True Blood S2 E8 "Timebomb"

Spoilers Ahead

No rants this time, thankfully, but a good episode that ends with a bang--literally.

"Timebomb" picks up where "Release Me" left off. My new favourite vampire, Godric, is still holding the squirming would-be-rapist (Gabe) by his shirt collar. Gabe tries reasoning with Godric, telling him "it's me" (interesting that Godric would know him that well, or care, considering he's the Fellowship's prisoner). Godric snaps his neck. He then tells Sookie she should not have come.

A moment later Eric arrives. The usually arrogant and intimidating Eric proceeds to kneel before his much smaller and younger-looking maker. It's an odd, but kind of fun, sight. Godric tells Eric that he's well aware what the Fellowship have planned for him, and that Eric was a fool to send humans after him. Godric also outs Hugo as the traitor. As the church's alarm goes off, Godric orders Eric to take Sookie and leave without him; when Eric tries to protest Godric claims he can take care of himself. He then also orders Eric to spill no blood on his way out. You know this is going to be interesting.

Meanwhile, off in the woods, Jason is still alive after being shot by Sarah--despite the bloody wound over his heart. It's a miracle--God has saved him! Or maybe not. It turns out Sarah was using a paintball gun. And she is pissed. She yells at him that she broke the sanctity of her marriage bed, gave him everything--all for a lie. He's less than apologetic so she shoots him in the crotch (she's not quite so vanilla pudding anymore). She tells Jason they have Sookie, and when he tries to say that Sookie's got nothing to do with anything, Sarah spits out that all Stackhouses are "heartless, two-face vampire fuckers." Ouch. Jason grabs the gun and pushes her down, telling her never to talk about his sister like that. Then he says if he finds out that any of them so much as touched Sookie he's coming back, "and it won't be with no paint gun." Makes me almost wish I had a brother. Jason then drives off in the ATV leaving Sarah behind.

Back at the church Eric and Sookie are trying to sneak out, but there are Soldiers of the Sun and Light of Day Institute cadets everywhere. In order to get past a group of them, Eric puts on a smile (so weird to see) and adopts a Louisiana accent. He claims Steve sent him to guard the area and that he can take it from here, but as the others question him his story begins to crumble. After he glamours one of them into handing over his stake, another tries to attack him from behind. Sookie calls out a warning and a fight ensues. Two of the humans end up running away but Eric's got the third pinned against the wall. Sookie runs up and tells Eric he doesn't need to kill him, so Eric lets the kid go. Crumpling to the floor, the kid tells them the woods are full of soldiers--they won't get away.

Sookie and Eric decide to make a break for it through the sanctuary. Just as I'm wondering why Eric doesn't simply pick Sookie up and speed the hell out of there, Steve speaks up. He's been waiting for them. The doors open and people come streaming in, all wielding stakes and weapons. Sookie tries to reason with Steve but he's too busy driving the crazy bandwagon to listen. Once again he spouts off about war and "you're either with us or against us." Sookie tells him that Godric is loose and will certainly be sending for help, but Steve's not worried. Apparently any vampire will do for the ceremony. As Steve grins gleefully, Eric gives himself up telling Sookie he'll be fine. Apparently there's a tiny spark of nobility in there.

At the hotel Lorena is now keeping Bill and Barry hostage. She wants them to feed on Barry, but sensing Sookie again Bill is rapidly losing patience. Helping herself to the former bellhop, Lorena suddenly stops, saying he tastes different and wondering what he is. As she's distracted Bill wallops her from behind with a 52-inch plasma TV. Leaving her bleeding on the floor, Bill grabs Barry and runs (stopping briefly to--accidentally--interrupt Jessica and Hoyt having sex and tell Hoyt to get Jessica back to Bon Temps post haste).

