Happy Solstice!

 

Claire Radcliff from The Gates

Wishing you all a happy Solstice, no matter where you might be!

(Vampires and other sun-sensitive creatures– don’t forget your sunscreen and parasols… 🧛)

Cheers,

Aspasía S. Bissas

(PS: Reading is always a celebration! Download my books and get celebrating…)

The Gates S1 E13 "Moving Day" Series Finale

Spoilers Ahead

Well, I was wrong: The Gates wasn't tying up loose story threads in light of its imminent cancellation--it was gearing up for new storylines. At least one of which might have even been interesting to see played out. But it was too little too late for this show and now we're stuck with unresolved issues. I hate it when that happens.

Anyway, "Moving Day" begins, appropriately enough, with Nick and Sarah preparing to leave The Gates. Sarah is finally free of Devon's influence, but not the resulting trauma. And speaking of trauma, the kids aren't too happy about being taken away from the life they've just settled into.

Elsewhere Claire and Dylan desperately try to find Devon before the other vampires find out that it was Claire's blood that was used in the toxin that killed Vanessa. It's a good thing Devon didn't bother clearing the Google maps history on her browser. She's holed up in a cheap motel where she's soon joined by Mia, who's brought her spell supplies so that she can foresee what she needs to do to protect herself. Mia also brings the devastating news that Frank is dead. After taking a minute to gather herself, Devon performs the spell and sees herself smothering and killing an unconscious Charlie.

At the high school Brett's had a change of heart about his moment of maliciousness and admits to Lexi that he watered down Andie's medication. Lexi convinces him to tell Andie what he did. Only they can't find Andie, so they go to see Charlie. But wait--Charlie, rebelling against moving, has run off with Andie into the woods. Brett and Lexi decide to track him with their superior werewolf senses while Nick enlists Andie's dad and has Charlie's phone GPS traced. The Gates takes all the fun out of running away.

Dylan and Claire, meanwhile, have found Devon's motel room and the remnants of her spell but no trace of Devon. Claire decides to take the spell to Peg so she can find out what it does. Peg can't decipher the spell, but she does recognize the writing as her daughter's. Time to have a chat with Mia. Sporting a bizarre smile throughout the entire scene, Mia finally buckles under her mother's interrogation and admits that Devon has a secret room in the back of her spa.

Back in the woods, Charlie and Andie settle into an empty cabin and decide to seize the day. They start kissing and as it turns serious the blue succubus vein on Andie's back suddenly comes back with a vengeance. As Brett and Lexi are tracking Charlie and Andie they suddenly hear Andie scream. When they get to the cabin a few moments later Andie is freaking and Charlie looks dead. A moment after that the dads arrive and determine they have to get Charlie to Peg ASAP.

Peg claims that Charlie's life force is so depleted that he can't replenish it on his own. She tries tricking his body into thinking it's more alive than it actually is so that it'll replenish itself but that doesn't work. Taking him to the hospital is apparently out of the question. The only option left is--wait for it--enlisting Devon's help. There will be a price for turning to dark magics but Nick and Sarah don't care. Famous last words.

Dylan and Claire find Devon a minute before Nick shows up. The vampires want her dead, but Nick needs her alive to save his son. Of course the vampires back down. A few minutes later they end up having to fight and kill their way through an ambush by their fellow vampires. While Nick, Claire and Dylan risk themselves for her Devon cowers in the car. Anyone else disturbed that the vampires are turning against their own kind in order to help humans, one of whom they hate? They've clearly lived in the suburbs too long.

Once they're safely at Nick's, Devon is happy to work her dark magics to help Charlie--all she needs to do is kill him and then revive him with a potion. I have a hard time believing this is the only possible way to save him. But whatever. She smothers him as she did in her vision and a moment later he's back from the dead like nothing happened.

Things fall apart the next morning, though. Charlie wakes to a farewell message left by Andie (she loves him but can't risk hurting him again so she's leaving The Gates...forever!) Claire and Dylan are informed that The (vampire) Council will hear a plea of leniency--but only if the two of them deliver Devon to the others. Not that Claire or Dylan believe they'll be getting any leniency (after killing a bunch of their brethren, why would they?) so they start making plans to leave Emily with her biological aunt. Then they head to Nick's looking for Devon. But wait! The dark forces have asserted themselves in Charlie--he shuffles into the room zombie-like and throws Nick against the wall with an invisible force. Hey, they were warned there would be a price. Of course it might help if Devon didn't look so damn smug about it.

There's also a side story involving Marcus breaking into Leigh's apartment to look for "answers" and instead coming across the ornate box that was briefly stolen earlier in the season. When he opens it to look inside Leigh immediately starts getting sick. She rushes home and confronts Marcus, who insists on being told what the hell is going on. Leigh caves and tells him her ex used "voodon" to take her heart away (I so called it) so that she could never love anyone else. What's in the box is the only small bit of it she has left. At first Marcus is skeptical, but then he starts asking questions like 'can it be fixed?' (apparently Peg is helping her with that). Leigh also admits that her real name is Isobel Armant, which clicks with Marcus because a man has been calling for weeks looking for Isobel. It seems Leigh's vindictive ex has found her.

We'll never find out exactly what happened to Charlie or whether he'll ever be himself again. Or what's going to happen to Claire and Dylan. Or if the vampires (and everyone else) get their revenge on Devon. Or if Leigh's ex shows up and wreaks more havoc in her life. And really, I don't particularly care. Unfortunately The Gates was overwhelmingly mediocre (if you've read my reviews I wouldn't even recommend you bother watching it). Just another show that added very little to the genre and will quickly be forgotten. Oh well.

Fang Files

Appearance: Human until the vampire emerges, then sharp fangs and dark eyes.

Strengths: Super speed, strength.

Weaknesses: Magic toxins, stakes, other vampires.

Mythology: Vampires have to answer to one another (there's a vampire Council within The Gates) and can be punished when their actions break the vampire code. Breaching trust is a punishable offence among vampires.

Sound Bites

Charlie: What was I thinking?
Andie: You were thinking you can't live without me. Which is exactly the way I feel about you.

Peg: Devon can help him. But it would be through the dark arts. And with dark magic there is always a price.

Marcus: [to Leigh] You know, I came here looking for answers. Turns out I wasn't even asking the right questions.

Sarah: What did you do to my son?
Devon: I told you I could bring him back. I never said he'd be the same.

The Gates, Season 1 Episode 13 "Moving Day" (series finale). Written by Grant Scharbo and Gabrielle G. Stanton. Directed by Fred Gerber. From ABC.

Read my previous reviews:

Episode 1, "Pilot"
Episode 2, "What Lies Beneath"
Episode 3, "Breach"
Episode 4, "The Monster Within"
Episode 5, "Repercussions"
Episode 6, "Jurisdiction"
Episode 7, "Digging the Dirt"
Episode 8 "Dog Eat Dog"
Episode 9, "Identity Crisis"
Episode 10, "Little Girl Lost"
Episode 11, "Surfacing"
Episode 12, "Bad Moon Rising"

The Gates S1 E12 "Bad Moon Rising"

Spoilers Ahead

Hate crimes against vampires? What is The Gates coming to? Next thing you know witches will be working malevolent spells and werewolves will be stalking succubi. Oh, wait...

After being told about the more unusual aspects of The Gates (see last episode) Sarah's having a hard time accepting her new reality. But Nick is convinced they're surrounded by good people (even the ones who technically aren't people) and gets her to agree--albeit reluctantly--to give it more time. If only Nick knew what was coming he could have saved them all the trouble and just gone ahead and booked the movers.

The problem starts when Frank Buckley decides he's had enough of being human and asks vampire wife Vanessa to turn him after their anniversary party. Well, technically the problem started when Frank cheated on first wife Devon with Vanessa, but we'll get to that in a bit. Right now, though, Frank deciding to join the vamp ranks looks to the weres as though he's choosing sides. Alpha were Coach Ross lets Buckley know that he and his pack are not pleased, but Buckley, trusting fellow that he is, insists on following through with his plan.

No surprise that Devon is even less impressed than the weres when she hears that Frank is going to make an eternal commitment to wife number two. She breaks out all the nasty spell ingredients she's been collecting (vampire blood, werewolf eyes, facial peel remnants...) and then pays Sarah a visit. After pointing out that she's the only one who didn't lie to Sarah about The Gates' secrets and then hammering home the message that Sarah can trust her because she's also a "normal" human, Devon puts the whammy on Sarah, ordering her to have a chat with Frank and then conveniently forget all about it.

