them notice--they need to get out so he and Janey can move in. This about pushes Annie over the edge. Not only is she about to lose her only friends but her ex and his new girl are getting ready to step into the life that was meant to be hers. After Owen and Janie leave Annie makes a decision. She's not going to lose the guys or let Owen and Janie have the house. She's breaking with her past and to emphasize it she has a little barbecue of all her Owen-related items. Although the boys are concerned she claims she's never felt more alive. And she might just be right. When Bernie is hit Annie comes outside to see what all the commotion is and is shocked that people can see and touch her. Does anyone else see ghostly revenge on the horizon?

Bernie ends up on life support, although he's fading fast. Fleur is blaming herself when Mitchell shows up. Probably breaking every rule there is he tells her he's a vampire and, after offering some proof, tells her he can turn Bernie to save him. Fleur is disbelieving and then torn, unsure whether that's the right thing to do. Mitchell responds that she has to make that decision. The next scene is Fleur sobbing over Bernie's body while Mitchell sits outside. From there he meets Fleur at the train station. She's got a bag and is leaving town. She lets Mitchell know that she told the neighbours she was wrong about him and he's actually okay. Whether that'll make a difference remains to be seen. But Mitchell's focus is elsewhere, particularly when Bernie shows up looking pale and carrying a bag of his own. He and Fleur are happy to see each other again but when Bernie tries to thank Mitchell for saving him, Mitchell says "don't" and walks away. So if he thought it was such a horrible thing to do why did he do it? Especially when the next moment Bernie tells his mom he's hungry and the formerly sweet kid suddenly has a tinge of menace about him. In this moment it becomes all-too clear just how difficult his and Fleur's lives are going to be. Not just difficult but dangerous.

The episode ends with Mitchell going to see Herrick. With just two words ("I'm in.") he turns his back on his humanity and joins again with the vampires. Is it out of self-hatred, disgust with humans, an overwhelming need to belong, or any number of other reasons? I don't know but I'm also not sure how long it'll last.

I like this episode a lot. It somehow manages to show the difficulties of life as a human and as a "monster." No matter what it's not easy and there's no clear winner in terms of which is preferable. So how does one decide which path to follow? Maybe Mitchell's right--maybe it's just a matter of finding where you belong. Or maybe we're all a bit of both. Whatever the case I'm not too sure one can survive without the other.

Fang Files

Appearance: Human, until the vampire emerges--then pure black eyes. A vampire's image cannot be captured. Vampires are cold to the touch.

Strengths: Not easy to hurt, quick healing.

Weaknesses: Blood lust, cruelty to humans.

Mythology: Ideally a maker should take responsibility for their "children," helping them through the transition and teaching them about being a vampire. To make a vampire a human must be "snatched" at the moment of death.

Sound Bites

Mitchell: You can piss your whole life away wondering who you might be. It's when you've worked out who you are that you can really start to live.

Nina: [Re: taking it slow with George] Don''t get me wrong, I'm not suggesting we wear those weird chastity rings--you know, American kids 'we're not shagging 'cause we're mentals'...

Lauren: [to Mitchell] God, it's always about the blood with you, isn't it? Like that's all there is. There's a whole dark and beautiful world and you're obsessing about what we eat.

George: We're not fit to live among decent people.
Mitchell: It's a good job we don't, then.

Fleur: If you were me, would you choose that life for your son? Because I don't see much happiness in you, Mitchell.

Being Human (UK), Season 1 Episode 4. Written by Brian Dooley. Directed by Alex Pillai. From the BBC.

The Vampire Diaries S3 E8 "Ordinary People"

2011-11-25T18:47:00.018-05:00

Spoilers Ahead

This just might be my most-hated episode of The Vampire Diaries. I don't know what they were thinking when they put this hot mess together. Here's some free advice for the writers: Vikings don't have English accents and they do not have Biblical names. Furthermore you're telling us there's no archeological evidence for an entire Viking village in the US from only 1000 years ago? Congratulations on coming up with one of the stupidest story premises I've seen in a long time.

So "Ordinary People" starts off with Alaric, Elena and Damon in the caves under the Lockwood estate. Alaric shows Elena the glyphs and explains that they tell a story before he points out that the Viking runes (which he can apparently read) include the names Rebekah, Elijah, Michael and Niklaus. See, I'd have no problem if the characters ended up changing their names over time but the fact that their names appear in runes means those are their original names and how can you expect me to believe any of this stuff if you can't get something as simple as names right? You show me evidence of a Viking named Rebekah or Elijah and I will give you a million dollars. Seriously. But Alaric, Elena and Damon have other things on their minds. Alaric's managed to interpret that werewolves lived in Mystic Falls long before there was such a thing as Mystic Falls, while Damon figured out that Michael is the Original dad.

We're also treated to a series of flashbacks, starting with one of Rebekah and Klaus in the cave as she carves the runes. Why? Who knows? I guess there wasn't much to do back then. We also find out that they and their siblings are all afraid of their father. We get a sense of why when we later see the miserable bastard chewing out Klaus for nothing.

Back in the present Alaric takes photos of all the glyphs so he can study them at home. As they're discussing their next move Elena spars with Damon (let's just say she's no Buffy). Elena finally decides they need to talk to Rebekah to find out more about Michael and the Originals. And after a few threats Rebekah is more than willing.

Rebekah tells a truly ridiculous tale. Apparently her parents, back in the land of the Vikings, lost a child to plague and decided they needed to take their family someplace safe. That safe place was the new world (already populated by werewolves) where everyone was healthy (they apparently travelled there with the help of a witch.) First of all, you don't get plagues in sparsely populated areas. I don't think plague was a real issue for the Vikings. Second of all losing children was commonplace back then. Yes it was sad but people were used to it. Running away from the dangers of life wouldn't occur to anyone. Thirdly I can't believe a Viking would run away from anything. But Rebekah goes on. She adds that her family lived in peace with the weres, retreating once a month to the caves while the wolves did their thing. That was, until the night Klaus and youngest brother Henrik decided to go out and watch and *gasp shock* Henrik ended up dead. Well, that was it--no more friendly relations with the weres. Because, you know, it was their fault the kid got himself killed. And the family couldn't go anywhere else because Michael was too proud to run (except from disease, apparently). No, Michael decided they had to use witchcraft to make themselves meaner and stronger than the weres so they could kick their collective ass. Really? When their witch refused to do something so against nature, mom Esther (another fine Viking name), also a witch, stepped up.

Although it goes against everything witches stand for Esther agreed to work a spell to change her family into the first vampires. She didn't include herself in the spell, however, because you can't be a witch and a vampire. Of course now that they've said that unequivocally you know a vampire witch is going to show up at some point. By the way, Esther was also the Original Witch. Once the spell was out of the way Michael fed his kids blood and killed them. Then when they woke up he brought them fresh blood in the form of a girl to complete the transformation. Of course there were consequences, being the weaknesses we all know about (see Fang Files).

But wait, the worst was yet to come. When Klaus killed his first human it triggered his werewolf gene. Of course that made him Michael's greatest shame. So Esther put the curse on him and turned her back on him. But Michael still couldn't deal. He slaughtered half the village and then killed Esther in front of Klaus. From there the family was scattered, although Klaus, Rebekah and Elijah stayed long enough to bury their mom and vow to always stick together.

Elsewhere Damon has decided to amuse himself by releasing Stefan from the cell. He's not a big fan of the Lexi rehab plan so he's going to try another way. It's not a particularly subtle way as they head to some random bar where they indulge in whiskey, blood, and dancing on tables. Damon claims he wants Stefan to remember what freedom feels like so he'll get mad and fight back against Klaus. Before they can really explore that idea Michael shows up. How he found them considering they don't even really know where they are, who knows? He starts questioning Stefan about where Klaus is but because Stefan is compelled he can't give anything away. So Michael decides to motivate him by shoving his hand into Damon's chest and threatening to rip out his heart (by the way, this counts as impaling if you're playing my drinking game!) At first Stefan still insists he can't tell Michael anything but just when Michael is about to perform amateur heart surgery Stefan suddenly admits he can lure Klaus back to Mystic Falls. Good enough--as soon as Klaus shows up, Michael will kill him. And if Stefan can't get Klaus back then Michael will kill him.

While Elena is busy with Rebekah and Damon is busy with Stefan, Alaric has Bonnie bring him the necklace that wouldn't die. With the necklace he can confirm that one of the recurring glyphs is the symbol for witch. Once Elena is done with Rebekah she joins Alaric and helps fill in the blanks in the glyphs. And--OMG--she realizes that it wasn't Michael who killed Esther--it was Klaus!!!!! When she runs back to Rebekah with photos and a breathless revelation the vampire first gets angry and then starts crying. Because somehow it never occurred to any of them that Klaus might have been lying about Michael killing their mom. I can sympathize with Rebekah, though--this episode made me want to cry too.

There is a satisfying moment, though, when Stefan mouths off to Damon and Damon handily kicks Stefan's ass. As Gordon Ramsay would say, well thank fuck for that. The episode ends with Damon waiting on Elena's bed as she's about to settle down for the night. There's an amusing moment as she's pulling on the blanket, trying to budge it so she can get under it while Damon ignores her and keeps talking. But then she slides in anyway, tells him they might have Rebekah on their side, and mentions that she thinks Damon will be the one to save Stefan from himself--not because Stefan loves Elena but because he loves Damon. Aww. Then she falls asleep under Damon's watchful eye (you know, when the Angel[us] would watch Buffy as she slept it was considered creepy. Now it's the romantic thing to do...)

I really can't stand shows that make it up as they go along. Yeah maybe that helps with the element of surprise but mostly it encourages the element of idiocy. Come up with a long-term story outline, makes sure it all makes sense, execute. How hard it that? At least this show still has Damon. He's the only thing that keeps me coming back.

Fang Files

Appearance: Pale human until the vampire emerges, then dark/red eyes, dark facial veins and prominent fangs.

Strengths: Difficult to kill, quick healing. Super strength and speed. The ability to compel humans (Originals can also compel other vampires).

Weaknesses: Sunlight (unless wearing a piece of daywalker jewellery). Magic. Pointy objects. Blood lust. Need an invitation to enter a private residence. Vervain. Heightened emotions.

Mythology: Originally there was no way to permanently kill an Original (especially Klaus) but now it seems there might be a way (involving a stake made from the white oak tree). Vampires can turn off their emotions/humanity at will. In order to be turned a human needs to die with vampire blood in their system; to complete the transformation they need to feed from a human.

Sound Bites

Damon: [re: the cave glyphs] Yeah, it's the Lockwood Diaries, Pictionary style.

Rebekah: [to Elena] If you wake Michael we are all doomed.

Elena: [re: Stefan] How does he look?
Damon: Pasty and pouty.

Stefan: Damon, you are worse than Elena. Getting me drunk, brotherly bonding. What, you think I'll break down and you can pull me back from the edge, is that it?
Damon: I happen to like the edge, Stefan. Your problem is your inability to resist falling over it. You're all or nothing, man. You can't just be. Although, who am I to judge?

Rebekah: A witch is nature's servant. A vampire is an abomination of nature.

The Vampire Diaries, Season 3 Episode 8 "Ordinary People." Written by Caroline Dries and Julie Plec (based on a story by Nick Wauters). Directed by J. Miller Tobin. From The CW.

True Blood S4 E7 "Cold Grey Light of Dawn"

2011-11-22T13:52:00.009-05:00

Spoilers Ahead

It's weird: necromancer Antonia should be a more sympathetic character. After all, she was imprisoned, tortured, raped and finally burned at the stake by vampires. Her desire for vengeance is justified. And let's face it--her powers are pretty damn awesome. So why is she not only unlikable but also being portrayed as the bad guy? I guess her insistence on killing all vampires everywhere has something to do with it (nobody likes a fanatic). But even the "good" vampires on True Blood have done some pretty horrible things. This is all getting too confusing. Do I root for the vampires or for the wronged witch? Can't we all just get along?

Sigh.

When we last saw Antonia she had made herself comfortable inside Marnie's body (the possession thing is also a little too creepy). She had then enslaved vampire Sheriff Luis. "Cold Grey Light of Dawn" starts off with Antonia using Luis to execute the "treasonous" Katie (one of Bill's security guards who infiltrated Marnie's coven). Too bad--I kind of liked Katie. Luis is then given orders to give his King a message.

When Luis goes to see Bill he informs him that Antonia is back. Then he shoots Bill before trying to stake him. Of course Bill gets the upper hand. When he demands to know what Antonia wants, Luis says one word--"Resurrection"--before staking himself.

From there we go to Pam--still decomposing alive--as she attacks Tara and her girlfriend. Just as she's about to choke the life out of Tara she notices a group of locals watching and taking photos. Reluctantly Pam puts Tara down but promises to come back and shred her like confetti. Tara's shaken, so much so that she sends her girlfriend away claiming she doesn't want her to end up dead as well.

Depressed, alone, and granted a temporary reprieve Tara spends the night getting drunk and wandering along the side of the road. Out of nowhere Antonia shows up and gives a rousing speech about how alike she and Tara are, how they've both been used by vampires and how together they can avenge their torment and exact retribution. Of course Tara agrees to help (she has to be the most easily swayed/manipulated character on this show) and they set about recruiting more people to their cause.

Jason shows up doing some truly impressive pushups in an effort to get his mind off Jessica. Too bad his plan doesn't work out. Especially when Hoyt shows up and, after a perfunctory show of concern for Jason ("You were raped" "It's okay I'm over it" WTF?) he starts going on about how Jessica is slipping away from him and it'll kill him if he loses her.

Speaking of Jessica, she's busy being filled in by Bill on the Antonia situation. Their relationship has evolved into a rather sweet father-daughter bond (reminds me of Buffy and Giles). I want to see more of the two of them. Anyway, Bill's convinced that Antonia will reprise her last stand and lure the vampires out into the daylight so he comes up with a plan to send away as many of the Louisiana vamps as he can and to have everyone else bound with silver during the day. It's not going to be fun but it'll keep them alive.

While all this has been going on Sookie and Eric continue to have sex--in the glade, at home, the entire way from the glade to home. Don't these two get tired? They finally take a break and the pillow talk turns to whether Sookie will still want Eric if he gets his memories back. Way to ruin the moment. She's not sure that she will still want him but she wants to. I guess that's something.

No sooner do they get some clothes on than Bill shows up. They thank him for allowing their happy reunion (he looks completely miserable) and then he tells them about what's been going on. He offers Eric a secure cell at his place but Eric isn't leaving Sookie's. Bill hands them a rather large pile of silver chains and heads back home to start getting ready. He makes sure his mansion is light proof and then he silvers Jessica and himself. The silvering process looks pretty horrific, worse than we've seen it before. Bill ends up taking pity on Jess and holds off on silvering her neck.

Since the pain from the silver is so intense the vampires can't sleep and that seems to put them in a confessing mood. Jessica tells Bill that she's not sure she can love Hoyt anymore. Meanwhile Eric tells Sookie that he doesn't want his memories back--he's perfectly happy as he is with her.

Now that she's taking a break from trying to kill Tara, Pam has decided to see the doctor about a cure of some sort. Unfortunately the doctor can only clear the surface rot and keep Pam pretty--she'll still be internally decomposing. Even that temporary fix involves ripping off the external layers of skin (shudder) and taking six injections four times a day. You've got to wonder if it's really worth it. Lucky Ginger gets the task of injecting Pam, as well as covering her with silver chain mail and keeping watch over her coffin. It's so glamorous hanging out with the vampires of True Blood!

After an inspirational talk Antonia gets down to business with her fellow witches and vampire haters. As they cast the spell the vampires all start going crazy, begging to be set free to see the sun. It turns out one of Maxine's neighbours is a vamp but didn't get the memo as she bursts into flame on the front lawn.

In other happenings, after vomiting and passing out Tommy is feeling better (the doctor blames food poisoning). Once he's sure Tommy's all right Sam gives Luna a call and is shocked when she's less than friendly. He ends up going to see her in person and when she realizes he doesn't remember sleeping with her it ends up dawning on both of them that Tommy is a skinwalker. They're both sickened at the thought. Later Tommy wakes up to find Sam staring at him. Sam is enraged, not only at what Tommy did but at what he might do (like kill Sam and take his place). In his anger he starts choking Tommy but eventually backs off. Then he tells Tommy he has 2 minutes to leave forever and, just in case Tommy isn't devastated enough, Sam tells him he wishes he could forget everything about him.

Meanwhile Jesus and Lafayette decide that even the relative safety from vampires isn't enough to keep them at granddad"s (the fact that he decided to prove that Lafayette is a medium by nearly killing Jesus might have had something to do with that). But why they went back to Bon Temps isn't too clear. Lafayette goes back to work at Merlotte's like nothing's happened, which is also strange. But I guess it gives an opportunity for him to see the lady ghost hanging around Arlene's baby.

As for Debbie and Alcide, after being inducted into the Shreveport wolf pack Debbie's jealousy toward Sookie starts becoming more apparent. Alcide assures her she's the only girl for him and although she seems mollified I have a feeling the jealousy issue will be rearing its ugly head again before long.

The episode ends with Jason stopping by to see Sookie. Hearing Eric's screams she quickly explains to him what's happening. As she returns to Eric Jason starts running for Bill's. Jessica has managed to break her chains and escape from the cell. For a second it looks like Bill will stop her: he commands her as his maker to...release him. She ignores him, however, and crawls upstairs. As Jason runs toward the house he gets intercepted by one of Bill's guards. As he grapples with the guard Jess finally reaches the doors and throws them open as sun streams in.

I will not be happy if Jessica dies. She's definitely one of my favourite characters. I hope the vampires have a good plan for putting Antonia out of commission; otherwise, the silvering is going to get old fast. And despite my questions at the beginning of this post, when it comes right down to it, I always root for the vampires.

Fang Files

Appearance: Pale humans with red-rimmed eyes and long, snakelike fangs that extend or retract at will (and also when the vampire is excited). A dead vampire is a mass of stringy, bloody bits.

Strengths: Super strength. Ability to glamour (hypnotize) humans. Mad skillz in the bedroom.

Weaknesses: Witchcraft/necromancy. Stakes, silver, sunlight. Lack of sleep causes "the bleeds."

Mythology: Vampire society is highly hierarchical with Kings and Queens ruling over Sheriffs and lesser vampires, and all ruled by the mysterious Authority. Vampire blood (V) is an addictive and illegal drug. If a maker orders his child to do something the child can resist but with great difficulty.

Sound Bites

Redneck 1: What the hell's the matter with her face?
Redneck 2: Show us your face!
Redneck 1: Are you sure she ain't a zombie?
Redneck 2: Oh crap, now there's zombies?
Pam: I. AM NOT. A ZOMBIE!
Redneck: That's exactly what a zombie would say!

Bill: Since when has any fanatic been held back by the improbability of their righteous mission?

Jessica: When we survive the day I am going to eat that fucking witch, starting with her face.

Antonia: Vampires are not immortal. They are only harder to kill.

True Blood, Season 4 Episode 7 "Cold Grey Light of Dawn." Written by Alexander Woo. Directed by Michael Ruscio. From HBO.

The Vampire Diaries S3 E7 "Ghost World"

2011-11-02T14:57:00.008-04:00

Spoilers Ahead

I propose a new drinking game: every time Damon gets impaled this season you take a shot. Hint: if you play make sure you have a designated driver on hand.

At the end of the last episode the ghost of Mason Lockwood showed up and knocked Damon out. "Ghost World" starts off with Damon strapped to a chair with a fireplace poker stuck in his chest (echoing what he did to Mason to make him a ghost in the first place) and his daywalker ring on the floor. As Damon slowly regains consciousness he immediately blames Stefan for his predicament but although Stefan is amused by the whole thing he assures Damon that he had nothing to do with it. Stefan removes the poker and releases one of Damon's hands but then walks away. Mason, seeing Damon's about to get free, throws open the curtains so the sun streams in. Crispy fried Damon ensues.

The weak excuse for a plot device this episode is the Founding Families' Illumination Night (blah blah big historical significance that's really all about vampires blah). I hope there aren't any actual towns that are this obsessed with their founding families--it must be really fun for everyone else who lives there who isn't part of that particular group. In any case as everyone helps set up for the big event Damon arrives and lets Bonnie know she screwed up the anti-Vicky spell because Mason Lockwood is apparently back and really pissed (then he leaves to tell Alaric, even though Alaric still can't stand him). Luckily Bonnie's grimoire opens on its own to the spell she needs (maybe her spells would work out a little better if she didn't keep waiting for the books to tell her which ones to use). This particular spell is to reveal "veiled matter" aka ghosts (but not to get rid of them).

Meanwhile Elena has decided that if ghost-whisperer Jeremy would talk to Lexi and find out how to help Stefan that'll solve all her problems. But never having met Lexi, Jeremy's not sure he can do it. He's probably also a little distracted by Anna, who seems permanently attached to him now (not that he's complaining). In fact, as soon as they have a minute to themselves Jeremy seizes the moment and kisses Anna, which ends up being way more romantic than anything he's ever had with Bonnie. Yay for ghost love!

Speaking of, Bonnie and Caroline end up going back to the witch house to perform the spell (even though the witches are all gone Bonnie decides the house is a good place to work in peace). As Bonnie gets into the spell suddenly her Grams appears. But she's not the only ghost who shows up. Elena walks in on Anna and Jeremy (and sees Anna); Mason confronts Damon and Alaric; and Lexi arrives to kick Stefan's ass. Grams tells Bonnie that when she sent Vicky away the witch helping Vicky on the other side decided to take advantage of the situation and wedge the door between worlds open. Now any ghost with unfinished business can get through. Grams is there to help Bonnie restore the balance (witches and their balancing) by destroying the other witch's talisman aka Elena's necklace aka Rebekah's necklace. That way the ghosts will be sent back and the witch won't continue to be able to work magic on both sides.

Caroline calls Elena to find out where the necklace is. Elena tells her Damon has it and then tells her about Jeremy and Anna kissing. So Caroline tells Bonnie. Ah, teenagers, truly the souls of discretion. Anyway, after Elena hangs up and leaves Jeremy and Anna she runs into Lexi who's there to pick up Elena for Ripper Detox 101. Suddenly Elena isn't so eager to get rid of the ghosts. It turns out Lexi's got Stefan locked up in the vampire jail cell (where Caroline's dad tortured her). This time Lexi purges the blood lust from Stefan by somehow getting into his head and making him hallucinate that he's been starving for years (wouldn't that just make the blood lust worse, though?)

Conveniently Caroline and Bonnie can't find the talisman/necklace anywhere in Damon's room (did they actually talk to him before barging into his house? And where's Rebekah during this? Doesn't she desperately want the necklace back?) Elena asks them to hold off on sending the ghosts back so Lexi can fix Stefan. Unfortunately it turns out the tomb-vampire ghosts are also back and they still want revenge against the Founding Families (get over it already). If only they had a big Founding Families event to infiltrate so they could easily wreak their vengeance on all the gathered founders' descendants...oh wait... Jeremy and Anna are the ones who call Caroline to let her know about the tomb vampires and Caroline immediately accuses Anna of having stolen the necklace (again...Rebekah?) Anna denies it, which causes a fight between Jeremy and Caroline.

Meanwhile Lexi is telling Elena that they need to make Stefan feel something--anything--to make him see past the blood. Once they do that they can start bringing him back. Lexi's method of making Stefan feel is to stab him repeatedly with stakes. Well, that's one way to do it. It's a bit much for Elena, though, so she runs outside and meets up with Jeremy (minus Anna this time). He admits that he doesn't want to send Anna away and that he loves her and always has. But Elena tells him it's not real, that he can't love a ghost. At this point Anna reappears along with the necklace. Elena tells her she's holding Jeremy back and Anna returns the necklace. You know, this all would have made a lot more sense and been a way more interesting storyline if Rebekah had stolen the damn necklace. Once again TVD rushes the resolution.

After Elena leaves, Anna tells Jeremy that she is holding him back. She also apologizes for taking the necklace and claims that when she saw the tomb vampires she was hoping she'd find her mother. She doesn't know where Pearl is and she doesn't want to be alone anymore. Jeremy assures her he won't let her be alone--right before he runs off to give the necklace to Bonnie.

Bonnie has nothing but scorn for Jeremy when he shows up but she takes the necklace and starts the spell to destroy it (with Grams helping). It doesn't take long and then the ghosts start disappearing. Lexi tells Elena that Stefan is still in there--she just has to break through; Eleni assures Lexi she can go be at peace now. Anna finds Pearl and they have an emotional reunion before they disappear together. And Grams tells Bonnie she's proud of her before she also goes. Once they're alone Bonnie tells Jeremy to get lost--she's done with him (well, she doesn't exactly say that but it seems to be the case). After he leaves, though, a shower of sparks fly out of the fireplace and suddenly the necklace is back and in one piece. What's that wacky original witch up to now?

Once Lexi is gone Elena tells Stefan he has to fight to come back, to feel something again. Because if he doesn't he'll lose her forever (the thing is, does Stefan really care?) But in an echo of what she said to Jeremy she tells Stefan that she won't love a ghost for the rest of her life. Then she leaves him locked in the cell.

While all this is happening, Mason claims he just wants an apology from Damon. So, I guess he's had enough vengeance? Once Damon offers a halfhearted sort-of apology Mason accepts it before sharing that he might know of another way to kill Klaus (he wants to help Ty by breaking the bond between him and Klaus). Mason tells Damon to meet him at the old Lockwood cellar with a shovel. Once at the cellar they break through a wall into a secret tunnel and start looking for the supposed secret way to kill Klaus. As he's walking ahead Damon stumbles into a trap and--get the alcohol ready--gets impaled by numerous flying spears. I guess the Lockwoods really didn't want anyone to find out this secret. Because why would they want people to be able to defend themselves against unkillable vampires? Makes no sense.

Once Mason frees Damon (depales him?) they continue forward until Damon is stopped by a magical barrier. Since he can't pass through, Mason has to go on alone. Just when Mason is about to tell Damon what he found he goes poof. So Damon has to call the only human he trusts besides Elena: Alaric. He's still pissed at Damon but once Damon apologizes (Ian does an excellent sheepish grin) Alaric finally relents and forgives him. I think if you're going to be friends with Damon Salvatore you have to be willing to overlook some psychopathic tendencies. Just saying. Anyway, once Alaric goes through the barrier he finds what Mason found: a room covered in glyphs. How long has it been there and how do they know it pertains to Original vampires? Also, what the hell does it mean? We don't know but neither does Alaric--I guess the fun will be in figuring it all out.

I don't know what to think about this episode. It wasn't quite as bad as some of the others this season but it was also kind of pointless. The show still doesn't have the hang of pacing and the writers take too many shortcuts. On the other hand if you played the drinking game you should be buzzed enough by now not to notice these issues. Excited about the next episode? Wish I could say the same.

Fang Files

Appearance: Pale human until the vampire emerges, then dark/red eyes, dark facial veins and prominent fangs.

Strengths: Difficult to kill, quick healing. Super strength and speed. Apparently some vampires have the ability to get inside other vampires' heads and make them hallucinate (but it's not compulsion).

Weaknesses: Sunlight (unless wearing a piece of daywalker jewellery). Ghosts. Magic. Pointy objects. Blood lust. Rehab.

Mythology: Originally there was no way to permanently kill an Original (especially Klaus) but now it seems there might be two ways: vampire vampire-hunter Michael and a mysterious Lockwood secret. Vampires can turn off their emotions/humanity at will.

Sound Bites

Damon: Yeah, well, I don't have time for vengeful Lockwood. When I kill someone they're supposed to stay dead.

Lexi: Hi.
Stefan: You're dead.
Lexi: Yeah, well, technically so are you.

Damon: [apologizing to Mason] You're right--I didn't have to kill you. I do a lot of things I don't have to do.

Damon: Aren't you supposed to be all-knowing?
Mason: I'm a ghost not God.

Alaric: I was your friend, Damon. You shouldn't have done it in the first place.
Damon: Well, sometimes I do things I don't have to do.
Alaric: You're gonna recycle that same crap-ass apology you gave Mason Lockwood?
Damon: Yeah, well, I didn't mean it with him.

The Vampire Diaries, Season 3 Episode 7 "Ghost World." Written by Rebecca Sonnenshine. Directed by David Jackson. From The CW.

The Vampire Diaries S3 E6 "Smells Like Teen Spirit"

2011-10-28T16:15:00.016-04:00

Spoilers Ahead

This season definitely smells like something but I don't think it's teen spirit. And may I just thank the writers for appropriating my generation's anthem of ultimate apathy and using it for the title of an episode that revolves around a lame high school's even lamer "Spirit Squad." Kurt Cobain is rolling in his grave (then again he already does that every time Courtney Love opens her mouth). But I digress.

"Smells Like Teen Spirit" (shudder) starts with Elena and Alaric getting up at an ungodly hour in order for him to teach her how to fight vampires. I don't know who she expects to be defending herself against exactly since all the vampires she knows are either her friends, in love with her, compelled to protect her, or too strong even for other vampires to fight. But best to be safe I guess. The fact that she's too weak to trigger the staking device strapped to her hand isn't exactly a promising start, though.

Damon, meanwhile, wakes up to a house of dead and/or bleeding girls and his Ripper brother thinks it's all a big joke (or at least nothing to get riled up about). Damon's annoyance only increases when Rebecca shows up on their doorstep and invites herself in (literally--isn't the house still in Elena's name? How did Rebecca just walk right in?) It seems Klaus was in such a hurry to leave town that he left her behind (or he left her to keep an eye on Ty; both explanations are given). So she's decided to crash with the Salvatores even though neither of them wants her there. And she calls them rude.

But Rebecca isn't the only one making herself at home where she doesn't belong. It's the first day of school and while all the girls are preoccupied with their boyfriend troubles (Bonnie's upset that Jeremy sees his ghost exes; Caroline is worried about Klaus-sired hybrid Ty; and Elena...well, you know...) Stefan decides to show up and play student again. After all, he does have to keep an eye on Elena. And woe to anyone who gets in his way (Alaric, various random students).

While Elena is dealing with Stefan Caroline is having the worst first day of school ever *pout*. First Ty is somewhat out of control. He comes to school with blood on his shirt--from a blood bag that Rebecca hooked him up with. He's also super stoked that he's Klaus's first successful hybrid, not to mention one of Klaus's assets (along with Elena). He's not too careful about compelling teachers in front of other students, either. Even worse Rebecca has decided to become a student as well--and she makes it clear she wants Caroline's life, including her boyfriend. But before she steals Ty she takes over Caroline's beloved Spirit Squad. Oh noes--now it'll never be the bestest year ever!!

Elena's already figured out that this isn't going to be a great year so she starts working out as a way of getting strong enough to fight the bad guys. You can see why Damon would be amused when he walks in and finds her lifting a barbell. With barely any effort he pushes down on it so Elena can't lift it. Yeah, she'll be ready to fight vampires any minute now. Giving up on the weights she tells Damon that she wants to lock Stefan up until Michael kills Klaus and the compulsion is broken. Damon does what Elena hates and points out reality: in this case that even without the compulsion Stefan is hooked on human blood. So Elena breaks out her default response: do it for me, Damon. Ugh. Anyone else sick of the way she uses and manipulates him? Yeah, taking advantage of someone who loves you is definitely the right way to go. But, of course, he gives in and even shows her (all sexy like) how to properly stake a vamp.

Damon, Elena, Alaric, and Caroline get together to work out a plan for capturing and containing Stefan. They want to ask Ty to raid his mom's vervain supply for enough to keep Stefan down for awhile but it turns out Ty's not on board. Why? Because putting Stefan out of commission isn't in Klaus's best interests. Rather than attributing Ty's weird behaviour to compulsion (the reasonable conclusion), Damon figures out he's been "sired." Siring is apparently really rare and involves excessive loyalty to a vampire's maker. Ty is putting Klaus's good ahead of his own and there's no cure.

Once they get Ty out of the way our heroes put their cunning plan into action. At the bonfire party while Damon distracts Rebecca (with somewhat over-the-top marshmallow flirtation), Elena gets drunk and makes sure Stefan knows it. He then spends the night following her around to make sure she doesn't get hurt. (He also calls her a lightweight, which is weird because I seem to recall a road trip with Damon where she nearly out-drank him.) There's a vaguely interesting bit when Elena watches Damon flirt with Rebecca and is definitely jealous (although she completely denies it).

As for the rest of the gang, Matt is preoccupied with his ghost sister instead of actually taking part in any school-like activities. He's happy that he gets to talk to her again and she uses that to her advantage, telling him that he can help bring her back. She won't be alive exactly but she'll be able to come and go as she pleases instead of having to rely on Matt to pull her across. All he needs to do is perform a ritual while a witch Vicky is in contact with on the other side works some magic from her end. But oops--Jeremy overhears and hurries to tell Anna all about it. Anna is distressed, insisting there's darkness around Vicky and that if she crosses over it'll upset the balance of nature. Next step: talk to Bonnie.

Bonnie is pissy because Jeremy spoke to Anna before he spoke to her, especially when she realizes that Anna is still there with them. She storms off to find Matt and deal with the Vicky situation. By then it turns out Matt has already successfully performed the ritual. What started out as a happy reunion with his sister goes bad fast when Vicky explains that part of her deal with the witch involves her restoring balance to the world. She informs him that Klaus's hybrids can't be allowed to survive and since they need doppelganger blood she's going to have to kill Elena. When Matt finally confesses everything to Bonnie she decides to try a magic-blocking spell to keep Vicky from crossing over.