They do as Bill says, returning back to his house with two hours to spare before dawn. Oh, whatever can they do to pass the time? Hoyt is somewhat reluctant, fearing that Bill will walk in again, but Jessica is insistent. She alternates between tenderness and raw need, ultimately begging him to "do" her "right now." Kids these days. He obliges, but suddenly she's in pain. And he notices blood. And Jessica freaks. Vampires heal quickly, and since Jessica was a virgin when she was turned, well, it turns out she'll be a virgin for eternity. Hoyt tries to be reassuring at first, but she's verging on hysterical, saying it'll always hurt like hell. While I think this is absolutely brilliant (and unique, as far as I know), I do have to question why Jessica is so afraid of the pain. Aren't vampires supposed to have a higher tolerance for pain? Bonus points for concept, deduct a couple for execution.

Speaking of Bon Temps, Lafayette is spending time with Tara, reading her tarot cards. He draws the Lovers card and claims the position it's in calls for a sacrifice. Tara's going to have to make a choice. He asks if she wants to see her future. She nods and as he picks up the card, Eggs bursts in looking for Tara. Lafayette glances at the card: Justice. This does not bode well. Eggs tells Tara he needs her help, that he's lost the last few hours and has no idea what happened or what is wrong with him. Tara tries to be soothing and takes him home. They might not be so calm when they get there.

Maryann has been cooking (this is a first; usually Karl does the honours). What starts out looking good (veggies in the pan) becomes revolting as she brings out a human heart (clearly Daphne's). As she slices it, thick, dark blood starts seeping across the cutting board. With bloody hands she starts adding the pieces to the pan. This is even more horrifying and disturbing when you take a moment to consider that many cultures/religions consider the heart to be the resting place of the soul. The fact that she cuts people's hearts out while they're still alive only reinforces this connection, as far as I'm concerned (no time for the soul to escape). What exactly is Maryann cooking? Vampires suddenly don't look so scary anymore, do they?

When Tara and Eggs get there, they're still trying to figure out what's going on. Eggs claims he has a sick feeling that he did something really bad. Maryann comes in and tells them they'll ease up on the partying for a while. Ignoring their skeptical looks, she tells them to come eat the "Hunter's Souffle" she made. It does look good, until Tara cuts into it and it starts oozing that same dark blood. Somehow Tara and Eggs don't even seem to notice. They try it and are amazed at how delicious it is. Then they start gorging on it, laughing uncontrollably as they do. By the time they finish the souffle, there's blood all over the table. At first Tara and Eggs are in a good mood, but then they start behaving weirdly aggressive. They tell each other how much they hate each other. Eggs grabs Tara by the throat and they kiss. She slaps him, then punches and kicks him. Throughout all this, they're laughing--as is Maryann, watching from the sidelines. Eggs hits Tara back and then it's onto sex on the kitchen floor, complete with all-black eyes.

Sam, meanwhile, gets a hang-up call on his cellphone from Merlotte's. Going inside the bar to investigate, he finds Daphne's heartless body in the walk-in. Panicking at first, he starts wrapping her body in garbage bags, but calming down he realizes that's the wrong thing to do. Just as he's calling the Sheriff's department, there's a knock on the door and flashing lights outside. Oops--the Sheriff's already there. Things are just looking worse and worse for Sam.

As Sam tries to convince Bud and Kenya that he did not kill Daphne, Andy shows up--looking like crap--and claims that Sam's no killer--he's the victim. When he tries to tell Bud that he saw Sam nearly get killed by a bull...with claws...in a dress, he's definitely convincing them of something (just not Sam's innocence). Andy urges Sam to back him up, so Sam asks Bud if he would believe him if he did. Yeah, not so much. Sam ends up locked up for the night, despite his continued protests of his innocence. Bud claims that if anything really is trying to get him, the jail is the safest place for him--even with a bunch of Maryann's partygoers in the cell next door.

