The Gates S1 E9 "Identity Crisis"

Spoilers Ahead

Well, you can't accuse The Gates of not being predictable. In "Identity Crisis"...

• Nick tries to amuse Charlie with a sleight-of-hand trick and later uses the same trick to conceal a key piece of evidence
• Devon goes on to Mia about how Devil's Weed is amazing for auto-immune diseases and for when the body turns on itself--but won't teach her about it until she's older. So Mia steals some Devil's Weed tincture and gives it to Andie for her Succubus "disorder"
• Dylan swears nothing in the world would make him miss Emily's spelling bee. He forgets about it entirely (as does Claire).
• After ignoring Charlie, Andie is finally ready to be with him again (after the Devil's Weed instantly gets her succubus side under control), only to find him kissing another girl
• The FBI agent who suddenly rolls into town turns out to not be who she says she is. And she's got an ulterior motive!
• The man in the Gates who makes fake identities for the various supernatural types (mostly the vampires) is dumb enough to leave photos of his clients lying around his house, easily decrypted files on his computer, and a flash drive of his master list in a safety deposit box registered under his own name
• Leigh mentions she had a boyfriend who ripped her heart out. If you'll recall, way back in "Breach" an ornate, glowy box was stolen from Leigh's apartment (she ultimately retrieved it). Who wants to bet her boyfriend literally ripped her heart out and, with some magical help, she now keeps it in that box?
• Christian, left for dead by Dylan, isn't actually dead (since we always see the body when someone dies on this show and we didn't see his, that's no surprise). He's out for revenge against Claire and Dylan now, starting with kidnapping Emily from her room
  

I wish I could say this episode isn't indicative of the rest of the series. I also wish I could win the Lotto Max jackpot. Guess which wish is more realistic. The Gates had so much promise and has just ended up being completely disappointing. Four episodes left. If only I actually cared...

Fang Files

Appearance: Human with sharp fangs that we hardly ever get to see. Dead vampires look like dead people.

Strengths: Super speed, strength. Quick healing. Not affected by being run through with a sword.

Weaknesses: Sunlight, stakes, melodramatic gestures.

Mythology: Vampires have a bond with their makers, although it can be broken.

Sound Bites

Ben (vampire): If it was up to me you wouldn't be involved in this but Dylan has convinced me that I need to let you attempt to save this woman's life.
Nick: You're gonna kill an FBI agent?
Ben: There are too many peoples' lives at stake here. If she gets that list before you do, well someone out there will make sure she never gets back to FBI headquarters alive.

Claire: I'm home... Don't you even want to know where I've been?
Dylan: What does it matter? For all I know you're lying to me.

Emily: Where are we going again?
Christian: Oh, don't you worry about it, pumpkin. This is going to be fun.

The Gates, Season 1 Episode 9 "Identity Crisis." Written by Scott Nimerfro. Directed by Steve Miner. From ABC.