At the anniversary party (being held at Dylan and Claire's house--not really helping the whole 'choosing one side over another' theory), Ross and the other weres unexpectedly show up announcing that they're okay with Buckley choosing teams, after all. It's clearly a good night for vampire-werewolf relations as even Claire and Karen are getting along. Obviously it couldn't last. A pounding at the door reveals a heart staked to it with a note stating "Even vampires die." Frank still isn't deterred from wanting to be turned, convinced that the note is harmless (either he's really naive or The Gates is entirely populated by mischievous teens who are basically good kids).

After the party breaks up (the staked heart is pretty much everyone's cue to leave) and alone at last Vanessa finally gets ready to turn her husband. But as she starts drinking she suddenly begins choking. A moment later she's dead, having withered into a mummy-like corpse (something that Dylan later admits he's never seen and is not the way vampires usually go). After a lot of expository storytelling it turns out that Devon poisoned Frank's blood via a compelled Sarah. His blood will now kill any vampire exposed to it. Oh noes--and the weres are coming to get his blood so they can use it against the vampires (weren't they all friends a minute ago?) Frank still refuses to believe that anyone in The Gates would kill him. Then he kills himself (the vampire lead-medical examiner makes sure the body and its blood is completely destroyed). Meanwhile, Devon's gone into hiding and she could poison anyone else's blood again at any time, putting all the vampires in The Gates at serious risk. So the hunt for Devon is on. But as far as Nick's concerned it's time to grab the family and get the hell out of Dodge. I guess it was really only one good person keeping him there all along.

In other news, Brett's jealousy over Andie and Charlie finally gets the better of him when he finds out that Andie's taking medication that allows her to harmlessly act on all her succubus urges. Of course, this happens right after Andie and Charlie declare their love for each other and Charlie expresses his deep fear of losing Andie. What could possibly go wrong?

As The Gates nears its conclusion it's heartening to see that it seems to be tying up loose ends (nothing worse than an incomplete story). I'm sure the bad guys will be caught and punished, the good guys will find another reason to hang in there, and true love will prevail. Of course, there's always a chance we could be surprised. But I somehow doubt it.

Fang Files

Appearance: Human with sharp fangs that descend and retract at will.

Strengths: Strong emotional bonds with one another.

Weaknesses: Magic, blackmail, stakes.

Mythology: Turning a human into a vampire involves a blood exchange. Dead vampires don't usually looks mummified.

Sound Bites

Claire: [to Sarah] Well, if I told you the truth the first day we met do you honestly think you would have believed me?
Karen: And, after all, it's not the kind of thing you open a conversation with. 'Pleased to meet you--I'm Karen and occasionally I transform into a wolf.'
Claire: I suppose what she's trying to say is that... now you know what we are; try not to forget who we are.

Brett: What's the point of having teeth if you never use them?

The Gates, Season 1 Episode 12 "Bad Moon Rising." Written by Richard Hatem and Jared Romero. Directed by Arthur Albert. From ABC.

The Gates S1 E11 "Surfacing"

Spoilers Ahead

I wish I had more to say about "Surfacing" but it's pretty standard Gates/soap opera fare: melodrama, scheming women, families being torn asunder. They even managed to include a possession this time. And while there were moments of actual scariness it was all resolved far too quickly. Apparently it's not that hard to appease vengeful spirits these days.

We start with Nick suddenly waking from a nightmare, which he's apparently been having for weeks. Since he won't talk to Sarah about it, she consults Devon. Our resident bad witch suggests an inhibition-lowering tea (supposedly to get Nick to talk about what's bothering him) and then with a word manages to hypnotize Sarah into forgetting she ever spoke to Devon (presumably this is a side effect of the "relaxation" tea Devon has been giving Sarah). Once Sarah leaves, Devon brews up a potion that lets her get into Nick's mind, where she sees him reliving the death of Teresa (recap here). Armed with that information Devon decides to consult her tome of summoning spells. Enter the aforementioned vengeful spirit.

Strange things start happening around Nick, although he doesn't get concerned until he actually starts seeing Teresa. But after he hallucinates that Sarah has turned into Teresa as they're kissing, Sarah drags him to Devon who gives him some of her tea, telling him that whatever's bothering him won't go away without it. He doesn't trust Devon but he agrees that if the hallucinations don't stop soon he'll drink the tea.

Elsewhere, Claire's nerves are on edge. Not only did Emily nearly see her drinking blood but the biological aunt comes for a visit and brings a child services worker along with her. Although the child services woman is satisfied that Emily is in a great home, the aunt isn't letting up, asking to see a copy of the adoption papers. At least things are getting better between Claire and Dylan--their 50-year anniversary is coming up and they're planning on renewing their bond (marital as well as sire/sired).

As Nick has more and more Teresa encounters he finally decides he needs to check that she's really dead. After getting the location of her burial site from Dylan, Nick heads to what turns out to be a bog. I thought for sure he was going to get sucked under as he was digging but instead he cuts himself (I couldn't quite tell on what but I think it was a bone shard) and finds Teresa's necklace. The cut prompts him to go see good witch Dr. Peg, who administers spiritual advice as well as medical care. She tells him he needs to help Teresa's spirit move on but cautions that it'll only happen if she's ready to move on. Helpful.

It turns out Teresa's not quite ready to depart. She haunts Nick's house, returns her necklace (after he dropped it back at the burial site) via his garbage disposal, and nearly drowns Charlie in the pool. Finally she possesses Sarah (possibly because Sarah decided to put on the haunted necklace). Desperate, Nick makes a deal to kill himself (justice, according to Teresa) in exchange for her leaving his family unharmed. Of course before he offs himself he gives a teary, heartfelt apology for killing Teresa's brother. That's good enough for Teresa--she departs, leaving Nick alive and Sarah unaware of what happened.

The fallout of all this? We get another hint at what's up with Leigh (after being shot in the chest by Teresa, Leigh is fine. She claims she was wearing a vest but it's fairly obvious she wasn't. My theory about her being literally heartless is looking promising). After nearly dying Charlie realizes he loves Andie, so they're back together. And Nick comes clean with Sarah about everything--including the fact that Dylan's a vampire. Sarah wisely decides it's time to get the hell out of The Gates. Devon also suffers some disappointment when Nick returns her tea unopened. Maybe next time she should be a little less obvious when she's pushing it on someone.

Speaking of coming clean, Claire and Dylan decide it's time to tell Emily what they are. But surprise--Emily already knows! So they have some family bonding time over how old they are and what it's like to be vampires.

What's going to happen with Nick and family? I'm guessing they won't get very far. And if the show had more than two episodes left I'd wonder how long before Emily lets the family secret slip to the wrong person. But overall I remain unenthused.

Fang Files

Appearance: Human with subtle fangs when needed.

Strengths: Super speed, strength.

Weaknesses: Going too long between feedings (almost like sudden drug withdrawal).

Mythology: Vampires can make or break bonds with one another.

Sound Bites

Nick: I don't trust her.
Sarah: Yeah, well I don't trust you.

Nick: Put the gun down, Sarah.
Teresa in Sarah's body: Sarah's gone.

The Gates, Season 1 Episode 11 "Surfacing." Written by Grant Scharbo. Directed by Holly Dale. From ABC.

The Gates S1 E10 "Little Girl Lost"

Spoilers Ahead

I suspect if The Gates had included more episodes like "Little Girl Lost" the show might still be with us. Alas, most of the episodes were like "Identity Crisis," which is probably why it ended up on the scrap heap (you never know with networks).

We start with Claire and Dylan as they come to the terrifying realization that they can't find Emily (or Christian) anywhere. They can't turn to their fellow vampires for help so they go to Nick. His first thought is to get the FBI involved but Claire and Dylan are convinced that Christian will kill Emily if he gets any hint of that sort of thing. So it's time for a secret investigation.

While Dylan and Nick start tracking down leads, Claire is forced to stay behind in case Christian calls or returns. The menfolk follow one of Christian's aliases to a house where they find a dead couple and Emily's stuffed lion. The show gets high points for creepiness with this scene. As our heroes are trying to figure things out Christian calls Nick. At first he wants Nick to stay out of it, claiming that this is between himself, Claire, and Dylan (and that Emily is just collateral damage). But then he tells Nick to ask Claire and Dylan about St. Louis.

It turns out Dylan and Claire adopted Emily in St. Louis after Claire killed her junkie parents before discovering the infant. They decided they wanted to make things right for the baby, as well as for themselves, and they tell Nick that Emily made them human again. Claire claims she accepts responsibility for her crimes and is ready to accept any course of action Nick deems appropriate--but he just has to help them find Emily first.