Jason finally makes it back to the church. At first the others won't let him in because there's a "vamper" on the loose, but he manages to finagle his way via his connection to the Light of Day Institute and his honesty ring (they were all given one). Inside as Jason tries to shake his escort, the guy keeps insisting that Steve needs to be told Jason's there. Suddenly he stops and asks if Jason's gun is a paintball gun. Jason freezes for what seems like an age before finally knocking the guy out and dragging his unconscious body into hiding.

Inside the sanctuary Eric's tied to the cross, gasping in pain as the silver chains burn him. Steve's blathering on about how just as Jesus was betrayed by 30 pieces of silver, so can a few ounces of silver betray a child of Satan. Right. Even Sookie points out that this doesn't make any sense. But Steve is fired up and in his element. When Eric offers himself in exchange for Godric and Sookie's freedom, Steve calls Sookie a traitor to her race, undeserving of mercy. He suggests they might just roast her alongside Eric. The truly scary thing is: it's not at all unrealistic to believe that people like this exist and have (or can find) loyal followers.

As Steve and his minions approach Sookie, Bill bursts in. Before he can get to Sookie, Steve puts a gun to her head and threatens to kill her if Bill takes another step. Bill retorts that if Steve shoots her, everyone will die. Steve tells his minions to get silver chains for Bill; much like Eric, Bill tells Sookie he'll be fine. Noble and macho. Men.

Before Bill can get tied up, Jason appears and shoots the gun out of Steve's hand with a paintball. Steve shows he's neither noble nor macho (whining about how much it hurts) and Jason sends a paintball straight into Steve's forehead. Bill takes the opportunity to rush forward and get Sookie away from the mob, but she pulls away to go free Eric. I believe we're seeing the start of a love triangle here, folks. Once Sookie frees him, Eric grabs Steve by the throat and throws him to the ground. Sookie tells Eric not to kill him, while Jason is yelling for him to do the opposite. Personally, I don't think Steve is worth it, not to mention that killing him will make him a martyr--which is precisely why Steve urges Eric to go ahead and kill him.

Before Eric can make his choice, Stan and a vampire posse arrive. Stan claims they're ready to start a war, especially since they're not going to sit around waiting to be lynched. The vampires will kill the humans first "the same way we did your father." Stan is clearly a moron. He tells his posse to kill all the humans. Chaos ensues, vampires are grabbing people, Bill is trying to get Sookie out, and then suddenly a voice: "Enough!"

Everyone stops and we see Godric up in the balcony, dressed all in white (Stan's in black, of course). He claims that humans and vampires can co-exist, that he doesn't want to create bloodshed when none is called for. He asks Steve to help him set an example--if the vampires leave in peace will the humans do the same? Steve's response: "I will not negotiate with sub-humans." Then he tries again to convince Eric to kill him. Godric's less than impressed. He speeds down to where Steve is and grabs him, pulling him to his feet. Godric asks who among the humans is willing to die for Steve's madness. No one answers. Then he orders the vampires to stand down, which they do with reluctance. As the humans start slowly leaving the church, Luke is the last to go.

I have to say, I love the way Godric speaks: calmly (but not bored, like Eric) with an underlying gentleness. He also has a bit of an accent I can't quite place. As Godric ushers the vampires out of the church, Eric pauses to ask Sookie if she's sure she's okay--much to Bill's annoyance. Jason then rushes over and hugs Sookie, asking her to forgive him. When she asks what he was thinking he says it's like Steve sucked out his brains and planted his babies inside Jason's head. Great analogy. Steve, obviously not quite getting that he lost, starts going on about how they'll ultimately see who goes to heaven and who goes to hell. Jason's response is fantastic, but I think I'll let you watch the episode and see for yourself. Bill grabs Jason and they all start walking out, leaving Steve utterly bereft and alone.

The vampires, Sookie, and Jason return to Godric's house to celebrate his return. Sookie and Bill finally have some time together, so she tries to find out where he's been. He finally admits he was held; she wants to know by whom. She asks if Eric held him, and hearing his name, Eric sidles up to them. Sookie's pissed at him for letting her walk into a trap. He claims he regrets it but the bond between a vampire and their maker is stronger than she can imagine, although maybe she'll find out one day. He gives Bill a pointed look, which Sookie can't help but notice.