Back to Elena's sidekicks, Caroline is busy having a talk with Ty about his obnoxious behaviour. After he swears he doesn't want to be his old jerkoff self again and promises to be good he and Caroline end up getting naked. Damon gets put out of commission with a marshmallow-roasting stick through the gut when Rebecca realizes he's trying to distract her. But even though she's pissed that he's trying to distract her and she leaves--where does she go? She disappears. You'd think she might try to find out why Damon is distracting her--especially since Stefan is nowhere to be found.

Stefan is still following drunk Elena and she's now hanging out by herself at the top of the bleachers. This leads me to an(other) issue I have with this episode. The bonfire everyone is attending is the "Spirit Squad" bonfire. Which makes it a school-related event. The bleachers would indicate it's even on school property. So (a) where are the teacher chaperones and (b) how are all these students drunk? I love how everyone on the show is negative about drug use and looks down on the school stoners but binge drinking among underage kids is just fine. I guess drinking is just cool. And Elena shows how cool it is when she climbs over the railing on the bleachers. Even Stefan asks if she's 5. Of course she falls like an idiot (what's worse is she does it on purpose) and Stefan bolts to catch her. When he does they have a moment ("I knew you'd catch me"--well, yeah, because he's compelled to!) A second later Alaric shoots Stefan full of vervain.

As they load Stefan into Alaric's car and Elena gets in after him we see Vicky standing nearby. We also see a gas can and the cigarette in her hand. Sure, she has to kill Elena--why not kill her in the most horrible way possible? Vicky throws the cigarette and the car is quickly engulfed. The doors and windows are also stuck shut. As Alaric fails to break the window Vicky materializes inside the car. At least she has the decency to apologize to Elena, even if she can't hear it. Meanwhile Bonnie is trying to work the spell to stop Vicky. Elena manages to rouse Stefan long enough for him to kick out the back panel of the SUV. Just as Vicky is about to prevent Elena from escaping she disappears and reappears in the room with Matt and Bonnie. Matt finally says goodbye to his sister and Vicky disappears for good. Wow, anticlimactic. Once Elena gets out of the car she and Alaric drag Stefan away as well. Then the car blows up. Just another day in Mystic Falls.

Back at Damon's he insists on putting burn lotion on Elena. I think it's silly but whatever--it gives them an excuse to continue their ongoing romantic tension. Elena comments on his flirting with Rebecca and he responds that he thought she was too drunk to notice. She says she was faking most of it and he responds with "So was I." Yes, very sweet. And yet she's still obsessed with Stefan. There's really no accounting for taste.

As Elena and Alaric are leaving, Stefan is up and recovered. He points out to them that they need him and are better off with him around. Sure--it's not like Elena is friends with any other vampires. He asks Elena why she saved him from the fire and she responds with a speech about hope and not giving up. He calls her pathetic and she finally manages to trigger those hand stakes right into his stomach (seems to be the favourite non-lethal area for staking). Apparently she's all strong now. After a whole day of working out. Maybe I should run around the track and lift weights for 10 minutes.

Caroline and Ty have missed all the action that didn't directly include them but Caroline refuses to stay the night. The second she's out of there Rebecca shows up with a compelled girl as a present for Ty. He tells Rebecca to leave but when she bites the girl on the wrist, he's there a second later helping himself to neck. So much for his promise to Caroline.

I should also take a minute to mention vampire vampire-hunter Michael. Katherine has been trying to revive him with the blood of various humans and animals with no success. It seems he's not interested in eating anything. Katherine's about ready to give up but after an "encouraging" phone call from Damon she agrees to give it another shot. She grabs the nearest person and force feeds Michael, partially reviving him. He then becomes rather insistent that Katherine take the blood away, which she reluctantly does. Later Michael apologizes and tells her he's denied himself human blood since he was turned. He also tells her he can and will kill Klaus. Katherine removes his chains as he claims he doesn't feed on living things. So guess what he eats. Apparently Katherine is dumb as dirt because she has to ask and, surprise, he grabs her and bites. A few moments later she goes limp.

As the episode winds down Bonnie is still avoiding Jeremy. But then he admits to Anna that he can't stop thinking about her (Anna, not Bonnie). Anna says she feels the same. As they reach over to hold hands they're shocked to find out they can actually feel each other. They have no idea what it means. Meanwhile as Damon is cleaning up at home a vase falls over and breaks while someone/something streaks by. Of course Damon assumes it's Stefan but a second later he's thrown across the room and knocked out and it turns out ghost Mason is in the house. Okay so bring on the angry ghosts.

You can probably already tell how I feel about this episode. Not loving the ghosts, the plot holes, the overwhelming lameness of it all. It's extra disappointing because we know how great this show can be. Maybe it'll pick up. I hope so because I have better things to do than watch shows that bore and annoy me. Even if they do star Ian Somerhalder.

Fang Files

Appearance: Pale human until the vampire emerges, then dark/red eyes, dark facial veins and prominent fangs.

Strengths: Ability to compel humans (Originals can also compel other vampires). Super strength, speed and gymnastics abilities. Unsurpassed skill at taking liberties.

Weaknesses: Stakes, vervain, blood lust, fire. Siring (excessive loyalty by a vampire to their maker).

Mythology: Vampires can turn off their emotions and humanity at will. Originals can only be temporarily "killed" by a certain type of dagger plunged into their hearts; when the dagger is removed the Original returns to life (only now it turns out there is some way to kill them permanently).

Sound Bites

Damon: [to Elena] Yeah, so you might not want to come around here for awhile. We have a new housemate: Barbie Klaus.

Elena: Who are you?
Stefan: I'm the guy who's been assigned to protect the human blood bag. I mean, no offence or anything.

Elena: Which is why it's your job to keep her [Rebecca] away.
Damon: How? She's an Original. Last time I checked we're out of daggers.
Elena: So then preoccupy her with your charm.
Alaric: You might have better luck finding the dagger.
Damon: You ever not going to be mad at me, Ric?
Alaric: Doubtful.

Elena: [As Damon presses down on the barbell she's trying to lift] What are you doing?
Damon: Helping you out.
Elena: Damon!
Damon: Come on, Buffy.

Ty: [to Caroline] Everything I like about me is you.

Ty: You should go.
Rebecca: You sure? I think my brother would want his hybrid to indulge in everything life has to offer.

The Vampire Diaries, Season 3 Episode 6 "Smells Like Teen Spirit." Written by Julie Plec and Caroline Dries. Directed by Rob Hardy. From The CW.

The Vampire Diaries S3 E5 "The Reckoning"

2011-10-19T12:19:00.019-04:00

Spoilers Ahead

Before I get to the episode I have to ask: these people are 18--why are they still in high school? High school is still only four years long, right? Did they all get held back? And their idea of wacky fun times is setting up pranks throughout the school? Sadly, that's only a taste of this season's lameness. I think TVD has lost the plot. I'm officially depressed.

Anyway, "The Reckoning" starts off with Matt (who looks about as much a teenager as Damon does, which is to say not at all) is working out in the school gym late at night. Sure, why not? Hearing a noise he goes to investigate and discovers his classmates embroiled in setting up pranks (mousetraps all over the floor! Honey on the doorknobs!) for Senior Prank Night. Um, yeah. Well, they have been looking forward to this since they were freshmen. Besides, Caroline insisted they need to get involved and create memories that they'll remember for the rest of their lives. Sure, when Caroline is 200 she'll be looking back fondly on gluing down toilet seats when she was 18. Do any of the writers actually remember that she's a vampire? Hopefully they will soon because she's gotten to be as useless and annoying as she was back in the first season. Hint: it's called character development--look into it.

When Elena takes off on her own to glue Alaric's desk shut she runs into Klaus. He's not too happy to see she's still alive and he takes it out on two random students, compelling one to hold up her leg and the other to beat her to death if she lets it drop.

Elsewhere Stefan wakes up and finds Rebecca guarding him. It turns out Klaus has been breaking his neck all afternoon, which is strange since Klaus claimed he wasn't angry at Stefan. Maybe he changed his mind. Or maybe it's one of those (many) things the writers let slide. Rebecca has also changed, from an apparently sensible woman in the 1920s to a bitchy, jealous brat in 2011. Her jealousy, of course, is aimed at Elena and Stefan's feelings for the doppelganger, which Rebecca expresses by staking Stefan in the gut with a crowbar and repeatedly voicing her desire for Elena's death.

Once Stefan is immobilized Rebecca goes and finds Caroline and Ty. She knocks Caroline out without any problem and drags Ty to Klaus. When Matt and Bonnie arrive ready to TP the place Klaus is elated to see Bonnie. He explains his hybrid problem (they die when he tries to turn them) and orders Bonnie to find a solution. And just to add a little more pressure he feeds Ty his blood before breaking his neck, forcing Bonnie to find a solution before Ty wakes up and dies. By this time Stefan has regained consciousness and makes his way to the gym to join the party. After a scuffle in which Stefan badly tries to pretend he doesn't care about Elena (did he really think telling Klaus he would do whatever he wanted would actually work?) Klaus ends up compelling Stefan to do whatever he says without question, starting with killing the previously mentioned random teenagers. Then, because there wasn't already enough pressure on Bonnie, Klaus decides to start a 20-minute countdown at the end of which--if Bonnie hasn't come up with the solution--Stefan is to kill Elena. Of course the fact that he doesn't bother telling Bonnie this makes it that much more fun or something.

Bonnie and Matt, meanwhile, have taken off to figure out what to do. Bonnie is stressed because the curse is ancient and none of her grimoires go back that far. But then in a flash of inspiration she realizes she can get formerly dead Jeremy to talk to her dead witch contacts (who won't talk to her anymore because she repeatedly used them) and find out from them what to do. The only problem is she can't find Jeremy. Rather than worrying about what might have happened to Jeremy (it's not like no one's seen or heard from him for at least a day or anything) Matt gets the brilliant idea to kill himself by drowning in the pool and have Bonnie bring him back with CPR. That way he can see Vicky again too. Of course it all works out perfectly and Vicky has a message for Bonnie from the Original Witch: Klaus's hybrids are failing because...wait for it...the doppelganger is still alive! Gasp, shock. Pretty sure we already knew that.

Klaus overhears this, however, and seems to think it's valuable information. While this is going on Elena is back in the gym reminding Stefan of their love and urging him to fight the compulsion. Stefan spends the time trying to convince her he's now a psycho killer, telling her that even though she's the only thing that's kept him from shutting off his emotions, if he gets near her blood she's dead. Just what you want to hear from the person you love! By this time Ty has also woken up and is not looking so good.

As the timer runs out Stefan tells Elena to run. He holds himself back as much as he can but he can't entirely stop himself from chasing her, although skewering himself with a broom handle seems to help a lot. As she's making her escape Elena runs into Klaus. He drags her back to Stefan where he pulls the makeshift stake out of him and then compels him to shut off his emotions/humanity. Then he offers Stefan a drink from Elena's neck.

Of course he doesn't let Stefan kill Elena. No, in a fantastic leap of logic that Fox Mulder would be proud of Klaus has decided that the Original Witch hated him so much that he should do the opposite of whatever she says. So if she claims the doppelganger needs to be dead he thinks what he really needs to do is feed Elena's blood to Ty. And success! Ty makes the transition to hybrid. See, Klaus figured out that the witch's failsafe was to require the doppelganger to be killed for the curse to be broken, but that hybrids couldn't be made without the doppelganger's blood. That way she would ensure that even if Klaus ever did break the curse he would always be alone. It turns out that so many people have had to die because all Klaus wants is some company and the Original Witch just wanted him to suffer. Yup. So Klaus takes Elena to the hospital, where he compels a nurse to keep Elena sedated as she takes (and bags) even more blood. His plan is then to take his doppelganger and his hybrid and get the hell out of Mystic Falls.

Side Note: Is it just me or is this the worst curse/failsafe ever? First of all, why keep making doppelgangers if the Original Witch really wanted to curse Klaus? Why keep giving him chances to break it? As for making sure Klaus is alone forever, wouldn't he just have to wait until the next doppelganger comes along? Sure he'll be alone for awhile but what's that to an immortal being? Looks like someone didn't think this one through too well. Back to our regularly scheduled review...

Meanwhile Damon and Katherine's big road trip involves driving aimlessly. According to Katherine it's so they can get far enough away that Damon won't go running back. Even though he insists that won't happen he still pulls over and throws away the keys, refusing to go any farther until Katherine tells him what's going on. The one thing that redeems this scene is the kiss between Damon and Katherine (he just thought he'd give it a try). Very hot although too brief. It would be totally worth risking a car wreck to get to lock lips with Damon (or Ian) for a moment. Hey, I never said I didn't have issues. It's probably good that they didn't wreck the car, though, as it turns out Jeremy is unconscious in the trunk.

It seems Pearl and Anna knew how to kill Klaus but since they were both dead Katherine never mentioned it before (it was Pearl's leverage, yet Katherine still let her get entombed so she could continue running from Klaus. Maybe saving Pearl instead would have been the smart plan...) Now that it turns out Jeremy is a ghost whisperer Katherine wants to use him to talk to Anna to find out what will get rid of Klaus permanently. At first Anna refuses but after Damon smashes Jeremy's head against a rock (really?) she tells them they're looking for Michael, a vampire who hunts vampires (is she sure she didn't mean Angel?) She also lets them know they'd be stupid to wake Michael because he'll kill them all.

After finding the car keys Damon discovers that Bonnie's been texting him about Klaus. He leaves Jeremy with Katherine (really??) to find Michael while he returns to Mystic Falls--despite insisting he wouldn't go back--to help Elena et al. This is where we get the only other decent moment in the episode. Katherine can't believe Damon is going to risk his life for Elena and she shouts after him that the Damon she knew would never be so stupid. Damon pauses and replies that he wouldn't have done this for her. The line and the delivery are pretty devastating and it's a rather satisfying moment (although he did do it for her when he tried to free her from the tomb and ended up getting shot and killed, but we'll overlook that oversight this time).

When Damon gets back to Mystic Falls he finds Klaus just in time. As Klaus is about to kill him Damon mentions Michael, telling Klaus that he and Katherine found him and that Michael knows where Klaus is. That shuts Klaus up. He ends up taking off without Elena or Ty. That leaves Damon free to rescue Elena from the hospital, carrying her out all heroic-like.

As for the rest of the gang, Matt is happy to finally get a chance to talk to Vicky and (theoretically) say goodbye. Ty insists he feels phenomenal, although Caroline looks worried. And no one seems to remember that Jeremy is missing.

Back at his place Damon gives Elena bourbon (although I really think she could use some plasma after all that blood loss) to help her forget. He also offers to compel her but she refuses, claiming she needs to remember everything. He then tries to give her back her necklace, which he re-stole from Katherine, only Elena doesn't take it. Instead she laments that Stefan is really gone this time and then whines that Damon wasn't there (sure, complain when he acts like a vampire but when she needs his help suddenly he's obligated to be her vampire saviour). Still he's her bitch so he promises that he'll never leave her again (it's actually a rather romantic moment but I'm too irritated with Elena to care). Just then Stefan saunters in and gets himself a drink. Apparently Klaus has compelled him to watch over and protect Elena until he comes back for her. So basically this is season 1 all over again with Salvatore role reversal. This should be dull.

The episode ends with Jeremy and Katherine finding the crypt in which Michael has been entombed (a witch did it in the 90s). He's chained and looks dead but as soon as Katherine pushes the cover aside he opens his eyes.

After all the drama of Klaus finding Elena and taking over the school the whole thing ended with a whimper. The episode felt anticlimactic and uninspired. Events were resolved way too easily, there was no sense of tension, and definitely no real surprises. The writers almost seem to have given up (or maybe they're just really lazy). All I know is we're five episodes in and I've been consistently bored and annoyed. Come on Vampire Diaries--it's not too late to turn it around (you've done it before).

Fang Files

Appearance: Pale human until the vampire emerges, then dark/red eyes, dark facial veins and sharp fangs.

Strengths: Ability to compel humans (Originals can also compel other vampires). Super strength (the older the vampire the stronger they are) and speed. Fast healing.

Weaknesses: Stakes. Compulsion by Originals. Vampire hunters.

Mythology: Vampires can turn off their emotions if they choose to. In order to turn into a vampire a person must first die with vampire blood in their system; to complete the transition they need to feed on human blood (in the case of Klaus's hybrids they need to feed on the doppelganger's blood). Originals can only be temporarily "killed" by a certain type of dagger plunged into their hearts; when the dagger is removed the Original returns to life (only now it turns out there is some way to kill them permanently).

Sound Bites

Klaus: [to Elena] You are supposed to be dead. What are we going to do about that?

Elena: Don't, Klaus--you don't have to hurt anybody.
Klaus: Come on, love, of course I do.

Rebecca: So this is the latest doppelganger? The original one was much prettier.

Katherine: What if I told you there was a way to kill Klaus? And not dagger dead. Dead dead.
Damon: I'd say you were desperate and lying. Or drunk. Or desperate lying drunk.

Elena: [after Klaus compels Stefan to shut off his emotions] What did you do?
Klaus: I fixed him.

The Vampire Diaries, Season 3 Episode 5 "The Reckoning." Written by Michael Narducci. Directed by John Behring. From The CW.

The Vampire Diaries S3 E4 "Disturbing Behavior"

2011-10-12T16:40:00.010-04:00

Spoilers Ahead

I don't know if it's me or what but I'm less than impressed with this season of TVD. It just seems so...predictable. And dull. Where's the tension? Where are the twists? Where's the Damon that was a force to be reckoned with? Maybe he's too busy helping Elena get her boyfriend back and getting his ass kicked. Please tell me this season is building up to something good. Eye candy alone does not a watchable show make.

Anyway, "Disturbing Behavior" starts off in Chicago with the newly awakened Rebecca trying on clothes and getting up to speed on modern-day fashion. Stefan decides he needs some fresh air and while outside sees Katherine. They have a quick chat in which we find out that Katherine knows about Elena/Rebecca's necklace, that Stefan thinks he has it all under control, and that Klaus is smarter than everyone (according to Katherine, at least). Informative.

Meanwhile Damon is helping Elena get ready for the Founders' party at the Lockwoods'. Well, mostly he's giving her a hard time about making chili ("everyone brings chili") and for still wearing the necklace Stefan gave her. (Side note: isn't that necklace full of vervain, which is why Stefan gave it to her in the first place? And wouldn't it be a good idea to keep wearing it for that reason?)

Once Damon's had enough of Elena he meets up with Liz. It turns out she's been keeping Bill detained while the vervain leaves his system and now she wants Damon to compel him. Oh sure--now she appreciates his vampirism. Anyway before Damon can re-write his memories, Bill gives what I hope was meant to be an ironic speech about how the mind is so strong it can be trained to overcome the basic nature of a vampire. I kept waiting for Damon to ask him if he thinks he can train his mind to be straight instead of gay but he never did. No one did, which I thought was kind of ridiculous given the circumstances (come on, doesn't Bill sound exactly like those extremists who send their gay kids to be retrained to be straight?) Damon does at least compel Bill to leave town immediately, remembering only that he went shopping with Caroline.

While Damon's away Elena hangs out with Bonnie and Caroline. They (well, mostly Caroline) also give her a hard time about the necklace, as well as about all the time she's spending with Damon. Elena can't win. And as if to drive that point home her necklace suddenly burns her. When Bonnie takes a look at it it's clear the thing is rife with magic.

It turns out the magic is coming from Gloria, who is trying to locate the necklace through Rebecca. After performing her spell Gloria claims she knows where the necklace is! Oh, but not really (I hate it when writers use a line for dramatic effect even when it doesn't make sense). She then tells Stefan, Klaus and Rebecca that she needs some alone time to keep working on it. Stefan leaves with the other two but returns to find out exactly what Gloria knows. She admits she heard Elena and the others talking about Stefan but she has no interest in helping Klaus. Before Stefan can breathe a sigh of relief she informs him that the necklace is a talisman of the original witch and that she wants it for herself. Then she threatens Stefan before immobilizing him with her magic. Looks like it's torture time for Stefan as Gloria looks to find out what he knows the old-school voodoo way. Strange, though, that she's not worried about Klaus walking in on them. Then again it turns out Klaus isn't the issue. Just as Gloria finds out all about Elena, Katherine shows up and kills her. Guess she's not all bad.

After Stefan thanks Katherine and tells her to get lost (come on, dude--maybe you should get over it) he meets up with Rebecca at the warehouse. He asks her why she doesn't un-dagger the rest of her family and she claims that if she did Klaus would hunt her down and kill her. Which tells us that Klaus's family is a bunch of cowards. As if they couldn't have put him in his place if they'd all worked together. Anyway, Stefan then asks a bunch of clumsy questions about who Rebecca and Klaus are running from (she can't tell him because Klaus would be furious). Then she kisses him and realizes he's been lying (she has extra special powers of vampire-woman's intuition). When Klaus returns, Rebecca immediately tattles on Stefan, claiming she doesn't think he's with them. Stefan tries to protest but a second later everything goes black as Klaus attacks. So much for Rebecca and Stefan's great love.

It turns out the Founders' party is the main event this episode. While at it Alaric decides it's a good time to tell Damon to back off from Elena. Before Damon can properly respond he's called in to the Council meeting. He, Liz, and Carol Lockwood all claim the town is vampire free and the rest of the Council buys it. And then Bill shows up. It turns out that Damon's compulsion didn't take (he's got quite the trained mind, after all). Bill demands to be head of the Council and also wants vervain put into the town's water supply (woe to any humans with an allergy). Damon is furious about it but when he tells Alaric and Elena he doesn't exactly have their support. Elena is even stupid enough to suggest the vervain will help keep him in check. Rightly pissed off he makes sure Alaric is wearing his immortality ring before snapping his neck. Then he takes off to kill Bill.

Damon finds Bill where he left him and stops to have a quick chat with him. Then Damon bites him. I do have to say it's nice to see a vampire acting like a vampire on this show. The problem with having vampires as the good guys is that they act like good guys. Call me crazy but I want to see fangs and blood. Unfortunately it's over too quickly as Caroline, warned by Elena, shows up and puts an end to Damon's (and my) fun. For whatever reason she still loves her dad (you'd think the torture would have put a major damper on that) and her anger makes her stronger than Damon. See what I mean about him not being himself? Even Caroline gets the better of him. She does quit while she's ahead, though, and takes off with her dad while she still can.

Damon then has a confrontation with Elena in which she whines at him that he *gasp* acts like a vampire! He finally comes to his senses long enough to snap at her that he is a vampire and he's not Stefan, a concept she doesn't quite seem to grasp. At least she finally kinda-sorta admits to Caroline that she maybe could be attracted to Damon. We'll see if this actually ends up going anywhere.

When Alaric finally revives he's also pissed off at Damon. It's like everyone just noticed that Damon isn't a choir boy. Alaric's response to his newfound knowledge is to go to the Council and insist he gets a spot on it as the Gilbert family rep. He does have a point that Carol, Liz and Damon aren't entirely unbiased. And that supernaturals look out for themselves so the humans should do the same. But I'm getting the icky feeling that Alaric is on the road to anti-vampire fanaticism. Damn. Damon has his own--not quite sensible--reaction to all the flak he's been getting. When Katherine shows up at his door (with Elena's necklace, which she scammed off Bonnie) he agrees to go on a road trip with her. Yeah, okay, he could use a break but Katherine? Really? Sigh.

While all this is going on Jeremy is having some awkward time with his girlfriend (back in town at last) and his ghost ex. It seems Anna has been trying to get his attention for days but he's only just suddenly been able to hear her. From what Anna can determine, for Jeremy to actually see and hear her she needs to be pushing (from her side of reality) to be noticed at the same time as he's pulling--in other words he has to want to see her. Interesting that he keeps wanting to see her while he's with Bonnie. Anna tells him that she's alone and lonely where she is. She also mentions that she feels a darkness whenever Vicky is involved and that Jeremy has to be careful not to let her in. Sure if you can trust one ex's word against another's. It doesn't matter too much in any case. After Anna shows up at a rather inopportune moment Jeremy decides he's better off without her in his life. Even as she's begging him not to do it he shuts Anna out. Then he goes and finally tells Bonnie what's been happening since she brought him back from the dead while Anna cries and tries to get his attention to no avail. Sucks to be a ghost.

The episode ends with Stefan waking up in what turns out to be the back of a truck. Klaus is there too and surprisingly isn't mad at him. But he is wondering what Stefan's been hiding. So he figured it made sense to go back to the source. Welcome back to Mystic Falls, Stefan!

Maybe I'm still the only one not loving this season but you've got to admit that when the most interesting plot development is a road trip with Katherine the show's low on ideas. Maybe things will pick up in the next episode. If not it's a long time to wait for True Blood to start up again.

Fang Files

Appearance: Pale human until the vampire emerges, then dark/red eyes, dark facial veins and sharp fangs.

Strengths: Ability to compel humans, except for Caroline's dad. Ability to heal human wounds with their blood. Super strength and speed (the older the vampire the stronger they are--unless the younger one is really, really pissed off, apparently). Witty repartee, mad chili-making skillz.

Weaknesses: Vervain, magic.

Mythology: Original vampires can't be permanently killed, although they can be put into a death-like state with the use of a particular dagger. They return to life as soon as the dagger is removed.

Sound Bites

Rebecca: So women in the 21st century dress like prostitutes, then? You know, I got dirty looks for wearing trousers.
Klaus: You wore trousers so they could wear nothing.

Caroline: [to Elena] If my own father, who I love dearly, can't change me no one's changing Damon. Not even you.

Elena: Where have you been?
Damon: Managing Bill Forbes. Apparently he's impervious to compulsion.
Alaric: How?
Damon: I have no idea. But he threatened to out me! Don't get me started on the irony of that.

Bill: I knew what I was risking when I didn't leave town but I figured you're not self-destructive enough to kill the Sheriff's ex-husband.
Damon: Makes you the third person to underestimate me today.

Damon: [to Elena] I am not Stefan--how about you stop trying to turn me into him?

Caroline: Daddy, I'm gonna be okay.
Bill: You're a vampire, sweetheart. I don't think you'll ever be okay again.

The Vampire Diaries, Season 2 Episode 4 "Disturbing Behavior." Written by Brian Young. Directed by Wendey Stanzler. From The CW.

The Vampire Diaries S3 E3 "The End of the Affair"

2011-10-06T16:46:00.008-04:00

Spoilers Ahead

I don't know what it was about the third episode of this season but it was lacking. Maybe it was a matter of too many flashbacks. Maybe it was the somewhat unbelievable storyline. Or the anti-climactic resolutions. But just when it seemed the season was starting to progress it goes and takes a step back. I need to start looking up new ways to say "disappointing."

"The End of the Affair" starts off back in Mystic Falls after Elena, Damon and Alaric's field trip to the Smoky Mountains. Damon's morning drinking is interrupted by a phone call from Katherine, of all people. Damn--her again. She won't tell Damon how she knows but she informs him that Stefan and Klaus are in Chicago. Damon immediately retrieves Elena and prepares for yet another road trip. Hint: there are these newfangled inventions called airplanes and they happen to move a lot faster than automobiles.

Anyway, Stefan and Klaus are indeed in the Windy City. Both have been there before but Stefan claims he blacked out most of his Ripper days. Our first flashback takes us to Prohibition-era Chicago, where Stefan dresses like a member of the Rat Pack and hangs out at a speakeasy imbibing illicit alcohol and draining innocent women. He also meets an intriguing blonde vampire lady named Rebecca. She has an English accent so it's instantly obvious she's...spoiler alert...Klaus's sister. I hate it when something is that transparent before the big reveal. It's quite disenchanting. But whatever happened in the past Klaus is in Chicago now to pay a visit to his "favourite" witch in order to find out what went wrong with his hybrids.

It turns out the witch--Gloria--was the singer at the speakeasy. The club is still there and Gloria, thanks to some anti-aging herbs and spells, runs the place. She tells Klaus that since they can't ask the first witch about the curse (she's the one who placed in on Klaus) they'll just have to get his sister Rebecca's help. Convenient. Meanwhile Stefan's found a photo of him and Klaus back in the day and he's completely confused because he has no recollection of ever meeting Klaus before he showed up in Mystic Falls. Hmm...mysterious. But not really.

Once they get to Chicago Damon gives Elena a quick tour of Stefan's previous depravity so she'll be prepared for seeing him at his worst. Besides giving her Stefan's diary he takes her to Stefan's old apartment where he has the names of all his victims written in a secret compartment. It's a long list. Then Damon does something completely stupid: he leaves Elena alone in the apartment while he goes out looking for Stefan. I feel so let down.

Elsewhere Klaus has taken Stefan to a warehouse where he proceeds to tell Stefan a bit about their past and we're treated to another flashback. It seems Klaus and Stefan didn't get along at all at first, mainly because Klaus didn't like that Stefan was dating his sister. But over time Klaus came to appreciate Stefan and even learned some of his favourite tricks from him (like compelling an angry husband to drink his wife's blood). I should probably also mention that in the flashback Rebecca was wearing the necklace we've since seen Elena wearing and that she claimed it was given to her by the first witch. See where this is heading? So dissatisfying. Anyway, back in the present Klaus locates Rebecca's body and removes the dagger from her heart. Despite their past romance Stefan doesn't recognize her. Since Rebecca is taking her time reviving, Klaus decides to take Stefan to his old apartment for more reminiscing.

Of course Elena is alone at the apartment when she hears Klaus and Stefan approaching. She decides to hide in the secret cupboard, which is precisely where Klaus takes Stefan in order to show him the "secret" list of names. Stefan sees Elena there but basically ignores her, instead choosing to distract Klaus with a bottle of 1918 single malt scotch. After they've gone Damon finally returns, uncharacteristically unconcerned about what happened and how much worse it could have been. Instead he's come up with a cunning plan to distract Klaus while Elena deals with Stefan.

Back at the club Klaus and Stefan reminisce some more, along with more flashbacks. It seems they really were BFFs back in the day (Stefan is even the one who gave Klaus the idea of becoming the hybrid king of the paranormals). But then one fateful night the speakeasy is raided (not uncommon) and the police are shooting wooden bullets (very uncommon)--time for Klaus and Rebecca to book. In the melee Rebecca drops her necklace. But Klaus takes a moment to compel Stefan to forget them both. Best to tie up loose ends, as Klaus later tells Rebecca before stabbing her in the chest for choosing Stefan over him.

As Stefan listens to the story he notices Damon off to the side motioning him to follow. Making an excuse that he needs a "real" drink he follows Damon outside where they have yet another confrontation (how many times can Stefan tell Damon to stop following him?) But Damon steps aside so Elena can talk to Stefan. She asks him to come home and then tries to stab him with a syringe. Sigh. Stefan snaps at her that it's over, he doesn't want to come home and he doesn't want to see her again. Basically he's a total selfish whiner. Meanwhile Damon is inside being stabbed with a drink umbrella by Klaus and nearly staked (Gloria steps in and tells them to take it outside). Stefan returns to Klaus and Damon returns to Elena ready to leave town. But wait--why didn't Klaus stake Damon? He wants him dead--was it really too much of an effort to step outside of the club to do it? Lame. And lazy.

Back in Mystic Falls Caroline is still being held captive by her dad. I believe the word you're looking for right now is creepy. Besides keeping her restrained in a steel chair, daddy is also using atomized vervain to keep her weak. He gets her to tell him how she walks in the sun and then he removes her ring. It turns out the room she's in was built expressly for vampire torture. Behind her is a shuttered window and daddy seems to have no problem opening the shutters and burning Caroline repeatedly. It's for her own good, you know. He plans on teaching her to associate blood with excruciating pain until she finally represses her vampire urges. And if that doesn't work, well, he'll just have to kill her. But he only does it out of love. You know, the world really needs more psychotic parents.

At least Caroline's mom no longer falls into that category. She's looking for Caroline when Ty shows up on her doorstep. As Bill leaves Caroline for the night (the sun has set so his fun is ruined) Liz shows up, gun drawn. Bill tries to convince her that what he's doing is the best thing for Caroline but Liz isn't buying it. She sends Ty in to get her daughter while Bill watches helplessly. It totally sucks to have someone ruin a perfectly good father-daughter torture session. Whoever came up with this storyline is not at all a twisted individual with serious issues. Even better--Caroline spends the rest of the episode crying that her daddy hates her now. Wow. That's what you're upset about? Granted that would be an awful feeling but you'd think she'd be a little more concerned that he kidnapped and tortured her and was willing to kill her, if "necessary." I don't know but if that had been me I think I'd be planning a little payback, vamp style.

The episode ends with a return to the warehouse and a reunion with the revived Rebecca. She is pissed at having been staked by Klaus but forgives all when she sees Stefan. Klaus compels Stefan to remember them again so it's a reunion all around. And then Rebecca realizes her necklace is gone. One more flashback and we see Katherine at the club watching Stefan as he picks up Rebecca's lost necklace curiously (never mind why he's still at the club when wooden bullets were flying around). Suddenly a vaguely familiar cop shows him a picture of Klaus and Rebecca and asks if he's seen them. Of course he hasn't.

