Vampire in a Box!

Who says vampires can't have a sense of humour? Obviously not Miriam Zellnik, who put together this nifty little kit. To help with your bloodsucking cred, it comes with:

Instant Blood Capsules: Haven't tried them out (nor will I), but they supposedly taste like raspberry (am I the only one a little disappointed?) Also, unlike the official photo above, I only got two capsules in my box.

Medallion: Tacky jewellery isn't just for Transylvanian Counts anymore! The environment weeps as somewhere a barrel of oil is sacrificed to make these things, but you can always use yours to dress up a Dracula costume next Halloween. Besides, true vampires care not for the natural world.

Fangs (upper and lower): Not exactly comfy to wear or remotely real looking, but a hell of a lot of fun if you're a goof. Luckily, I am.

Booklet "Vampire--Secrets of Immortality": Definitely the best part of the kit, it includes such gems as Secrets to Immortality (hint: keep up to date on pop culture); Fun Vampire Bites of Information (have you had your vampirism vaccine?); and Hey Baby, What's Your Vampire Name?

Text Bites

If Dracula can't see his reflection in a mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed? --Steven Wright.

Beauty tip: If your widow's peak is thinning, use jet black shoe polish to fill in bald spots.

Vampire in a Box by Miriam Zellnik. From Running Press.