As Eric walks away Bill confronts him, telling him his contact with Sookie will cease from now on. He calls Eric's attempt at separating them "feeble and pathetic," and tells Eric to accept that Sookie will never be his. I hate it when characters say "never." And Eric doesn't exactly look convinced.

When Bill returns to Sookie, it's her turn to be confrontational. She asks why he was talking to Eric if Eric was the one who kidnapped him. Bill says it wasn't Eric, so naturally Sookie wants to know who. They get interrupted again, this time by Jason, who wants to talk to Bill outside (he apologizes for how he treated Bill and then gives him a bro hug).

Eric, meanwhile, is catching up with his maker. Godric claims the Fellowship didn't treat him badly, and that most of them are surprisingly ordinary people. Unexpectedly he also says that vampires are frightening so human fear is understandable. He goes on to add that after thousands of years vampires haven't evolved at all--they've only become more brutal and predatory (although that could probably be considered a form of evolution). He sounds sad as he says this. I think it's a good point to make and especially interesting coming from a vampire. It turns out he chose not to kill the Fellowship when they took him because "what would that have proven?" I think we need more vampires like Godric.

I knew we hadn't seen the last of Lorena, but I'm still not happy when she shows up at the party. There's more clumsy symbolism with colours: Sookie's in white and Lorena's in a long red dress and red lipstick. Why is red always associated with evil? It happens to be my favourite colour and I'm certainly not... oh, wait...never mind. Lorena walks up to Sookie and starts talking to her as though she already knows her. Sookie asks who she is and Lorena claims they have a mutual friend. A second later Bill strides in, furious to see Lorena. By now Sookie's guessed that she is Bill's maker.

I'm not a huge fan of the next scene. Possessive original lover, insecure new lover. Bitchiness, jealousy, the staking of claims. And then comes the trashy cat fight. Ugh. I really wish Sookie could have had a little more dignity in this scene, and shown a little more class, but she doesn't. That's why Sookie will never be my favourite character. She's not Lorena's either. The vampire pushes her back onto a table and gets ready to bite. Suddenly Lorena stops. Godric's got a hand around her throat and he orders her to retract her fangs. Now. Lorena backs off in the face of his authority. He tells her that Sookie has proven herself courageous and loyal to their kind, and yet Lorena has treated her as a child would treat a dragonfly--pulling off wings for sport, adding "No wonder they hate us." He says Lorena has had hundreds of years to better herself but she's still a savage. Then he asks Bill to escort Lorena off the property, first making sure that she knows she's not welcome in his area.

As Bill walks Lorena out she tearfully says that she doesn't know how things got this way, and she can't help that she still loves him. She looks broken. I feel sorry for her in this scene, not least because Bill is (necessarily) cold to her. He tells her they'll never see each other again, but she replies that, as immortals, odds are their paths will cross again. Then she's off.

As Bill and Lorena are outside, everyone inside appears to be having a good time. Suddenly Luke walks in, apprehensive. Jason approaches him and asks what he's doing there but Luke just tells him to get away. Then he gets everyone's attention and claims he has a message for them all from Reverend Steve Newlin. Unzipping his jacket he reveals C4 explosive strapped to his body with silver chains. Luke, you utter dumbass. Then he presses the trigger.

Cut to credits and the song "Timebomb" by Beck.

Just when we were thinking things were all settled in Dallas, we get a plot twist like this. Feel free to worry about all your favourite characters (including the ones back in Bon Temps), and then take a second to consider how it can all possibly be wrapped up in four episodes. Makes a nice change from worrying about reality, doesn't it? Or maybe not...

Fang Files

Appearance: Extra pale humans with red-rimmed eyes and snakelike fangs that extend or retract at will. Vampires cry blood.

Strengths: Ability to glamour (hypnotize) humans. Super strength, speed.