So who is this cop chasing after Klaus and Rebecca--and why? Why has Katherine been stalking Klaus all these years when he's wanted to kill her? What is Stefan really up to? Why was I so bored throughout this entire episode? I think maybe the writers need to tone down the melo in the drama. Being a little more realistic with characters' motives, actions, and responses wouldn't hurt either. Most of all give the fans a reason to care. The real trick to keeping the magic going is to stop the audience from being disillusioned. This episode did not measure up.

Fang Files

Appearance: Human until the vampire emerges, then dark/red eyes, dark facial veins, and prominent fangs.

Strengths: Super speed and strength. Ability to compel humans (Originals can also compel other vampires).

Weaknesses: Vervain. Sunlight (unless vampire is wearing magical sun-protection jewelry). Stakes, piercing wooden objects.

Mythology: Originals cannot be killed. The only thing that can be used on them is a special silver dagger dipped into the ashes of a particular oak tree and plunged into their hearts. Once the dagger is removed they return to life as if nothing happened. As the hybrid, Klaus is immune.

Sound Bites

Damon: Is that what you're doing--looking out for my brother?
Katherine: Maybe. Maybe not. I'm conflicted.

Elena: [re: Stefan] He's in Chicago? How do you know?
Damon: Came to me in a dream. I was naked. You would have loved it. Start packing.

Bill: [to Caroline] Blood controls you, sweetheart. This is how I'm going to fix you. (Burns her.)

Elena: Stefan could live anywhere in Chicago and he chose this?
Damon: There used to be an all-girls high school around the corner but it shut down for attendance issues. Weird.

The Vampire Diaries, Season 3 Episode 3 "The End of the Affair." Written by Caroline Dries. Directed by Chris Grismer. From The CW.

The Vampire Diaries S3 E2 "The Hybrid"

2011-09-23T15:34:00.016-04:00

Spoilers Ahead

If last week's episode was a bit lacklustre, "The Hybrid" more than makes up for it. It was full of all kinds of fun tension, plot twists, and the sorts of storylines that have become TVD's signature. The tentative toes in the water of the season are done and the show has now dived right in. I'm a happy fan.

"The Hybrid" begins with Damon taking down the remnants of his investigation into Stefan's whereabouts. The news is on in the background reporting on Andie's death. Suddenly Elena is there pouting that Damon's been avoiding her calls. It doesn't help that he's still not interested in finding Stefan even after she tells him about his late-night call and that she had it traced back to Tennessee. As she leaves Damon begins burning the papers in the fireplace.

Elena tries Alaric next, basically guilting him into telling her what he and Damon learned. When she finds out werewolves are involved she goes to Ty for more information. He gladly gives her directions to a known full-moon hangout spot in Tennessee (he figures he owes her one since Stefan wouldn't be in this situation if Ty hadn't bitten Damon). Elena then convinces Alaric to go with her to find Stefan even though they'll be on werewolf turf on the full moon. When did he get so whipped?

As Elena and Alaric hike through the Tennessee mountains she stops for a moment of bonding and gives him his immortality ring back. Suddenly Damon is there pushing Elena into the water. He is not happy that she decided to hike into the mountains after Stefan, Klaus, and a pack of werewolves a couple of hours before the full moon. Yeah, in retrospect it does seem like a pretty stupid idea. But Elena refuses to get out of the water until Damon agrees to keep looking for Stefan, which prompts him to go into the water after her and makes for a ridiculously sexy scene considering everyone is fully clothed. Since we all know Damon is Elena's bitch he relents and agrees to keep searching for Stefan, as long as they're out of there before the full moon (he's not about to risk another werewolf bite).

Meanwhile Stefan and Klaus find Ray's pack just in time for Ray to wake up. Klaus susses out the lone human and feeds Ray some of his blood to complete the transition to vampire (werepire?) He then proceeds to turn the rest of the pack. The only problem is that Ray, the first to fully turn, isn't looking so good. Among other things he's bleeding from his eyes. Klaus isn't overly concerned--until Ray suddenly takes off running with vampire speed. He orders Stefan to go after Ray and bring him back. But Ray is already half turned and he bites Stefan and runs again. Before Stefan can continue the chase he hears Elena and Damon. As their presence sinks in Klaus shows up. Stefan distracts him so he won't realize the others are there but Klaus is too busy threatening Stefan anyway, telling him he won't heal him from the bite until Stefan brings Ray back.

Ray, sick as he is, has managed to find Elena, Damon, and Alaric. As soon as he sniffs out that Damon is a vampire he attacks. They manage to knock him out but it ain't easy. They then use every bit of rope and chain they have to secure him to a tree. Only Ray starts turning while the sun is still up and they know he won't be held for long. Suddenly Elena is terrified and she insists they get out of there now. Even Damon runs this time. Unfortunately it doesn't take Ray, now in full wolf form, long to catch up with them. In order to protect Elena, Damon gets Ray to chase him. Elena doesn't want to leave Damon but she doesn't have much of a choice.

As Alaric points out to Elena, Damon can take care of himself. Once at a safe distance he stops running and starts fighting. He's doing pretty well too, but it's hard to fend off a creature with vampire strength and speed whose bite can kill you. Just as Ray's about to get the better of Damon, Stefan shows up and bashes Ray's head in with a rock. Stefan tells Damon that he has to give up on him because he's never coming home. Then he orders Damon to get Elena home and keep her there. As Damon returns to the car and he, Elena, and Alaric prepare to leave, Stefan watches from a distance.

When Stefan returns to Klaus it turns out all the other weres are dead too. Klaus either had to put them down because they "went rabid" or they bled out. Klaus is infuriated that turning them didn't work and he can't understand why. It's implied that Elena still being alive could be the problem, which makes it even more imperative that he never find out she didn't die permanently. It's also implied that Klaus is just a lonely guy. After healing Stefan he comments that Stefan is the only comrade he has left. Maybe all psychos like Klaus really need is a hug.

Speaking of psychos who need love, at home again Damon pays Elena a surprise visit. He tells her there's hope for Stefan after all and he'll help her bring him back. But first he wants to know why Elena suddenly changed her mind back in the forest and wanted to leave. She eventually admits she was worried about him and asks why he needs to hear her say it. Damon's response is probably one of the best lines ever about a love triangle. He tells her he wants her to say these things out loud because when he brings Stefan back to her he wants her to remember what she felt while he was gone. Watch the scene and tell me it didn't give you shivers. I hope Damon and Elena never do end up together--it would be a real shame to lose all this brilliant tension.

In other news Jeremy finally convinces Matt that he really is seeing Vicky. Then he manages to convince Matt to help him contact her properly; Jeremy needs to know why she asked him to help her the last time she appeared. Since Bonnie is off visiting her dad's family for the summer Jeremy doesn't want to bother her--besides, he read all about contacting the dead on the internet! I notice no particular search engine was mentioned for once so maybe the overt product placements are finished. One can only hope. When Vicky shows up this time she tells Jeremy that he can help her come back to life. Interesting...probably not good... But then Anna materializes and tells Jeremy not to trust Vicky. Now what? My guess is that Jeremy will help Vicky and wackiness will ensue.

The last time we saw Carol Lockwood she was shooting Caroline full of tranquilizer darts. In this episode she has a change of heart, although it's definitely a case of too little too late. After testing Ty with vervain to make sure he's not also a vampire she calls "Bill" to ask for his help with her vampire problem. It doesn't take long for Bill to show up and reassure her that she doesn't need to get her hands dirty dealing with vamp-Caroline: he'll take care of her. Meanwhile Ty figures out that the off taste in that morning's coffee was vervain and he confronts mom on Caroline's whereabouts. When she insists he can't be with Caroline because she's a monster Ty realizes his mom has no idea about what he is. He drags her to the old Lockwood ~~dungeon~~ cellar where he secures her before chaining himself and letting her watch him change. When he wakes up in the morning mom tells him she'll make sure nothing happens to Caroline. But her efforts leave something to be desired. She calls Bill and lamely wonders if maybe they're wrong about vampires. Bill then easily shuts her up with talk of monsters and being committed to the cause. Way to go, Carol!

The episode ends with Caroline locked in a room and shackled to a chair. A moment later Bill arrives, ready to slay the demon. And by the way, turns out Bill's her dad.

Its no real surprise that Stefan is going to be redeemed but how Klaus will ultimately be defeated promises to be interesting. On top of that the moments between Damon and Elena are just getting better--more please! I'm also curious to see what happens with Jeremy's ghosts, although I still think this is a storyline we could have done without. And what's up with Caroline's dad? He didn't even flinch when Carol told him the vampire was Caroline. Is it just me or are the parents in this town a little too eager to kill off their kids? Billy missed curfew again--go fetch the shotgun. But it'll be fun to watch her get out of this one; I have the feeling it won't be because Bill has a change of heart. Tune in for more exciting adventures next week!

Fang Files

Appearance: Pale human until the vampire emerges, then dark/red eyes, dark facial veins and sharp fangs.

Strengths: Super strength, speed. Heightened senses. Ability to compel humans (Klaus can also compel other vampires). Fine-tuned skills of brooding and intimidation.

Weaknesses: Werewolf bites (Klaus's blood is the only cure). Vervain.

Mythology: To be turned a person needs to die with vampire blood in their system; to complete the transition they need to feed on human blood, otherwise they'll die permanently. As the hybrid, nothing can hurt Klaus.

Sound Bites

Stefan: I get that we're stuck together but if we could maybe just skip the chitchat that would be great.
Klaus: So much brooding. Your self-loathing is suffocating you, my friend.

Were girl: [to Stefan] Who are you?
Klaus: The important question is who am I.

Ray: You said it was gonna feel better. Why doesn't it feel better?
Stefan: Some master race.
Klaus: Lose the attitude.

Carol: Vervain? What are you talking about?
Ty: Let's skip the part where we pretend we don't know about the vampires in this town.

Elena: [re: Stefan] Damon, is he okay?
Damon: No, he's not okay, Elena. He's an insufferable martyr who needs his ass kicked. But he can be saved.

The Vampire Diaries, Season 3 Episode 2 "The Hybrid." Written by Al Septien and Turi Meyer. Directed by Josh Butler. From The CW.

The Vampires Diaries Season 3 Premiere "The Birthday"

2011-09-16T15:53:00.010-04:00

Spoilers Ahead

After far too long a wait The Vampire Diaries is back and it was... kind of underwhelming. Not that it was bad. But it didn't exactly rock my world, either--and that's including the scene where Damon walks around wearing nothing but bubble-bath foam. Hopefully the rest of the season will be more inspiring. But for now we were treated to a few highlights.

"The Birthday" begins in Tennessee with Klaus compelling his way into a farmhouse, terrifying the residents into telling him where he can find their roommate Ray (David Gallagher, Super 8), and then ordering Stefan to kill both girls, which Stefan does without hesitation. It looks like Klaus has latched his metaphorical claws good and deep into Stefan. Is it too much to hope he's working against Klaus from the inside? (Find out how he ended up with Klaus here.)

Elena, meanwhile, has been gathering tips from Sheriff Liz on potential vampire/Stefan activity. Although it's her 18th birthday (and Caroline is insisting on throwing her a party) all she cares about is finding Stefan. Can't really blame her. Then again with Damon unabashedly showing off his suds-covered assets you'd think she'd be a little distracted. Unfortunately she makes him cover up and discuss the latest lead. He lets her know this lead, like all the others, is probably a dead end. But he'll go check it out just in case.

While Damon and Alaric follow up on Elena's lead, Klaus and Stefan have caught up with Ray, who turns out to be a werewolf. Klaus has started building his army of hybrids and wants Ray to direct him to his pack. It takes a fair amount of torture with wolfsbane and, of all things, darts but they finally get the information they want. Then Klaus forces his blood down Ray's throat before breaking his neck. Meanwhile Damon and Alaric discover the dead girls in the farmhouse and Damon recognizes Stefan's signature 'Ripper' style (he blacks out during the kill and when he comes to he feels remorse and puts the bodies back together).

Just when you're thinking Damon might be about to catch up to Stefan it turns out Klaus has someone reporting to him on Damon's activities. Apparently Damon is getting too close to them and Klaus can't have that. Stefan offers to deal with his brother, reminding Klaus that he's in his service because Klaus saved Damon's life.

Back in Mystic Falls Elena's party is in full force. I thought it was pretty daring of the producers to show kids smoking joints (Jeremy thought relaxing would help him stop seeing his dead exes everywhere and Matt--apparently a complete lightweight--just wants to forget). And without even following it up with horrible consequences (although Jeremy still sees Vicky and Anna--maybe he should take up meditation). TV has come a long way.

Things get complicated when Damon goes to pick up Andie from work and Elena discovers his closet of evidence of his Stefan investigation. The investigation he told Elena was pointless and was getting them nowhere. Damon is a little too preoccupied to respond to Elena's anger, though, as he discovers Stefan at the studio. Stefan tells Damon to stop following him, that he was supposed to let him go. When Damon mentions Elena, Stefan compels Andie to jump off a parapet and then prevents Damon from catching her. Well, it wouldn't be a TVD episode without at least one death of a regular character. But who woulda thunk Andie would be killed by Stefan instead of Damon?

When he gets back to the party Damon has a slight confrontation with Elena in which he snaps that they're both idiots for pursuing Stefan. He tells her that the brutal murders they've been investigating have been Stefan's work not Klaus's. After Elena leaves, Damon heads to Stefan's room and flies into a rage destroying things until he finally exhausts himself. But Elena gets a phone call from Stefan. Even though he doesn't talk she knows it's him. He holds back tears as she tells him she loves him and that he has to hold on to that. There's hope yet for the Ripper.

The other major development centres around Caroline and Ty. After seemingly endless smouldering looks and awkward silences they finally give in to their not-so-hidden naughty feelings for each other. At last the world can witness vampire-werewolf sex! It's surprisingly underwhelming, actually. But it sets things up for the next morning when Caroline is sneaking out early and Ty's mom is waiting for her. As Caroline touches her purse she's burned. That's all Mrs. Lockwood needs. She shoots three tranquilizer darts into Caroline and the last thing we see before the episode ends is Caroline lying unconscious.

Interesting twist with Caroline and Ty's mom. Methinks it was a bad idea for Caroline to stay in Mystic Falls after she was turned. Can you really continue living your usual life after something as extreme as joining the ranks of the undead? Which also leads to the question of whether Stefan can really come back after his time with Klaus. Sorry, Elena--this breakup might be for reals.

Fang Files

Appearance: Pale human until the vampire emerges, then dark/red eyes; black facial veins; and sharp, prominent fangs.

Strengths: Super strength and speed. Ability to compel humans (Klaus can also compel other vampires). Heightened senses.

Weaknesses: Vervain.

Mythology: Vampires need an invitation to enter a residence.

Sound Bites

Elena: You're late. Matt just called.
Jeremy: Well, maybe he'll fire me.
Elena: Aim high.

Caroline: [to Ty] Just because I tell you things doesn't mean you're allowed to know them!

Alaric: Your fake, compelled girlfriend wants you to be a chivalrous boyfriend?
Damon: Well, it's a complicated dynamic.

Damon: [to Elena] Stefan is gone and he's not coming back. Not in your lifetime.

The Vampire Diaries, Season 3 Episode 1 "The Birthday." Written by Kevin Williamson and Julie Plec. Directed by John Behring. From The CW.

Being Human (UK) S1 E3

2011-09-01T23:48:00.016-04:00

Spoilers Ahead

Ghost love, werewolf sex, and vampire obsession: this was a fun episode. Of course none of it is easy for anyone involved. It's nice to know that life's dramas continue even when you're a monster (or dead). Then again maybe "nice" isn't the word...

Following the pattern of the previous two, episode 3 starts off being narrated by George as Annie gazes longingly at a photo of her and Owen. We then cut to Mitchell as he watches Lauren's vampire "porn" video (catch up here), his eyes going black as the monster emerges within him. The camera cuts before we can see any more of Mitchell's slide into darkness. Instead we get to see Annie as she later freaks out and manically tries to clean the kitchen with plumbing that refuses to work. She finally admits to George and Mitchell that in a few days it would have been her and Owen's wedding day. Mitchell's solution is to take Annie to a club where she can meet "kindred spirits." In this case, a 1980s new-wave ghost named Gilbert. He's melancholy and pretentious but I kind of love him. Also, he has great taste in music, no matter what any of the other characters say.

While Gilbert and Annie hit it off (sort of) Mitchell tries to encourage George to have some fun of his own. But George is morbidly afraid of losing control for even a moment. He insists that sex with someone like him (or Mitchell) isn't safe. Mitchell's not buying it (for either of them) but it's hard to argue with George when Mitchell's sex life already has a body count. A walking body count, and she shows up at the hospital desperate for Mitchell's help. Lauren claims Herrick and the others hurt her and forced her to make the film as punishment for talking to Mitchell. He can't deal with her so he walks away (yet again).

Meanwhile Gilbert takes Annie to visit her own grave. It's his weird way of telling her that the beauty of the world is still there for them. He also mentions that they're still on earth for a reason and unless they find a resolution they won't be going anywhere. Which suits him just fine as he's perfectly happy not to leave. Annie, on the other hand, decides she'd like to move on and wants to figure out what she needs to resolve. When she tells the boys George is happy for her but Mitchell is worried, wondering what she might find out.

As Annie and Gilbert spend more time together it starts becoming apparent that he's having squishy feelings for Annie. He makes her a mix tape (even if the songs are less than romantic), agrees to help her find her resolution, listens for hours to her talk about Owen, takes her out for "Gilbert fun" (dancing in the park, reading Nietzsche, telling off cops who can't see them), and even helps her play ghost housewife to Owen. She, unfortunately, is too busy still being in love with her still-living fiance to notice what's going on with Gilbert. Love sucks even in the afterlife (something to look forward to!)

Meanwhile George catches the eye of nurse Nina and, thanks to some unwanted meddling from Mitchell, ends up with a date with her. The date goes well with good food and better chemistry. They retire to George's room (with awesome gnome-patterned wallpaper!) and start with the smooches. As things get more intense George starts getting a little...growly. As soon as he realizes he's about to lose his tightly maintained control he backs off fast making an excuse that he has a problem with finishing a little too quickly in bed. Wow--willing to humiliate himself just to stay "safe." The good thing is because Nina's a nurse she's very understanding. A little too understanding. The next day at work she pulls George aside to have a talk about alternatives to intercourse. As she talks (a little too frankly, I think) George gets increasingly twitchy feeling the full moon pulling at him. Finally he lunges at her and takes her in a manly fashion, much to Nina's delight. Then he runs off to finally turn.

Not that all encounters at the hospital are so pleasant. Lauren continues to stalk Mitchell at work. This time she claims she clean, that is, she hasn't had any blood--but she's afraid she'll kill again since that's all she can think about. Wanting to help her get on the wagon with him Mitchell agrees to give her some of his own blood and then makes plans to meet her later that night. After more mutual fluid swapping he warns her that sharing each other's blood isn't going to sustain them for long. Plasma and animal blood don't do much for vampires, either. Mitchell insists the only way to stay on the wagon is to go cold turkey. Unwilling to believe it and feeling desperate Lauren runs back to Herrick.

At least Annie is happy as she takes care of Owen. That is until she realizes he thinks his new girlfriend has been the one cooking for him and ironing his shirts. Upset she runs upstairs and uses toothpaste to leave Owen a message on the mirror that could only be from her. When Owen sees it he flips out, but instead of being afraid like you think he'd be he's angry. Hmm. The next thing we know Owen is sneaking into Annie's house while the boys are out. She's thrilled to see him, as usual, and follows him upstairs to watch as he starts fussing with the toilet's plumbing. But when he pulls out a thong that was stuck in there Annie suddenly has a flashback of her death, beginning with Owen angrily accusing her of being a cheating whore and ending with him pushing her down the stairs and killing her. Luckily as Owen leaves, Gilbert arrives and Annie tells him what she's remembered.

Emotionally overloaded and awash in insecurities and self-doubt, Annie asks if Owen treated her the way he did because she is inherently unlovable. Gilbert replies that she's amazing and finally tells her he loves her. He really does. It's the first time he's ever been in love. Suddenly a door appears behind them. Gilbert realizes he's finally had his resolution. He wants Annie to come with him but she can't because it's not her door. Gilbert lights a cigarette, opens the door, smiles, and steps through. The door disappears. And I'm disappointed that we won't be seeing Gilbert again.

The episode ends with Annie telling Mitchell and Mitchell telling George about Owen (ruining George's excellent mood at having got laid). Now it's just a matter of figuring out what resolution Annie needs.

One part of me wants Mitchell and George to go all feral on Owen's ass but I'd really rather see Annie get her revenge. The only thing is, when Annie does get her resolution what's going to happen then? Would they get rid of one of the main characters? If not then how does Annie get away with not going through her door? Three episodes left this season--guess we'll find out soon enough.

Fang Files

Appearance: Human, until the vampire emerges--then pure black eyes.

Strengths: Can get by on vampire blood instead of human blood, although not for too long.

Weaknesses: Blood lust. Only fresh human blood can sustain them long-term.

Mythology: Although they don't show up on film, vampires will sometimes videotape themselves killing a person as a form of vampire porn.

Sound Bites

George: Love should be the opposite of death. It should be our biggest reason for wanting to be here. I mean, what else have we got? Football? Shoes?

Mitchell: I never know with you if it's Jewish guilt or werewolf guilt.
George: It's pretty much the same thing.

Gilbert: Fun is such a bourgeois concept.

Being Human, Season 1 Episode 3. Written by Rachel Anthony. Directed by Alex Pillai. From the BBC.

True Blood S4 E6 "I Wish I Was the Moon"

2011-08-24T13:32:00.013-04:00

Spoilers Ahead

I'm starting to get the feeling I'm the only one enjoying True Blood's fourth season. Everywhere I turn I see complaints and criticisms: (former?) fans especially seem to be hating the Eric memory-loss storyline, his niceness, his helplessness, his relationship with Sookie--even his hair. I find this strange for a couple of reasons. Not only because I happen to be really enjoying this season, especially Eric, but also because I don't get how sociopathic, perpetually bored Eric (a la Seasons 1 and 2) could be deemed superior to and/or more attractive than emotionally stable and caring (yet still deadly when necessary) Eric. I think this says something about where popular culture is heading and it's not good. In any case, if you're not a fan of the new Eric you're going to hate this episode. Everyone else (if you're out there), read on.

"I Wish I Was the Moon" starts with Eric and Sookie moments after where they last left off (catch up here). Still kissing they enter her house, start ditching clothes, and end up on the couch. That's when Bill bursts in. The vampires start fighting and Eric, being much older, soon gets the upper hand. Just as Eric's about to run Bill through with a fireplace poker Sookie manages to stop him. Frustrated he asks who Bill is to her and she hesitates before finally replying that he's Eric's king. Eric immediately kneels and asks his "liege" for forgiveness. Bill, as you can expect, looks fairly well stunned.

He gets over it quickly, though, and takes Eric into custody. He even goes so far as to restrain Eric (who isn't putting up any fight) in silver. And when Sookie starts arguing on Eric's behalf Bill finally orders his guards to arrest her for trespassing if she steps foot on his property again. What's happened to Bill? His official argument is that Eric is under the control of a necromancer and could be a danger to them all. But it's obvious Bill is acting strictly out of jealousy. Bit of a double standard there, though, since (as Sookie points out) Bill's been running around sticking his fangs--and whatever else--into half the female population of Bon Temps. But he solidifies his douchery by calling Nan Flanagan and requesting a warrant to impose the true death on Eric. Come on, Bill--you used to be cool.

Meanwhile Eric gets put into a cell with Pam while she continues to rot from within, unsure how much time she has left. Pam tries to revive the old Eric by telling him he hates Bill and that he's a Viking vampire god who would rip someone's liver out with one fang. Surprisingly this doesn't convince Eric that he wants his old life back. He tells her he's not interested in remembering who he was since he is no longer that vampire. Sorry, Pam.

In the next cell Marnie desperately cuts herself and begs Antonia-the-spirit to come and use Marnie to avenge herself. We see more flashbacks of Antonia's life. In the first she's being bitten and raped by a vampire as his maker (a priest) urges him to be even more vicious because "fear sweetens the blood." In the next flashback we see Antonia burning at the stake as she chants a spell. Back in their cell her fellow witches chant along with her. Suddenly vampires are getting up and going out into the sun where they're burned alive along with Antonia, including the priest from the previous flashback. It's hard not to be upset at this scene knowing countless people were actually tortured and burned at the stake in past centuries. The vampires are actually the least disturbing part of these flashbacks because what humans beings did (and do) to each other is far worse. But I digress. As Marnie returns to the present Antonia's spirit is in the cell with her. A moment later she enters Marnie's body and takes possession of it.

The plot thickens with Terry and Arlene. They wake up to a raging fire and scramble to get the kids out. Only the baby is missing. Before Terry can run back inside to look for him the place explodes. As Arlene is about to lose it, Lisa and Coby point out that the baby was sitting outside when they got there, just hanging out with the creepy doll. Relieved, Arlene cradles him we see that he's smiling and laughing at something behind her. It turns out not to be a demon or even Rene but the ghost of a woman who smiles and waves at the baby. Okay, this is going in an entirely new direction. I like it a lot better than the possessed baby/serial killer baby plot that seemed to have been developing.

While Sam has to deal with the destruction of his rental properties (Holly's place was also ruined) he asks Tommy to open Merlotte's for him. Tommy agrees but he's deep in a spiral of depression and self-loathing after accidentally killing his mom. As he stares at himself in the mirror his self-hatred boils over and he starts hitting himself in the head. Before you can say "WTF?" Tommy has turned into Sam. Remember that thing about shifters who kill a family member can shift into other people? Suddenly Tommy's day is looking up. His mood improves even more when Sookie shows up to beg "Sam" for the day off and he gets to fire her. If Sookie believes Tommy is Sam then he can fool anyone. Unfortunately he next fools Maxine, who has nothing good to say about Tommy. She actually says she can understand why Sam shot Tommy. He seems pretty upset to hear it. It's hard not to feel sorry for Tommy sometimes.

Of course the sympathy we might have felt for him evaporates later when Luna arrives ready to hook up with Sam, not realizing it's not really Sam, and Tommy decides he can't waste the opportunity. Afterward she's ready to go shift together but Tommy is starting to look sick. Instead of telling her so he just gets mean, snapping at her to get out and throwing her clothes at her. She leaves in a fury (who can blame her?) and Tommy reverts to his own form and promptly starts throwing up. When Sam finally gets back he finds Tommy unconscious next to a pile of what looks like his internal organs. That's a lot of vomit.

After her encounter with "Sam" and unsure where else to turn for help with Eric, Sookie ends up going to Jason's. She can hear that he's in the house but he first hides from her and then shouts at her to go away. After Sookie ignores him and walks in on him half-naked and handcuffed to his bed he finally has to tell her about the possibility he might become a werepanther that night. Sookie points out that if he does transform, the handcuffs will just fall off. His reaction is what convinces her he's serious. Apparently forgetting about Eric she insists on staying with Jason. As they wait for him to turn he's upset to find out that when Sookie said she would take care of him if he turned she didn't mean she would kill him. She tries to make him feel better with a pep talk before heading inside to get them drinks. When she returns--surprise--Jason is gone.

He's off stumbling around the woods like the dumbass he is, waiting to turn and jumping at every noise. Lucky for him Jessica senses his fear and comes running. As he starts having a panic attack she calms him down and promises to stay with him while he turns.

Speaking of weres, Alcide returns home to find Marcus Bozeman having a cozy chat with Debbie. Marcus is in a much friendlier mood than he was the last time Alcide saw him and it turns out Debbie has already joined the Shreveport pack behind Alcide's back. He's infuriated with Debbie but she convinces him that her recovery (from her V addiction) depends on her getting out of the house and meeting other weres. Alcide reluctantly relents and agrees to run with Debbie and the pack during that night's full moon.

Meanwhile Sookie's started searching the woods for Jason and ends up running into Debbie and Alcide (is it just me or is it weird that on the night of the full moon we don't see any weres or shifters in animal form? Why are they all running around looking like people?) Sookie asks them whether someone can become a were by being bitten and they assure her you can only be born a were. Relieved she takes off again to find Jason. Debbie is comfortable letting Sookie take care of herself but Alcide is clearly worried. Women just love it when their partners are preoccupied with someone else.

After what is probably a few hours Jason finally realizes he's not going to turn, which leaves him strangely disappointed. He asks Jessica about what being a vampire is like and she tells Jason how awesome he is. Just when it looks like the two of them are going to act on their growing attraction Jason brings up Hoyt and starts treating Jessica like a little sister (complete with arm punches). Before Jessica leaves him they both agree not to tell Hoyt about spending time together. He just wouldn't understand.

Back at Bill's, the King of Louisiana is getting ready to execute Eric. He has his guards bring Eric in restraints out to the lawn. Eric accepts his sentence and is fine with being put to death, which seems extreme even to me. Exactly how docile has Eric become? But anyway he does have a couple of final requests. He asks that Pam be released since she doesn't have much time left and she isn't much of a threat anymore. He also asks that Bill let Sookie know that he was born the night she found him and that he's going to his true death knowing what it was like to love. He also mentions that she deserves love with anyone who can give it to her. As Bill raises the stake above his head Eric looks up in a pose that's instantly recognizable to anyone familiar with Christian iconography, particularly with those icons depicting the crucifixion. Nice touch. A little much but nice.

Tara's girlfriend, Naomi, shows up unannounced and demands to know what's been going on. So Tara finally tells her everything. This leads to anger and sex, so pretty much the usual response in Bon Temps. But the more she gets to know the real Tara, the more Naomi likes her. As for Pam's supposed harmlessness? Just as Tara and Naomi are sharing a moment outside Merlotte's, Pam shows up. And she is pissed. Tara tries to reason with Pam but when that doesn't work she begs Naomi to go. Naomi, however, isn't about to leave her. Luckily Pam is an equal opportunity killer and lets them know there's enough of her to go around (especially since parts of her are still falling off). Then she attacks.

Off in Mexico, Jesus's granddad toys with him and Lafayette, not only to punish Jesus and to prove his point but also because he just seems to like it. First he demands that Jesus bring him a sacrifice. When Jesus returns with a rattlesnake Granddad points out that snakes are gateways to the spirit world. He informs Jesus and Lafayette that they need protection from spirits and witches--not vampires. Then he sics the snake on Jesus, tells Lafayette to protect him, and leaves the room. As Jesus is slowly dying Lafayette is totally confused and panicking when he sees a man's spirit in the corner. A moment later the spirit enters his body and takes possession of him. It turns out to be the spirit of Jesus's uncle Luka, a gifted healer. He saves Jesus and departs, leaving Lafayette with no idea what just happened.

At Bill's again (presumably while he's outside with Eric) Sheriff Luis is obsessively watching Marnie on the security monitors. He was an early proponent of killing the necromancer and it looks like he can't hold out any longer. He goes to her cell ready to kill the witch but when he finds out Antonia's taken up residence in there he's all-too-eager to get his vengeance on (he turns out to have been Antonia's rapist and the "child" of the priest she compelled to greet the sun). But before Luis gets very far Antonia stops him with a spell and brings him under her control. When will these vampires learn?

The episode ends with Sookie still out in the woods shouting for Jason (how big are these woods anyway?) Suddenly Eric is there. He tells her Bill set him free and she forgets about everything else. As they kiss and the, ahem, music swells we see Bill standing alone on his porch, looking melancholy. The camera returns to Sookie and Eric who have already settled into a convenient clearing where they're (finally!) having sex. See--the new Eric isn't all bad.

Okay, so Season 4 Eric might be a little too meek. It would be good to see more fight in him. But he's also warm and caring and sweet (and still damn hot). In any case we know it won't last so those of you not enjoying this season, just hang on. Eric will be back to his Viking vampire god self in no time.

Fang Files

Appearance: Pale humans with red-rimmed eyes and long, snakelike fangs that extend or retract at will (and also when the vampire is excited). Cry tears of blood.

Strengths: Super strength (the older the vampire, the stronger they are). Super speed. Heightened senses.

Weaknesses: Silver. Witchcraft. Sun. Stakes. Sookie.

Mythology: Vampire society is highly hierarchical with Kings and Queens ruling over Sheriffs and lesser vampires, and all ruled by the mysterious Authority. Vampire blood (V) is a highly addictive and illegal drug. Once a human has consumed vampire blood the vampire will always be able to sense and track them.

Sound Bites

Eric: You are the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.
Sookie: Only because you can't remember anything else.

Sookie: If you ever loved me you won't hurt him.
Bill: This is strictly business. Vampire business. So for once in your life I strongly suggest you stay out of it.

Bill: Sookie is not mine.
Eric: But you love her.
Bill: Irrelevant.

True Blood, Season 4 Episode 6 "I Wish I Was the Moon." Written by Raelle Tucker. Directed by Jeremy Podeswa. From HBO.

Fan Expo

2011-08-18T23:28:00.007-04:00

Once again it's FanExpo time in Toronto! For those of you of a vampire fandom persuasion...

In the HORROR section of the Expo (aka Rue Morgue's Festival of Fear):

A screening of Near Dark along with Q&A with Lance Henriksen (special ticket required)

Appearances by Lance Henriksen; Sam Trammell (True Blood's Sam Merlotte); and Tom Savini (special effects genius and also appeared in From Dusk Till Dawn, Lost Boys: The Tribe and Innocent Blood).