The investigation back in full swing, it doesn't take them long to discover Christian's hideout. He's surprisingly easy to subdue but not quite forthcoming with information. When Dylan demands to know where Emily is, Christian claims that after what he's done with her they'll never get her back. As they continue to interrogate him, Christian turns things back on Dylan and Claire, telling stories of their evil deeds (making sure to mention that Claire has been out hunting with him recently) and asking Nick why he believes they're any better than he (Christian) is. When Claire insists they're nothing like Christian he suddenly declares he's willing to negotiate. He'll tell them where Emily is if they kill Nick. Right now.

This is definitely an interesting scene. You can imagine Nick's fear as he's trapped with two loose and desperate vampires who see him as the only thing between them and what they want most. You can relate to the vampires as well--what human parent wouldn't do anything they could to get their beloved child back? And for a second there it looks as though Dylan's going to go through with it (some nice vampire action here) but then he regains control of himself. But he hesitated long enough to show Nick that Christian is right--no vampires are completely trustworthy--not even the ones who are supposedly your friends.

The next bit is not quite as interesting. As Christian goes on about how the others are no better than he is and at least he acknowledges what he is, Nick suddenly clues in to where he took Emily. Because Christian keeps mentioning the suffering of his victims' families, Nick figures out that Christian took Emily back to her biological family. This was a little too quick and neat, as far as I'm concerned. It would have been nice if they'd spent a little more time searching for Emily.

In any case, this revelation sets Claire and Dylan up for something of a custody battle. They find Emily happily visiting with her aunt and uncle and excited about learning about her biological mother. Aunt and Uncle always believed that junkie mom took off years ago with the baby; Claire and Dylan's story is that Emily was neglected and abandoned. Of course the biological family expects "Piper" to live with them from now on. But Claire and Dylan have adoption papers and the law on their side (it's interesting to note that Nick backs the vampires on this--insisting that human Emily go back home with them even though he knows what they're capable of). Of course, auntie isn't going to give up that easily and even though she allows Emily/Piper to leave with Claire and Dylan she makes all kinds of comments about how often she'll be visiting. I'd like to know where concerned aunt was when the baby was being neglected by her addict parents--why wasn't she making a big deal then about taking care of Piper? Whatever--I'm with Dylan and Claire on this one: the family that raises you is your family. If Emily wants to know about her DNA she can wait until she's 18. In the meantime, possessive "aunt" can just back off.

Anyway, while all this is happening Sarah is at home, ticked off at Nick for his secretiveness and for taking on a case of this magnitude without telling her what was going on. She clearly doesn't like being kept out of the loop. She's also downing Devon's special "relaxing" tea like it's water.

There's also some drama among the teens. Brett wants Andie--she just wants a friend. Andie wants Charlie enough to tell him she's not quite human; he can't deal with it and cuts Andie loose. Lexi wants Brett and was using Charlie to make Andie jealous. Does anyone really care? Maybe the producers thought teens and parents would sit down and watch the show together, so they covered all the bases and threw in a bit of something for everyone. It doesn't work.

The episode ends with deputy Leigh driving out to the deserted countryside just outside the Gates and letting Christian go. Before she leaves she informs him he's not welcome back anytime soon. Christian seems pretty pleased about the situation--until he notices Claire coming out of the darkness. She's the one who arranged for his release and she makes sure she puts a stake right through his heart. And another bad guy gets what he had coming.

Aside from certain pacing issues, this really was a decent episode. The acting (aside from Emily) is good, the story is interesting, and there are some great vampire moments (plenty of fang). Unfortunately I have a feeling that'll be the last of episodes like this.

Fang Files

Appearance: Pale humans. Long, sharp fangs when the vampire emerges.

Strengths: Super strength, speed. Heightened sense of smell.

Weaknesses: stakes, sunlight, blood lust.

Mythology: A stake straight through the heart will kill a vampire.

Sound Bites

Dylan: I should have done a proper job and finished him [Christian].

Claire: Tell him.
Dylan: [to Nick] Christian violated my wife. So I tried to kill him.

Christian: Chief Monohan, my name is Christian. May I call you Nick?

Dylan and Christian: The night is young and we have forever!

The Gates, Season 1 Episode 10 "Little Girl Lost." Written by Robert Hewitt Wolfe. Directed by Steve Shill. From ABC.

The Gates S1 E9 "Identity Crisis"

Spoilers Ahead

Well, you can't accuse The Gates of not being predictable. In "Identity Crisis"...

• Nick tries to amuse Charlie with a sleight-of-hand trick and later uses the same trick to conceal a key piece of evidence
• Devon goes on to Mia about how Devil's Weed is amazing for auto-immune diseases and for when the body turns on itself--but won't teach her about it until she's older. So Mia steals some Devil's Weed tincture and gives it to Andie for her Succubus "disorder"
• Dylan swears nothing in the world would make him miss Emily's spelling bee. He forgets about it entirely (as does Claire).
• After ignoring Charlie, Andie is finally ready to be with him again (after the Devil's Weed instantly gets her succubus side under control), only to find him kissing another girl
• The FBI agent who suddenly rolls into town turns out to not be who she says she is. And she's got an ulterior motive!
• The man in the Gates who makes fake identities for the various supernatural types (mostly the vampires) is dumb enough to leave photos of his clients lying around his house, easily decrypted files on his computer, and a flash drive of his master list in a safety deposit box registered under his own name
• Leigh mentions she had a boyfriend who ripped her heart out. If you'll recall, way back in "Breach" an ornate, glowy box was stolen from Leigh's apartment (she ultimately retrieved it). Who wants to bet her boyfriend literally ripped her heart out and, with some magical help, she now keeps it in that box?
• Christian, left for dead by Dylan, isn't actually dead (since we always see the body when someone dies on this show and we didn't see his, that's no surprise). He's out for revenge against Claire and Dylan now, starting with kidnapping Emily from her room
  

I wish I could say this episode isn't indicative of the rest of the series. I also wish I could win the Lotto Max jackpot. Guess which wish is more realistic. The Gates had so much promise and has just ended up being completely disappointing. Four episodes left. If only I actually cared...

Fang Files

Appearance: Human with sharp fangs that we hardly ever get to see. Dead vampires look like dead people.

Strengths: Super speed, strength. Quick healing. Not affected by being run through with a sword.

Weaknesses: Sunlight, stakes, melodramatic gestures.

Mythology: Vampires have a bond with their makers, although it can be broken.

Sound Bites

Ben (vampire): If it was up to me you wouldn't be involved in this but Dylan has convinced me that I need to let you attempt to save this woman's life.
Nick: You're gonna kill an FBI agent?
Ben: There are too many peoples' lives at stake here. If she gets that list before you do, well someone out there will make sure she never gets back to FBI headquarters alive.

Claire: I'm home... Don't you even want to know where I've been?
Dylan: What does it matter? For all I know you're lying to me.

Emily: Where are we going again?
Christian: Oh, don't you worry about it, pumpkin. This is going to be fun.

The Gates, Season 1 Episode 9 "Identity Crisis." Written by Scott Nimerfro. Directed by Steve Miner. From ABC.

The Gates S1 E8 "Dog Eat Dog"

Spoilers Ahead

Brace yourselves, everyone: this episode contains actual vampire action (and werewolf action too)! It's like...it's a show about paranormal creatures or something. Crazy! Yes, that is sarcasm. One shouldn't have to go episodes between glimpses of fang on a show supposedly about vampires (ABC execs take note: that might have had something to do with its cancellation).

"Dog Eat Dog" starts off on a beautiful sunny day in the not-so-sunny gated community. Even though they're not homeowners, Nick and Sarah decide to go to the homeowners meeting anyway. And good thing they did! A fight breaks out between Ben McAllister (vampire) and Simon Ford (werewolf) over (sigh) the timing of Ford's sprinkler system. Only in the suburbs. (I know the show has set up an uneasy truce between perpetual enemies, but really? That's the best they could come up with?) Nick and Dylan break up the fight and Nick banishes Ford from the meeting.

At home later that night, we're reminded again of why Simon Ford is such a charming fellow as he's abusive to both wife, Joan, and son, Lukas. In anger he storms out of the house. The next day Sarah finds him, beaten into unconsciousness and lying on his front lawn as the sprinklers drench him. Ooh, irony.