Weaknesses: Stakes, silver, sunlight, bombs.

Mythology: Very old vampires require little blood. The bond between a vampire and their maker is incredibly strong.

Sound Bites

Sarah: You're worse than Judas!
Jason: Why, what did he do to you?

Sookie: Why didn't you bring Bill with you?
Eric: His attachment to you is irrational; it clouds his judgment. He would kill every child in this church to save you.
Sookie: Why aren't you?

Eric: (after Sookie guesses that Godric is Eric's maker) Don't use words you don't understand.
Sookie: You have a lot of love for him.
Eric: Don't use words I don't understand.

Steve: (to Eric) Kill me. Do it. Jesus will protect me.
Godric: I am actually older than your Jesus. I wish I could have known him but I missed it.

True Blood, Season 2 Episode 8 "Timebomb." Written by Alexander Woo. Directed by John Dahl. From HBO.

True Blood S2 E7 "Release Me"

Spoilers Ahead

I don't usually start my reviews--especially my True Blood reviews--with a rant, but I'm afraid you'll have to bear with me today. "Release Me" is my least favourite episode of an otherwise fine show, all because of one scene between Daphne and Sam. After confronting Daphne about her betrayal last episode, Sam and Daphne have a conversation about Maryann. We finally find out what she is: a maenad, or a "hand-maiden" of the god Dionysus. Basically back in the day maenads (human women) would honour Dionysus with ecstatic frenzies of song, dance, and music. Doesn't sound too bad, right? Well, the show has a different interpretation. Daphne claims the maenads were "a lot" more that simple worshippers. She says Maryann is immortal, that she channels wild energy and brings it out in people. Okay, fine. But my problem occurs when Daphne claims Dionysus, being a "horned god," is just another name for Satan. What? Okay, for one Dionysus is not a horned god, but that's not really the point. Note to Alan Ball and the writer(s) of this episode: pagans really don't like it when their gods are likened to the Christian devil. Want to know why there are occasional similarities between pagan gods and Satan? Because Satan is a construct, designed to resemble certain pagan deities in order to demonize the old gods and acquire converts for the Church (the same way the Church appropriated pagan holy days and built churches on the old sacred places). The old gods are not evil and their followers are not devil worshippers. There's enough misinformation out there as it is and I'm really disappointed with the show for perpetuating more of it. I was hoping the conflation of Satan with Dionysus would end up being attributed to Daphne's ignorance, but nothing is ever said otherwise. So I'll just go ahead and tell you that Maryann is not a true maenad, and whatever she worships has nothing to do with paganism or the old gods. Okay? /rant.

Other than that, it's a pretty good episode.

"Release Me" starts off almost where "Hard-Hearted Hannah" ended. We follow Andy as he stumbles onto the orgy/sacrifice in pursuit of the pig. There's a great "WTF?" look on his face as he takes it all in. A moment later (and just in time for Sam) he shoots into the air, disrupting everyone's good time. Sam starts running with Maryann in hot pursuit, but as she's getting close he shifts into a white bird and flies away. Meanwhile, Andy gets a broken arm for his troubles, courtesy of his black-eyed cousin Terry.

The next day, after retrieving a gun from the safe at Merlotte's, Sam finds Daphne on the dock and they have the little talk I already mentioned. Sam is beyond hurt at the way Daphne used him but he still can't bring himself to shoot her, even as she goes on about how wonderful Maryann is and how much she loves her. (She also mentions that Maryann can't control supernaturals the way she can control humans.) Sam asks if Maryann will leave everyone else alone if he gives himself up, but apparently the pseudo-maenad is having too much fun in Bon Temps. Sam walks away, scared for what's going to happen and disgusted with Daphne. Not to worry, though; Daphne gets her own taste of betrayal when Maryann shows up and has a black-eyed Eggs stab Daphne in the chest. Looks like Maryann is done with her biggest fan, and she looks pretty darn happy about it. So what's she going to do to Sam, then?