Featured Authors:

Heather Brewer, The Slayer Chronicles
Nancy Kilpatrick, The Power of Blood
Alyxandra Harvey, The Drake Chronicles
Max Turner, Night Runner
Nikki Stafford, Bite Me (Buffy companion guide)
Crissy Calhoun, Love You to Death (Vampire Diaries companion guide)

Panels:
Remembering Frightenstein
Lance versus Lance
Horror Fiction: Horror Heroes & Villains
Creature Features 2.0

In the SCI FI section of the Expo:

Eliza Dushku (Buffy's Faith)

FanExpo, Aug 25-28, Metro Toronto Convention Centre, South Building, 222 Bremner Ave

More info here.

Being Human (UK) S1 E2

2011-08-16T10:38:00.011-04:00

Spoilers Ahead

How do the Brits manage to make such good TV? I've seen it time and time again (e.g., Doctor Who, Misfits, Sherlock...): good acting, compelling stories, great cinematography and special effects. I'm guessing they have reasonable budgets, which they clearly put to good use. Even though we only get a few episodes (six for the first season of BH) they're worth every minute.

Episode 2 starts off with George's agonizing transformation to werewolf as Mitchell describes the equally horrifying and miraculous process in a voice over. The effects as George transform are impressive: realistic and scary. The full wolf itself is okay--it's makeup and/or a costume. These never look quite right but I've definitely seen a lot worse (including CGI wolves). By the way, I have to say that much as I like Annie and George I think Mitchell should do all the narration from now on. Never mind that he's the hot vampire--he's got a beautiful Irish accent. It definitely needs to be put to good use.

The next morning when George wakes up naked in the woods he realizes a man is sitting, watching him. Those of you paying attention will recognize him as the same man who asked George what he was running from as George tried to find a safe place in the woods to transform last episode. It turns out this man, Tully (Dean Lennox Kelly, who played Shakespeare on Doctor Who in "The Shakespeare Code" episode!), is another werewolf. Tully has been around longer and has picked up a few tricks on making the whole process easier. He's also been hearing that something big is about to happen and he figures there's safety in numbers. George, however, doesn't even want to acknowledge or accept the werewolf part of him. He gratefully accepts the clothes that Tully brought for him but then he takes off, telling Tully he's not interested in being werewolf buddies.

When George gets home he's in for another surprise. This time it's a group of his neighbours having tea in his living room while Mitchell plays happy host. Mitchell informs George that if they want to be human they need to get to know people and get involved in the community (the occasional beer down at the pub doesn't count). George is not at all convinced, especially when he goes back to the room and realizes that Tully is there.

Grabbing Tully and pulling him outside George tells him definitively to piss off. But Tulley argues that he can teach George how to manage and control the wolf and convinces him to let him back inside. Mitchell and Annie are immediately smitten with Tully. George is still not thrilled, though, especially when Mitchell invites Tully to stay with them for a couple of days after hearing that he's been "sleeping rough" (i.e., he's homeless). Mitchell can't understand why George isn't jumping at the chance to have someone teach him how to control his condition. You can hear the longing in Mitchell's voice--he's clearly someone who knows--and hates--what it's like to be alone.

Ironically as Tully starts mentoring George on being a werewolf as well as being all manly-like, George starts admiring Tully more and more while Mitchell becomes less enamoured of him. As George gets to the point of even talking like Tully he doesn't notice the subtly disparaging comments Tully makes about Mitchell. Or the way he's mooching off them. Or that he's something of a misogynist. George just see the slick guy who's helping him be better. Never mind that following Tully's example and aggressively coming on to a nurse at work gets George labelled as a disgusting sexist pig. Or that his best friends (Mitchell and Annie, of course) think he's acting like an idiot.

Meanwhile Mitchell's got his hands full with Lauren, who shows up at the house and tries her best to induce more than one kind of lust in him. It's amazing Mitchell doesn't take her up on her offer to feed or to simply "play." This vampire's got some self control. But as he kicks her out she lets him know that he can check out but he can never leave.

Speaking of leaving Tully manages to wear out his welcome with Annie by getting aggressive with her, calling her a tease, and then trying to kiss her. Luckily Annie goes poof (as ghosts are wont to do) before his lips make contact. Unfortunately she reappears outside in a panic, desperate to get to the hospital to find Mitchell and George, and can't ask anyone for directions because humans can't see her. She finally sees an ambulance and follows. It turns out the ambulance is going to a crime scene rather than the hospital and Annie notices Lauren being hastily ushered away by Herrick before anyone connects that it's her handiwork they're cleaning up. Herrick also sees Annie and manages to creep her out more than she already was. She's not having a good day.

It's worth a mention that Annie's reaction to Tully is a little extreme considering he couldn't really hurt her. A little foreshadowing, perhaps? We still don't know why Annie is a ghost.

When Mitchell gets home he finds Annie on the doorstep, where she proceeds to break down at the sight of him. Inside Mitchell orders Tully out. But Tully plays innocent as soon as George gets home and George angrily defends him, managing to alienate his friends in the process (as when Mitchell shouts that Tully pretty much assaulted Annie and George retorts that she probably loved it). George finally snaps that Tully is staying and then they both head out to prepare for their full-moon transformation.

Even as Tully is telling George how proud he is of him, George is regretting the things he said. But Tully claims they needed to be said and then admits that he's the wolf that originally bit George, turning him into a werewolf. He seems to think this news will solidify their bond but George is absolutely horrified. As far as he's concerned Tully cursed him. George wants nothing to do with him ever again. Tully is devastated. As George leaves he shouts after him that he can't be alone any longer.

When George returns home he apologizes to Mitchell and Annie. They readily forgive him (doesn't everyone need friends like that?) Then they all settle in to watch the copy of Casablanca a neighbour lent them (Mitchell is in it but, since vampires don't show up on film, all you see is a chair he kicks over!) Only it turns out it's not Casablanca and it didn't come from their neighbour. On the disc is a home video of a guy in a room, talking to someone who doesn't show up: a vampire. The man starts getting undressed and having sex, in the middle of which he's bitten and killed. As the vampire pushes his body off the bed and a pool of blood forms, bloody footprints suddenly appear across the floor. The video is basically vampire snuff porn, courtesy of Lauren who thinks it'll bring Mitchell back to being a proper vampire. All three look sickened. It really is a disturbing video and, aside from HBO, I can't imagine seeing it on an American network. In this case I'm actually not sure whether that's a good thing.

Later that night George has to go for his transformation. He returns to the home base he established with Tully, a shack in the woods. Tully is there with a noose around his neck. When he sees George he kicks the chair out from under himself and starts strangling. At first George approaches him but then he backs away and leaves the shack. George has another change of heart and goes back to save Tully. Unfortunately Tully begins transforming and attacks George. He won't let George leave even as George begs him to before they both transform and rip each other apart. As the serious fighting begins the scene cuts away.

The next morning we find out that neither ripped the other apart. This time, though, it's George who's dressed and watching as Tully still lies sleeping. When he wakes up George hands him some clothes and tells him he doesn't want to see him again. Ignoring Tully's unconvincing arguments, George walks away.

This would have been a good place to end the episode, an uplifting sort of conclusion with George finding his own strength and becoming, if not quite human, a better werewolf. But things are never that easy, are they? The episode actually ends with Mitchell at home, looking out the window as people walk by. You can see how apart from them he feels. Maybe he's realizing that reaching out to the community doesn't--and can never--make him part of it. After looking around one last time he digs Lauren's disc out of the trash as his eyes go black for a moment.

As any human knows it's not so easy being one of us. But it's interesting to see the struggle from the perspective of three non- (or rather, former) humans. The actors do a great job portraying the difficulties and their own turmoil and demons. Just looking at the photo above you can see simply from his body language the torment George undergoes every month. And the actor playing Mitchell does a brilliant job of portraying his eternal battle against the darkness inside himself. Right now things are looking bleak for our Irish vampire. But as much as I want Mitchell to succeed, is anyone else just a little curious to see him really unleash?

Fang Files

Appearance: Human (not even pale) until the vampire emerges, then pure black eyes and sharp fangs.

Weaknesses: Blood lust.

Mythology: Vampires need an invitation to cross the threshold. A vampire's image can't be captured on camera.

Sound Bites

George: [to Annie] We have to put a stop to this. He [Mitchell] doesn't understand-- these people are British. You're not allowed to talk to your neighbours until you've nodded to them for 15 years.

Lauren: [to Mitchell] I want to believe you, I really do. It's just... when you look at me you're hungry.

George: [to Mitchell] You know the difference between you and him [Tully]?
Mitchell: Oh, I don't know--I don't have to shave my palms?
George: That...I think that's actually racist!

Tully: It's a complex thing. It's a glorious thing.
George: This isn't a glorious thing--it's a curse! This isn't a gift--it's God stepping on us with his boots.

Being Human, Season 1 Episode 2. Written by Toby Whithouse. Directed by Toby Haynes. From the BBC.

True Blood S4 E5 "Me and the Devil."

2011-08-08T13:35:00.016-04:00

Spoilers Ahead

Vampires can't get along with anyone, can they? Humans, fairies, shifters, weres, other vampires, witches, even spirits... you'd think people would learn to just leave them alone. Why did they want to come out to the world again? Maybe they just had the burning desire to pay taxes.

Whatever their reasons "Me and the Devil" begins not with vamps but with our not-so-favourite shifters: Tommy and Melinda (and Joe Lee, shifter by association). They're still where we left them last episode, with Joe Lee beating the hell out of Tommy while Melinda proves how completely useless she is. Once Tommy passes out, his parents move away to discuss the "big money" dog fight coming up the next day. That's when Tommy throws the chain around Joe Lee's neck and returns the favour. What's really annoying (to me anyway) is that Melinda, who stood by while her husband tortured her son, suddenly starts fighting Tommy to protect Joe Lee. Nice. But Tommy fights them both off until he finally kills Joe Lee. Melinda then attacks, saying she's going to kill Tommy. Ah, motherly love. Unfortunately in the heat of the moment Tommy hits her a little too hard and accidentally kills her. She was worthless but she was still his mom so his subsequent devastation is understandable.

Elsewhere, Marnie wakes up after her latest possession by dead necromancer Antonia. Marnie tells Jesus, Lafayette and Tara about Antonia taking her over and they're horrified. But she's convinced the spirit is their protector. The others realize it's time to get going. As far away from Marnie, Eric, and Bon Temps as possible. For the boys that means paying a visit to Jesus's brujo granddad in Mexico (even though the man scares the shit out of Jesus). For Tara it's back to New Orleans.

Eric and Sookie, meanwhile, get up to all kinds of interesting things this episode, starting with a visit Eric pays to Sookie's room as she lies sleeping (minds out of the gutter, please). As he looks in on her suddenly Godric is by his side. While Eric holds back, Godric has no problem getting close to Sookie. At that point Eric steps in and tells Godric not to touch her (he also asks who Godric is). Godric wants them both to drain her and walk in the sun. Eric refuses. So Godric grabs him by the throat and forces him to his knees. He then tells Eric that there's no redemption for him and he needs to stop fighting his nature (odd since Eric could never have been accused before of fighting his nature. If anything, Godric was disappointed that he didn't fight it when he was torturing Russell). A minute later Eric pops fang and attacks Sookie. As she starts screaming Eric wakes up in his own room. This time he enters Sookie's room for real (looking appropriately monstrous, I was happy to see). As he creeps up to her bed, fangs out, she wakes up. Like a little kid caught doing something bad he covers his tracks by telling her he had a bad dream. He really is upset, though, and Sookie comforts him.

As for Bill, it's one headache after another. First Portia shows why the South has a bad name when she shows up with a list of reasons why incest is no big deal. Um, ew. (And if it's true about the majority of states repealing incest laws then that is truly disturbing, especially in light of all the opposition to gay marriage. Maybe it would be considered okay if the gay people involved were siblings :P). Anyway, Bill has sense enough to most definitely not want to get groiny with his descendants. Unfortunately the only way he can get her to back off is by glamouring her into being terrified of him.

Bill then gets paid a visit by Pam who's covered under layers of black lace. He's lighthearted about her appearance until he sees her rotting face and realizes she defied his orders and went to see the witch. Pam wants permission to torture and kill Marnie but of course Bill can't allow that (the Authority would put Pam to the true death for harming a human). But as pieces of her face come off he assures her he won't ignore the situation.

When daytime comes around Sookie finally puts her telepathy to good use! I guess the writers remembered that this show was supposed to be about a telepathic waitress. Sookie listens in on Holly to find out about the spell cast on Eric and the witch that did it. She then pays a visit to the Moon Goddess shop where she meets Marnie and convinces her to do a psychic reading on her (apparently being completely insincere will convince someone to do whatever you want). Marnie ends up contacting Gran and Sookie is lucky enough to hear Gran directly via Marnie's thoughts. Gran warns Sookie not to give her heart to the new man in her life because the situation is only temporary. She also tells Sookie that Marnie poses great danger and to run. Sookie wisely listens to Gran and gets the hell out of there.

Afterward Marnie gets a visit from pseudo-witch "Kitty" (of Bill's security staff). Kitty pretends to be concerned about what's going on but she only does so long enough for Marnie to be grabbed by Bill's commandos. See ya, Marnie. Not that she disappears or anything. She ends up in a cell in Bill's mansion (and we know he's not going to hurt her). As she prays in her cell she has another vision where she's transported to another cell in which Antonia is locked along with a bunch of other witchy ladies. As they huddle in a corner, chanting, the Inquisition priests come in and forcibly select one of the women. Turns out vampires are big in the priesthood and the witch they chose is dinner. Back in the present, Bill questions Marnie over the intercom and then face to face (he glamours her). It's clear she really doesn't know anything about the spells she performed or how to reverse them. Pam and Eric are screwed.

When Sookie gets home again she also gets a visit. Tara decides to stop by and whine about how her girlfriend found out she was lying about her name (among other things) and about how much she hates Bon Temps and everything about it. Then she asks to spend the night, at which point the sun sets and Eric comes out. That leads to Tara completely freaking and storming out after declaring "Fuck the both of you." Really? Aren't these people too old for this kind of drama? She and Sookie are bffs, then they hate each other, then they're bffs, then they hate each other. Jesus. And you'd think knowing that Sookie hated Eric she might pause to think there's a good reason why Sookie is hiding him now. I'm really ready for Tara to just go. She was good for the first couple of episodes of the show and since then it's all been pointless melodrama.

Anyway, Sookie gets to comfort Eric yet again as now he's upset by the nasty things Tara revealed about him in her anger. He decides to leave rather than risk hurting Sookie. But Sookie runs after him and asks him not to go. He comes back and we finally get the big kiss we've been waiting for. Yet somehow it's... underwhelming. Maybe there was too much build-up, I don't know. But even though the kiss disappointed I am glad the inevitable finally happened.

Back to Tommy. Where do you run when you've killed both your parents? To big brother, of course. And despite their numerous differences it's nice to see that Sam is there for Tommy when he really needs it. They head out in Tommy's van with the bodies in the back. Unfortunately Tommy is already freaking out when Andy decides to pull them over. Sam makes him hide in the back while he deals with Andy. Sam is perfectly calm and reasonable but Andy, despite having no good reason, insists on seeing what's in the back of the van. Inside Tommy waits, clutching a shovel to add to the body count if it comes to that. At first Sam refuses to let Andy into the van but Andy isn't taking no for an answer. Grabbing the keys from Sam he throws open the door and finds... a rather pissed-off gator. Yes! Don't you love when supernatural characters use their powers in a smart way? It's a nice change (not that they haven't done so before but it's been pretty rare). Andy back off in a hurry while Sam explains that he found the gator by the Dumpster and is taking back to the swamp where it belongs. After Andy takes off they do head to the swamp, where they feed the bodies to some real gators. RIP Melinda and Joe Lee.

Jessica and Hoyt's troubles seem to be continuing. After healing Jason and getting him settled at his house, Hoyt moves in to kiss Jessica. She pulls away. It's obvious something is wrong but when Hoyt questions her she insists she's just tired. He ends up staying behind to watch over Jason while she goes home. I really wanted it to work for those crazy kids. Sigh. By the way, does Jessica work at Merlotte's anymore?

Hoyt later tries to talk to Jason about his problems with Jessica, but, as usual, Jason is too obsessed with his own problems (like the full moon the next night) to care. At least Jason is smart enough to realize that everything bad that ever happened to him was because of sex (or rather, his selfish need to get him some). Of course now that Jason has Jessica's blood in him and is already enjoying sexy dreams about Jess it's difficult to believe that he won't be getting into yet more trouble due to sex.

As for possessed baby, Terry and Arlene don't think it's the baby that's possessed so much as they believe Rene is haunting them. So they bring in the only "holy" people around who will cleanse the house for them: Reverend Daniels and his new wife, Lettie Mae. Between the chanting and the smudging the evil is sure to be chased away. Unfortunately as Terry and Arlene later enjoy some quiet snuggle time a pack of matches nearby spontaneously combusts. As if a little sage would really chase away evil.

And it seems Alcide is being set up for future trouble with the Shreveport pack master, Marcus Bozeman. Bozeman is pissed that Alcide's been living in Shreveport for a few months already but never registered with the pack. Sigh. More werewolf drama.

The episode ends with Bill meeting with the rest of the Louisiana Sheriffs, as well as Pam. We find out exactly what happened during the Spanish Inquisition (you won't expect it) and how dangerous necromancy can be. They then all get into an argument about how to deal with the situation. That's when Pam lets slip that she knows what happened to Eric. Bill is infuriated and demands to know where Eric is. She finally admits he's at Sookie's. I never expected to see Pam crumble under Bill's glare. Apparently neither did she. As Bill takes off for Sookie's (can't wait to see what he storms in on) Pam apologizes to Eric.

This wasn't the greatest episode ever but it was decent and had some fairly awesome moments. It was definitely nice to see paranormal characters acting paranormal (when was the last time Sookie used her telepathy for anything useful?) This episode also has the feeling of being the calm before the storm. Get ready for the show.

Fang Files

Appearance: Human with long, snakelike fangs that extend or retract at will (and also when the vampire is excited). Cry tears of blood.

Strengths: Ability to glamour humans. Super speed. Ability to heal wounded humans with their blood.

Weaknesses: Sunlight, blood lust, magic.

Mythology: Vampires have a strong bond with their makers, which apparently extends even beyond death. The Authority is a mysterious organization that all vampires must answer to. Historically many vampires became priests and nuns in order to blend in and have a hand in human power structures. When a human drinks vampire blood it creates a bond between the two that leads to, among other things, sexual dreams.

Sound Bites

Tommy: Remember what I once said? I'm going to be free the day you die?
Joe Lee: Worthless piece of shit.

Marnie: What...what happened?
Lafayette: Hooker, you pissed off another vampire and then you took a goddamned nap.

Godric: [to Eric] You are incapable of love. You are damned.

Bill: [seeing Pam in a big hat and veil] Oh good--the world needs more beekeepers.

Tommy: I fucked up, Sam.
Sam: I see that, Tommy.

Eric: [to Sookie] There's a light in you. It's beautiful. I couldn't bear it if I snuffed it out.

True Blood. Season 4 Episode 5 "Me and the Devil." Written by Mark Hudis. Directed by Daniel Minahan. From HBO.

Being Human (UK) Season 1 Premiere

2011-08-03T22:08:00.009-04:00

Spoilers Ahead

Being Human sucked me right in. On the surface it sounds pretty silly: a vampire, a werewolf and a ghost are roommates... like a cheesy joke. But these are not cardboard characters. They have depth, they have demons, and the bond and chemistry among the three of them makes me wish for more scenes with just them. Why do British TV seasons have to be so damn short (only 6 measly episodes)?

Annie the ghost (played by Lenora Crichlow, Sugar Rush, Doctor Who) provides the narration for this episode. She's trapped in the house in which she died after slipping on the stairs. Her fiance, brokenhearted about her death, has moved out and rented the place. So Annie is stuck living with one set of tenants after another, none of which can see her but who can feel her "creepy" presence. Things start improving for her after Mitchell and George move in, in large part because--being supernatural themselves--they can see her and talk to her. She's even gotten to the point where humans are noticing her and she can venture outside the house (not far but it's a start).

Mitchell (Aidan Turner, who played Dante Gabriel Rosetti in Desperate Romantics) is the hot, brooding vampire with a gorgeous Irish accent. Yes, I am drooling a little. Unfortunately he's got some serious torment going on. Desperately trying to overcome his nature (by not feeding from humans, hanging out with humans and werewolves, shunning the other vampires) he's wracked by self-recrimination when he slips while having sex with co-worker Lauren (Annabel Scholey, Personal Affairs) and kills her. And that turns out to be the least of his problems.

Then there's George (Russell Tovey, Him & Her, Doctor Who), the neurotic werewolf. He's been a wolf about a year and has yet to accept that it's a part of him. He was infected when scratched on holiday in Scotland (the guy he was out walking with ended up dead) and has since run away from his old life (including his fiancee). He really just wants a normal life but the excruciating transformation he undergoes every month is kind of getting in the way. Or maybe he's just getting in the way of himself.

Episode 1 also introduces us to some of the vampires Mitchell is trying to escape. Herrick (Jason Watkins, Psychoville) is Mitchell's maker, head of the local vampires, and high up in the police department (the vampires have ways of covering up their activities). He has megalomaniacal dreams of coming out to the humans and making vampires the dominant species on the planet. Despite Mitchell's betrayal Herrick wants him back in the fold and is confident that will happen, sooner or later.

Seth (Dylan Brown, EastEnders) is Herrick's current right-hand man and is trying to "recruit" people from the hospital in which Mitchell and George work. Mitchell refuses to allow the hospital to be a feeding ground for the vampires. Seth backs off but it's obvious the moment Herrick removes his leash he'll be after Mitchell in a heartbeat.

And then there's Lauren. It's unclear whether Mitchell turned her out of guilt or by accident but he abandoned her before the process was complete and she's pissed about it. Now she's in Herrick's pocket and is out to force Mitchell off the wagon and back among his peers, while at the same time ruining his chances of having any kind of normal life.

So while Mitchell has to fight his own nature he also has to fight the other vampires, their long-term plans and short-term chaos and sabotage. George--already dealing with his own issues--is drawn in as the vampires attack and kill his co-workers and harass Mitchell (they also hate werewolves). While Annie is at least sheltered from the things that go on outside of the house, she suffers her own setback when her fiance and the guys' landlord (Owen, played by Gregg Chillin, Nearly Famous) shows up to fix the house's plumbing with his new girlfriend. Suddenly Annie's invisible to humans again, not to mention devastated about Owen.

There's already a lot going on and even more being set up for the future. The vampires are clearly only going to become a bigger problem. George is going to have to come to terms with his wolf. And what exactly is keeping Annie tied to this plane and to the house? The season may be short but it's already compelling.

Fang Files

Appearance: Human until the vampire emerges, then black eyes and sharp, prominent fangs. Vampires do not show up on camera.

Strengths: Heightened senses.

Weaknesses: Not drinking human blood results in shakiness, weakness, and obsessive thoughts of what they most want. Psychopaths by nature (but this can be overcome with major persistence).

Mythology: Vampires can eat food and go out during the day. They take jobs in the human world to blend in and also cover their existence.

Sound Bites

Seth: [to Mitchell] Word of warning, one friend to another, it's cold out there without us.

Annie: Hello, George. I thought it was your time of the month.
Mitchell: It is. He's doing it here.
Annie: I just hoovered!

George: [After spending the full moon locked in their house] Oh no. Where's...where's all our stuff? What did I do?
Mitchell: We've salvaged what we can but there's about 10 bin bags of crap and wreckage stashed in my bedroom. I'm sensing a trip to Ikea. You know my feelings about that.

Mitchell: [after spotting Herrick at the hospital] You didn't get my message? This isn't your fucking larder, Herrick.

George: [after Owen comes by with his new girlfriend] You're much prettier. And much nicer.
Annie: And much deader.

Being Human, Season 1 Episode 1. Written by Toby Whithouse. Directed by Toby Haynes. From the BBC.

Dead Reckoning by Charlaine Harris

2011-08-02T11:53:00.010-04:00

Spoilers Ahead

I feel like my world revolves around Charlaine Harris these days. My last several posts have been related to her and her work. Season 4 of True Blood dominates my thoughts. Even the posts I write for Heroes and Heartbreakers seem to disproportionately feature her (for example, this one). I'm not sure how it's ended up this way. Other vampires and their creators beckon for my attention and yet still I return to the Sookieverse. I'm going to have to do something about that. In the meantime, though, you'll have to endure one more Harris review--but at least Dead Reckoning is worth it.

The book starts off well, bringing you smoothly back into Sookie's world. And, of course, it isn't long before trouble begins. A molotov cocktail through the window of Merlotte's leaves everyone wondering who the culprit could be--and who they were after.

I was happy that there was plenty of Eric action this time around, starting early in the book (a nice change!) Unfortunately something odd is going on with him. He's getting into major fights with Pam and is clearly keeping something from Sookie. He's also stressed because Victor is continuing to make life miserable for him and isn't above getting to Eric through those he cares about.

There's also lots of fae action for the fairy fans out there. Although most of it is more disturbing than fun. Incest among fairies was mentioned more than once (suddenly glad I have no fae relatives). And we discover that fae vengeance is not pretty. There are also a number of revelations involving Gran, a fairy artifact, and Mr. Cataliades. We even (finally) find out why Sookie has more fairy attributes than Jason.

Of course there were also the usual annoyances, which for me are mostly due to Sookie, as well as a certain Southern, small-town attitude I can't relate to. Other people may not have an issue with these things, though. But does it not bother anyone else that every non-human species is portrayed as barbaric, or backward, or otherwise less than humans? I've complained in past reviews that Harris writes about vampires but doesn't like them. I think the same can also be said about her other paranormal races. Her scorn might be subtle but it comes through and, for me anyway, it's a constant irritation. There's also the usual sloppy editing (e.g., "DEFCON 4" when the author clearly meant "DEFCON 2"--how hard would it have been to double-check this before letting it go to print?)

One major plot point that really bothered me was Sookie using magic to break her bond with Eric. It seems stupid given all the threats she constantly faces, as well as cruel (Eric thought she was dead). Even worse--she never fixes it. The book ends with the bond still broken. Maybe I'd like Sookie more if she did anything that seemed remotely logical to me.

Dead Reckoning finishes with quite a few loose ends, although it's done intentionally and makes for a decent cliffhanger. In particular Sookie's relationship with Eric is left on seriously shaky ground. Sookie has the means to fix things but between her burgeoning self-hatred and her uncertainty about Eric her only action so far is inaction (I sincerely hope that changes in the next book).

While it wasn't without its problems, Dead Reckoning was definitely one of the better Sookie Stackhouse books. It was interesting and well paced. It sets things up for the future without skimping on what's happening in the present. I lost myself in the story and kept wanting to find out what would happen next. Yet when it ended I was disappointed there wasn't more to read. All in all, I would actually read this one again.

Fang Files

Appearance: Very pale humans with long fangs that extend and retract at will (and also when the vampire feels strong emotions).

Strengths: Some vampires have special skills, such as the ability to fly. Super strength, speed. Fast healing (holding a vampire's severed limb in place while drinking real blood will heal the limb).

Weaknesses: Vampires are beholden to their makers. Stakes. Beheading. Sunlight.

Mythology: When a human drinks vampire blood the vampire can then sense the human and feel their emotions (the more blood is exchanged the stronger the bond). Vampire blood is a potent, illegal, and unpredictable drug for humans.

Text Bite

[Sookie] "In one of those awful moments you have at random, I realized that everyone I'd ever dated--though, granted, that was a short list--was a killer. And so was I."

"It wasn't often you ran into a bondage/Elvis/whorehouse-themed vampire club."

For those of you who can't wait to find out what (might) happen next, Ms Harris drops some hints on her blog for the next book ("Deadlocked"):

While I know where I want to be at the end of each book, I don't always know how I'm getting there. Sometimes I surprise myself. Last night, Sookie got kidnapped, and I'm going to see how that shakes out. A character I thought was dead is probably alive, and I'm real happy for him. Then again, if the work doesn't go so well today, he may be dead again. This is the fun (and the panic) of being a writer. Every day brings decisions, and I have the power of life and death and procreation over all these people I've invented.

I wonder who the possibly dead guy might be (or if we'll ever find out for sure).

Want to see what I had to say about the previous books?

Dead until Dark
Living Dead in Dallas
Club Dead
Dead to the World
Dead as a Doornail
Definitely Dead
All Together Dead
From Dead to Worse
Dead and Gone
Dead in the Family

Dead Reckoning by Charlaine Harris. From Penguin (Ace Books).

Thanks to Laura at Penguin for sending me my review copy.

True Blood S4 E4 "I'm Alive and on Fire"

2011-07-26T13:31:00.011-04:00

Spoilers Ahead

Well, this episode was a strange one. Besides the usual (sex, blood, violence...) we're treated to rotting flesh, witch burning, frolicking vampires, incest, rape, and creepy messages from beyond. There's also some very fine eye candy courtesy of Alcide and Eric. Buckle up, kids--it's going to get bumpy.

"I'm Alive and on Fire" begins post fairy-draining (see last episode). That fairy blood must be good shit because Eric is acting all kinds of goofy. After briefly passing out he decides he wants more and goes for the nearest available source: Sookie. But when she tells him to stop or he'll kill her he immediately backs away and claims he'd never harm her. Then he smacks her butt and starts playing silly games, finally running off despite the coming dawn. You can't leave a bewitched, drunk vampire alone for a second.

While Sookie's off trying to find Eric in the woods, Bill is trying to find him everywhere else--starting with Fangtasia. He gives Pam a dressing down for not following procedure, snapping that it's not her job to think, but she doesn't give anything away regarding Eric's whereabouts. If Bill was a condescending jerk with Pam, it's nothing compared with how Nan Flanagan later treats him when he tells her about Eric's disappearance. Dismissive of the idea of necromancers (they haven't been an issue since the Spanish Inquisition) she's more concerned about getting vampires good PR after Russell's public rampage. She tells Bill to take care of the situation but not to spill a single drop of mortal blood. Yes, that'll go well.

Nan perhaps should have taken the witches more seriously. Marnie (incidentally played by Fiona Shaw, better known as Aunt Petunia in the Harry Potter movies) has a vision of the Spanish Inquisition. She watches as her spirit guide, still alive and a necromancer, is burned at the stake. As she burns she chants a spell, which Marnie manages to pick up. Well that's going to be trouble.

Meanwhile, even though the sun has since risen, Sookie is still searching for Eric and she's enlisted the help of Alcide. He shifts and manages to track Eric to a pond where our favourite Viking is still acting goofy. He's high on fairy blood and sunshine and is grinning like a loon. But when Alcide shift back to naked human form Eric suddenly gets jealous and possessive of Sookie. There was one hell of an interesting fight in the making before Sookie stepped in and calmed the were and the vampire down. Alas. But it's probably for the best since a moment later Eric starts burning in the sun. Sookie covers him in a blanket and leads him away, but all traces of his previous joyousness are gone and he says he doesn't want to go back to the dark.

After refusing to let himself rest Eric asks Sookie to stay with him in his underground room. I don't know how she can say no to him--he's so sad (maybe I'm way too softhearted) but she tells him she has "human stuff" to do. The human stuff consists of having an argument with Alcide about the situation (which Eric can hear) and then making up with a flirty hug and promises that they're on each other's sides no matter what. Later, when Alcide returns home, he tells Debbie what happened. She claims to be fine with it but this is True Blood, so we know this is leading somewhere unpleasant.

Lafayette, Jesus and Tara go to see Marnie and try to convince her to undo the spell. At first she's less than interested but eventually they manage to impress upon her the severity of the situation (that is, Pam and/or Eric will fuck them all up for what Marnie's done). She finally tries to contact the spirit and goddesses to get the spell so she can undo it. Unfortunately they're not in a helping mood. Just when the witches are about to give up, defeated, a book falls off the shelf and happens to open to the counter-spell. Spirit witch has come through!

Once night has fallen again, Portia takes Bill to meet her grandmother. Is it just me or does it seem a bit much to make a person meet your family when the relationship consists entirely of work and sex? It seems like a very clumsy ploy on the writer's part to have Bill discover he and Portia are related (it turns out he's her great-great-great-great grandfather). I never liked this storyline in the book, either (come on--you're a vampire going back to your tiny hometown--wouldn't you make an effort to ensure you don't end up dating one of your descendants?) But the book did a better job with it than the show by far. I also like how when Bill tries to walk away Portia threatens to use her lawyerly skills to make his life hell. Wow--talk about not taking a breakup well. Honestly, who does that? The one part of this whole scene that I did enjoy was that Katherine Helmond is playing Caroline Bellefleur. Every so often I wonder what she's up to and now I know.

Anyway, after Bill leaves the Bellefleurs he goes to see Sookie. He seems to be happy to see her but the conversation turns immediately to Eric and his whereabouts. Sookie lies but Bill insists on searching her house. She's also just as insistent that he doesn't. She blocks his way and snaps that she's never lied to him and after a moment's hesitation he backs off. So what's going to happen when he finds out she did lie to him?