Nick spends the episode investigating anyone and everyone. Ford's wife is convinced Ben McAllister is the culprit, but it turns out he has an alibi. After a whole lot of nothing, Nick finds out about the existence of the werewolves and their fragile truce with the vampires, the breaking of which would destroy the entire community--including the humans. He then conveniently figures out that Lukas is the one who beat up Ford. It turns out that junior caught senior drunk and off guard and, after enduring yet more (verbal) abuse, snapped and kicked dad's ass good. The only problem is that, having beaten his father in a fight, Lukas is automatically the new alpha. Once the other weres find out they'll challenge and kill him (since he's too weak to take on an adult were in a fair fight). Enter Coach Ross, the beta of the pack, who feels guilty for not having known about Ford's cruelty to his family (something the whole pack should have been involved in stopping). He decides to take responsibility for beating Ford and, thus, assume the role of pack alpha. Woo. Meanwhile, Simon regains consciousness and skips town (I guess there's no coming back from being ousted as alpha).

In other events, Peg gives Devon hell for growing "devil's weed" (actually Datura, which I also grow--oh noes!), claiming it's used for the "darkest of dark magic" (if only she knew about beastlyboy's eyeballs). Before dramatically exiting the shop, Peg orders Devon to get rid of the plants--or else. I wonder how she would have reacted if she'd known her daughter, Mia, was hiding in the back of the shop the whole time. Seems Mia's been visiting Devon to learn about "the cool stuff" that her mom won't tell her anything about. Next thing you know Mia and Devon will be consorting with the devil and ruining farmers' crops (they probably already are).

Andie and Brett continue to bond over their non-humanness. She seems to want to be with Charlie but is too afraid of hurting him, so I guess Brett will have to suffice (by the end of the episode it seems as though they're going to be 'experimenting' with Andie's powers--the kind of experiments that involve getting nekkid). Meanwhile Peg has told Mia (Andie's best friend) that if Andie doesn't take her medication her body will turn on her and she'll die. Of course, Andie's mother's unmedicated body was doing just fine until she lost control and "had" to be killed by her husband (definitely not the same as dying because your body turned on you). Dr. Peg seems like an overreacting busybody. Maybe she could use a little more consorting in her life.

And then there's the ongoing drama between Claire and Christian, source of the only interesting bits in the show. She comes upon him in her house playing with her daughter, Emily. But after Claire angrily confronts Christian and tells him to get out, he replies that if she doesn't come to his place at 8 that evening, he'll tell Dylan about their hunting escapades. She doesn't have much of a choice so she shows up. Christian is like a broken record, telling Claire that he should have been the one to turn her and that it's not too late for them. She disagrees, insisting that the bond between her and Dylan can never be broken. So Christian shows her how easily it can be broken (it seems that drinking her blood is all it takes, although there could be more to it that we didn't see). At home Dylan wakes in a panic and jumps out of bed (um, isn't it around 8 o'clock? Why is he fast asleep in bed?)

Of course Dylan realizes what's happened and, when Claire gets home and provides further details, decides to wreak some revenge on his good pal Christian. There's a really cool shot where Dylan's demanded Claire's phone: from a distance we see them, arms outstretched in the moonlight, hands barely touching as the phone is passed from one to the other. Why can't there be more scenes like this? Instead there are pointless scenes, like the next one, where Dylan texts Christian (I suspect it was a product placement, but I didn't care enough to pay attention). Dylan attacks Christian and ties him to a tree, where he proceeds to wash off Christian's protective layer of sunscreen. In disbelief Christian watches Dylan drive away. A moment later the sun comes up and Christian is badly burned (although I suspect not dead). When Dylan returns home it's clear that things will never be the same between him and Claire.

The episode ends with Nick getting a surprise visit from Simon Ford. Ford claims he's leaving forever but first he wants to give Nick a word of advice--don't trust the vampires (well, he would say that, wouldn't he?) Nick replies that he's not taking sides and he doesn't trust anyone. Ford says that's good because weres and vamps aren't meant to live side by side and sooner or later things will fall apart. Apparently Nick won't want to be anywhere near The Gates when that happens. Then Ford asks Nick to deliver a message to Lukas: he's proud of him. Then he's gone.

I don't get ABC. If they wanted to make a show about vampires and weres, succubi and witches, why focus so much on human drama? Isn't there enough of that out there already? The Gates had the foundation for what could have been a really cool show, but instead turned it into boring tales of suburbia. I mean, this isn't rocket science--did the producers really need to be told that a show about monsters should actually focus on the monsters? Apparently they did. How disappointing.

Fang Files

Appearance: Human, with sharp fangs that descend at will (rarely seen).

Strengths: Super speed, strength.

Weaknesses: Sunlight (have to wear a strong sunscreen to be able to withstand it).

Mythology: A bond exists between maker and made, but the bond can be erased by another vampire.

Sound Bites

Simon Ford: Lay your hands on me again and that'll be the last thing you ever do.
Nick: You get the hell out of here or you're going to jail.

Christian: Claire, I love you.
Claire: I don't love you, Christian. I love Dylan.

Christian: You can live like a human, Dylan, but... you're not one. Neither is she.

The Gates, Season 1 Episode 8 "Dog Eat Dog." Written by Gabrielle Stanton. Directed by David Barrett. From ABC.

The Gates S1 E7 "Digging the Dirt"

Spoilers Ahead

Vampires are people too! At least, that's what The Gates would have you believe. Me, I'm not so sure this is the direction the show really should be taking. But what do I know--I think monsters should actually be monstrous. Revolutionary, I know.

"Digging the Dirt" starts with Nick having a nightmare about his wife being bitten by Dylan while Frank Buckley intones "we can't let you leave." Hating that Buckley has anything over him (see last episode) Nick enlists a reluctant Dylan to help him dig up dirt on Buckley so they can at least be on an even playing field. He's already discovered that W.R. Harrison, co-founder of The Gates, died under mysterious circumstances, and he wants Dylan to use his position as a member of the Gates' Board to find out more information.

Meanwhile Nick's wife, Sarah, hosts a pool party for all the desperate housewives in the community. She just wants everyone to get along. Nick might be the one having nightmares but it's clear that Sarah is the one living in dreamland. Claire (vampire) goes despite her hatred for all things Karen Crezski (werewolf), and the feeling is definitely mutual. Although all the cliques seem to be united in their dislike of Devon, who has a knack for being an equal-opportunity bitch. Sigh.

Speaking of Devon, Nick has a chat with her and finds out that W.R. Harrison ("Uncle Billy") was like a second father to her. She claims that Harrison and Buckley had a huge falling out before he died (she believes Harrison found out about Buckley's affair with Vanessa). A week later Harrison had his tragic accident and Buckley had full control of The Gates and all the profits. Murder motive: check.

Unfortunately, Nick's theory falls apart when Dylan discovers that 80% of Harrison's share of the profits goes directly into a trust fund--there's no gain for either Buckley (who apparently gets underpaid for his work) or Devon. Nick's not done yet, though. He muses that the motive for killing Harrison could have had more to do with anger than money. He proposes they speak to The Gates' CFO, Lloyd Foster, who's been there since the beginning. Foster confirms the big fight between Buckley and Harrison, claiming that Harrison threatened to shut The Gates down--he even had Foster work out the details. Sure he's onto something, Nick says he's going to need access to the records and a copy of Harrison's will.

In the will, Nick and Dylan discover a codicil added a week before Harrison's death, stating that payments were to be made to a company called River Trust Gates Management. When they investigate further, they discover an unused office (although still guarded by a camera) and paperwork for an offshore bank account. It's clearly nothing more than a shell company. Dylan brings up the point that this is vampire MO (they need to keep switching identities and transferring assets since they don't age), so the thought occurs to them that perhaps Harrison is a vamp and the company is funnelling money back to himself.

Oddly, Devon is interested enough in Nick's investigation that she uses her special "calming" tea to put the whammy on Sarah and get her to tell her all about it. As Devon is dropping Sarah off at home afterward, telling her to "forget all about it," Karen happens to be driving by and notices. She looks less than pleased.

Devon's busy elsewhere, as well. Hooking up with a guy she met from an online dating site (whom she chose specifically because of his screen name: "beastlyboy") she tells him he can be himself with her--that she was looking for someone different. A moment later his eyes go wolfish. Then they pick up where they left off.

The next scene has Nick and Dylan traipsing through the cemetery in the dark, on their way to digging up Harrison's coffin to see if his body is in it. Dylan asks about needing a court order to do this and I'm pretty sure Nick says that's only if they want to use a backhoe. I really hope I misheard because that is just stupidly wrong. The writers should know better. Anyway, there is a body in the coffin and it's definitely Harrison's--only the impact on the back of the head indicates something other than an accidental fall. So Harrison was murdered. The plot thickens.