Surprisingly, after the orgy no one remembers what happened. No one other than Andy, who--drunk and dishevelled--tries to tell Bud what happened. When the Sheriff, big surprise, doesn't believe him he heads to Merlotte's where he destroys his credibility beyond redemption by calling everyone devil zombies, and swears he'll stop them if it's the last thing he ever does. Welcome to being the laughingstock, former detective Bellefleur. Tara and Eggs attribute their lack of memory to too much pot. But when Arlene tells Tara that she doesn't remember anything from the night before, something clicks in Tara. It looks like she's starting to realize that badness is afoot in Bon Temps.

There's also an odd moment at Merlotte's when Lafayette meets Eggs. At first he flirts with the good-looking guy at the bar, but when he finds out he's Tara's Eggs, Lafayette is suddenly less than impressed. It's like someone flicked a switch. He doesn't get a chance to elaborate because that's when Andy shows up, but why the sudden change? Curious indeed.

Back at the Fellowship church, Sookie and Hugo are still locked up. Sookie's calling for Godric but Hugo, who it turns out really is claustrophobic, is starting to panic. She manages to calm him down for the moment, and then she brings up the certainty of a traitor in Godric's ranks, the likeliest suspect being Stan.

After spending the night locked up, Hugo and Sookie have mixed emotions when Reverend Steve and Gabe show up to have a chat. Steve boasts that the Fellowship is prepared for any vampires that might show up and try to rescue them, and then tells Sookie that the vampires have got her "all twisted up" with glamouring, empty promises, and blood. She tells him that the Fellowship will get themselves killed (fact not threat), but Steve laughs it off. He then promises to feed them a nice hot breakfast and let them go if they only answer a few questions. Sookie's not about to cooperate but Hugo is suddenly in the mood to share. He tells Steve their real names, and Steve's face drops when he hears "Stackhouse." Jason is busted, even though he's got nothing to do with Sookie's mission or the vampires. After Steve leaves, Sookie reaches out telepathically to Barry and begs him to go tell Bill what's happening.

Later as Hugo is panicking again, desperate to get out, Sookie gets mental images of him joining the Fellowship, and realizes he's the traitor. Hugo doesn't deny it--instead he tells her that vampires only care about their own kind and will never let humans be their equals. Sookie points out that if the Newlins cared about him then he wouldn't still be locked up, same as her. She says he'll never be anything but a fang-banging traitor to them. He's had enough. He calls for Gabe to let him out and yells that Sookie knows everything. No one comes for him.

Upstairs, Jason and Sarah are resting after their tryst on the church's balcony. Sarah starts crying because she's so happy; she tells Jason she never even knew what loves was until he just showed her. Oops. From the look on Jason's face this is obviously not what he bargained for. It only gets worse when she suddenly jumps up and declares they have to go tell Steve right now. He manages to convince her it's not a good idea to tell gun-toting Steve about their affair right before the lock-in (funny enough, he mistakenly calls it a lock-down, just as Sookie did). Sarah agrees to put it off until immediately after the ceremony since God's interests have to come first. I'm sure God is relieved to hear that.

Jason decides it's time to get the hell out of dodge, so he packs his stuff and tries sneaking away. Unfortunately Steve and Gabe drive up and forcefully insist that he get in the car. Jason is terrified, sure that Steve found out about him and Sarah. So he's more than a little confused when Steve tells him he knows who he is and who he's working for. Of course Steve doesn't believe him when Jason says he's made a mistake. He tells Gabe to take care of Jason, and then he leaves.

Back at the church, as people are arriving for the lock-in, Steve tells Sarah he needs to talk to her in private about Jason. She looks thoughtful but not too worried as she follows him. Meanwhile Jason is still trying to tell Gabe there's been some kind of mistake, but Gabe couldn't care less. He mentions Jason's "whore" sister and that's all Jason needed to hear. He starts wailing on Gabe, getting his knife away from him before leaving him crumpled on the ground. Jason walks away. As night falls and he's jogging along the road (presumably heading for the nearest town), an ATV drives up to him. He's beyond relieved that it's Sarah, and tries to tell her that Steve and Gabe have gone crazy. But not being overly sane herself, Sarah pulls out a gun and shoots him. Jason drops. We don't see him again.