I missed something in the last episode. I thought a bunch of the Hotshot kids were watching as Crystal had her way with Jason. I somehow didn't notice they were all female and some of them not so young. I realized my error this episode when the women took turns trying to get impregnated by Jason (apparently they're really desperate for fresh DNA in their gene pool). It gets beyond creepy when Becky--who looks to be about 12--steps up to take her turn (Felton, aka "Uncle-daddy," told her she was old enough and that it was her duty to produce a cub). Jason convinces her that she deserves something better for her first time and since neither of them want Jason to die (he's still pretty sick) she cuts him loose and he makes his escape. When Felton realizes that Jason is gone he's furious, shifting into panther mode and beginning the chase (with intent to rip Jason apart).

As Jason runs from the pursuing panthers, he's struggling. His breathing is ragged and he looks like he's about to pass out at any moment. He tries to put them off his scent but that doesn't slow them down for long. He finally shakily climbs a tree and carves a branch into a spear. When Felton shows up Jason drops on him and shoves the spear into his neck. Jason gets clawed in the process but at least Felton is dead. A second later Crystal shows up and is thrilled that Felton is dead (she's the alpha now). Crystal is completely delusional and insists that Jason will come back to Hotshot when he realizes no one else will want him. Right. Eventually Jason ends up collapsing on the road. Fortunately Jessica and Hoyt are driving by and see him. Jessica gives Jason blood and there's a strange moment there where he's gazing up at her. Looks like he might end up with a little blood-induced crush on Jess. Interesting.

In happier news Sam is becoming his sweet self again, even in the face of a belligerent Maxine who blames him because Tommy didn't come home the night before. Sam assures her that Tommy can take care of himself. I guess we can thank Luna for Sam's return to the character we know and love. He seems pretty smitten with her and when he accidentally discovers she has a young daughter, the rapport between him and little Emma is the stuff of any single mom's dreams. Of course there's always a hitch and in this case Luna admits to Sam that her ex (Emma's dad) is a werewolf and something of a stalker.

As for Tommy, he's gone to see his mom. Belinda claims she's left Joe Lee but is vague enough about the circumstances that you wonder how oblivious Tommy has to be not to notice that something is off. Instead they have a nice visit until Belinda starts defending Joe Lee. As Tommy gets agitated, guess who shows up behind him and throws a chain around his neck? Of course Belinda couldn't leave Joe Lee. She stands by uselessly as Joe Lee chokes Tommy, promising to teach him obedience and loyalty and claiming that Tommy's enjoyed his last free breath. Maybe Tommy won't be such a brat the next time (if) Sam saves him from those two.

And last (as well as least), Terry holds the demon baby as the rest of the family sleeps on the sofa. He tells the baby who everyone is, ending with himself (saying he's daddy). Terry leaves the room for a second and someone picks up a red marker and scrawls "baby not yours" on the wall. Terry comes back and freaks, which wakes everyone else up so they can freak too. The baby just smiles and plays with the marker. If it actually turns out that the baby is possessed/inherently evil I will not be impressed. At all. This is such a lame storyline.

The episode finishes off with Marnie, Tara, Lafayette, Jesus and Pam gathered together to perform the counter-spell. Pam is impatient and angry; really, she should know better. In the middle of the spell Pam snaps and aggressively approaches the circle. Suddenly the spirit takes over Marnie and she begins chanting a spell as Pam stands frozen and horrified. I expected a repeat of the memory-erasing spell, but I think this one is much worse. The spell is for a vampire to see their true self, that is, as an animated corpse. Pam's flesh starts rotting off her face as she screams. Then she runs. Can't blame her.

This was another relatively solid episode with several future storylines being set in motion. The creep factor was also high, if you're into that sort of thing. I love that in season 4 each episode leaves me excited to see the next one. And I can't wait until the vampires once again have the upper hand.

Fang Files

Appearance: Pale humans with red-rimmed eyes and fangs that descend or retract at will (and also involuntarily when the vampire is excited or aggressive).

Strengths: Super speed. Enhanced senses. Vampire blood heals humans.

Weaknesses: Fairy blood. Sunlight. Staying awake during the day (results in "the bleeds"). Magic. Shortsightedness and arrogance.

Mythology: Vampire society is strictly hierarchical with regular vampires at the lowest levels, followed by Sheriffs, Kings and Queens, the AVL (and Nan Flanagan), and the mysterious Authority running the show. Vampire blood (V) is a potent and illegal drug for humans.

Sound Bites

Pam: You like the feel of it, don't you, Bill? That crown.

Nan Flanagan: [to Bill] Don't fuck this up. How many retired Kings do you know?

Sookie: [to Eric] There's big gators in there, you crazy Viking, so get on out and let's go home before one of them chomps off your you-know-what!"

Eric: [to Sookie] I'll never swim in the sun again. Never feel the heat on my skin. Never see the daylight in your hair.

Marnie: How am I expected to repair the vampire if he isn't here?
Pam: That's your problem. Reverse the spell or I'll bite your fucking head off.

True Blood, Season 4 Episode 4 "I'm Alive and on Fire." Written by Nancy Oliver. Directed by Michael Lehmann. From HBO.

True Blood S4 E3 "If You Love Me, Why Am I Dyin'?"

2011-07-12T13:06:00.015-04:00

Spoilers Ahead

I kind of loved this episode. There's something about amnesiac Eric that's just so sweet and likable--you have to wonder how Sookie can resist. And is it just me or is she a lot less annoying this season (again, aside from the first few minutes of the season premiere)? Someone in one of my newsgroups called this a "shark jump" of a season. If this is jumping the shark then set the tank up permanently.

"If You Love Me, Why Am I Dyin'?" picks up where the last episode left off, with Eric confused (and semi-clothed) at the side of the road. When he pops fang at Sookie's enticing fairy smell she loses patience and drives off. She doesn't go far, though, before she stops to look back. Next thing we know Eric is grabbing at her through the driver's side window. Sookie runs, although I have no idea why she thinks that will help. Eric catches up with her effortlessly, at which point she punches him, breaking his nose. Suddenly Eric is even more confused. After some prompting he admits he knows what he is but not who he is and that he vaguely remembers a witch casting a spell on him but that's about it.

Being a basically decent person Sookie agrees to help him if he'll agree that he will neither touch nor bite her. He can live with that. She doesn't tell him it's actually his house when she takes him back to her place but that's a minor detail. Then again she later demands to be paid for her trouble so I guess a little fib isn't so bad. Either way her actions don't endear me to Sookie. While expecting to be paid for helping Eric is understandable on the one hand it's also ~~kind of~~ incredibly tacky. Talk about taking advantage of someone in trouble (of course book Sookie resented having to let a Katrina victim temporarily move in so maybe I should rethink that "basically decent" label).

There are a couple of points worth mentioning in the scenes with Eric. For one, Sookie washes Eric's feet, which I find rather odd and out of character (is Alan Ball going for some kind of biblical allusion here? And either way--why?) Although I thought it was cute that Eric was ticklish. And the way he suddenly tells her she's beautiful...sigh. It might have gone further if Pam didn't choose that moment to barge in (Sookie had called her earlier). Not only does Eric not recognize Pam but he throws her into the next room for threatening Sookie (all you see is his arm lashing out and her going flying). He then orders Pam to be nice. What made Pam get threatening was Sookie suggesting she might tell Bill about the situation. Pam believes that Eric is in serious danger and that Bill set him up with the coven in order to have an excuse to get the AVL (American Vampire League--the public face of The Authority) to sign off on assassinating Eric. So Sookie has to keep Eric hidden and can't tell anybody. It's at this point Sookie demands to get paid, which is how that's settled.

Sookie also tells Eric he "fang raped" her, meaning he bit her without her permission, which I thought was a nifty turn of phrase. It did ruin the moment for Eric, though, who was beaming at finding out that he'd tasted Sookie.

The coven that caused all the trouble in the first place, meanwhile, alternates between anger and panic. Tara is pissed at Lafayette because she's been in town only two hours and she's already been attacked by a vampire. Lafayette is terrified because Eric can and probably will kill them all. The other coven members, whether out of arrogance or ignorance, are angry at Eric in particular and vampires in general for thinking they can control humans. And Marni still has no idea what she did to Eric to make him leave.

No one seems too concerned about humans controlling vampires, though. Steve Newlin's anti-vampire brigade have taken to provoking and entrapping vampires then catching the results on video (side note: apparently Steve Newlin has been missing for six months). One such hapless vampire goes to see Bill about what happened. Bill agrees it is entrapment but it's also forbidden by The Authority to be caught on film feeding on humans. He has the vamp taken away to be put to death.

Strangely no one seems too concerned about our missing persons, either. Andy is looking for Jason and Bill is trying to get in touch with Eric, but both are annoyed rather than worried, believing that Jason and Eric are just avoiding them and/or shirking responsibility. Andy's more concerned about needing help with his worsening V addiction than where Jason might be.

I'm even less impressed with Bill this episode than I was last time. Hooking up with Katerina while Sookie (his big love, supposedly) was missing was bad enough. Hooking up with Katerina after Sookie turns up alive and well was pretty questionable. But starting a friends-with-benefits relationship with Portia Bellefleur days after Sookie's return is just stupid. Is he that desperate to get laid? Shouldn't he be trying to win Sookie back since she indicated it was a possibility? I did find it interesting that in the heat of things Bill didn't bite Portia; is that because he cares about her too much or not enough?

Back to Sookie for a moment. After getting Eric settled in the sleeping nook he built in her house (it's actually a pretty nice room) she goes to see Alcide. At first it seems like she's just there to catch up but within minutes she's asking him to take care of Eric. WTF? Did she miss what Pam said about Eric being in danger and not to let anyone know where he is? This scene seems out of place and I suspect it was only thrown in to reintroduce Alcide, as well as Debbie who looks much less skanky and is now living with Alcide (surprise, Sookie!) Debbie claims she's clean and is apologetic for everything she did. Sookie reluctantly accepts her apology and then leaves amid much awkwardness, telling Alcide not to worry about the situation with Eric.

Trying to deal with the problem of Eric his own way Lafayette gets the bright idea to go to Fangtasia and beg for mercy. Pam is not impressed. Enraged for what he's done to her maker she drags him to the basement (where he was locked up way back in season 2). Luckily for him Tara and Jesus guessed what he was up to and show up with a gun full of wooden bullets. They try to make a deal, offering to reverse the spell if Pam and Eric will leave them alone. Pam gives them 24 hours to bring Marni to her or she will personally "eat, fuck and kill" all three of them. Pam is definitely in the running for best vampire ever.

Speaking of Marni, she's at home trying to invoke the spirit that came to her when she cursed Eric. Getting increasingly desperate she cuts herself (as a sacrifice) and begs the spirit to come. Finally she slashes herself badly, although whether it's intentional isn't clear. As she goes to the sink to clean up we see the spirit has been there all along, sitting silently, watching. I wonder if she'll get involved when Tara, Lafayette and Jesus show up looking for Marni.

In other happenings, Jason remains tied up in Hotshot, bitten, bruised and feverish. As the shifters tell an interesting tale of the first panthers, Crystal and Felton are happy to see their efforts at turning Jason are working. Jason has zero interest in fathering baby panthers, being more preoccupied with surviving. He begs Crystal to help him and she responds by telling him he's not dying--he's being reborn. She then gives him what Jason assumes is medicine but turns out to be "Mexican" Viagra. Once the drugs start working Crystal gets busy making a baby, much to Jason's chagrin. He calls her every name in the book but she's lost in her own world and doesn't hear (or care). The weirdest part about this scene? Why are there kids in the room watching?

Jessica and Hoyt continue to have problems--at least until Jessica glamours Hoyt and makes him forget all about them. I wonder how many times she's already done that. It's still not entirely clear whether those two really love each other or whether they love the idea of loving each other. More intriguing to me is the new storyline involving a creepy doll that keeps turning up at their place, even after Jessica threw it in the lake. Yes! I don't want to know the person who's not excited about a creepy possessed doll storyline. Of course why Jessica decides to give the thing to Arlene's evil baby is beyond me. 'Hey, kid--enjoy this dirty, broken doll. And oh yeah, it's probably haunted too.' The shot of the baby looking eerily like the doll was a nice touch, though.

Tommy's goody goody act is coming to an end. Despite the fact that Maxine's been nothing but good to him (even if she does just want to replace Hoyt) when a prospector comes to the door offering a whole lot of money for the leasing rights to the natural gas on Maxine's land Tommy sees an opportunity to cash in. He goes to see Sam and proposes they buy Maxine's land out from under her and then make a mint on the natural gas money. Sam is disgusted and tells Tommy that if he doesn't tell Maxine about the man's offer that Sam will. So much for regaining each other's trust.

The episode ends with Sookie sitting at home trying to read (after discovering that Eric is gone). Suddenly a flash of light draws her outside where Claudine tries to convince her to return to the fairy realm. Claudine claims the fairies are Sookie's true family and that only they can keep her safe from the vampires. When Sookie doesn't budge Claudine orders her to come with her. Yeah, that'll work. Just as Sookie snaps at Claudine to stay away from her, Eric lunges out of nowhere and bites Claudine. He's gluttonous as he drinks and doesn't stop until Claudine is dead (I don't like that the fairies are so ugly on the show). As Sookie looks on in horror Eric apologizes.

I love Eric like this--we get to see a deeper side of him for the first time and not just the vampire persona. Sadly it won't last so I'd might as well enjoy it while I can. The subplots are also interesting this season (other than Arlene's baby) and a bit more subtlety is being utilized (thank the TV gods). All I know is that for the first time since season 1 I'm actually excited to see each episode. As far as I'm concerned True Blood is back.

Fang Files

Appearance: Pale humans with red-rimmed eyes and long snakelike fangs that descend at will (and sometimes simply due to excitement).

Strengths: Super speed & strength. Heightened senses. Fast healing. Ability to glamour humans.

Weaknesses: Tasty fairy blood. Wooden bullets/stakes. Daylight/sun.

Mythology: All vampires answer to The Authority, a mysterious governing body with an unknown agenda. Vampire blood (V) is a highly addictive, illegal and unpredictable drug. Vampires need an invitation into a private residence.

Sound Bites

Sookie: You know perfectly well why I smell...the way I smell.
Eric: Like wheat...and honey and sunlight.

Eric: I know I'm a vampire, Snookie.
Sookie: It's Sookie.

Vampire: So I'm being punished now for being what I am?
Bill: No. You're being punished for being stupid.

Jessica: I hate my life.
Bill: Jess...vamp up.

Andy: God grant me...the serenity...fuck it. [grabs for vial of V]

Sookie: You just killed my fairy godmother!
Eric: Sorry.

True Blood, Season 4 Episode 3 "If You Love Me, Why Am I Dyin'?" Written by Alan Ball. Directed by David Petrarca. From HBO.

True Blood S4 E2 "You Smell Like Dinner"

2011-07-06T13:43:00.021-04:00

Spoilers Ahead

"You Smell Like Dinner" gives a good sense of where Season 4 is going, and that mostly seems to be along the lines of the books (or at least one of them, which fortunately happens to be my favourite one of the series, Dead to the World). And what isn't from the books seems equally promising. Oh yes, this is going to be a good season.

We start off finding out the fate of Jason after he was locked into a chest freezer last episode. He wakes up tied to a bed, guarded by a couple of the kids who put him in the freezer in the first place. Just as he convinces them to help him escape who should storm in but Felton, last seen making off with Jason's beloved Crystal and a ton of V. He's not too happy to see Jason again and it isn't long before Jason--still helpless--is staring down the barrel of a shotgun. Maybe provoking Felton wasn't the brightest idea.

Meanwhile Sookie tries hard to get rid of Eric, who insists she needs to accept that she belongs to him. He doesn't skimp on arguments: she needs protection, he cares about her, he could take her blood anytime he wants but he isn't because he wants her to choose to be his.... Nothing proves convincing. He finally leaves but, of course, he'll be back.

While Eric is busy with Sookie, the rest of the vampires at Fangtasia are dealing with ongoing protests outside by post-Russell anti-vampire fanatics. The vampires are careful to leave the protesters alone (particularly since they come equipped with recording devices) but when one of them calls Hoyt a fangbanger and continues to insult him it's pretty much inevitable a fight is going to break out. Frustrated, Pam and Jessica can only stand by and watch.

Bill is discussing with witch Katerina what happened at the coven. He tells her it's time to get out (she was infiltrating the coven for him) right before he brings her into his bed. Bill sleeping with someone else saddens me. He really did give up on Sookie while she was trapped in the fairy realm, but even now that he knows she's alive he continues to help himself to someone else. So much for Sookie being the love of his life (yes, yes, I know sex and love are not the same thing but if you love someone and want to win them back I don't think sleeping with another person is going to help your cause or prove your sincerity).

I think Bill agrees with me because when Sookie shows up to ask him for help with Eric he looks somewhat abashed as Sookie sees what he's been up to. She's also trying to come to grips with the unexpected news that Bill is king. But king or not he can't do anything about her Eric problem. He gives her the somewhat lame excuse that Eric has friends in high places but promises he'll try to help. Meanwhile he suggests Sookie take refuge with another human. Sookie is less than impressed. She's also a little mean when she asks Bill how he became king and then tells him to forget it--every time she ever found out anything new about him she ended up wishing she hadn't. Sookie's got a mean streak in the books too, which makes me wonder how she can be so judgmental about the vampires and other non-human creatures. She might try to be all sunshine and Southern charm but inside she's just as much a monster as any of the creatures she scorns.

But her question does prompt a flashback, taking us to 1982 London and Bill's stint as a punk. I have to say that punk does not work for Bill unlike, say, Buffy's Spike.

Bill Compton (top) and William the Bloody

For one thing, a leather jacket and spiky hair do not a punk make. For another, Bill just isn't believable as a punk--unlike Spike who fits the persona perfectly (you can totally believe that Billy Idol copied his look rather than the other way around). Lastly--and weirdly--even though Stephen Moyer is English, Bill's English accent seems forced and somewhat fake. Not sure how American James Marsters beat the Brit in terms of accent but it might be best if True Blood avoids any more flashbacks to the 1970s or 80s.

Anyway, back to the scene itself--we find out that Nan Flanagan has been watching Bill for a while and appreciates that he doesn't kill his victims. She tells him a group of vampire scientists (including Louis Pasteur) are working on a blood substitute that would allow vampires to come out to the world and mainstream. Since there's no way the kings and queens will support coming out, Nan recruits Bill to infiltrate the Louisiana monarchy and plant the seeds of dischord from within (other vampires are doing the same elsewhere).

Back to the present, Sam seems to be in a better mood this week. This could be due to his burgeoning romance with shifter Luna or to a new commitment with Tommy to try to trust each other and be brothers again. Luna is an intriguing character. She's part Navajo and she tells Sam and the other shifters in their group that she grew up hearing stories of "skinwalkers," basically shifters who can turn into other people. According to legend shifters can only accomplish this if they kill another member of their family who is also a shifter. As it happens, Luna's mom died having her so she's got this rare ability. We haven't seen her use it yet but this could get interesting.

Sookie finally meets Arlene's devil baby and makes the mistake of saying the baby has an old soul. Of course Arlene flips out. Later when she's looking at the baby and a blood vessel bursts in her eye she really gets her crazy on. Who would have thought Terry would be the voice of reason and sanity?

When Sookie returns home she hallucinates a pack of fairies attacking her. Instead it turns out to be Tara. At first I thought it might be a fairy in Tara form but I'm fairly positive it actually is Tara, who apparently does care, after all (it seems she just doesn't want her girlfriend to know anything about her). As they enter Sookie's house, Sookie finds gifts from Eric, a carafe of blood in the fridge, and (my personal favourite) an armoire that hides a sleeping spot for a vampire. Sookie's enraged but I think it's funny. You've got to admit Eric's got style.

It's interesting to see Eric clash with Bill now that Bill is his superior. After a cursory attempt at getting Eric to give back Sookie's house or sell it to him (Eric won't), Bill tells Eric about the new coven in town. Eric couldn't care less until Bill mentions that the witches happen to be necromancers. Their magics control the dead, which is bad news for vampires everywhere. Eric says he'll go to the coven that night.

At this point we're treated to another flashback, this time going back to Bill's big fight with Sophie-Anne. It's clear she's going to wipe the floor with Bill--until his backup arrives equipped with guns loaded with wooden bullets. They execute Sophie-Anne and a moment later Nan Flanagan walks in and makes him king. So Bill doesn't have any special vampire abilities; he's just aligned with strong vampires. That's kind of disappointing. It looks like Bill is spending his eternal life being someone else's puppet. At least he has sense enough not to tell Nan about Sookie's fairy lineage.

Jessica and Hoyt are not doing so well, despite Hoyt's public declaration of love (maybe with a hint of protesting too much) outside Fangtasia. The next night Jessica gets offended at Hoyt's refusal to take her blood (he looks at it as a drug not a healing agent) and leaves in a huff. She's supposed to be going to the drugstore but instead heads to Fangtasia where she finds herself a tasty treat. Sookie walks in on Jessica (after visiting Pam and trying unsuccessfully to get her help with the Eric situation). Sookie tries talking to Jessica but Jess is having none of it. She tells Sookie off for hurting Bill and then turns her back on her. Wow--sucks to be Sookie.

Not as much as it sucks to be Jason, though. Just when Andy shows up in Hotshot and it looks like Jason might be catching a break, Crystal slithers into the room. She claims that Felton's got her hooked on V and that she's found a way for her and Jason to be together forever. Then she gags him so he can't call out to Andy. WTF? If Andy wasn't so messed up by V himself he might have noticed something was amiss. Instead he leaves when he's given a vial of vampire blood after Felton recognizes Andy's symptoms as a user. Once Andy is gone, Crystal and Felton return to Jason and inform him they're going to make a baby. Ew. As it happens it's Crystal's duty to propagate the species, but it just doesn't seem to be working out with half-brother/betrothed Felton (EW). So she'll use Jason and his fresh DNA to make a baby, thereby allowing them to be together forever. The catch is that to make sure they have a panther baby they've got to make Jason a panther. Which involves them shifting and biting Jason repeatedly. Okay, then. (By the way, how is it such sickly, inbred people turn into gorgeous, healthy-looking panthers?)

As for the coven, Jesus and Lafayette are having some disagreements about the nature of the resurrection spell. Lafayette is freaked but Jesus thought it was cool. He also refuses to believe there's such a thing as black magic, arguing that magic is good or evil depending entirely on the practitioner. It seems the argument is good enough for Lafayette because he and Jesus (and Tara) are back at the coven that night. This time leader Marni wants to bring a (human) body back to life. Some of the witches are horrified but some are all for it.

Suddenly Eric shows up. He offers Marni a deal that would disband the coven but also spare them. She refuses. He grabs her and bites. The other coven members start chanting. Tara tries sneaking up on Eric and he releases Marni in order to grab her. Marni starts chanting now. Within minutes Eric is frozen in place, looking shocked. His fangs retract and then he runs. Marni snaps out of her trance, unaware of what she's done. Witches--nothing but trouble.

The episode ends with Sookie driving home. Suddenly she sees Eric walking along the side of the road, shirtless (I know when I've been bewitched the first thing I want to do is start stripping!) As Sookie stops the car and starts talking to Eric it's obvious something is wrong. He seems dazed, possibly a little frightened, and he has no idea who Sookie is. But he does wonder why she smells so good.

It's the Eric amnesia storyline! And there was much rejoicing! If nothing else it should be a hell of a lot of fun watching Sookie and Eric "interact" this season. Here's to hot Vikings and reluctant fairies...

Fang Files

Appearance: Pale humans with red-rimmed eyes and long snakelike fangs that descend or retract at will.

Strengths: Super speed and strength. Ability to glamour (hypnotize) humans. Vampire blood can heal wounds. Some vampires can levitate or fly.

Weaknesses: Wooden bullets, stakes, silver, magic.

Mythology: Vampire blood (V) is a potent, addictive, and highly illegal drug with unpredictable effects. Not every vampire supported coming out to humans--many would have preferred to continue living in secret. Vampire society is strictly hierarchical. Vampires have an incredibly strong bond with their makers.

Sound Bites

Sookie: You bought my house. The house does not come with me inside it.
Eric: Well, then I seriously overpaid.

Pam: Technology's taking all the fun out of being a vampire.

Sookie: [re: Eric] Psychopathic frat boy.

Nan Flanagan: [to Bill] You'd better not be lying to me. She [Sophie-Anne] did and look what happened to her.

Pam: [to Sookie] With what you are, Fairy Princess, you need to be somebody's or you won't be at all.

True Blood, Season 4 Episode 2 "You Smell Like Dinner." Written by Brian Buckner. Directed by Scott Winant. From HBO.

Charlaine Harris in Toronto

2011-06-30T12:03:00.009-04:00

Before I get into the details I want to give a quick wave to all the Blood Lines readers in the US, Canada, Germany, the UK, France, Australia, Italy, Romania, the Philippines, and Denmark! According to the metrics those are the top ten countries in terms of my readership. Hi, guys (and also hallo, alright?, allo, g'day, ciao, salut, kumusta ka?, and hej)--and thanks/danke/cheers/merci/ta/grazie/mulţumesc/salamat/tak!

But wherever you're from if you happen to be in Toronto on 18 July, stop by the Indigo bookstore at the Eaton Centre at 7 pm, where Charlaine Harris will be talking about and signing copies of her new book, Dead Reckoning. (By the way, you can read the first chapter of the book here.)

Harris will also be attending her first Canadian convention at Polaris on July 15 to 17, where she'll be signing autographs, reading, participating in Q & A and attending the blastoff party. Polaris is being held at the Sheraton Parkway Toronto North Hotel and you can find out more info about it here.

Besides Charlaine Harris other vampire-friendly guests attending Polaris include: Meaghan Rath (Sally, Being Human US); Armin Shimerman (Principal Snyder, Buffy); Adam Baldwin (Marcus Hamilton, Angel, but more importantly--Firefly's Jayne!); Melinda Clarke (Kelly Donovan, The Vampire Diaries); and authors Kelley Armstrong, Karen Dales, Keith R.A. DeCandido, and Nikki Stafford.

Maybe I'll see you there...

True Blood Season 4 Premiere "She's Not There"

2011-06-28T12:56:00.015-04:00

Spoilers Ahead

It's back, baby! I have to admit I wasn't looking forward to season 4 of True Blood. The show seems to have been going downhill since season 1 (and last season was a major disappointment). The sneak peek of the season premiere did nothing to convince me otherwise. And it's true--the beginning of "She's Not There" pretty much sucks. But the rest of the episode more than makes up for it. Eric fans: prepare to do a happy dance (Bill fans too, for that matter). I have a feeling season 4 might be the best one yet.

If you remember the season 3 finale, Sookie had just had enough. In a moment of weakness and despair she followed Claudine to the fairy realm. Once there she sees that there are plenty of other humans, including Barry the bellboy and her long-lost Grandpa Earl, whom Sookie last saw when she was seven but who swears he's only been in the fairy realm a few hours. Sookie also notices that the fairies are feeding the people "light" fruit. Sensing something's amiss she refuses to eat any herself and then announces (telepathically, although everyone hears her) that it's a trap. Well, that didn't last long. Mab, queen of the fairies, shows up then, acting all creepy and insistent. Sookie pushes her away with a flash of light and suddenly it all turns ugly--literally. The luminescent fairy realm becomes a hideous place devoid of colour. The formerly beautiful fairies are now, well, not so much. Sookie tells Granddad to run and everyone scatters, with the fairies lobbing deadly balls of light at Sookie.

Why did I hate this scene so much? It's predictable, over the top, cheesy (the fairy attack reminded me of some bad B movie--or maybe a segment from an early episode of Star Trek). The dialogue and acting are awful. It's a disappointing departure from the fairies in the books. And Sookie grated on my nerves until my skin crawled. If this was what season 4 was going to be like I was happy to skip it entirely. Luckily things start improving as soon as Sookie gets back to the human plane (with the help of a fairy who disagrees with Mab's policies).

Once back Sookie returns to her house only to find it crawling with workers. Workers who don't realize she lives there. Given what happened with Granddad's time perception it's pretty clear that Sookie's been gone long enough that this is no longer her house. Responding to a call about the crazy lady who invaded the house, the police arrive. Only the police is Jason (in full uniform) and he is amazed to see Sookie. It turns out that although it felt like ten or fifteen minutes to her she's been gone from Bon Temps more than a year and was presumed dead by vampire. (By the way, this fast forwarded timeline is a good plot device to finally get Sookie's house fixed after all it went through in past seasons. It also works perfectly for progressing the story; finding out how things have changed is half the fun.) Because he'd given up on her Jason sold the house to a real estate company (anyone want to hazard a guess as to who owns said company?)

Jason claims he believes Sookie's story of being in the fairy realm, but he doesn't stop laughing until she gives him the watch Granddad gave her to give to Jason. As Jason ponders this latest paradigm shift Sookie realizes it's getting dark. She steps out onto the porch and a moment later Bill arrives. Let me just take a moment to say that Bill looks good this season. Really good. I think it's the hair. In any case he's amazed and ecstatic that Sookie is back and safe. It seems he still loves her and, although it's been only a short while (for her) since she discovered his betrayal, she seems to be softening a little toward him.

An instant after Bill's arrival Eric shows up (he's looking particularly good this episode as well). There's an amusing bit where he and Bill bicker at each other but Bill finally tells Eric he has to leave. Funny enough Eric does as he's told. Since when does Eric follow Bill's orders? Hold that thought. Before Eric goes, though, he makes sure Sookie knows that he was the only one--including Bill--who didn't give up on her and who believed she was still alive. Interesting.

After Eric leaves the next to arrive is Andy Bellefleur. Instead of being relieved that Sookie is okay after all, he starts yelling at her for the effort they wasted investigating her disappearance and trying to find her. He also blames her for costing him some kind of 'safe community' award. He only calms down a little when Bill announces that Sookie was on "secret vampire business" for him and offers to repay the cost of the search as long as Andy publicly clears Bill's name. After Andy gets back into his car, Jason joins him and we find out the reason for Andy's irrational behaviour. It seems the former alcoholic is now a V user. And Jason's the one trying to keep him in line. A lot really has changed in Bon Temps!

And not just in Bon Temps, either. It turns out Tara is living in New Orleans where she goes by the name Toni, fights other women in cage matches, and is dating a chick. Well, she did say she wanted a whole new life. The problem is she seems to have cut Bon Temps out entirely. She doesn't even care when Lafayette texts her to tell her Sookie is alive (and she lies to her girlfriend about it). Not good.

In other news, Jesus convinces Lafayette to give a group of witches (which he insists is not a coven--but what else would you call them?) a try to help him develop his newfound magical abilities. One witch freaks Lafayette out after she channels vampire Eddie. The same witch freaks me out later when she brings her familiar back from the dead with what sounds like a rather unpleasant spell. The familiar (a bird) doesn't live long but strangely enough the witch still seems elated about her success. Hmm.

Hoyt and Jessica are living together and apparently the honeymoon is over. Jessica is still trying to hold on to the "normal" life she claims she wants but it's clearly just a matter of time before the whole thing implodes. Pity. As for Hoyt's mama, Maxine, after failing to kill Jessica she's apparently moved on and decided to adopt Sam's brother, Tommy. It's funny but bizarre to see formerly badass Tommy saying grace and playing dutiful son. But hey, maybe that's what he needs.

Sam, meanwhile, is paying for Tommy's physical therapy after shooting him in the leg. He's also taking part in anger management. Not sure it's helping much, though--he's pissed off at Sookie for leaving the way she did and isn't afraid to show it. Oh, and Sam's "anger management" group turns out to be three other shifters who all get drunk, talk about their issues, and then shift and frolic together.

And as for my least favourite storyline of all four seasons: Arlene gave birth to Rene's baby and is still convinced the kid is evil. What evidence does she have? Well, first the baby has Rene's genes, and second he beheaded a bunch of Barbie dolls. Better try him as an adult and throw away the key.

Back to the reason we really watch True Blood.... There's an interesting part in the episode where Eric--looking particularly pale and otherworldly--talks into the camera for a Nan Flanagan pro-vampire PR piece. The scene cuts to Bill, who is acting every bit the politician at a ribbon-cutting ceremony for a seniors home. He also looks surprisingly human--has he been hitting the bronzer? The scene keeps cutting between the two of them as they talk: two sides of one coin. It's strangely unsettling.

One quibble I have with this episode (besides the beginning) is Portia Bellefleur. As Andy's sister she should be--at best--what could be called a "handsome" woman. Instead she looks like a movie ingenue. Does everyone (or at least every female under 60) on this show have to be completely stunning? It's not the least bit believable that this girl is Andy's sister. Fail. Incidentally she also has designs on Bill and isn't too fond of Sookie.

The episode ends on three interesting notes:

First, Jason is actually taking care of Hotshot and it's clearly wearing him out. Still he seems to be a good provider. So why do a bunch of the kids push him into a chest freezer and lock the lid?

Second, after the witches' ritual where the bird is brought briefly back to life one of the witches goes to see Bill. Still holding that thought about why Eric did as Bill told him? Bill is King. Obviously he killed Queen Sophie-Anne and inherited her title (I guess he's also King of Mississippi, since she was Russell's widow and heir). So does that mean Bill is an incredibly powerful vampire since he managed to best a thousand-plus-year-old vamp? That would explain why no one (Eric, for example) has challenged him. I wonder if any of this will be explained. In the meantime, from what we see of Bill in his lair he doesn't seem to be the humble ruler we would have expected.