As Dylan tries to sneak into the house, Claire is suddenly there confronting him. She claims she could smell him as soon as he came in the door, and she's pissed because she's working so hard to fulfill her promise to him and be a good, non-murderous, housewife. He caves and tells her about Buckley's blackmail and what he and Nick are doing. But as soon as she finds out that Buckley only wants silence and cooperation, she's even angrier. She can't believe that Frank Buckley, after welcoming them into The Gates with open arms, caught Dylan and Nick killing someone and all he wants is for them to follow the rules. She's infuriated that Dylan wants to get dirt on Buckley so he can have leverage. She tells him to think about her and Emily and stop going after Buckley.

The next day when Nick calls Dylan to meet up, Dylan won't do it. As Nick tries to figure out what's going on, Buckley walks into his office. Nick confronts him about blackmailing them and Buckley responds that it's not blackmail--it's an intervention to let them know they can't get away with things like that in The Gates. Nick then confronts him about killing Harrison. Buckley is dumbfounded--Harrison was like a father to him. From Buckley's reaction, it's clear he didn't kill Harrison. So Nick tells Buckley to let him do his job and get justice for Harrison.

Back to Devon for a minute, she and beastlyboy are sharing a bath. He seems pretty smitten with her and she "confesses" to him that a lot of people have hurt her. He lets her know that he can make problems go away. She gets out of the tub, ostensibly to add more bubbles, but retrieves what is clearly a potion. She informs him that "It's not so much what you can do as what you can give." Then she dumps the potion into the water. A moment later the hapless guy is paralyzed. As Dylan starts pushing him underwater, she tells him she wants his eyes. Charming.

I should mention that Claire has been dealing with her own issue all episode: Christian. First he sends her this text: "I'm thirsty. You?" Then Claire returns home and finds a vase of roses on the front table. The card on them is from Christian and the note says: "Blood red. Just the way you like it." Infuriated, she throws the vase against the wall and calls Christian, telling him all the calls and messages have to stop...and the doorbell rings. Karen Crezski is there and barges in. She seems genuinely concerned when she sees the shattered vase, but Claire quietly tells her to please leave. Karen asks why they're like this with each other, and Claire tells her to go. But she can't go. Sarah's been drinking Devon's tea and is in trouble. That catches Claire's attention. When she asks what Karen suggests they do, Karen responds that first they'll clean the mess and then they'll go talk to Sarah--together. It's heartwarming to see vampires and weres comes together against a common enemy.

Nick, meanwhile, had continued to investigate Harrison's death and seems to have found the breakthrough he needed. He calls Foster and tells him there was no forced entry--Harrison's killer had to have been someone he knew and trusted. He needs Foster to put together the financial evidence so they can nail Buckley. He tells Foster he'll be a hero if he helps solve Harrison's murder.

As Nick watches on camera, Foster shows up in a panic at the shell office. It seems Nick was setting him up all along. But suddenly Buckley shows up, incensed at Foster's betrayal. As he takes a step toward the CFO, Nick puts the video monitor down and gets out of his car. Then he hears a shot. Back inside, Foster has shot Buckley and, sounding way too much like a Scooby Doo villain, exclaims that Buckley never could leave well enough alone. As Buckley clutches at the wound in his chest, Foster starts squirting lighter fluid on him. Just as he's about to set Buckley ablaze, Nick bursts in and arrests Foster. The hero saves the day in the nick [pun possibly intended] of time!

As Buckley is being wheeled to an ambulance, he stops to chat with Nick, pointing out that if Nick had let him die he'd be free of Buckley and The Gates. Nick admits the thought had crossed his mind. Buckley releases him, saying he can go if he wants to.

Lest we think the drama is limited only to the adults, Andie is suffering unpleasant side effects from Dr. Peg's anti-succubus herbal remedy. She's short-tempered and twitchy with both Charlie and Brett, although that doesn't seem to improve much after she flushes the pills. Her mood ends up spreading to Brett and Charlie, who get into a fight over her. After Brett kicks Charlie's ass, Andie rushes to hug Charlie. That's when Brett sees the unnatural veins on her shoulders. Meanwhile Andie realizes her succubus powers are acting up again so she runs off. Later, Brett catches up with her in the woods and tells her he realizes she's different and he understands--really understands. He shows her his wolfish eyes and tells her he's not human and that she's not alone. She shows him her back, then turns around and says "It started with my mom..."

At the station, as Nick is wrapping up the case, Vanessa suddenly walks in. She says that Buckley asked her to stop by, that he told her Nick is thinking of leaving The Gates. Vanessa acknowledges that he's obviously afraid of the vampires, but points out that Sarah and Claire are friends and that Dylan risked everything for him. What if, she asks, they aren't monsters but people in difficult situations who need his help? Feel free to gag now. As Vanessa is talking we see Claire getting a text from Christian that says "Last Chance"; Andie and Brett walking together and chatting as Charlie looks on unhappily; and Sarah tossing Devon's tea in the trash. Vanessa then asks Nick what if the Gates isn't a trap--what if this is where he's meant to be. Right...

Nick asks if The Gates is such a great place, why all the secrets? Vanessa has an answer to that too: Buckley is trying to protect her; she's a vampire. And the real secret of The Gates? Everything that Buckley has ever done for the community has been out of love. You could sweeten a tanker full of week-old coffee with this saccharine.

But then we go back to Sarah, looking mighty twitchy as she grabs the tea out of the trash and starts brewing a cup. Elsewhere, Devon is casting some sort of evil spell, and doing witches no favour in the process. On a large piece of parchment covered in "eerie" symbols she places the vial of Claire's blood she procured several episodes ago, the face mask she peeled off Vanessa after giving her a facial, and beastlyboy's eyes in a jar. Then she cuts herself and starts drawing lines of blood on the paper. What is she up to? Tune in next time to find out.

Other than Claire's lovely parasol (as seen in the photo above) nothing about this episode impressed me. Like The Vampire Diaries, The Gates started off with too much melodrama and not enough monster action. Unlike The Vampire Diaries, The Gates still thinks the melodrama is the way to go. As I keep watching The Gates, I keep asking myself when it's going to get interesting. It looks like I'm still going to be asking that for the next long while...

Fang Files

Appearance: Pale-ish humans. Fangs are subtle.

Strengths: Super strength, enhanced sense of smell.

Weaknesses: Can't tolerate sunlight--have to cover themselves in a special cream to keep from burning up and then are still sensitive to it.

Mythology: Vampires need an invitation to enter someone's house.

Sound Bites

Claire: [re: Karen Crezski and her friends] There's nothing worse than that rancid dog smell.

Leigh: You invited Claire Radcliff and Karen Crezski to the same party?
Sarah: Yeah...
Leigh: Oh, this is gonna be good.

Karen: Sarah, what we're saying is, things that seem too good to be true usually are, especially when they involve Devon.

The Gates, Season 1 Episode 7 "Digging the Dirt." Written by Robert Hewitt Wolfe. Directed by Fred Gerber. From ABC.

The Gates S1 E6 "Jurisdiction"

Spoilers Ahead

It's been awhile since I've caught an episode of The Gates (bad blogger, bad!) but the interesting thing about taking such a long break and getting a chance to watch some of the other vampire shows out there, it really emphasizes how underwhelming this show is. It's not bad, but that's about the most you can say. There's no outstanding characters, witty dialogue, or compelling relationships to draw you in. Every time they look like they're starting to get the hang of it, the show reverts back to the mundane. I don't know--I'm kind of mad at ABC right now for cancelling Pushing Daisies so they could get shows like this on the air instead.

Anyway, although the episode centres around the murder of Barbara Jansen (The Gates' resident gossip, and witness to Claire's late-night excursion with Christian--aka not her husband) by a vampire, not a hell of a lot happens. Nick suspects Dylan. Dylan has a rock solid alibi. Nick wants the names of all the vampires in The Gates. Dylan refuses and claims the vampires will carry out their own investigation of the murder. Nick has Dylan followed and finds out who he talks to (all the vampires in The Gates--convenient). Nick finds out Dylan spoke to Gloria, Barbara's best friend and former lover. Gloria admits she found Barbara and tried to turn her in order to save her, but it was too late. Gloria gets kidnapped by the other vampires. Nick suspects Dylan. Dylan had nothing to do with it but he'll try to keep the other vampires from executing Gloria until Nick can find out who killed Barbara. Cue the "twist" ending that really isn't all that unpredictable. Cleared of all wrongdoing by the other vampires, Gloria thanks Nick for saving her life. Nick asks Dylan what would happen to him if the other vampires found out he killed Teresa to save Nick. Dylan confirms the punishment would be death. Nick shakes his hand and tells him he owes him.

I just saved you an hour of your life better spent elsewhere (btw, the human ex husband did it, but it was completely accidental).