Through all this, Bill is fighting and begging Lorena to let him go save Sookie. She's not budging. In a flashback we see they've been through this before. It's 1935 in LA and Bill has already decided to stop killing people for blood. Lorena seems to think this is cute, almost like a toddler wanting to dress himself. But indulgent amusement turns to anger pretty quickly and they erupt into a vicious argument. Bill can't stand the sight of Lorena anymore and he wants out. She isn't so ready to let him go. Back in the present she's just as condescending and controlling, laughing at him for being in love with a human. Talk about a possessive ex.

For some reason neither Bill nor Lorena will allow themselves to sleep, which is only making them sick and weak. Lorena claims she doesn't want Bill to run out and roast himself in an effort to get to Sookie. I'm not sure what his reasoning is, but he really doesn't look like he's in any shape to go anywhere. And even when blood starts dripping from their ears and noses, they still won't let themselves get any much-needed rest. Stubborn bloodsuckers.

When Gabe finally makes it back to the church he clearly feels he has something to prove. He heads straight for Hugo and Sookie, and when Hugo tries to tell him to let him go since Sookie now knows everything, Gabe just beats him up and proves Sookie's earlier statement right. When she tries to intervene to help Hugo, Gabe chokes her and threatens to rape her.

As Sookie screams, Bill becomes alert. Lorena is going on about nothing, and probably has been for a while (poor Bill), but when she notices the change in his demeanour she tells him she'll end him if he tries to go. Back to 1935 and the argument between Lorena and Bill has escalated. She uses some classic abuser lines on him "I've given you everything"; "if you leave me you'll be alone forever"; "you belong to me." He's not buying it. She pushes him down and he uses a splintered piece of furniture to make a stake. She still refuses to let him go--until he threatens to stake himself. Finally she relents and releases him. In the present again Bill reminds her of that, but Lorena responds that he has no future with Sookie. Then she holds a stake to his chest and tells him that someday he'll see this as the "act of love" that it is. I'm not sure whether she's actually going to stake him or if she's just using it to keep him in line. Either way she's interrupted by a knock at the door. Barry relays Sookie's message to Bill, which Eric overhears before taking off in a blur. Barry telepathically responds back to Sookie, telling her that this is the last time he helps her and her vampire buddies so she'd better leave him alone. Then Lorena reaches out and pulls him into the room.

Back at the church, Gabe is busy illustrating that humans can be monsters too as he prepares to rape Sookie. She's still screaming, which is a logical response but I kind of wish she'd be more stoic, especially when Gabe tells her to scream for him. Just when it seems as though there's no hope, he's suddenly gone. Relieved and confused, Sookie sees that he's been pulled off by Godric, himself looking preternaturally calm. He' still cute, although not quite as cute as when he had his messy dready hair the last time we saw him. Gazing back at Sookie Godric doesn't even notice the squirming, gasping Gabe as he holds him off the ground by his shirt collar.

In the one happy situation of the show, Hoyt and Jessica have spent the day getting closer. He admits to her that at 28 he's a still a virgin. The scene is very sweet and only solidifies my liking of Hoyt (he might just be the most sensible person in Bon Temps). Jessica wants to be his first and he's not arguing. When she wakes up on the second night, Hoyt has strewn the room with rose petals and filled it with blood-scented candles from the gift shop (he claims they smell like tomato soup to him). "Day Too Soon" by Sia plays during the scene, and it works particularly well. Hoyt says he wants their first time to be as perfect as she is (what girl could resist?) Jessica tells him to take off his pants. My one problem with this scene? Jessica hasn't changed her bra/underwear in three days, nor has she showered. Um, ew. But maybe vampires don't need to shower or change their clothes, being dead and all (and Jessica seems to have a habit of not changing, like when she went to Merlotte's in the same dress she'd slept in). Still, I kind of wish someone had paid a little more attention to this.