Lastly, as Sookie is at home getting ready for bed (and having removed all her clothing) Eric is suddenly there. She rescinded his invitation in the last episode but she doesn't own the house anymore. In fact, he does. He tells her that he knew if he owned the house then he would own her. The episode ends with Eric declaring that Sookie is his and popping fang. Nice. I think this might have been the perfect ending to the episode (and beginning for the season).

I went from dreading season four to eagerly anticipating it. I say forget the fairies, never mind the secondary characters and storylines--let's focus just on the vampires. We all know that's were the real fun is.

Fang Files

Appearance: Pale humans with red-rimmed eyes and long snakelike fangs that descend or retract at will.

Strengths: Super speed, strength. Ability to sense humans who have consumed their blood.

Weaknesses: Sunlight.

Mythology: Vampire society is organized according to a strict hierarchy. Vampire blood (V) is a potent and unpredictable drug. A vampire needs an invitation to enter a private home and must leave if the invitation is rescinded.

Sound Bites

Eric: [to Sookie] Apparently I have to go. But understand this: everyone who claims to love you--your friends, your brother, even Bill Compton--they all gave up on you. I. Never. Did.

Lafayette: [about the magic shop] Smells like where old air fresheners go to die.

Interviewer: And do human families have anything to fear with vampire-owned businesses in their community?
Pam: No.
[pause]
Interviewer: Can you elaborate on that?
Pam: Human families have nothing to fear with vampire-owned businesses in their community.

Eric: Sookie, you...are...mine.

True Blood, Season 4 Premiere "She's Not There." Written by Alexander Woo. Directed by Michael Lehmann. From HBO.

The President's Vampire by Christopher Farnsworth

2011-06-13T22:12:00.018-04:00

Spoilers Ahead

If you've read my review of Christopher Farnsworth's first Nathaniel Cade novel, Blood Oath, then you know how much I loved it and how I couldn't wait to read the sequel, The President's Vampire. I was not disappointed. Well, mostly, anyway--but I'll get to that later. In the meantime let me say that TPV is just as well-written and compelling as Blood Oath. In fact it left me kind of wishing real life were like these books (I don't know if that says more about me or Farnsworth's writing skills)!

The big bad this time around is lizard people, or "Snakeheads," as they're called. Not only are they unnaturally strong and vicious but they keep evolving at an accelerated rate. But the really scary thing about Snakeheads is that they're created via virus--even minor contact with them can turn a human into a mindless killing machine (if they aren't turned into dinner first). Since Cade can barely handle one Snakehead at a time they're no small threat.

As with Blood Oath the fun doesn't stop there. Farnsworth weaves in the enigmatic Shadow Company; political conspiracies; H.P. Lovecraft; the occult (bonus points for the use of "Book," "Bell," and "Candle" as character names); espionage; and a lot more of Cade's frenemy-with-benefits, vampire Tanya. Zach is given a bigger role, as well, and the gradual cementing of his relationship with Cade is one of the highlights of the book. Speaking of Zach's relationships, he also finally gets to hook up (check out the end of chapter 14). The author does a great job with this scene--it's neither sappy nor clinical; there are no cheesy euphemisms in sight; and I didn't feel the need to roll my eyes once. Not an easy feat to pull off--well done. I was a little disappointed, however, that Cade's nemesis, Johann Konrad, didn't make an appearance, but leaving him out was the right thing to do from a storytelling perspective. It would get fairly dull if Konrad were featured in every book.

One aspect of Farnsworth's writing that merits further kudos are the glimpses into the minds of even minor characters, good, bad and neutral. Too often a character is killed off and the reader doesn't notice or care because they were so minor and/or one-dimensional. In the Cade novels you can empathize with these characters because you get to know them. It's interesting that a writer with such an impressive grasp of human intellect and emotion has created a protagonist with no emotions or humanity. Maybe that's why he's been so successful at inventing a unique monster amid a veritable sea of them.

Unfortunately Farnsworth and TPV did suffer from a major liability: monumentally bad timing. The book begins with Cade in 2001 tracking down and killing Osama Bin Laden. I cringed as I read this only a few days after Bin Laden's highly publicized death in real life. This is why writers should hesitate to include current events as part of their fiction. For me anyway, it destroys suspension of disbelief and takes me out of the story, not a place I want to be as a reader. The discrepancy kept needling me until I finally decided to pretend that the recently killed Bin Laden was actually a double. Not a perfect solution but it sufficed. At least I could go on to enjoy the rest of the book.

Cade prevails in the end (although he had me wondering). There are a few surprises along the way and a really satisfying conclusion. And once again I'm left waiting anxiously for the next Nathaniel Cade novel. At least I'm confident that it'll be worth the wait.

Fang Files

Appearance: Very pale human with long, needlelike fangs that are visible when mouth is open or smiling. Vampires don't breathe or sweat.

Strengths: Ability to jump great heights. Ability to move silently. Skin is tougher than Kevlar weave. Can ignore pain. Perfect memory. Enhanced senses. Sensitive to heat and warm-blooded creatures. Can crawl head-first down a wall.

Weaknesses: The sun. Christian religious symbols (cause pain). Simple human interaction. Deep water (vampires are not great swimmers and don't float). Can't sense cold-blooded creatures.

Mythology: Vampires are sociopathic, rarely feeling or displaying emotion.

Text Bites

It had all the hallmarks of a good compromise--it didn't look like it was going to make anyone happy

Book, the first man, was older than Zach--late thirties or so. He wore his hair cropped military-short and regarded them with dark eyes and a scowl. He kept his weight forward, on the balls of his feet, and looked hard and lean. If he was a data analyst, Cade was a vegan.

Cade knew this would have to be handled delicately. "You're being an idiot," he said.

The President's Vampire by Christopher Farnsworth. From Putnam.

Breaking Dawn Official Trailer

2011-06-10T16:17:00.003-04:00

True Blood Season 4 Sneak Peek

2011-06-08T17:15:00.003-04:00

It's a trap! They're harvesting humans! Yeah...I really wish the show had stuck with the books' depictions of the Fae.

The Vampire Diaries Season 2 Finale "As I Lay Dying"

2011-06-02T12:31:00.020-04:00

Spoilers Ahead

When I first watched the Season 2 finale I was less than impressed. Not only did it seem weak overall but it looked like the writers had chosen to blatantly disregard established TVD mythology. When I watched it again I happily discovered it wasn't nearly as bad as I'd first thought. Not that it was great, mind you--there were a couple too many convenient plot points and a new addition to the mythology that came out of nowhere. But it was okay. And for those of us itching to see Damon finally win Elena it was pretty damn good. The problem is what's going to happen when those two aren't onscreen?

"As I Lay Dying" starts at Elena's with a surprise visit from Damon. He offers her a heartfelt apology and (knowing he doesn't have a lot of time left) says he needs her forgiveness. Elena doesn't know about the werewolf bite so she doesn't accept his apology, pouting that she needs more time. Lots more time. Am I wrong in thinking Elena is making way too big a deal about this? So he fed her his blood without her permission--there are far worse things in the world. Not to mention that he did whatever he could to try to make it right and that it ended up working out in the end. But Damon is far more understanding about it than I am; he accepts her refusal to forgive and tells her to take all the time she needs.

When Damon gets home, though, it seems he might have less time than we anticipated. He has a drink, opens the drapes, stands in the sunlight for a moment, takes off his ring, and starts burning. Good thing Stefan's there to save Damon from himself. He manages to wrest Damon into the basement cell and lock him in. Stefan swears he's going to find some kind of cure for the bite but Damon is less than impressed. He's getting sicker by the minute and has resolved himself to dying.

After calling Alaric over to watch Damon, Stefan meets up with Bonnie at the witch burial ground to consult the spirits for a cure. The dead witches are getting tired of Bonnie's demands (I can't say I blame them) but although they refuse to help her she still gets a flash of the answer. Surprise, it's Klaus! Good thing they failed to kill him.

Speaking of the were-vampire, he's spent two days in the woods as a wolf while Elijah watched over him and cleaned up his 'messes' (read: corpses). Klaus is pleased that he can turn into a wolf at will not least because it makes him invincible. Elijah only cares about seeing the rest of their family. Klaus assures him he'll take him to them soon.

The young folks, meanwhile, decide to celebrate their continued survival with a day of normalcy, i.e., watching a screening of Gone with the Wind in the town square (I like how the teens keep trying to have "one normal day." You'd think they'd just give up already). Caroline is in perky cheerleader mode when they first meet up, which is as bizarre as it is infinitely annoying. I really hope she doesn't revert back to her season one persona; I only just stopped grinding my teeth every time she appeared onscreen. At least the movie provides an interesting visual background to the various scenes that take place around it.

Stefan and Bonnie soon join the others and Stefan takes Elena aside to finally tell her about the werewolf bite. He says he owes it to Damon to find him a cure so he's going to see Klaus but if Elena wants to talk to Damon she really shouldn't wait. Maybe she should have forgiven him when she had the chance. Just saying. At this point (still locked up) Damon has started hallucinating both Katherine and Elena.

Stefan starts his search for Klaus at Alaric's. He finds Katherine there still trapped there. She's been waiting two days to find out what happened and she's not happy about it. But they don't have a lot of time to discuss it because Klaus and Elijah walk in. Convenient timing, don't you think? Stefan announces that he needs Klaus's help but Klaus responds that he has a prior obligation to reunite his own brother with their family. That's when he stabs Elijah with one of the special daggers that work on Originals. Hmm--I thought any supernatural creature that used the dagger would die along with the Original (didn't they make a big deal about that and how John tried to get Damon killed that way?) And since Klaus must have done the same thing to the rest of his family you can't use being a hybrid as an excuse for why he's apparently immune to the dagger's dual effect. Big ugly hole in the story there, guys.

Anyway, Klaus then stakes Stefan, pushing the point of the stake right up against Stefan's heart. Stefan saves himself by offering to do whatever Klaus wants if he'll give Damon the cure. Klaus removes the stake but also accuses Stefan of being too "domesticated" to be of any use to him. He reminisces about Stefan's past as a "true ripper" and claims that's the vampire he can make a deal with. I'm not sure why Klaus would even want to work with Stefan, ripper or not--surely he could find a more amenable sidekick.

Plot hole number two comes when Klaus shows Stefan the cure. He partially wolfs out and bites Katherine. Then he reverts to his vampire form and bites himself before feeding his blood to Katherine. Miraculously the bite heals! But wait--Rose's bite also initially healed, which is why she and Damon believed fatal werewolf bites were a myth. Only later did the wound return and start killing her. So Stefan accepting the instant healing of Katherine's bite as a cure is short-sighted, to say the least. It's also sloppy writing and editing. Moving on--after filling a bottle with his blood Klaus tells Stefan he'll give it to Damon if Stefan goes on a decade-long bender with him (is it just me or does Klaus really need some buddies to hang out with?) He then starts feeding Stefan bags of human blood to encourage the return of the "ripper."

The complications continue when Acting Mayor Carol Lockwood goes to see Sheriff Liz and reams her out for not showing any results on the town's vampire issue. She threatens to hire someone else to do the job if Liz can't handle it. Of course Liz can't have that. What I find impressive about this scene is that women are running the town. That's got to be a first, onscreen and off. Way to go, TVD!

As Alaric watches over Damon (who first tries to goad Alaric into killing him, then begs him to do it) Liz shows up with a couple of deputies. After grabbing Elena on the doorstep they proceed to lock Alaric in one room while they go after Damon. He's looking harmlessly unconscious in his cell but when Liz enters the room he knocks her out and runs. Alaric calls Jeremy and fills him in on the situation, prompting Jeremy to go looking for Elena. A short while later Damon is in the town square hallucinating Katherine again. Jeremy finds him and helps him stumble to The Grill (which looks completely deserted so how did Jeremy get in?)

Somehow Liz catches up with them (what--it was only a blow to the head--I'm sure she can still move just as fast as Damon). As she points her gun at Damon he notices and gets out of the way. Jeremy, who was behind Damon, ends up with a bullet to the chest. Here's where things get iffy again. A moment later Bonnie and Caroline show up and start panicking. Caroline is reassured that Jeremy is wearing his resurrection ring but Bonnie pipes up that it won't work because "she" (that is, Liz) is human. Huh? Since when does the ring not work if the person doing the killing is human? True, every instance I can think of when the ring was put to use involved a supernatural being killing the ring-wearer but was it ever actually articulated as one of the rules? I don't remember anyone ever saying that the ring won't work under those circumstances. It might be a legit addition to the mythology but to bring it up out of the blue the way they did is lame. No, scratch that, it's Lame. Anyway, Caroline tries giving Jeremy some of her blood but he's gone. Just as Alaric shows up Bonnie realizes what she has to do. She and Alaric grab him and head to the witch burial ground. Sigh. After tears and pleading and general melodrama (including a warning from the witches that there will be consequences) Jeremy returns to the land of the living. And there was much rejoicing.

When Caroline gets the call that Jeremy is okay she and her mom are relieved, although Liz is also pretty damn confused. At this point Caroline gives a heartwarming speech about not wanting to lie to her mom anymore and not wanting them to be afraid of each other. At one point she even reassures Liz that she's still her little girl. First of all, ugh. What teenager would ever say such a thing? Secondly, if that's true then what are all the vampires complaining about not being human anymore? If you remain exactly the same person after being turned then what's the difference? Why not turn everyone? Why would some people (*cough*Elena) be so adamant about not wanting to become vampires? As far as I'm concerned this scene is a big fat fail and is clearly indicative of writers who don't get the concept of vampires or the show's own mythology. If this is how it's going to be with Caroline then they'd might as well not have turned her.

Meanwhile Elena has managed to break out of the sheriff's office and she and Damon find each other in the town square (this is one of those instances of a good use of the movie in the background: Elena and Damon meet as Atlanta's in flames). Unfortunately Damon is hallucinating again and thinks Katherine is offering him her blood. He bites Elena but she manages to get through to him before too much damage is done. Somehow Elena manages to get Damon back to his place, where she promises to stay with him until the end.

Back to Klaus for a moment. Satisfied that Stefan is well on his way to falling off the wagon, Klaus compels Katherine to take the bottle of his blood to Damon and come right back. Of course Katherine can no longer be compelled after sneaking vervain so she's out of there as soon as she's released. Stefan is devastated knowing she'll never take the cure to Damon.

Knowing he's going to die (and convinced there is no cure) Damon shares a few deathbed confessions with Elena, among them that he was wrong to blame Stefan for turning him and that he deserves to die. Elena finally forgives him. He also tells her that he loves her. Elena then surprises us by kissing Damon. Is it out of pity? Are there any romantic feelings behind it? There's no chance to analyze because a moment later Katherine has arrived with the cure (she figured she owed Damon one). Right away Elena's all about Stefan again. Katherine informs them that Stefan gave himself over to Klaus to pay for the cure and not to expect him anytime soon. Katherine also brings up the intriguing possibility of Elena loving both brothers. Those boys really should just learn to share. But in any case Damon is all better and now he and Elena have ample time to get to know each other without Stefan being underfoot.

Speaking of Stefan, we next see him and Klaus at a warehouse where Klaus is sealing Elijah into a coffin and putting him into long-term storage. Stefan gets a text from Elena saying Damon's okay and asking where Stefan is. He doesn't respond but he does tell Klaus that he won't be seeing Katherine again. But Klaus already knew she was on vervain and he's not concerned, confident she won't get far. Before he and Stefan take the next step and leave town, however, Klaus needs to be sure that Stefan's truly on board. So he brings out a frightened (teenage) girl. She tries to run. Stefan chases her down and drains her. As he's doing this there's some really odd, shaky camera work (reminiscent of The Blair Witch Project). If this is supposed to symbolize the staggering shift as Stefan crosses over to the dark side it's a really poor choice. It just looks amateurish.

The episode ends with Jeremy. Apparently he's been feeling "weird" ever since he was resurrected. Suddenly he hears something and heads downstairs to investigate. OMG--it's Anna and Vicky! Meh. I suppose they couldn't have Jeremy be an ordinary boy anymore so now he sees dead people (well, dead vampires). Woo hoo. Not loving this new twist, particularly in light of Elena also having come back from the dead yet suffering no such after-effects. And Jeremy, John, and Alaric have all come back from the dead before via their resurrection rings so why the drama now? I think what the producers should really do is kill off most of the characters and give Damon his own show. Now that would be worth watching.

Although it wasn't horrible TVD's season 2 finale was generally mediocre. Aside from the potential between Damon and Elena none of the setups for next season are particularly compelling. I have the feeling Stefan won't be with Klaus for too long and then it'll be a whole lot more melodrama over his human-blood addiction. Usually season finales leave you wanting more and wondering how you're going to make it through the break. This time I'm simply not that bothered. Pity.

Fang Files

Appearance: Pale human until the vampire emerges, then dark/red eyes, dark facial veins, prominent fangs.

Strengths: Super strength and speed. Ability to compel humans (Originals can also compel other vampires).

Weaknesses: Werewolf bites, sunlight (unless in possession of a daywalker ring), stakes. Originals can be "killed" by a specific dagger dipped in the ashes of a particular tree (but they only remain dead as long as the dagger is in their heart). Vervain (although some of the vampires dose themselves with it in order to build up an immunity as well as to reap its benefits, such as preventing compulsion).

Mythology: Once invited into a home vampires apparently have no compunction about coming and going whenever they please. Klaus's blood is the cure for a werewolf bite. Vampire blood is healing to humans.

Sound Bites

Damon: [delirious] Elena?
Alaric: Elena's not here, Damon.

Damon: I know you love Stefan. That it will always be Stefan. But I love you. You should know that.
Elena: I do.

Katherine: He [Stefan] just sacrificed everything to save his brother. Including you. It's a good thing you have Damon to keep you company. Goodbye, Elena. Oh, it's okay to love them both; I did.

The Vampire Diaries, Season 2 Episode 22 (Season Finale) "As I Lay Dying." Written by Turi Meyer, Al Septien and Michael Narducci. Directed by John Behring. From The CW.

Read my previous Season 2 reviews:

Episode 1 "The Return"
Episode 2 "Brave New World"
Episode 3 "Bad Moon Rising"
Episode 4 "Memory Lane"
Episode 5 "Kill or Be Killed"
Episode 6 "Plan B"
Episode 7 "Masquerade"
Episode 8 "Rose"
Episode 9 "Katerina"
Episode 10 "The Sacrifice"
Episode 11 "By the Light of the Moon"
Episode 12 "The Descent"
Episode 13 "Daddy Issues"
Episode 14 "Crying Wolf"
Episode 15 "The Dinner Party"
Episode 16 "The House Guest"
Episode 17 "Know Thy Enemy"
Episode 18 "The Last Dance"
Episode 19 "Klaus"
Episode 20 "The Last Day"
Episode 21 "The Sun Also Rises"

The Vampire Diaries S2 E21 "The Sun Also Rises"

2011-05-19T14:28:00.016-04:00

Spoilers Ahead

"The Sun Also Rises" should have been the season 2 finale. Not only did it end on a better cliffhanger than the actual finale but the episode wasn't riddled with plot holes through which you could drive a semi. But I'll save my criticisms of that episode for the next review. For now we have death, despair, and Damon (that should be my new motto).

The episode starts us off back in the old Lockwood cellar, with werewolf Ty attacking a trapped Caroline and Matt. Panicking as he sees the door weakening, Matt decides to shoot Ty. Luckily this only wounds the were, but it also puts him out of commission long enough for Caroline to grab Matt and run.

Damon, meanwhile, is frustrated. He's frustrated that Katherine didn't use the vervain he gave her to resist Klaus and save Jenna from being caught and turned into a vampire. Frustrated that he can't offer himself as the vampire sacrifice in Jenna's place because of his werewolf-bite-tainted blood. And frustrated that everything's falling apart--some of it due to his actions--and there's nothing he can do about it. Damon is not having a good day.

Actually, the only person not having a bad day is Klaus (and I guess Greta) who has already started the ritual. Greta feeds Jenna blood to complete the transition to vamphood, drags in Jules (whose transformation to wolf has been slowed), and traps all three women inside rings of fire. All they need now is a psychotic were-vamp to come along and sacrifice them...oh wait, that's why Klaus is there.

Not that the gang has given up hope. Jeremy and Bonnie search for a spell that will bring Elena back from the dead but not as a vampire. Stefan and Elijah recap the plan (Bonnie will bring Klaus to the brink of death when he's at his weakest during the ritual and then Elijah will finish him off so Bonnie doesn't overdose on power and die). And somehow things manage to get even more complicated when Damon calls Stefan and tells him about Jenna. So Stefan decides to go to Klaus and offer himself as the vampire sacrifice instead of Jenna. I've never seen so many people willing to sacrifice themselves--and I'm not even sure for what.

After a whole lot of chanting and potiony type stuff, Klaus gets to the heart of the ritual--by ripping out Jules's with his bare hands (see what I did there?) This leaves Elena and Jenna, who spend their time showcasing Jenna's uselessness, bonding, and concocting futile escape plans.

At his place again Damon is starting to suffer the effects of the werewolf bite. To make matters worse, John Gilbert shows up. But hearing that Elena's about to die and come back as a vampire John volunteers for the resuscitation spell Jeremy and Bonnie have conveniently discovered. When Elena dies, John's life force will be channelled into her thus returning her to the land of the living. They're still not sure whether she'll be human or vamp but it's worth a try (Damon is angry when he hears about this, snapping that they're putting their faith in mystical mumbo jumbo. Which is somewhat ironic coming from a vampire who is intimately acquainted with the power of magic). He's even angrier when he finds out that Stefan has gone to trade himself for Jenna.

Before Stefan leaves to find Klaus, he and Elijah discuss Elijah's commitment to killing his brother. Elijah claims that Klaus hunted down their entire family one by one and scattered them "across the seas" where their bodies can't be found. He wants revenge. Satisfied Stefan leaves. Luckily he shows up at the ritual just before Klaus gets to Jenna. Klaus has a bit of fun, asking Elena to choose between Stefan and Jenna, which she refuses to do. But that's okay because she never really had a choice. Klaus breaks a stake off in Stefan's back to put him out of commission (he claims to have plans for Stefan) and turns back to Jenna. She at least makes an effort to do something useful by going after Greta. But Klaus gets to Jenna before she can do any real damage. A moment later Klaus stakes Jenna and we're done with one of the most pointless characters ever to crowd a TV screen. Sorry, Jenna fans.

After securing the non-supernatural people (John, Jeremy, Alaric) inside the house, Bonnie and Damon head out to save the day. Meanwhile, it's Elena's turn to die. She walks over to Klaus like she's going to have a chat with him about the weather; if this girl isn't suicidal I don't know who is. You'd think she'd at least put up some kind of fight after he just screwed her over by killing her aunt. (And by the way, if Damon's blood is tainted because of the werewolf bite, is the doppelganger's blood not tainted with vampire blood?) Anyway, a moment later Elena's dead and Klaus is beginning to transform.

And the cavalry arrives! Bonnie comes in working her magics while Damon breaks Greta's neck (backlit by lightning as he does it--very nice). I have to take a second to point out that the whole convoluted Luka/Martin/Greta subplot seems to have really gone nowhere; I think everything they brought to the show could have been dealt with more simply and with better results. But I digress. As Klaus writhes and screams in pain, Damon picks up Elena and takes her to Stefan, where he proceeds to remove the stake from Stefan's back. Strangely, Stefan then tells Damon to get Elena out of there because he's not leaving until he knows Klaus is dead. You'd think he'd want to be there when his girlfriend returns from the dead (couldn't Damon stay to supervise?) Looks like Elena and Stefan's big love is on the wane.

As Damon leaves with Elena, Elijah shows up. He plunges his hand into Klaus's chest, ready to pull out his heart but, of course, Klaus stops him by saying their family is still alive--he never threw them into the sea. He gives his word that he'll take Elijah to them if he spares him. With an apology to Bonnie and Stefan, Elijah grabs Klaus and takes off. Well, that's just great.

Back at the house, John is writing what turns out to be a letter to Elena. Jeremy is reading more about the resuscitation spell and discovers that when his life force channels into Elena, John will die. John knew that already, though (more with the martyrdom, although this at least seems like a sincere sacrifice). John gives Jeremy the letter for Elena, as well as his immortality ring. Just then Damon returns, laying Elena down and watching over her anxiously. Damon's love for Elena is really apparent in this scene; makes you wonder why she ever chose Stefan. While Damon gives his condolences to Alaric and Jeremy about Jenna, John walks outside. A second later Elena comes back to life (human) and John collapses. Unlike Jenna's death, I actually found John's moving. Maybe because he acted like an adult and a parent, while Jenna was just whiny and wouldn't have chosen to be there. John finally redeems himself, which is a good way to bow out, I think.

Back to Caroline and Matt--they decide to take refuge at the Lockwood mansion. I'm not sure why as Caroline can easily outrun a werewolf (even carrying Matt) and if were-Ty would go anywhere it would be to his own house, but no one said onscreen teenagers are logical. Once inside Matt admits to Caroline that he's on vervain and that her mom knows everything. Surprise, honey! Before we know it, it's morning (while it's still the middle of the night in the scenes with the other characters--the timeline is really off this episode) and Ty has returned in naked human form. Caroline immediately tends to him while Matt looks perpetually confused. Matt finally tells Caroline that he can't and doesn't want to deal with her new supernatural reality. Nice of him to leave her just when she needs him most (after ratting her out to her mom, no less). But, hey, she's still got Ty and he's definitely seeming like the better option.

The episode ends with Jenna and John's funeral, held at the Gilbert family plot (with the help of a couple of compelled gravediggers). I have to ask: did no one think to use Elijah's elixir or maybe find some spell to bring either Jenna or John back? You'd think it would have been at least worth a shot. Anyway, after the improvised service Damon walks away from the crowd. Stefan follows to give a lecture about how Elena needs them right now, at which point Damon finally tells Stefan about the werewolf bite. Stefan swears he'll find a cure but Damon just asks him not to tell Elena. Then he walks away.

See why this would have been a perfect finale? Unfortunately with the high character mortality rate this episode and what's coming in the next one, I have a bad feeling the show has decided to go in a new (and weak) direction. Unfortunately a lot of bad things can happen to a show over the summer. But for now we can worry about simpler things, like that werewolf bite, and how they're going to kill the unkillable Klaus, and whether Alaric is going to be stuck with a permanent roommate (Katherine can't leave until Klaus is dead or he releases her).

Fang Files

Appearance: Pale human until the vampire emerges, then dark/red eyes, dark facial veins and prominent sharp fangs.

Strengths: Super speed, strength. Ability to compel humans (Originals can also compel other vampires). Enhanced hearing. Can shut off their emotions.

Weaknesses: Werewolf bites. Human emotion. Vervain (although some vampires have built up an immunity to the pain caused by vervain and use it to, among other things, prevent being compelled by Originals). Stakes. Fire. Magic.

Mythology: Klaus and Elijah are half brothers, part of the family that comprises the Original vampires. Klaus's father was a werewolf, however, and if he breaks the curse placed on him, he'll then release his werewolf side so that he can be a true (unstoppable) hybrid.

Sound Bites

Damon: Somehow you're the only one that wins. How'd that happen?
Katherine: I didn't let love get in the way.
Damon: Enjoy an eternity alone, Katherine.

Elijah: You're very honourable.
Stefan: Are you? Because this whole plan is contingent on your honour, Elijah.
Elijah: I won't fail you.

Klaus: Thank you, Elena.
Elena: Go to hell.

Damon: [to the still-dead Elena] Come back as a vampire I'll stake you myself. So don't. Because I can't stand the thought of you hating me forever.

Stefan: I'm not going to let Elena lose anybody else.
Damon: I wouldn't make any promises, Brother.

The Vampire Diaries, Season 2 Episode 21 "The Sun Also Rises." Written by Caroline Dries and Mike Daniels. Directed by Paul M. Sommers. From The CW.

Blood Oath by Christopher Farnsworth

2011-05-15T23:21:00.016-04:00

Spoilers Ahead

I think most people would agree that it's not uncommon in genre fiction to find more than a few books that would pair well with a variety of wines (i.e., they're cheesy). So when I got my review copy of Blood Oath and saw it was about a secret service agent who also happened to be a vampire (the "president's vampire" no less) I was prepared to roll my eyes through all 190 pages. But that never happened. This book is good. As in 'I didn't want to put it down' good. Just when you think that nothing more can be done with vampires, along comes a book like Blood Oath that changes the entire paradigm.

Before I tell you what Blood Oath is about I think I should spare a few words about what it isn't. It is not about a vampire hero. Cade might save the day but only because he's forced to; if he had his way he'd be spending his nights preying on humans instead of helping them. It is not a romance. Cade will not be falling in love with a vulnerable yet strong human heroine; not only does Cade not feel human emotions but he's repulsed at the thought of sex with his prey. (And as for Cade and fellow vampire Tania, they might hook up but a loving relationship doesn't seem to be in the cards.) The book is also not about the troubled protagonist's redemption. There is no redemption for Cade (at least not in his own mind). Lastly, Blood Oath is nothing like what I was expecting.

It's about Nathaniel Cade, a young man turned vampire, discovered on a Civil War ship and bound by magic to forever follow the president's orders and protect the USA from attack, particularly from the various dark forces that would love nothing more than to bring the country down (as one president puts it, they're fighting a War on Horror). It's also about Zach Barrows, human White House staffer unwillingly thrust into the role of Cade's latest liaison to the president. Throw in a group of extremists working with an ex-Nazi sociopath (Cade's nemesis, Dr. Johann Konrad) to turn corpses into uber soldiers and a shadowy agency with its own agenda and you've got a hell of a compelling story.

After having been immersed in the Buffyverse, Forever Knight, Being Human, Moonlight, True Blood, The Vampire Diaries, and a metric tonne of paranormal romance-type books, Farnsworth's vampire is a refreshing change. Cade is intense, he's scary, he is not interested in anything human beyond what he's forced to get involved in. He doesn't want a relationship with a teenage girl (or an adult woman who could still be his great-great granddaughter). I particularly like that he believes in god just as strongly as he believes that god doesn't want him, and that he refuses to drink human blood even though he knows it makes him weaker and will ultimately destroy him. He's an interesting, complex character (and it suddenly occurs to me that he reminds me of Kai from Lexx, which as far as I'm concerned is a good thing).

I also really enjoyed the writing, other than the overly obvious wolf references at the beginning (it was already clear the writer was talking about werewolves--he didn't need to keep hitting us over the head with language like "alpha," "pawed it open," and "practically howling." Yeah, we get it). What I found especially interesting was the way the author made reference to past events in Cade's life as though this weren't the first book in the series. As long as Farnsworth doesn't get sick of the character, there's potential for an endless series of prequels and sequels. I'd better clear some shelf space. In addition the writing is clear, evocative, and not weighed down by sappiness or exposition (Farnsworth successfully utilizes a clever plot device to get around the latter issue). Occasionally the author's style verges a little too close to Maxim territory, as for example, when he describes sex between characters as "writhing like the sacrifice on an altar from some long-dead religion." Uh, yeah. But given some of the sexual descriptions you find in the average example of "women's fiction" I guess we really can't fault him.

With all the politics, espionage, testosterone-fuelled behaviour, and occasional stomach-churning violence it's pretty clear the book's intended audience is men (specifically the kind who read John le Carré and Tom Clancy). I have no patience for politics or testosterone overload and I don't read spy novels (oh yeah, and I'm female) but I still loved this book, which goes to show that target audiences are, at best, rough guidelines. I say if you're into vampires, like good writing, and aren't too sensitive about gore or violence you need to read Blood Oath. Like me, you'll wonder why you waited so long.

Fang Files

Appearance: Very pale human with long, needlelike fangs that are visible when mouth is open or smiling. Vampires don't breathe or sweat.

Strengths: Super speed, strength. Ability to climb walls and jump great heights. Enhanced sense of smell, hearing, and sight. Perfect memory. Quick healing as long as the vampire has fresh blood. Some vampires can change physical form.

Weaknesses: Direct sunlight. Fire. Not consuming human blood. Decapitation. Massive damage to the heart. Not getting a 12-hour coma-like period of rest every 7 days.

Mythology: For unknown reasons vampires have an aversion to Christian religious objects and feel pain when touching items such as crosses. Cade must follow all lawful orders of the president or his or her representatives and cannot hurt them. Animal blood is not as effective as human blood, leaving the vampire weaker and over time rendering them a decrepit living husk. There are a few hundred vampires worldwide with only two or three qualifying as "Vampire Kings"--the strongest of the strong. Vampire blood dripping into an open wound will turn a human into a vampire but the process doesn't always work--humans end up dead as often as they're turned.

Text Bites

Zach tried not to laugh. "A presidential vampire, huh? Is he a Democrat or a Republican?"

There is a reason humans are genetically programmed to fear the dark. Zach was looking at it.

Need more? Watch the trailer:

Blood Oath by Christopher Farnsworth. From Putnam.

The Vampire Diaries S2 E20 "The Last Day"

2011-05-09T12:52:00.014-04:00

Spoilers Ahead

Damon is nothing but trouble this episode. The kind of trouble that results from trying to make things better and instead only making them worse. The kind of trouble that makes devoted fans twitchy wondering what's going to happen now. The kind of trouble that leaves us wishing they'd just kill off Elena already so Damon could stop making things worse for himself trying to save her every five minutes. This episode is giving me a headache.