During the course of his investigation, though, Dylan discovers Christian is in town. He finds Christian at his favourite bar and the reunion isn't what you'd expect. Not only is Dylan completely unaware that anything is going on between Christian and Claire (including Christian's longstanding love for Claire) but it turns out he and Dylan are best friends. Cue the surprise dinner guest at Dylan and Claire's that night with requisite tension (unnoticed by the clueless Dylan) between Claire and Christian.

Andie almost kills Charlie--again--and finally takes the anti-succubus medication.

Claire and uptight Karen don't like each other and have an entertaining exchange where Karen makes a snide comment about Claire's excessive sunscreen use (vampire!) and Claire offers Karen a silver necklace (werewolf!) It adds a whole new dimension to catty cliques.

Surprisingly the most interesting part of the episode centers around Devon. When she volunteers to host a fundraiser at her spa, you know she's up to something, but all seems to be going well until the end when she unleashes some of her pent-up bitterness at her ex (Frank) and his new wife, Vanessa. After they're gone she opens up to Sarah about how her relationship with Frank ended (she found out on their 10th anniversary that he'd been sleeping with Vanessa for years and the entire town knew about it). But after even Sarah leaves, Devon heads to the back of the store where she retrieves Vanessa's facial peel remnants (a rubbery, creepy-looking mask) and hangs it next to a row of similar masks. What kind of spell is she weaving? Hell hath no fury like a witch scorned. I'm not a fan of Devon but I am intrigued to see her wreak her revenge.

There's also a nice camera shot earlier that's worth mentioning. As Nick watches the security tape outside the club Barbara frequented, he sees her getting into her car and driving away. Suddenly from the shadows, the headlights of another car light up--like a large predator opening it's eyes. Very cool effect.

Speaking of Frank and revenge, the episode ends with Nick paying him a visit. As Nick confronts him about all the non-humans within The Gates, Frank coolly threatens Nick. Suddenly Dylan arrives, having been summoned earlier by Frank. As he and Nick look on, confused and then horrified, Frank shows them the tape of Dylan killing Teresa. Oops. Keeping their secrets might be the best way to protect families (according to Frank) but it's an even better way to protect yourself apparently.

So, like I said--pretty middle-of-the-road stuff--basically soap opera fare with a supernatural element thrown in. If The Gates really wants to thrive, the producers should consider who the audience actually is and maybe focus more on the supernatural and less on the soap opera.

Fang Files

Appearance: Human. Vampires cry bloody tears.

Strengths: Enhanced sense of smell, speed, strength.

Weaknesses: Sunlight (they protect themselves with a skin lotion).

Mythology: No killing is allowed within The Gates; any vampire that breaks this rule will be killed by the others. To turn a human, the vampire needs to feed from the human until they're on the edge of death, then they give their own blood back to seal the bond.

Sound Bites

Christian: Claire, you and I both know it always should have been us.
Claire: Don't call me again.

Devon: Welcome to suburbia, where everyone uses their perfectly manicured nails to scratch each other's eyes out.

Dylan: You should have stayed in touch.
Christian: Yeah, well. I assumed you and Claire wanted to leave your old life behind and that's what I...am. I'm your old life.

Christian: And then your mother proceeds to drink this Irishman...under the table. Poor bastard didn't know what had hit him, right?
Claire: Language, Christian.
Christian: What, I can't say 'Irishman'?

The Gates, Season 1 Episode 6 "Jurisdiction." Written by Jared Romero. Directed by David Grossman. From ABC.

The Gates S1 E5 "Repercussions"

Spoilers Ahead

Oh, what a tangled web...

Really this episode shouldn't be titled "Repercussions" as it's more about secrets and lies than their consequences, but who am I to quibble? There's a fair bit going on in "Repercussions," most of it not out in the open.

A lot of the action centers around Teresa/Amanda. From the beginning of the episode as we watch Dylan burying her body in the forest, to the end when Frank watches her being killed, it's all about a minor character who became a major plot device. Nick spends the episode struggling with fear over what almost happened, guilt over what did happen, mistrust of Dylan (especially now that he knows what Dylan is), and panic over trying to keep a worried Marcus from finding out what happened to his girlfriend.

Meanwhile Dylan is trying to keep the situation--and Nick--under control, while at the same time protecting his own family. His actions are on the strange (read: not entirely believable) side, though. He starts off reassuring. Within hours he's flying off the handle and threatening Nick in a not-so-subtle way (displaying his vampire abilities in front of at least two Gates security cameras). Finally he decides to take the laid-back approach. In the end we don't even know if anything he was doing would have made a difference as Nick's fears are allayed when Marcus comes to the conclusion that Teresa/Amanda had ulterior motives and left of her own volition.

Meanwhile, even as Claire is being the supportive wife to Dylan (he ended up telling her what happened and she is far more understanding about it than he would have been), she has her own problem to worry about. Town gossip Barbara is already making veiled remarks in public about Claire's night out with Christian. At first Claire calls Christian for his help in taking care of the situation, but then she changes her mind and decides to deal with it herself. Whatever she's planning, we don't get to see it this episode, but I'm looking forward to finding out what Claire's solution will be.

The Andie-succubus storyline is moving forward and getting unnecessarily dramatic. Now that Dr. Peg's given Charlie the all-clear on his "mono," he's ready to pick up where he and Andie left off, but she's not feeling so amorous. Between some scary online research into succubi and the doctor telling her if she takes medicine for the rest of her life she might be able to control it, Andie isn't feeling so great about her mother's heritage. She decides to take things slow with Charlie. She also questions her dad about how he and her mom made their relationship work without benefit of medication (apparently he was sick a lot due to the succubus's tendency to drain men's life forces). For some reason Andie is really reluctant to take the medication, but I don't know what the problem is. Seriously--it's a herbal supplement--I take a bunch of them every day just as preventatives. See what I mean about unnecessary drama? Her dad does his best to dissuade her from taking the "very dangerous" risk he and her mom took, but Andie doesn't seem entirely convinced. In the end, dad confides his worries to Dr. Peg, who tries brushing them off--that is, until dad confesses that Andie's mom didn't really die in a car wreck. It turns out one night she lost control and he had to kill her or be killed. That's what you get for having a demon lover.

There's also a new twist with Devon, and it's actually interesting. It turns out that Frank (builder of the Gates) Buckley is her ex-husband and things didn't end well. When his new wife--and former mistress--Vanessa comes into Devon's shop, Devon goes out of her way to make amends with her successor (not that we're buying it for a second). Vanessa is happy enough with their newfound peace that she invites Devon to a party she and Frank are hosting in Nick's honour that night. Of course once there, the first chance Devon gets she sneaks into her former bedroom and gets into Frank's safe. Inside--and this is the interesting bit--is a pile of DVD cases, each labelled with the names of residents of the Gates. Devon grabs the disc from inside her case and stashes it in her purse, leaving the case behind so nothing seems amiss. Later we see her watching the disc; it turns out to be footage of her and Chad Taylor--arrested, despite his protests of innocence, for killing the former police chief--hooking up. Her and Chad is no surprise, but how did Frank get the disc and what does he plan on doing with it?

The episode ends nicely, with Nick giving a speech about how neighbours look out for and take care of one another. As he talks we see shots of Dylan and Claire, of Andie's dad noticing the flowers beside her bed (a gift from Charlie), of Devon watching the DVD of her tryst with Chad (and then destroying the disc), and finally of Frank watching another DVD--of Teresa's murder. He removes the disc from the player and puts it into a case that he then labels with Dylan and Nick's names. Finally the disc is placed in the safe. Who is Frank really, why did he build the Gates, and what is he up to?

Although some of the storylines get resolved a little too quickly on The Gates, the show at least is never lacking in new intrigues. The vampires (finally) seem to be getting a more central role. And though some of the drama is forced, some also works well and draws you in. The Gates is still uneven, but I'm confident it'll find its footing.

Fang Files

Appearance: Human, with small sharp fangs that extend at will.

Strengths: Super speed, strength. Ability to suddenly and silently appear and disappear.

Mythology: Vampires are not bothered by holy water or garlic, and they can be seen in mirrors. If a vampire reveals what he is to outsiders (and is caught) he will be killed (by other vamps) and his family will be "banished."

Sound Bites

Dylan: There is no body.
Nick: What?
Dylan: There is no body. I disposed of it.
Nick: Well if there's no body--
Dylan: There's no crime.

Dylan: [to Nick, handing him the location of Teresa's body, as Nick requested] I trust you will protect my family like I did yours.

The Gates, Season 1 Episode 5 "Repercussions." Written by Scott Nimerfro. Directed by David Solomon. From ABC.

The Gates S1 E4 "The Monster Within"

Spoilers Ahead

Two dead bodies, and one is actually courtesy of a vampire! The Gates is starting to get the hang of this paranormal thing...well, sort of.

"The Monster Within" starts off well enough, with another nighttime scene in the woods (again shot too dark) as the wolves are out running. Suddenly we notice a hunter and the next thing we know one of the wolves is shot and badly wounded. Of course the wolves are the local weres, and the wounded one is Lukas. Brett, meanwhile, overreacts and ends up killing the hunter. Promising, right? (Inner Monster Count: 1; although, the hunter might count for one too, if for no other reason than he was poaching.)

The tension over Lukas's well-being dissipates all-too-quickly as Coach Ross (fellow were and beta of the Pack) removes the bullets and tells Lukas he'll be fine with time. Of course, the teen wolves don't tell the Coach that they left a dead hunter back in the woods. Surely he'll never find out!

And then he finds out. Pretty much right away, actually. He secretly moves the body ten miles away (yet somehow forgets about forensic evidence) and then gives Brett a stern lecture about Pack rules. He won't tell the Council what Brett did (something to do with Brett's mother) but he does punish him: Brett is now off the high school football team...permanently. Um, yeah. Brett reacts with ultimate rebellion: going out running against the alpha's (Lukas, apparently) orders. Craziness.

I'm also confused about the whole alpha thing. Is Lukas alpha of the teens or alpha of the entire pack? Because his dad seems to be the boss of him, so how could Lukas be alpha? And if he's not leader of the entire pack, he wouldn't be leader of only part of it, right (I mean there's no such thing as co-alpha or junior alpha--at least, not anywhere outside The Gates).

Anyway, besides having to search for the missing hunter and then trying to make sense of the forensics and coroner's report, Chief Nick has a lot going on personally. Not only is it the day of the Gates' annual Daddy-Daughter Dance, but it's the one-year anniversary of his shooting the unarmed rape/murder suspect (an unfortunate mistake that got him fired from his last job). He swears to his wife that he's dealt with it and is fine to go to work. And it's almost believable. Unfortunately this show hasn't mastered the subtle art of, uh, subtlety yet so it's pretty obvious where this is going. Until then he "distracts" us all by griping about having to spend time with Dylan Radcliff at the dance.

Dylan isn't any happier about the situation, but what can he do--his daughter and wife are friends with Nick's daughter and wife. It's rough being a suburbanite. Of course, no one knows that better than Claire, who's grappling with her desire to be a good wife and mother versus her desire to be true to herself (Inner Monster Count: 2). She ultimately gives in to the latter, meeting with Christian while Dylan is busy at the dance. But when Christian is about to pick up The Gates' biggest gossip for dinner, Claire not only steps in ('I can't let you kill her--I know her') but she steps in it. Now the entire town is going to know she was out with another man. Horrors.

Speaking of forbidden love (okay, I wasn't really but I am now), things are progressing nicely with Charlie and Andie. That is, until ten seconds of kissing causes Charlie to pass out. The witch-doctor realizes the fainting spell is down to Andie's emerging succubus powers (sigh, and also Inner Monster Count: 3) but she tells Charlie he has mono. Then she reminds Andie's dad that it's time for The Talk. So after spending one last moment with his "little girl" (at the dance), Dad finally steps up and gets to telling her what she is and what it means. Too bad we don't actually get to hear any of it.

On to the much-anticipated dance. Marcus is at work (he's covering Nick's shift) so he and Teresa chat on the phone before she leaves for the dance as official volunteer photographer of the event. Only, something's up. Teresa breaks out in tears when Marcus tells her he likes having her around, and then she goes over the top thanking him for being so nice to her after she's had such a "rough year." Once they hang up, out comes a gun.

Meanwhile, just before leaving for the night Nick decides to admit to his wife that he's been lying all along. It turns out he didn't shoot the guy in self-defence, that he knew he wasn't armed. It was cold-blooded murder. See, the guy was going to walk, and Nick knew he did what he was accused of (with all the psychic cops in TV land, you wonder why anyone would ever need trials or judges). So, yeah, he feels really bad about what he did and about lying all those months but he's got to get going. Try to not be completely traumatized, honey! (Inner Monster Count: 4.)

At the dance itself Nick and Dylan finally get over their awkwardness and bond over fatherhood, talking about how they would do anything to keep their families safe. During a break Nick calls home and is relieved to find out his wife not only still loves him, but promises that they'll move past this. But it's not so easy for everyone to move on. Claiming that Marcus is outside and has a question for Nick, Teresa gets him to follow her to the parking lot. She then pulls the gun on him and announces her real name is Amanda Walcott--sister of the man Nick killed (I almost expect her to pull off the mask she's been wearing and reveal her true face too). She herds Nick into the woods and tells him she was going to kill his entire family first, but the dance proved to be too good an opportunity to catch him off his guard. But as soon as she's done with him she's going back for his daughter (and the son and wife too, presumably). (Inner Monster Count: 5.)

Finished with her monologue, Teresa/Amanda is about to pull the trigger when lo and behold, someone jumps on her and pulls her down. Surprise, surprise--it's Dylan, and he's finally unleashing the vampire within (Inner Monster Count: 6). Once the woman is dead he tells Nick to go get their daughters and take them home--he'll take care of the body; no one ever needs to know what happened. Nick is somewhat shaken, to say the least. The episode ends with Dylan's official moment of coming out. Well, you know, those ten-minute-long bonds are the ones that really matter.

So, it was another fairly mediocre episode punctuated with a few moments (and I mean moments) of decent action. Maybe things will pick up now that Nick knows the monsters don't only reside within.

Fang Files

Appearance: Human, with small fangs.

Strengths: Super speed, strength.

Mythology: Even suburbia can't overcome blood lust.

Sound Bites

Claire: It wouldn't be such a terrible idea for you to spend some time with Nick.
Dylan: Well, I don't know what we're going to talk about; I don't think I'm currently a suspect in any of his cases.
Claire: The day is young.

Claire: I know that it's wrong but when I'm with you, Christian, I feel like my old self again.
Christian: I like the old Claire.
Claire: Yeah. I do too.

Nick: What are you?
Dylan: You know exactly what I am.

The Gates, Season 1 Episode 4 "The Monster Within." Written by Gabrielle G. Stanton. Directed by Paul A. Edwards. From ABC.

The Gates S1 E3 "Breach"

Spoilers Ahead

Well, The Gates managed to pique my interest a bit with episode 3, although there still isn't enough vampire action. But the situation is improving with the introduction of new character Christian Harper (played by Paul Blackthorne, Leverage, Deadwood)--a vampire who actually acts like one. Hallelujah! Let's hope last episode was simply an anomaly.

So, Christian is an old friend of Claire's--old enough that he remembers when she too acted like a vampire and not a domesticated Gates housewife. In fact, he can't quite believe she's actually happy in The Gates. I can't imagine why, what with all her protesting. It doesn't take long for Claire to be tempted by Christian, and while most people have affairs of the flesh, hers is an affair of the blood. There's an enjoyable scene of her and Christian sharing dinner. Meanwhile, suspicious-but-clueless hubby Dylan is just happy to have the "old" (read: "his") Claire back. Whatever she's doing, he encourages her to keep doing it. Well, all right then--no need to tell her twice. But that's pretty much all the vampire activity for this episode. Maybe we'll be luckier next time.

In other happenings, a hacker gets into the Gates' isolated security network and keeps the cops busy as they follow up what turns out to be multiple false alarms. They soon realize that the false alarms were a diversion to distract them from the numerous real burglaries taking place elsewhere. After a lockdown of the entire community, many questions asked, and accusations thrown about, it takes a fluke to ultimately catch the thief: the high school history/computer science teacher, conveniently introduced this episode (his knowledge of Tudor history was crap anyway). But the real revelation is that Deputy Leigh Turner has some sort of supernatural secret of her own. When her place is burglarized and an ornate box stolen, she's desperate to get it back. That probably has something to do with the fact that being separated from whatever's in the box causes pain, sickness, and (it's implied) really horrible things. Remember the briefcase in Pulp Fiction that belonged to Marcellus Wallace and emitted a strange golden glow when opened? Well, when Leigh is reunited with the box and checks inside, there's a faint white glow. Are we going to find out what's in there, or are they going to Pulp Fiction us? Whatever it is, it's worth killing for as Leigh shoots the teacher/burglar merely for having seen it. Curiouser and curiouser.

The false alarms also give us a chance to find out that another new character, Mrs. McAllister, has some sort of secret of her own. It's only hinted at, but it has her cowering and hiding in her own kitchen from the police. The Gates is just full of secrets.