"The Last Day" starts with Damon brooding in bed. No complaints here. But after his anger at Elena, Stefan, and Elijah last episode you'd think he wouldn't be so quick to forgive. And yet a few moments later as the others discuss the full moon that night, Damon suddenly bounds in enthused to kill Klaus immediately--before the ritual that night that will kill Elena. What happened to our grudge-holding anti-hero? Sometimes love is just stupid.

Speaking of stupid, Elena is opposed to Damon's idea because secret weapon Bonnie will likely end up just as dead as Klaus. Instead she'd rather be the one to play martyr. Of course, there's a chance the immortality ring could work on Elena and bring her back after the sacrifice (or maybe not since, as a doppelganger, she's supernatural) and Elijah does have a 1000-year-old resuscitation elixir she could try. Surprisingly, Damon is the only one who doesn't want to put their trust into these iffy solutions. But Elena would rather be dead than sensible. And once again I have to wonder: what's her appeal?

Suddenly--and seemingly out of nowhere--Jenna is pointing a crossbow at Alaric, who's standing in the doorway. After proving he really is Alaric he tells them Klaus let him go to deliver a message: the sacrifice happens tonight. Is anyone else not buying that Klaus let Alaric just walk away so he could deliver a message everyone had already figured out? What, is Klaus suddenly out of minions he could send? And why do none of the characters suspect that Alaric might be compelled to do something harmful to them? This just seems like lazy, lazy writing to me.

Anyway, as Alaric tells them about what it was like to be possessed by Klaus, Elena notices Damon is missing. So what do you do when an upset, slightly drunk vampire has separated himself from the group? You follow him, of course. And tell him more of what he doesn't want to hear. And oh yeah, use his feelings for you to manipulate him (holding his hands, Elena? Really?) No surprise when it backfires on her. In a desperate move, Damon forces Elena to drink his blood so she'll definitely come back after Klaus sacrifices her (seems like the best plan so far).

Stefan interrupts the process, although not quickly enough and he and Damon finally get into the fight that's been simmering below the surface for far too long. Just when it looks like Stefan is winning, Damon stabs him in the stomach. Ouch. Elena angrily orders Damon out of the room and he, equally angry, stalks away. But it takes Elijah to calm Damon, which he does by pointing out that Elena will never forgive him for what he did. And as Elijah says, never for a vampire is a very long time.

Meanwhile Maddox magics Carol Lockwood into calling Ty and begging him to come home because she's had an accident and is in the hospital. Then Maddox rather viciously knocks her down the stairs. It's amazing she actually survives. But it does get Ty back in town.

Elsewhere Matt has had enough of pretending to be compelled. Talking to Liz he tells her that either Caroline is the world's greatest actor or even as a vampire she's still really Caroline. Liz says it's all an act, that her daughter is truly gone, and that she needs more time to gather information. But Matt thinks Damon is the real problem, not Caroline. So Liz dismisses him, telling him she'll take it from here. Why are adults on these shows always so closed-minded? Yeah, Liz was raised to hate vampires. So what? We're all raised to believe all kinds of things--does that make us slaves to those beliefs? Or maybe it just goes back to the ridiculous idea of not trusting anyone over 30 (unless they're hundreds of years old and still look like teenagers, I guess). But watching shows like TVD, you'd think all adults are irresponsible, narrow-minded, and/or incompetent. Yeah, thanks.

Anyway, once Stefan heals he decides to take Elena for a hike, not only as a way of enjoying her last day as a human but to get her to talk about the thing she refuses to say. I'll save you some time because this is a less than interesting subplot. Elena eventually admits she doesn't want to be a vampire, breaking down and crying about how she'll never have the chance to grow old. Yes, it would be a real tragedy to have to trade old age and decrepitude for eternal youth and strength. What a burden. Please. On top of that her emotional admission just emphasizes Elena's pathological martyrdom: she was fine at the thought of dying and not coming back but she''s flipping out at the idea of becoming a vampire. I'm getting tired of seeing this same storyline throughout the world of vampires, and especially in this particular mythology where you don't have to kill anyone and going out into the sun is no problem. Is there anyone out there who actually wants the chance to get old, who would be disappointed in having to give it up? Writers need to stop trying to convince us how much better it is to age and die.

Back to the story. As Ty leaves the hospital with Jules, ready to lock themselves up for the night before leaving town again, they run into Caroline. Jules walks away to give them a minute. Caroline is upset with the way Ty left in the first place and even more upset to hear he'll be leaving again. Before they can really get into it she collapses in agony, followed by Ty. Maddox and Greta collect them. Klaus has his vampire and werewolf. Although you'd think he would have come to town with his own instead of hoping there would be spare ones around (particularly a spare were, who--as we know--are supposed to be super rare). Seems like a big oversight for someone so detail oriented.

Meanwhile, burdened by guilt and the idea that Elena will never forgive him Damon heads to the bar to drown his sorrows, where he's soon joined by Alaric and then Klaus (who just wants to remind Damon not to do anything he'll regret). After Klaus leaves Damon gets the bright idea that if he takes away the werewolf needed for the ritual, Klaus will have to postpone for another month--long enough for his blood to leave Elena's system. He doesn't even care that Klaus will kill him for interfering. Now do you melt at the depth of his love or bitch slap him for being such a dumbass?

After getting the needed invite from Alaric, Damon pays a visit to Katherine in Alaric's apartment/Klaus's lair. When she refuses to tell him where Klaus is keeping his werewolf Damon tells Katherine about the vamp blood in Elena's system and offhandedly comments about how she'll have to compete for Stefan's love for the rest of eternity. That gets her talking. Klaus is storing his sacrificial victims in the tomb, which makes me laugh because the tomb in TVD is like the factory in Buffy (thinking particularly of "Lovers Walk"). Anyway, three guesses where Damon is heading next.

As they wait in the tomb (Ty in useless human form and Caroline full of vervain) Ty and Caroline have a bit of a heart to heart about the way he left. Ty tries to explain that she deserves better than him but her position is that they're still friends. Personally I think she's way too forgiving of what he did to her with the other wolves, but whatever; they're friends again and that's all that really matters. Good thing too because the cavalry has arrived! Unfortunately Maddox is waiting for Damon and he's no match for the witch. But it seems Matt has followed Damon and came armed with a rifle loaded with wooden bullets. But instead of shooting Damon, which had to have been his plan all along, he shoots Maddox. Damon finishes the witch off and knocks Matt out before continuing with the rescue, although he's less than impressed with Caroline since her boyfriend obviously knows about them.

By the time Damon grabs Caroline and unlocks Ty (who swears he can lock himself in the family cellar before he wolfs out) it's somehow gone from light out to darkness. How long were they down in that tomb? There's even light streaming in while Damon's unlocking Ty--how did it get so dark all of a sudden? Hello, continuity editors? You might want to look to that. And of course because it's so dark Ty begins changing almost right away. He goes straight for Caroline but Damon steps in and fights him off, slowing Ty down long enough so that he can take off in one direction while Caroline and Matt head for the cellar.

Back from their cathartic hike, Elena and Stefan return to his place and find Klaus waiting for Elena. Stefan is ready to put up a fight but Elena calms him down. Ever willing to sacrifice herself, she kisses Stefan and tells him she loves him before telling him to close his eyes (this also reminded me of Buffy, "Becoming: Part 2"; maybe I have Buffy on the brain...) When he opens them again Elena and Klaus are gone. Ooh, dramatic.

After being filled in by Stefan, Damon pays a visit to Klaus. He tells Klaus that he has to postpone the ritual, that he took Klaus's werewolf and killed his witch and he doesn't care if Klaus kills him for it. But Klaus was prepared for this, expecting one of the Salvatores to do something stupid. Guess what--he has a backup witch (Greta), a backup werewolf (Jules) and, oh yeah, a backup vampire.

The episode ends with Matt and Caroline locked in the cellar as Ty in wolf form attacks them; with Elena being taken to the sacrificial area by Greta (who definitely doesn't need saving from Klaus) and discovering Jenna there as the sacrificial vampire (she's currently transitioning); and Damon waking up in Alaric's apartment only to find out that Klaus couldn't use him as the sacrifice because he's got a nasty werewolf bite tainting his blood. Fan-tastic.

When I watched this episode I didn't really have a problem with it but the more I think about it the more issues I'm finding (it's definitely not the strongest episode). The end of "The Last Day" is by far the best part, especially the new Damon storyline. And as confident as I am that they will find a way to save him, a small part of me is also anxious that a show this full of surprises might actually just go ahead and kill him off. Of course if they did they wouldn't have much of a show left. But still, you can never be too confident when it comes to TVD. Silly vampire, is she really worth all this?

Fang Files

Appearance: Pale human until the vampire emerges, then dark/red eyes, dark facial veins, and prominent fangs.

Strengths: Super speed, strength, fast healing. Ability to compel humans (Originals can also compel other vampires).

Weaknesses: Vervain, wooden bullets, magic, werewolf bites. Sunlight unless in possession of a "daywalker" ring. Vampires have heightened emotions, which can be overwhelming for them.

Mythology: A vampire needs an invitation to enter a private residence. If a human dies with vampire blood in their system they'll return as a vampire.

Sound Bites

Elena: Bonnie can't use that much power without dying.
Damon: I'll write her a great eulogy.

Stefan: She [Elena] chose to trust you too.
Damon: Then maybe you shouldn't be so sure about her instincts.

Damon: I can't lose you.
Elena: You won't.

Klaus: [to Damon] The ritual will happen tonight. So if you want to live to see tomorrow don't screw it up.

Caroline: Why did you leave me?
Ty: I knew you hated me. I thought you deserved better than having someone like me in your life.

The Vampire Diaries, Season 2 Episode 20 "The Last Day." Written by Andrew Chambliss and Brian Young. Directed by J. Miller Tobin. From The CW.

The Vampire Diaries S2 E19 "Klaus"

2011-04-26T15:56:00.025-04:00

Spoilers Ahead

"Klaus" is making my head hurt. Not only because there's so much going on within the episode but Damon alone is a storyline unto himself. The writers are not making my life any easier. On the other hand, I haven't been this engaged in a show probably since Buffy. That's saying something.

We start a short while after the end of "The Last Dance." Elena is still waiting for Elijah to revive after she removed the dagger. He seems to be taking a long time to come back but when he finally does the process looks (and sounds) painful. Disoriented, he confuses Elena for Katherine. In a series of short flashbacks, Elijah recalls meeting Katherine for the first time. He reacts strangely when he first sees her and apologizes, claiming she reminds him of someone. Back to the present he's not doing so well. He claims he can't breathe and says he has to get out of the house. I was wondering what would happen to him--a vampire who suddenly finds himself inside a house where he isn't invited. Now I know. He's better as soon as he runs outside, where he waits on the threshold for Elena. She promises to tell him everything--away from the Salvatores, who are elsewhere in the house. And to prove that he can trust her, she gives him the dagger. Never mind that she's already betrayed Stefan and Damon by removing the dagger in the first place. Oh, Elena.

The camera cuts to Stefan, waking in bed as though from a nightmare. He goes looking for Elena but only finds Andie and Damon, who are too busy being sickeningly cutesy and kissy to be overly concerned about Elena's whereabouts. You'll notice that Stefan spends the episode scoffing in disgust at Damon, starting with the way Damon treats Andie like his personal "wind-up toy" (although, strangely, when Stefan criticizes Damon's behaviour he calls Andie "it" rather than "she"). In any case, Andie doesn't seem to mind, telling Stefan it's none of his business. But does she really not mind the way Damon treats her or is she under his compulsion? And if she really is okay with it, does that indicate some kind of 'abused woman syndrome' on her part? More on that later.

As Andie leaves to get ready for work, Damon notices Stefan reacting to the open basement door. They both run downstairs where they discover that Elena revived Elijah.

At Alaric's apartment/Klaus's lair, Klaus is ready to depart Alaric's body and return to his own. To that end he sends Maddox to retrieve it. In the meantime he tells Katherine that all the elements are coming together to break the curse (the full moon is the next night). He also claims that the spell has to be performed in Mystic Falls because it's the birthplace of the doppelganger. Good to know. He then compels Katherine not to leave the apartment and heads out to meet Jenna.

It turns out that Elena and Elijah went for a drive and now they pull over to have their discussion. Elena offers him her help in exchange for his to kill Klaus. He's not quite as vengeful as you would expect but he's not exactly trustful, either. At this point Stefan calls and Elena promptly blows him off, refusing to tell him where she and Elijah are. Then she manages to soothe Stefan (sort of) and kiss up to Elijah by telling Stefan that she can trust Elijah because he's a noble and honourable man who knows she'd be "incredibly stupid" to betray him again. She also mentions she's proven herself by removing the dagger and she wants Stefan to respect her decision. Oh yeah, and she tells him to make sure that Damon doesn't do anything stupid (she should talk). When she hangs up Elijah reaches out his hand for the phone and she gives it to him.

Stefan's conversation with Elena prompts an argument between Stefan and Damon; Stefan says they need to trust Elena while Damon snaps that she'll get herself killed and they need to find her. When Damon makes a move to go after Elena, Stefan stops him and menacingly tells him to back off. Interesting how Stefan got so forceful all of a sudden.

Jenna's back in the picture, proving herself as useless as ever. She calls Stefan because neither Elena nor Jeremy are answering their phones (btw, where's John?) Apparently Elena left her a bunch of "crazy" messages (why wasn't she answering her own damn phone?) telling her to keep away from Alaric...but she's supposed to meet him for lunch at The Grill (I also love how she tells her teenage niece's teenage boyfriend about her man troubles). Stefan tells her not to go anywhere--he'll be right over. Damon declines to assist since he knows Stefan wouldn't want him to do anything stupid. I say it's about time people started cleaning up their own messes anyway, instead of constantly relying on Damon.

As soon as Stefan's gone Damon grabs Andie so they can do their own thing (so much for her going to work, I guess). This turns out to involve a trip to Alaric's apartment where they find Katherine. Damon can't enter the apartment and Katherine can't leave it but they can chat just fine. He ends up giving her a vial of vervain. It can't undo the orders Klaus has already given her but it will prevent her from being compelled any further. And now she owes Damon.

When Stefan gets to Elena's house he finds "Alaric" already there and acting super creepy ("I find chopping calming") as he prepares lunch. Suddenly he starts talking about vampires and how he's obsessed with them. He mentions the curse and claims that the creatures who have been cursed would do anything, kill anyone, to break it. Jenna and Stefan look less than impressed. When Klaus finally announces that vampires are real Jenna has had enough. She tells him to get out and when he won't she gets up to go. He decides to encourage her to stay by pointing the big knife at her. Stefan steps in at this point, easily grabbing the knife and pushing Klaus against the wall where he pins him with the knife to his throat. Stefan tells Jenna to get out now but she's confused and scared. It doesn't help when Klaus starts threatening to take over her body if Stefan kills Alaric's body. Stefan ends up vamping out and screams at Jenna to go. She finally listens. And then Stefan beats Klaus into unconsciousness.

Meanwhile Elijah experiences more flashbacks. In one he first introduces Katherine to "The Lord Niklaus" ("Call me Klaus"). He and Elena then pay Carol Lockwood a visit (among other things he needs a change of clothes. Being dead in a cellar can really wreak havoc on a guy's ensemble). Via another flashback we find out that Elijah and Klaus are brothers. How did something that seems so obvious now come as such a total surprise? Elijah ends up telling Elena that his entire family--parents and seven kids--are Originals. They did start out as humans (I hope we eventually find out how they became vampires but for now Elijah claims the story is too long) but they're the oldest vampires in existence and all other vampires come from them. Interesting addition to TVD's vampire mythology.

Elijah's next flashback brings even more startling news: there is no curse. It was Klaus and Elijah who made up the story and spread it throughout the world (the "Aztec" drawings are really Klaus's work). I'm a fan of this twist--I never liked the whole "sun and moon curse." It just seemed lame. But they did spread the rumours for a reason--Elijah says the easiest way for a moonstone and a doppelganger to be found is to have every member of two warring species looking for them. So why do they need the stone and the doppel? Elijah claims that there is another curse, a worse one, on Klaus. Before he can elaborate Elena takes a call from Stefan and finds out that Jenna is traumatized yet again. She has to go to her but she gives Elijah her word that she'll be back.

Elijah passes the time with another flashback, one of him and Katherine enjoying each other's company and a game of tag (hey, it was 1000 years ago--what else did people have to occupy their time?) As they take a break she complains that Klaus was supposed to spend the day with her but he never came back from the night before. She also wonders why he courts her when he doesn't seem to have any interest in her and she says she wants more--true love. Elijah says he doesn't believe in love but Katherine can't accept that, asking what the point of living is if you cease to believe in love. That's when Klaus shows up, covered in blood, and leads Katherine away. As they depart Elijah looks after Katherine wistfully. There's clearly something between them that's not being said.

After Elena apologizes to Jenna, calms her down and fills her in on what's been happening, she tells Stefan she has to get back to Elijah. He doesn't want her to go but he relents when she says she can't break her promise. Unfortunately as she's leaving Damon shows up and he's not quite as easy to convince as Stefan is. Once again Stefan has to step in and get menacing with his brother, although Damon's not going to put up with that much longer. But Elena does get to keep her word to Elijah.

When Elena returns we finally get the real story about what all the hoopla this season has been about. It turns out that after they were turned into vampires, Elijah's family discovered mom's deep dark secret: she had an affair. That affair produced Klaus, making him a half brother to the others. Elijah's father decided to get revenge by killing Klaus's biological father and his entire family. Unfortunately he unknowingly ended up igniting the war between the vampires and the weres. Yes, Klaus is a were-vamp (vamp-were? In any case, a hybrid).

Okay, I have to take a minute here to comment on some of this. Elijah said they'd invented the curse to get everyone looking for the doppelganger and the moonstone. Sounds reasonable enough. But how is it the Salvatores had never heard of either, let alone the curse? Damon thought werewolves were a myth. And I can't remember but I'm not sure they even knew about the Originals. You'd think they might have picked up on some part of it over the last 150 years, especially with their close connections to Katherine and Isobel. Next: is it just me or is it a little too coincidental that one of the first vampires in existence just happened to be fathered by a werewolf?

Anyway, apparently Klaus the hybrid is stronger by far than any other were or vampire. Too powerful for the witches--keepers of balance in the world--to let slide. So they cast a spell to make his wolf side dormant. Now Klaus wants to bring back his inner wolf so he can sire his own race of uber-monsters that would threaten everyone else's existence. So while Elijah initially helped his brother out of love, Klaus has gone too far now and has got to go. Did you get all that? Good because there's more.

The magical dagger won't kill Klaus because it's silver and werewolves heal from wounds made by silver. And since only that dagger will kill an Original they have a bit of a problem. Elijah is sure Klaus can be killed by a powerful witch at his most vulnerable point during the curse-breaking spell (and for that he needs Elena's help). Here we're treated to another flashback in which Elijah tells Klaus that he spoke to the witches and they think they can spare the doppelganger (in this case, Katherine). Since she's human Klaus couldn't care less about saving her and he's not too happy that Elijah feels otherwise. He orders Elijah to tell the witches to forget about sparing the doppelganger. By this point in the episode even Elena has picked up on Elijah's concern for Katherine (a mistake, he tells her, that he won't repeat again). My theory? The witches who originally "cursed" Klaus based the doppelganger on his sister in the hopes that he'd be less inclined to kill someone who is an exact replica of someone he had to have loved. That's why Elijah reacts when he sees Katherine and cares about her, but not in any kind of romantic way. We'll see if I'm at all close.

Speaking of Katherine, Klaus returns to the apartment in a foul mood. He compels her to sit down and shut up and although it doesn't work thanks to the vervain, she plays along. Klaus's mood improves a few minutes later when Maddox returns with a ton of luggage, Klaus's own body, and a witch who could well be Luka's kidnapped sister (although she looks pretty happy to be there so she's either compelled or Luka and his dad got the story wrong).

Damon's also in a foul mood, but in his case it looks as though nothing is about to improve it anytime soon. Andie's trying but he just snaps at her to go away. Then Stefan comes in and continues his episode-long lecture on the crappy way Damon treats Andie. Damon smirks back that Stefan should be happy Andie's there because it keeps him (Damon) from going after what he really wants (Elena). I guess Stefan feels he's kept quiet long enough because instead of walking away he escalates the situation by calling Damon on being in love with Elena. He also mentions that Damon can love her all he wants as long as it means he'll protect her, but Stefan has the one thing that Damon never will--Elena's respect. No surprise when Damon throws the first punch (and a good one at that) or that it degenerates into growling and choking and general hatred. But they break apart as soon as Elena shows up with Elijah and shouts at them to stop.

This leads to another flashback. This time Klaus is enraged at Elijah because, as we know, Katherine ran before he could sacrifice her and he believes Elijah warned her. Elijah swears that he didn't say anything and gives his word that he'll find her. In turn Klaus gives his word that if Elijah doesn't find Katherine then Klaus will kill him. I take it brotherly love only lasts as long as there are no chicks around.

Back in the present Elena announces that she and Elijah have renewed their deal, and he adds that he won't harm Damon or Stefan if they apologize to him. Damon's reaction to this request is priceless. Stefan, on the other hand, barely hesitates before he's kissing Elijah's ass. He claims he was protecting Elena and always will protect her. This is an echo of what Damon said at the end of "The Last Dance," when he told Elena he will always choose her, only instead of being met with a cold response as Damon was, Stefan gets a warm, almost smug, smile at his words. Damon is completely disgusted with all of them and tells them to go to hell before he storms out.

Back in his own room he discovers that Andie didn't leave after all ("you didn't compel me"). He tells her that he's upset and she knows what happens when he gets upset. He tells her she has to leave. But she refuses. She says he has to know that somebody cares about him. This prompts him to bite viciously before pushing her to the ground where she collapses in tears. Then he compels her to go away before he kills her. She finally goes leaving him to be upset on his own.

This scene is disturbing on so many levels. I like Damon (a lot) but it's hard to like an abuser, which he clearly is. He controls and uses and hurts Andie. But equally disturbing, albeit in a different way, is that the abuse stems from his own self hatred. He's not malicious; he's tormented. But does that mitigate his actions at all? (Btw, that would be no.) Meanwhile I get the sense the writers are trying to make the abuse seem not so bad by having Andie exhibit some free will. She tells Stefan to mind his own business and when given the option she chooses not to leave. But is this really a sign of free will or is it (a) compulsion (remember he compelled her to be in love with him) and/or (b) the classic mindset of a battered woman? On top of all this I think Stefan and Elena are doing to Damon what he's doing to Andie. They treat him like a joke ("make sure Damon doesn't do anything stupid") or a pest until they need him (which is frequently) and then they're happy to use him until he becomes an inconvenience again. Stefan even mocks him by saying he can love Elena all he wants as long as he protects her, while Elena masks manipulation as "friendship." I also mentioned several reviews back that Katherine victimizes him as well. So not only is Damon a self-hating abuser but he's also the abused, suffering from his own version of battered spouse/sibling/child syndrome. I need a consulting psychiatrist to write this review. So where does this leave Damon fans? Should we sympathize with him or revile him? Can he be redeemed as a character? Is he too badly damaged to ever be a true hero? I have no idea.

"Klaus" ends, fittingly, with Klaus being returned to his own form. Alaric seems to be himself again for the split second before he collapses, unconscious. I hate to think what's going to become of him trapped in his apartment with malevolent witches and vampires. Klaus, meanwhile, seems pretty pleased with the whole situation. Which is interesting because when Elijah was revived in a house where he wasn't invited, he was instantly sick and had to get out. Anyone recall Alaric inviting Klaus in? I don't think it counts if Klaus invited himself in while still in Alaric's body (besides, how would that even be possible?) And it has to be a resident that does the inviting. Is this a mistake or is Klaus really that special?

This episode is going to take a long time to process, I think. There's been an entire paradigm shift in the storyline and established mythology, not to mention big questions about Damon and various other lesser ponderings. Makes you wonder what the writers could possibly do next.

Fang Files

Appearance: Pale human until the vampire emerges, then dark/red eyes, dark facial veins, and sharp fangs.

Strengths: Ability to compel humans. Originals can compel other vampires. Super strength and speed.

Weaknesses: Being compelled by an Original. Witchcraft. Vervain. Inner demons.

Mythology: Originals are indestructible; only a special silver dagger dipped in the ashes of a specific oak tree and plunged into their hearts will "kill" them, and then the effect only lasts as long as the dagger remains in place. A vampire needs an invitation into a private residence; Elijah becomes extremely sick when he's revived inside a house where he has no invitation. Elijah's family are all Originals--they are the first vampires.

Sound Bites

Stefan: What are you doing? It's not a wind-up toy.
Andie: It's really none of your business, is it Stefan.
Damon: Yeah. What she said.

Klaus: [to Katherine] Let's just hope that Elena isn't as stupid as you were.

Stefan: We need to trust her. We've just got to let her do her thing.
Damon: That might be your plan. Mine's better.

Stefan: You're seriously going to be like this?
Damon: You and your girlfriend are calling the shots, Stefan. I'm just backing off.

Damon: Thought you might be dead.
Katherine: Unfortunately not.

Damon: [to Katherine] You owe me. And I will collect.

Damon: [to Stefan] That's twice today you stood in my way. I wouldn't try a third.

Klaus: Love is a vampire's greatest weakness and we are not weak, Elijah. We do not feel and we do not care.

The Vampire Diaries, Season 2 Episode 19 "Klaus." Written by Kevin Williamson and Julie Plec. Directed by Joshua Butler. From The CW.

Vampire (B)ads

2011-04-21T16:01:00.004-04:00

Because vampires get bored too...

And one for the hunters out there:

For the record I have yet to try any of these products, although in principle I'm not opposed. If you're going to get drunk (or wear jeans) anyway, might as well stick with the theme--even if the ads are unbelievably cheesy. By the way, you can get your own martini glass like the one at the top of the page here.

Love at First Bite by Michelle Roy Kelly and Andrea Norville

2011-04-21T11:58:00.012-04:00

It seems strange to base a cookbook on vampires. Of all the things that we associate with creatures of the night, food is not one of them (at least, not the kind you'd find in a cookbook). The most interest a vampire might have in a human's diet would be to know whether it was heavy on the garlic, and as a vampire lover I sure as hell don't want to partake in the typical vamp's meal plan. Reading Love at First Bite: The Complete Vampire Lover's Cookbook and trying out a few of the recipes didn't make it seem any less strange. But I do have to admit that Gran Stackhouse does make a mean pecan pie.

Ultimately the book is more horror oriented than vampire specific. This struck me as a little lazy, as did the editing. Mistakes like "palette" instead of "palate" (p 1!) are sloppy but overlooked easily enough. In this context, however, calling the band "The" Bauhaus (p 105) and spelling Bela Lugosi's name "Legosi" (p 219) are unforgivable. These mistakes also make me think the authors are cashing in on a trend rather than having any real interest in the subject matter. Maybe it's a little high school of me but I can't seem to get the word "poser" out of my mind.

Other issues I have with the book include the eye-rolling-inducing puns and turns of phrase. The appetizers chapter is titled "Bits and Bites: Appetizers to Leave Them Screaming"; the salad chapter is "Salacious Salads: Grotesque Greens for Every Occasion"; the sandwich chapter is "Seductive Sandwiches: A Handful of Horror"...it goes on. The worst part is that the recipes barely even relate to the chapter titles. If there was a "seductive" sandwich or "salacious" salad in the bunch I didn't see it. Recipe titles are often even more confusing. How did "Corpulent Crudite" make the short list? Or "Foul Fowl Soup"? Not exactly inspiring images of fanged fiends in the shadows. And as I point out in my Heroes & Heartbreakers post on this book, Love at First Bite frequently misses the mark. Fruit bats get a shout-out but not the Salvatores. Spike gets a sweet potato recipe named after him but there's no mention of spicy buffalo wings or blooming onions. Again, I'm left wondering what the authors' motivation was.

Not that the book was all bad. It's nicely designed with good graphics and nice fonts. The "Tasty Tidbits" trivia found throughout are pretty good (the best part of the book, IMO). There's plenty of inspiration for horror-themed parties and dinners. Oh yeah, and there's recipes too. Due to various constraints beyond my control (including difficulty finding some of the ingredients) I ended up trying only three of the recipes. One (Blood Bowl, p 47) was mediocre at best. The other two (Blood Oranges & My Darling Clementines, p 10 and the aforementioned Stackhouse Pecan Pie, p 220) showed that the authors at least seem to know their culinary stuff. I would (and will) go back to this book in future to try out more recipes.

So should you get Love at First Bite? If you're looking for horror-theme party ideas, love cooking, or obsessively feel the need to collect all things vampire related, I say go for it. At worst you'll have some fun, get to eat something tasty, and have an unusual addition to your collection. But if you're expecting a truly complete vampire resource, you'll have to keep looking.

Love at First Bite: The Complete Vampire Lover's Cookbook by Michelle Roy Kelly and Andrea Norville. From Adams Media.

The Vampire Diaries S2 E18 "The Last Dance"

2011-04-18T10:42:00.016-04:00

Spoilers Ahead

Okay, kids--time for a life lesson. People you should go out of your way not to piss off: your parole officer; mobsters; and the oldest, most powerful vampire in existence. You'd think that would go without saying but it seems some people could use a reminder.

Katherine, for example. Klaus, in handy Alaric form (see last episode), is taking advantage of the chance to not only use Katherine for information on our heroes but to get slow, sweet revenge on her. For now by compelling her to repeatedly stab herself in the leg, but he's made it clear there'll be more where that came from. In the meantime he saunters off to see what else he can find out.

The Salvatores, meanwhile, think they can solve all their problems by signing their house over to Elena. Anyone else have a really bad feeling about this? Not least because Elena immediately goes on a power trip with Damon, not inviting him in until he promises to do things her way from now on (good thing he has no intention of keeping that promise). Elena also doesn't help her safety situation by leaving her brand new sanctuary to go to school, although you can't really fault her for not wanting to be a prisoner. And having uber-witch Bonnie as bodyguard helps. Oh yeah, and Stefan.

Of course they're at a huge disadvantage not knowing that Alaric is really Klaus. And the whole giving-Elena-the-house gambit later proves pointless when Klaus walks right in without an invite and participates in a discussion of all their anti-Klaus plans--including the "secret weapon" of Bonnie's new powers. Not good.

Matt is still pretending to be compelled by Caroline. He doesn't really want to keep up the act but apparently Liz needs him to buy her time now that she knows who the vampires are and that the Gilberts are "in on it." What she's doing with the time he's buying her I have no idea. I'd love it if she was giving them all the benefit of the doubt, but I don't think that would exactly make for scintillating drama. Besides, she wouldn't be a real hunter if she decided that some vampires were okay (wait a minute...)

At least all the kids have the big 1960s dance to look forward to. Well, sort of. Jeremy is still stressing about Bonnie using too much power and dying (and he can't give her his immortality ring because apparently it won't work on witches and other supernatural types). Matt is tense about having to act like everything is normal. Elena is freaked and Bonnie is on alert after Klaus compels a fellow student to ask Elena if she'll save the last dance for him. Still, that's not going to stop Elena from dressing up and partay-ing down (her costume options are great too--yes, I'm being sarcastic--Twiggy or sexy hippie, as if the latter were even possible). But thumbs up to Caroline and Matt's costumes as Jackie Kennedy and JFK. Not so much for Damon's open-shirt lounge lizard look. But I have to say that boy can dance. Ian must have had some training. Although considering Damon is supposed to be a chaperone, he spends an awful lot of time on the dance floor with a variety of underage female students. Not too big on ethics and morals at Mystic Falls High, I guess.

After finding out that Bonnie plans on killing him (and has the power to back it up), Klaus runs to his own witch, Maddox. He wants Maddox to take out Bonnie but Maddox claims she'll sense him coming a mile away and Klaus will have to do it himself. Maddox is also aware that the power will kill Bonnie so he concocts a protection spell for Klaus. All the vamp has to do is keep coming at Bonnie until she overloads and dies. Don't you love it when things look grim for the heroes? 'Cause you just know (or at least hope) they're going to do something cool.

(By the way, Klaus seems to share human vulnerabilities with his host body. Why can't one of the good guys just drain him? I have a feeling Klaus wouldn't be able to move to another human body without time to perform the magical ritual? Or would he just automatically go back to his own vampire form while the heroes succeed in killing only Alaric? Guess it's not worth the risk.)

Once Klaus arrives at the dance he doesn't waste any time. He compels the same student as before to make an announcement of a "special shout-out" to Elena from Klaus. The song is "Dedicated to the One I Love." Elena and Stefan are freaked while Damon thinks they all should act like nothing's wrong, have fun at the dance, and let Klaus come to them. Damon and Stefan then start rallying the troops. I must say I did enjoy the look on Klaus/Alaric's face when Damon dismissively claims he wasn't impressed by Klaus's overture. I don't think it's Bonnie Klaus really needs to be worrying about. Especially since Damon is making plans to help Bonnie increase her odds of winning and surviving (he overheard her and Jeremy talking).