Meanwhile, after a whole week of dating, Deputy Marcus's new girlfriend, Teresa, manages to finagle her way into his apartment as his new roomie. Suspicions about her were brought up during the episode and quickly dismissed, but I don't think we should forget about them just yet (for one thing, she still doesn't have a last name).

Andie finally breaks up with Brett, sending him into a fury that can only be assuaged by a run in the woods (outside The Gates) with the other young pack members. But when his mom (a woman with the biggest stick you've ever seen up anyone's ass) finds out what he did, she grounds him for a month and forbids him to go running again. It turns out Brett's father and brother were killed by hunters while out running. So mom's got issues. But by the end of the episode Brett is back with the pack. Ah, teenage werewolf rebellion. Meanwhile Andie doesn't waste any time in moving on to Charlie.

I also have to mention the cinematography this episode. Why are filmmakers so afraid of light? I'm at a loss to explain the recent spate of overly dark scenes, forcing me to squint in a pointless attempt to make out what's going on (and no, it's not my vision). There's moody and then there's just dim.

Speaking of dim, the writing could also use some fine-tuning. There's still a feeling of scenes being awkwardly tacked on or forced as a way of moving the story forward. Not good. And a little snappy dialogue never hurt anyone. Hey, I'm not expecting Buffy, but something that I don't forget five minutes later might be nice.

But still, there were a few intriguing developments this time around, no terribly annoying characters, and slightly more to keep us vampire fans entertained. I'm still on the fence about The Gates, but at least I haven't given up just yet.

Fang Files

Appearance: Human, with subtle fangs.

Strengths: Ability to suddenly and silently appear and disappear. Possibly the ability to mesmerize the humans they feed on.

Weaknesses: Being married to a self-hating vampire.

Mythology: The one rule is no feeding inside The Gates (but Claire and Dylan--mostly Dylan--have chosen not to feed at all, only drinking blood supplied by the lab he works for).

Sound Bite

Claire: People change.
Christian: People do. We don't.

The Gates, Season 1 Episode 3 "Breach." Written by Richard Hatem. Directed by Terry McDonough. From ABC.

The Gates S1 E2 "What Lies Beneath"

He could swear that was a group of TV execs clutching cancellation notices coming toward him...

Spoilers Ahead

Well, I've now watched "What Lies Beneath" twice and if I had to describe it in one word, it would be "yawn."

Okay, maybe I'm being a little harsh; we're only two episodes in to The Gates. But while I thought the pilot episode showed promise, episode 2 does not bode well. Think stupider characters, forced drama, and the inexplicable loss of the subtlety and mystery this show so desperately needs. The dialogue is uninteresting (I had to struggle to find any kind of Sound Bite) and the acting suddenly seems so much worse (maybe due to the larger onscreen presence of annoying kids and Devon). Did I also mention that the opening scene--which could have been awesome--was ruined by poor directing and cinematography (it was confusing and badly lit)? Yeah.

Let's see, Chief of Police Nick Monohan investigates the murder of the former Chief (even though it's not in his jurisdiction). Along the way he discovers that the ex-Chief was taking substantial bribes in order to suppress reports of Gates residents' (including werewolves Lukas Ford and dad, Simon, as well as vampire Claire) misdeeds. Nick ultimately arrests a former deputy, Chad Taylor (played by Devon Gummersall, My So-Called Life), on the flimsiest of evidence. Chad protests that he hasn't even been in The Gates in the last year, which prompts Nick to get suspicious when he sees a box of "Vine of the Soul" tea from Devon's spa. You'd think this would make Nick suspicious about the guy's claim to not have been inside The Gates, but instead he becomes suspicious of Devon. Right reaction, wrong reason, since poor Chad is obviously under one of Devon's spells. When Nick starts poking around the spa and asking Devon questions, she brushes him off by claiming Chad ordered the tea online and had it shipped. Then she gives him a box of the pricey teas. He claims he's prohibited from accepting gifts, but when Devon suggests it's for his wife, suddenly it's fine. Um... no... gifts (aka bribes) to cops are not okay, whether they're for him, his wife, or his great-aunt Ruth. See--stupid.

Meanwhile Devon's been busy threatening Claire over the murder of the contractor. She claims the memory spell she cast on the only witness (Mrs. Cooper) could slip at any time. If only Claire would give her a vial of her vampire blood--for the spell, of course--she could make the spell permanent. Why Claire doesn't rip her throat out, I have no idea. Oh yeah--because of the flimsy premise the show's put in place. Right. More on that in a bit.

The love triangle between high-school cutie Andie, her werewolf boyfriend Brett, and Nick's son Charlie continues. Andie is stressed and confused, so she tries ignoring Charlie--at which point they get partnered on a project. Brett tells Andie he loves her, she's still stressed and confused so she doesn't respond. At all. Brett is angry at Charlie for his obvious interest in Andie but still saves him from getting his ass kicked by Lukas. Charlie ignores Andie, but then instantly agrees to cutting school and going horseback riding with her when she suggests it. Charlie fakes and injury and then kisses her. She kisses him back but then suddenly feels weird and takes off. Got all that? Good, because now you have to process the fact that Andie is half-succubus. A disgusting looking dark vein on her back sent Andie to the doctor, Peg, (I thought she was a witch/herbalist?) Some bloodwork later and it's confirmed that Andie unknowingly took after her dead mom, and is turning into a Succubus "Paramour." Anyone else get the feeling the show is trying way too hard? But I guess they should get some kind of points for originality--I can't think of any other show that includes a succubus. Perhaps for good reason. Anyway, Peg tells Andie's dad (so much for doctor-patient confidentiality) and insists he has to tell Andie right away, or any man she comes in contact with could be in "mortal danger." Of course dad doesn't tell her.

Now back to Claire. First of all, let me just say that one short scene where the vampires extend their fangs is not enough to keep any vampire fan interested. Secondly, there's nothing less impressive than an uptight vampire (Claire's husband, Dylan) who wants to suppress all aspects of being a vampire--except maybe a vampire that wants to unleash but instead conforms to please her husband. Thirdly, no wonder Claire is so disenchanted with the suburban housewife role: she insists on dressing and acting like it's the 1950s (and not in a good way). The role she's chosen to submerge herself in might not be quite so onerous if she acted like a person rather than a stereotype (some of the coolest people I know are suburban housewives).

Now, here's my big problem: Dylan and Claire keep going on about how they moved to The Gates to be in a "safe" place for the sake of their daughter. Why would a pair of vampires think a super small community, under constant surveillance, where everybody knows everybody else's business is any kind of safe environment? Why wouldn't they go to the safest place for a vampire: a big, anonymous city? And if they put their kid in a nice boarding school they could take off if necessary and easily settle somewhere else, leaving the kid none the wiser and unaffected. The Gates is obviously not a safe place for them, so why are they so hung up on living there? Because if they weren't there wouldn't be a show. Sigh.

Remember that vial of blood Devon asked for? Well, to preserve her marriage and make sure things are okay (sorry, safe) for her family, Claire goes ahead and gives it to her. The agreement is that if Claire gives Devon her blood, then Devon will make everything bad stop. Uh-huh. And for good measure, Claire says that if Devon is lying she'll kill her. The fact that a powerful and unscrupulous witch has a vial of her blood--which she can now use to perform any kind of spell, including the kind that will put Claire under her control--somehow didn't occur to Claire. Monumentally stupid. There is no excuse for a vampire this dim--unless she was turned last week, which seems unlikely, Claire should be able to think things through and find solutions to problems like Devon. It's called survival instinct, and vampires are all about survival. Well, most of them, anyway. Most aren't obsessed with staying safe, either. I'm suddenly really missing Damon from The Vampire Diaries.

I'm no longer holding out any hope for The Gates. There's barely any vampire (or paranormal) action, it's rife with forced drama, characters are unlikable and selectively stupid, and worst of all, the vampires are boring. This is a drama/soap opera that's trying to be different by adding a paranormal element. So why does it still seem like every other melodramatic TV show out there? Do yourselves a favour, ABC--stick with Desperate Housewives-type shows. At least people expect those to be lame.

Fang Files

Appearance: Human, with small sharp fangs that occasionally descend.

Weaknesses: Their own self-hatred, stupidity, and obsession with staying safe.

Mythology: Apparently they do feel pain.

Sound Bites

Charlie: All we did last night was talk. How is that stressful?
Andie: I... I don't know. I'm a girl; I can be complicated without reason or explanation.

Devon: [to Claire] If you ever find yourself in a jam I'm great with kids, and I know how important this little girl is to you. Have a nice day.

The Gates, Season 1 Episode 2 "What Lies Beneath." Written by Grant Scharbo. Directed by David Barrett. From ABC.