Meanwhile Jeremy confesses to Stefan that if Bonnie tries to kill Klaus she'll kill herself as well. Stefan confronts Damon, who tells him not to tell Elena because she'll try to stop Bonnie. So Stefan tells Elena. Who immediately runs to Bonnie and forbids her to sacrifice herself. Oh, the drama. Bonnie claims that if the situation were reversed Elena would do the same for her. Elena's not buying it.

At this point Klaus decides to make his move. Using a bunch of compelled kids to beat up Jeremy, Klaus sets up a diversion to get the Salvatores away from Bonnie and Elena. Klaus takes the opportunity to lure Elena and Bonnie into the dark recesses of the school, at which point he reveals himself (minds out of the gutter, people). I think it was a little early for Klaus to be giving away the advantage--I don't know if someone who could wait 500 years for revenge would be so quick to out himself once he's got the perfect disguise. But he tells the girls that Alaric has left the building and even announces that Bonnie is on that night's hit list. After figuring out he's under a protection spell the girls take off, at which point Damon finally catches up with them. He sends Elena to get Stefan and asks Bonnie if she's willing to do whatever it takes to beat Klaus.

Apparently she is because a moment later she's going after Klaus, breaking bones and making him suffer. Of course her nose starts bleeding badly but that doesn't slow her down. Much like Elena and Stefan aren't slowed down by Damon when they return. Bonnie shuts them out of the room but takes a break from her onslaught to give Elena a long, sappy look. Then she collapses and dies. Stefan confirms she has no pulse. Elena freaks. Klaus disappears. And Damon orders Stefan to get Elena home so he can "deal" with the body. TVD is usually pretty impressive in its ability to surprise me but this time not so much; I knew right away that Bonnie wasn't really (or at least permanently) dead. When Damon tells Jeremy they need to have a little talk I know for sure that Bonnie's not really gone. Maybe they meant it to be obvious; I'm not sure. But it was a tad disappointing.

Back at the Salvatores' when Damon returns, Elena is devastated, crying and blaming herself for what happened. She confronts Damon about him knowing that Bonnie would be killed if she went after Klaus (I guess she doesn't entirely blame herself) and when he admits he did know she smacks him good. Definitely a palpable hit. But as Damon starts telling her what really happened, we switch to Jeremy in a candlelit tomb with Bonnie's body. Suddenly she wakes up *gasp* and tells him she had to cast a death-seeming spell to fool Klaus. Looks like they're going to be holed up in hiding for awhile. But it's okay, they've got a bunch of product placements to keep them company (Note to producers: stop it already. You're making enough money on this show to not need to keep inserting commercials in the middle of it!)

Stefan is pissed at Damon for not letting him in on the Bonnie plan but Damon couldn't risk Stefan telling Elena (gee, I wonder why). He then puts Stefan in his place by pointing out that Stefan cares too much about Elena's feelings while he's the one who's going to keep her alive. Nice.

When Elena later goes to talk to Damon he fully accepts that she hates him now. But she surprises him by telling him she understands why he did what he did. She also tells him she won't let Bonnie die for her and that they have to find another way to defeat Klaus. This leads to one of the swoon-worthiest moments of the show in which Damon tells Elena that if it comes down to her or the witch he'll gladly let Bonnie die because he will always choose Elena. But this begs the question: what is it about Elena that has both Stefan and Damon so committed to her? It can't just be that she's a nice version of Katherine (at least I hope not). I mean Sookie has irresistible fairy blood in her and Buffy has the whole Slayer appeal, but Elena...? Sorry, guys, I just don't get it.

Anyway, Elena decides to take matters into her own hands. She sneaks down to the cellar and removes the dagger from Elijah's body, then sits and waits for him to come back to life. Nice plan, Elena. It's not like he'll want revenge against all of them for, oh--I don't know--killing his witches and putting him out of commission...twice. No, I'm sure she'll have no problem controlling an Original like Elijah. And once he does her dirty work for her (i.e., killing Klaus) he'll certainly be on his merry way without another backward glance at the people who repeatedly betrayed him. Um...

I'm not entirely sure how I feel about this episode. I think it might have rushed through some aspects of the storyline (an ongoing problem with TVD). It's set up some intriguing future moments, though. Then again, the whole Elijah thing just seems like a terrible idea and a stupid move on Elena's part. But Damon continues to be awesome (am I wrong in thinking that at this point he is the show?) Overall, I think I'll reserve judgment until I see where all this is heading.

Fang Files

Appearance: Human until the vampire emerges; then dark/red eyes, dark facial veins, and sharp, prominent fangs. Through magic Klaus can apparently possess the body of anyone he chooses.

Strengths: Super speed, strength. Ability to compel humans (Originals can also compel other vampires). Quick healing.

Weaknesses: Vervain, mystical daggers. Being compelled by Originals.

Mythology: Vampires need an invitation to enter a private residence but Klaus--in Alaric's body--apparently needs no invitation. To "kill" an original you need to dip a particular dagger in the ashes of a particular oak tree and insert said dagger into the Original's heart. But the Original will only stay dead as long as the dagger remains in place.

Sound Bites

Klaus: [to Katherine as she begs him to kill her quickly] I've searched for you for over 500 years. Your death is going to last at least half that long.

Stefan: You promised her no more secrets.
Damon: I changed my mind.

Damon: No. Klaus is not winning tonight. No way. [to Bonnie] You still willing to do whatever it takes to kill him?

Elena: I understand why you did what you did. Klaus was fooled and Bonnie is alive.
Damon: Here's to duplicity.

Damon: [to Elena] I will always choose you.

The Vampire Diaries, Season 2 Episode 18 "The Last Dance." Written by Michael Narducci. Directed by John Behring. From The CW.

The Vampire Diaries S2 E17 "Know Thy Enemy"

2011-04-08T10:58:00.024-04:00

Spoilers Ahead

The Vampire Diaries are finally back and they did not disappoint! We've got secrets, betrayals, revelations, torment, serious power, and a little something for the ladies and the gents. I dare you to find something to complain about.

"Know Thy Enemy" (great title for this episode) starts off where "The House Guest" left off--with Isobel at the door. She claims it's important that she come inside to talk to Elena but Elena shuts the door on her. Then Elena gets the fun of dealing with an angry Aunt Jenna, who feels lied to and betrayed by everybody. Jenna really needs to try remembering that she's an adult. Getting teary, storming out, and locking yourself in your room--not an appropriate way of dealing with the situation. The Gilberts must have been really hard up for guardians when they were making out their wills. When Alaric hears what's happened and rushes over, Jenna coldly informs him and Elena that she's going to stay on campus for a while because she just can't stand being in that house. At least we get the satisfaction of watching Alaric give John a bloody nose after John gets even more smug than usual over the situation with Jenna.

Meanwhile, once Katherine hears that Isobel is in town she asks Stefan and Damon not to let Isobel and John know that she's still around. She claims that they might not be too happy with her for staying in town after getting out of the tomb. She also claims that she and Stefan and Damon are on the same team (the one that wants Klaus dead) and that she can prove useful as a body double for Elena. They don't exactly look convinced but they don't argue with her, either. By the way, guys--the tank top Katherine's wearing in this scene is definitely for you. Who woulda thunk Nina Dobrev had it in her to be such a hottie?

While this is going on Caroline's got her own problems: Matt got away from her after she told him she was a vampire and now she can't find him. She also doesn't know what he might say to anyone else. At least the vervain he'd been taking should be out of his system soon so that when Caroline does find him she can compel him into behaving.

Back at Elena's, as she's discussing the Isobel situation with Stefan, John comes to the door and asks them to come downstairs for a minute. It's no real surprise when we see that he's invited Isobel in. She claims that she's been looking for Klaus, although she couldn't find him, and that rumours of a doppelganger are rampant. She believes any vampire who wants in with Klaus would love a chance to deliver the doppelganger to him, so vampires are about to descend on Mystic Falls and kidnap Elena at any moment. She tells Elena she's got a safe house for her with the deed in Elena's name so that no vampire--including herself--can enter without Elena's permission. Elena doesn't buy any of it and snaps at Isobel to get the hell out of her house.

Damon, Jeremy and Bonnie are busy checking out Luka's apartment (confirming that he really is dead). They help themselves to all the grimoires that Luka and his dad had collected and Bonnie also finds the spell she needs to harness, as Damon puts it, "ancient dead witch power." Then they head to the burial ground/massacre location, which Damon has known about all along since he tried to save Emily Bennett from being burned there (not that ghost Emily appreciates it). Strangely enough the location is inside a house (why would you burn anything--or anyone--inside a building?) Inside, Damon becomes trapped by the window, unable to move. Then his sun-protection ring stops working. Luckily Bonnie counteracts the dead witches' magic with her own but Damon decides he'd be better off waiting outside. Wise decision.

Now here's where the real fun begins. Isobel returns to the foreclosed-on house she's staying in. Suddenly Katherine is there. They attack each other but then start smiling. It turns out Isobel and Katherine are good friends and Isobel is really in town to save Katherine, not Elena. Yes, Isobel has made a deal with Klaus (through one of his witches) that he'll forgive Katherine if she brings him the moonstone and the doppelganger. Meanwhile, believing that she's been trying all along to save their daughter, John has been unwittingly playing informant by telling Isobel everything that's been going on. Katherine and Isobel are pretty damn pleased with their current circumstances.

Later at the Salvatores', Damon, Stefan and Elena are trying to figure out their options when Katherine shows up, a little too interested in how they're planning on saving the day. But since they all despise Katherine no one gives anything away. It's a relief that the bad guys don't know quite everything. Yet.

Even though they don't trust Katherine they still leave her alone in the house while they busy themselves elsewhere. Katherine takes the opportunity to search Damon's room, pocketing a large wad of cash and lucking out when she notices the moonstone in a bowl filled with bars of soap (it does blend nicely, but I still can't believe Damon "hid" it there). So now all Katherine needs is the doppelganger and she's home free.

While Katherine's been taking care of things on her end, Isobel stops Alaric on the street. She gives him a heartfelt apology and tells him she really, truly did love him once upon a time. Then she lets Klaus's witch have him and Alaric collapses to the ground, overcome by magic.

Isobel's next stop is the Lockwood mansion, where Elena is accepting a cheque for her mom's charity (Jenna was supposed to do it but she's too busy sulking). When John sees Isobel he asks what she's doing there. Turns out she's creating a distraction. She bites him and a moment later John's body comes hurtling down the stairs, interrupting Elena's speech. Okay, I do have one complaint about this episode (damn). Why, when he knows Elena is in constant danger, does Stefan rush to John leaving Elena unprotected in the other room? Of course everyone else follows right behind, giving Katherine--dressed identically to Elena--enough time to forcibly switch places with her. Damon would never have been so stupid. Just saying.

Stefan returns to "Elena" and they leave. At least he's not dumb enough to believe that Katherine is Elena. He confronts her when they reach the car, but Katherine is ready for him. She injects him with something so that he passes out and can't follow her. Things are not looking good for our heroes. At some point Stefan regains consciousness and calls Damon who--and this one is for the ladies--is in the process of changing shirts. He's infuriated that Katherine has betrayed them and taken the moonstone.

The one positive is that Bonnie has luck with the spell. It involves her screaming and weeping in agony but she does end up channelling the power of all the dead witches. Now it's hers to use as she pleases (she starts by showing Jeremy her impression of Storm from The X-Men). Of course, there is the small matter of the witches giving a warning about not using too much of the power at one time but Bonnie's not too concerned about it.

Matt finally makes an appearance, looking dishevelled and slightly deranged. He accuses Sheriff Liz of covering up the real cause of Vicky's death (which she of course did, but she's not about to admit it, now is she?) She takes him back to her place to calm down.

Caroline is relieved to find Matt at her house (Liz left him there when she got a call). He shrinks from Caroline and feels betrayed by her and all his friends, but he says he didn't tell anyone about Caroline being a vampire or anything else she told him. His anger and hurt, however, are overwhelming so he asks Caroline to compel him. He doesn't want to have to look at her and feel this way about her. She doesn't want to make him forget but he gets so agitated she finally gives in.

Back to the bad guys and their nefarious plans, Isobel has Elena and is driving with her when she gets a call from Katherine. Katherine tells Isobel about her success with the moonstone and mentions that they'd better skip town fast. But wait! It turns out Isobel is double-crossing Katherine. She tells Katherine that she had to do what she was told and that what Klaus really wanted was the moonstone and Katherine. Before Katherine can fully register what's happened, uber-witch is on her.

Isobel then takes Elena to her own grave. She tells Elena how her parents still come to visit every week even though there's no body buried there. She also talks about the woman who should be in the grave, the one who gave birth to Elena and desperately wished she could see her grow up. If this is part of some diabolical plan it's a strange one. Suddenly she gets a call from Klaus's witch telling her that he has Katherine and the moonstone and that Klaus wants her to let Elena go (he's done with her for now). With that Isobel is free of Klaus's compulsion. She apologizes to Elena for being such a disappointing mother. Then she rips off her protective pendant and burns to death in the sun as Elena watches, horrified.

Safely back at Stefan and Damon's (not sure how Elena got there) they discuss why Klaus let her go and what their next move is. They decide to offer Elena some greater protection by signing over the deed to their house to her. Why do I get the feeling they'll come to regret that? Until then they're rather pleased that no one knows about Bonnie's newfound powers except them, which makes Bonnie their secret weapon. But a weapon, secret or not, is only good if you know where to aim it--and so far Klaus remains an invisible enigma.

Elena ends up having a serious talk with John, in which he explains why he trusted Isobel and swears he'll do whatever Elena wants him to do. She decides to give him a chance seeing as how he is the only parent she's got left. Maybe she can learn not to hate him. It's heartwarming, really.

Less heartwarming is Jeremy's discovery. He somehow manages to translate the dead witches' warning and realizes that it is significantly more serious than Bonnie let on. If she uses too much of the power it will kill her. Bonnie admits she'll need all the power to defeat Klaus but she's more than willing to sacrifice herself in order to save everyone else. What is with the girls in Mystic Falls? Is martyrdom in this year, or what?

The surprises keep coming. Matt and Liz sit in her squad car, talking. It seems he did tell her everything that happened with Caroline and Liz responded by giving him vervain and hatching a plan where he would ask Caroline to compel him. So everything that happened earlier was merely an act. Once Caroline thought he was compelled he returned to Liz and told her all the latest details Caroline had let slip. Then the two of them mourn Caroline since she's dead. This does not bode well (although you'd think they could see past the vampire to the person).

The biggest shock of all comes when Katherine wakes up in a strange room with the witch as he performs a spell over Alaric, who is unconscious. There are strange heart-shaped glass containers around Alaric, which are filled with blood, and transfusion tubing leading from them to him. Suddenly Alaric wakes up and stands. Hey, kids--guess why no one knows what Klaus looks like. Because he jumps bodies via blood and magic. No idea where Alaric's gone but Klaus has taken up residence inside his body. This is a creative and unexpected twist. And Katherine is terrified as soon as she realizes. Who can blame her? I just hope we get Alaric back eventually.

I love that TVD keeps us guessing. In this episode you hardly have a chance to settle in to each new twist before another one comes along and shifts the paradigm. Whatever happens next (and I hope I'm not jinxing it by saying this) it's got to be good. Stay tuned...

Fang Files

Appearance: Human until the vampire emerges, then dark/red eyes, dark facial veins (especially around the eyes), and prominent fangs.

Strengths: Ability to compel humans (Originals can also compel other vampires). Some vampires have magic rings or pendants that allow them to walk in the sun unharmed. Super strength, speed.

Weaknesses: Vervain, sunlight, witchcraft. Compulsion by an Original.

Mythology: A vampire needs an invitation from a resident human to enter a house. They don't need invites to enter vacant houses, houses occupied only by vampires, or houses whose owners have died.

Sound Bites

Isobel: Hello, Elena. It's nice to see you again.

Katherine: I did what I had to, to get out of the tomb. Now I'm reconsidering my alliance.
Stefan: What do you know?
Katherine: I know I want Klaus dead, which puts me squarely on Team You.

Damon: [entering Luka's apartment] Yep. Everybody's dead.

Katherine: I've been honest with you. Time to return the favour.
Damon: I'm going to be honest with you--don't mistake the fact that we haven't set you on fire in your sleep for trust.

The Vampire Diaries, Season 2 Episode 17 "Know Thy Enemy." Written by Mike Daniels. Directed by Wendey Stanzler. From The CW.

The Gates S1 E13 "Moving Day" Series Finale

2011-04-07T12:43:00.008-04:00

Spoilers Ahead

Well, I was wrong: The Gates wasn't tying up loose story threads in light of its imminent cancellation--it was gearing up for new storylines. At least one of which might have even been interesting to see played out. But it was too little too late for this show and now we're stuck with unresolved issues. I hate it when that happens.

Anyway, "Moving Day" begins, appropriately enough, with Nick and Sarah preparing to leave The Gates. Sarah is finally free of Devon's influence, but not the resulting trauma. And speaking of trauma, the kids aren't too happy about being taken away from the life they've just settled into.

Elsewhere Claire and Dylan desperately try to find Devon before the other vampires find out that it was Claire's blood that was used in the toxin that killed Vanessa. It's a good thing Devon didn't bother clearing the Google maps history on her browser. She's holed up in a cheap motel where she's soon joined by Mia, who's brought her spell supplies so that she can foresee what she needs to do to protect herself. Mia also brings the devastating news that Frank is dead. After taking a minute to gather herself, Devon performs the spell and sees herself smothering and killing an unconscious Charlie.

At the high school Brett's had a change of heart about his moment of maliciousness and admits to Lexi that he watered down Andie's medication. Lexi convinces him to tell Andie what he did. Only they can't find Andie, so they go to see Charlie. But wait--Charlie, rebelling against moving, has run off with Andie into the woods. Brett and Lexi decide to track him with their superior werewolf senses while Nick enlists Andie's dad and has Charlie's phone GPS traced. The Gates takes all the fun out of running away.

Dylan and Claire, meanwhile, have found Devon's motel room and the remnants of her spell but no trace of Devon. Claire decides to take the spell to Peg so she can find out what it does. Peg can't decipher the spell, but she does recognize the writing as her daughter's. Time to have a chat with Mia. Sporting a bizarre smile throughout the entire scene, Mia finally buckles under her mother's interrogation and admits that Devon has a secret room in the back of her spa.

Back in the woods, Charlie and Andie settle into an empty cabin and decide to seize the day. They start kissing and as it turns serious the blue succubus vein on Andie's back suddenly comes back with a vengeance. As Brett and Lexi are tracking Charlie and Andie they suddenly hear Andie scream. When they get to the cabin a few moments later Andie is freaking and Charlie looks dead. A moment after that the dads arrive and determine they have to get Charlie to Peg ASAP.

Peg claims that Charlie's life force is so depleted that he can't replenish it on his own. She tries tricking his body into thinking it's more alive than it actually is so that it'll replenish itself but that doesn't work. Taking him to the hospital is apparently out of the question. The only option left is--wait for it--enlisting Devon's help. There will be a price for turning to dark magics but Nick and Sarah don't care. Famous last words.

Dylan and Claire find Devon a minute before Nick shows up. The vampires want her dead, but Nick needs her alive to save his son. Of course the vampires back down. A few minutes later they end up having to fight and kill their way through an ambush by their fellow vampires. While Nick, Claire and Dylan risk themselves for her Devon cowers in the car. Anyone else disturbed that the vampires are turning against their own kind in order to help humans, one of whom they hate? They've clearly lived in the suburbs too long.

Once they're safely at Nick's, Devon is happy to work her dark magics to help Charlie--all she needs to do is kill him and then revive him with a potion. I have a hard time believing this is the only possible way to save him. But whatever. She smothers him as she did in her vision and a moment later he's back from the dead like nothing happened.

Things fall apart the next morning, though. Charlie wakes to a farewell message left by Andie (she loves him but can't risk hurting him again so she's leaving The Gates...forever!) Claire and Dylan are informed that The (vampire) Council will hear a plea of leniency--but only if the two of them deliver Devon to the others. Not that Claire or Dylan believe they'll be getting any leniency (after killing a bunch of their brethren, why would they?) so they start making plans to leave Emily with her biological aunt. Then they head to Nick's looking for Devon. But wait! The dark forces have asserted themselves in Charlie--he shuffles into the room zombie-like and throws Nick against the wall with an invisible force. Hey, they were warned there would be a price. Of course it might help if Devon didn't look so damn smug about it.

There's also a side story involving Marcus breaking into Leigh's apartment to look for "answers" and instead coming across the ornate box that was briefly stolen earlier in the season. When he opens it to look inside Leigh immediately starts getting sick. She rushes home and confronts Marcus, who insists on being told what the hell is going on. Leigh caves and tells him her ex used "voodon" to take her heart away (I so called it) so that she could never love anyone else. What's in the box is the only small bit of it she has left. At first Marcus is skeptical, but then he starts asking questions like 'can it be fixed?' (apparently Peg is helping her with that). Leigh also admits that her real name is Isobel Armant, which clicks with Marcus because a man has been calling for weeks looking for Isobel. It seems Leigh's vindictive ex has found her.

We'll never find out exactly what happened to Charlie or whether he'll ever be himself again. Or what's going to happen to Claire and Dylan. Or if the vampires (and everyone else) get their revenge on Devon. Or if Leigh's ex shows up and wreaks more havoc in her life. And really, I don't particularly care. Unfortunately The Gates was overwhelmingly mediocre (if you've read my reviews I wouldn't even recommend you bother watching it). Just another show that added very little to the genre and will quickly be forgotten. Oh well.

Fang Files

Appearance: Human until the vampire emerges, then sharp fangs and dark eyes.

Strengths: Super speed, strength.

Weaknesses: Magic toxins, stakes, other vampires.

Mythology: Vampires have to answer to one another (there's a vampire Council within The Gates) and can be punished when their actions break the vampire code. Breaching trust is a punishable offence among vampires.

Sound Bites

Charlie: What was I thinking?
Andie: You were thinking you can't live without me. Which is exactly the way I feel about you.

Peg: Devon can help him. But it would be through the dark arts. And with dark magic there is always a price.

Marcus: [to Leigh] You know, I came here looking for answers. Turns out I wasn't even asking the right questions.

Sarah: What did you do to my son?
Devon: I told you I could bring him back. I never said he'd be the same.

The Gates, Season 1 Episode 13 "Moving Day" (series finale). Written by Grant Scharbo and Gabrielle G. Stanton. Directed by Fred Gerber. From ABC.

Read my previous reviews:

Episode 1, "Pilot"
Episode 2, "What Lies Beneath"
Episode 3, "Breach"
Episode 4, "The Monster Within"
Episode 5, "Repercussions"
Episode 6, "Jurisdiction"
Episode 7, "Digging the Dirt"
Episode 8 "Dog Eat Dog"
Episode 9, "Identity Crisis"
Episode 10, "Little Girl Lost"
Episode 11, "Surfacing"
Episode 12, "Bad Moon Rising"

The Gates S1 E12 "Bad Moon Rising"

2011-04-05T14:09:00.009-04:00

Spoilers Ahead

Hate crimes against vampires? What is The Gates coming to? Next thing you know witches will be working malevolent spells and werewolves will be stalking succubi. Oh, wait...

After being told about the more unusual aspects of The Gates (see last episode) Sarah's having a hard time accepting her new reality. But Nick is convinced they're surrounded by good people (even the ones who technically aren't people) and gets her to agree--albeit reluctantly--to give it more time. If only Nick knew what was coming he could have saved them all the trouble and just gone ahead and booked the movers.

The problem starts when Frank Buckley decides he's had enough of being human and asks vampire wife Vanessa to turn him after their anniversary party. Well, technically the problem started when Frank cheated on first wife Devon with Vanessa, but we'll get to that in a bit. Right now, though, Frank deciding to join the vamp ranks looks to the weres as though he's choosing sides. Alpha were Coach Ross lets Buckley know that he and his pack are not pleased, but Buckley, trusting fellow that he is, insists on following through with his plan.

No surprise that Devon is even less impressed than the weres when she hears that Frank is going to make an eternal commitment to wife number two. She breaks out all the nasty spell ingredients she's been collecting (vampire blood, werewolf eyes, facial peel remnants...) and then pays Sarah a visit. After pointing out that she's the only one who didn't lie to Sarah about The Gates' secrets and then hammering home the message that Sarah can trust her because she's also a "normal" human, Devon puts the whammy on Sarah, ordering her to have a chat with Frank and then conveniently forget all about it.

At the anniversary party (being held at Dylan and Claire's house--not really helping the whole 'choosing one side over another' theory), Ross and the other weres unexpectedly show up announcing that they're okay with Buckley choosing teams, after all. It's clearly a good night for vampire-werewolf relations as even Claire and Karen are getting along. Obviously it couldn't last. A pounding at the door reveals a heart staked to it with a note stating "Even vampires die." Frank still isn't deterred from wanting to be turned, convinced that the note is harmless (either he's really naive or The Gates is entirely populated by mischievous teens who are basically good kids).

After the party breaks up (the staked heart is pretty much everyone's cue to leave) and alone at last Vanessa finally gets ready to turn her husband. But as she starts drinking she suddenly begins choking. A moment later she's dead, having withered into a mummy-like corpse (something that Dylan later admits he's never seen and is not the way vampires usually go). After a lot of expository storytelling it turns out that Devon poisoned Frank's blood via a compelled Sarah. His blood will now kill any vampire exposed to it. Oh noes--and the weres are coming to get his blood so they can use it against the vampires (weren't they all friends a minute ago?) Frank still refuses to believe that anyone in The Gates would kill him. Then he kills himself (the vampire lead-medical examiner makes sure the body and its blood is completely destroyed). Meanwhile, Devon's gone into hiding and she could poison anyone else's blood again at any time, putting all the vampires in The Gates at serious risk. So the hunt for Devon is on. But as far as Nick's concerned it's time to grab the family and get the hell out of Dodge. I guess it was really only one good person keeping him there all along.

In other news, Brett's jealousy over Andie and Charlie finally gets the better of him when he finds out that Andie's taking medication that allows her to harmlessly act on all her succubus urges. Of course, this happens right after Andie and Charlie declare their love for each other and Charlie expresses his deep fear of losing Andie. What could possibly go wrong?

As The Gates nears its conclusion it's heartening to see that it seems to be tying up loose ends (nothing worse than an incomplete story). I'm sure the bad guys will be caught and punished, the good guys will find another reason to hang in there, and true love will prevail. Of course, there's always a chance we could be surprised. But I somehow doubt it.

Fang Files

Appearance: Human with sharp fangs that descend and retract at will.

Strengths: Strong emotional bonds with one another.

Weaknesses: Magic, blackmail, stakes.

Mythology: Turning a human into a vampire involves a blood exchange. Dead vampires don't usually looks mummified.

Sound Bites

Claire: [to Sarah] Well, if I told you the truth the first day we met do you honestly think you would have believed me?
Karen: And, after all, it's not the kind of thing you open a conversation with. 'Pleased to meet you--I'm Karen and occasionally I transform into a wolf.'
Claire: I suppose what she's trying to say is that... now you know what we are; try not to forget who we are.

Brett: What's the point of having teeth if you never use them?

The Gates, Season 1 Episode 12 "Bad Moon Rising." Written by Richard Hatem and Jared Romero. Directed by Arthur Albert. From ABC.

Moonlight S1 E16 "Sonata" Series Finale

2011-04-01T10:25:00.009-04:00

Spoilers Ahead

Just when things were getting good CBS had to go and cancel Moonlight. Such is the sad story of TV and we, the fans, can only hope to not be left hanging. Luckily we get something of a satisfying ending for Moonlight, although we also have to contend with the beginning of an intriguing new storyline that will never go anywhere. Sometimes I have to wonder if TV execs are all closet sadists.

In any case, "Sonata" starts off with Joseph being honoured by Hearst College for his generous donation of an entire arena (he also founded the school, he admits to Beth, after losing a bet to William Randolph Hearst). The evening is going well enough and Beth and Mick are enjoying their fourth official date--until the school's star basketball player is found dead in a hot tub.

As they investigate the murder (among the suspects are Joseph's freshie--human blood donor--and a vampire) Beth has a chance to find out more about vampire culture than she really cares to. She ends up jealous of Mick's desire to feed off other humans and confused about how she feels about being turned--or not--someday.

When Mick manages to catch up to the killer, Emma--one of the dead player's vampire managers, as well as his lover--D.A. Talbot and the police are already there. Emma is freaking, refusing to go to jail, and emphasizing her point by flinging the humans around the room. But Mick calms her down and convinces her to cooperate. You get a good look at Mick's gorgeous fangs in this shot. It's nice to see the vampires acting like vampires throughout this episode, actually, and their 'otherness' is featured prominently in "Sonata."

Once in jail, Emma gets melodramatic, insisting that if Mick doesn't get her out again she'll tell the police what she is and then hand over the names of all the vampires in LA. She then warns him he's got 24 hours. Um, okay. Not only does this seem like it's straight out of some cheesy "suspense" movie but leads to a trite scene straight out of a heist movie as Mick gathers up the gang (which consists of Joseph, Guillermo, Logan, and the Cleaner) to break Emma out. The "heist" itself is actually not bad. Of course it goes wrong, leaving the vamps scrambling for a last-minute Plan B. After all the trouble they go to getting Emma (not to mention feeding her blood) they have a quickie trial in which she's convicted of treason against vamp-kind and sentenced to death by flamethrower.

As the LA vampires are breathing a collective sigh of relief, somebody slips D.A. Talbot a list of all their names (a few are crossed out, including Emma's). Mick and Joseph's names are last on the list. Talbot then gets a mysterious phone call telling him the list is for his eyes only. This is the new intriguing storyline we're never going to get to see played out. Talbot has seen enough strange things in the last few episodes to start putting facts together, so I'm pretty sure he would eventually figure out the vampires' existence. But then what would happen? Would he be understanding or turn hunter? How would the vampires respond? And who is his informant? Damn, it would have been nice to have another season.

The episode (and series) appropriately leaves off with Mick and Beth. He goes to see her after the Emma situation has been dealt with. Beth is upset with all things vampire and she's decided she doesn't think the two of them can ever work out. Mick is speechless as he turns and walks out (nicely acted, Alex O'Loughlin). Beth closes the door behind him and dissolves into sobs. Out in the hall, Mick suddenly turns and goes back to her apartment. When she doesn't respond to his knocks he just walks in (gotta love a man of action). He gives a rousing little speech about "us" and their feelings for each other. Then he tells her he loves her and they kiss. From just outside the apartment we see Beth gently close the door again, as the two of the continue to kiss inside. Well at least we get something of a happy conclusion with those two, although again it really would have been nice to see how their relationship would have played out.

Overall Moonlight was a good show, one any vampire fan should make a point of checking out. There were definitely a few weak episodes but the vampires were cool, the acting was good, the makeup/effects were pretty awesome, and the relationships were compelling. Although we're left wondering what could have been, at least it was fun while it lasted.

Fang Files

Appearance: Pale human until the vampire emerges then ghostly white eyes and long, elegant fangs (these are probably the best fangs I've seen on any vampires).

Strengths: Super speed, strength. Ability to tell blood types apart by taste. Enhanced sense of hearing--vamps can tell from the sound of a person's heartbeat that they're lying. Can speak below audible human levels so that humans can't overhear them (although other vampires can still hear them). Enhanced sense of smell. Resistant to injury.

Weaknesses: Silver, fire, boredom, love.

Mythology: It's a common practice among vampires to have arrangements with humans who provide them with blood; these humans are called "Freshies." Vampires have their own laws and justice; above all they must keep their existence a secret.

Sound Bites

Beth: This is great--I feel like I'm back at my high school prom.
Joseph: You know prom wasn't really big back in the 1700s. High school either. The plague--the plague was big.

Simone: We should go.
Joseph: But this is so awkward. I love awkward.

Beth: You okay?
Mick: Yeah, well, I got hit in the face with the sacred ass paddle.
Beth: [shrugs] Karma.

Moonlight, Season 1 Episode 16 "Sonata" (series finale). Written by Ethan Erwin and Kira Snyder. Directed by Fred Toye. From CBS.

Read my previous reviews:

Episode 1 "No Such Thing as Vampires"
Episode 2 "Out of the Past"
Episode 3 "Dr. Feelgood"
Episode 4 "Fever"
Episode 5 "Arrested Development"
Episode 6 "B.C."
Episode 7 "The Ringer"
Episode 8 "12:04 AM"
Episode 9 "Fleur de Lys"
Episode 10 "Sleeping Beauty"
Episode 11 "Love Lasts Forever"
Episode 12 "The Mortal Cure"
Episode 13 "Fated to Pretend"
Episode 14 "Click"
Episode 15 "What's Left Behind"

Trailer: Stake Land

2011-03-31T17:55:00.005-04:00

Stake Land looks awesome. Set in a post-apocalyptic world where a vampire plague is running rampant, what few uninfected humans remain struggle to survive, including orphaned Martin (Connor Paolo, Gossip Girl), who finds a dubious ally in a hunter known as "Mister" (Nick Damici, The Black Donnellys).

I'm definitely a fan of the VILF genre of vampires but I have to say it's nice to see a movie where the only contact you'd want with the monsters is when your stake contacts their undead hearts. Giving the zombie treatment to vamps is also a step in the right direction of reminding us why vampires are still scary.

Stake Land won the Midnight Madness Audience Award at TIFF 2010 and will be released in theatres 22 April. Can't wait.