As usual there's a lot going on this episode. Clearly something's got to give soon with Maryann. And why is Godric running around loose in the Fellowship's basement (why not save Sookie and Hugo earlier)? It'll be interesting to see where all the threads are going. I should also mention that at the beginning of the flashback, Bill was reading Gods & Monsters of Ancient Greece. Convenient, considering they've got a rogue pseudo-maenad on their hands. A little too convenient (I guess I should cut them some slack since they're dealing with time constraints in the mere twelve episodes per season they're given). Oh, and this episode's title song, "Release Me," is performed by Conway Twitty and Loretta Lynn as Lafayette starts selling V again.

Fang Files

Strengths: Super speed, strength, hearing. Ability to glamour humans.

Weaknesses: Sunlight, stakes. A vampire that doesn't sleep during the day gets sick and eventually starts bleeding from the nose and ears.

Mythology: The older the vampire the stronger they are. If a human has consumed a vampire's blood the vampire can then always sense the human and locate them.

Sound Bites

Lorena: (to Bill) You smell like her. Sweet... and cheap.

Bill: (to Lorena) If Sookie is hurt in any way because of you, I will not stop until I drive a stake through whatever semblance of a heart you have left.

Hoyt: I ain't never done it. With a girl I mean.
Jessica: (apprehensively) What have you done it with?

Maryann: Feeling sorry for things is just an excuse not to celebrate your own happiness.

Lorena: (flashback) You disgust me.
Bill: Then let me go.
Lorena: No. I made you, and you are mine.
Bill: You know I don't love you.
Lorena: You have never tried.
Bill: I have spent decades trying!

True Blood, Season 2 Episode 7 "Release Me." Written by Raelle Tucker. Directed by Michael Ruscio. From HBO.

The Vampire Diaries S1 E21 "Isobel"

Spoilers Ahead

The end is near! And just when things are starting to get good. Only one episode of The Vampire Diaries left this season (but worry not--Season 3 of True Blood is starting soon...) And that's right--I said the show is getting good. There are still some annoyances like Caroline, plot holes, Caroline, teen melodrama, and Caroline, but The Vampire Diaries is getting better and better, in no small part due to the presence of Damon.

"Isobel" starts where "Blood Brothers" left off--with Isobel and Alaric at the bar. She seems genuinely happy to see him, but he's less than enthused. He asks where she's been and she basically tells him that this is what she wanted and he should really just get over it. Pleasantries aside, Isobel then asks Alaric to arrange a meeting with Elayna. His response? "Screw you, you selfish bitch." Nice. Catching up with him outside, any vestige of warmth is gone as she grabs him by the neck and tells him that if he doesn't give the message to Elayna, she'll kill everyone in town. One by one. Starting with his students. Apparently the vampire doesn't fall far from its maker (in this case, Damon, who's threatened similar things in past episodes).

Meanwhile, Elayna and Damon seem to be getting along. They chat on the phone, Stefan in the background looking confused. Seeing Stefan, Damon hangs up then hands the phone to Stefan and tells him Elayna called. This is why people root for the villain (personality really does go a long way). This scene is both good and bad. Good because it shows the deepening relationship between Damon and Elayna, not to mention providing a couple of good lines. Bad because Stefan's officially all better now (this time for real). I was worried they'd resolve the whole breakdown/addiction storyline too quickly and easily...and they did. I hope Stefan at least has a relapse at some point. You don't get over ingrained psychological issues just because your cute girlfriend tells you she loves you (if only that were the case...) I mean he's not even twitchy anymore--just the same old Stefan, like it never happened. Riggghhht.

The lighthearted mood is cut short when Alaric gives Elayna and Stefan Isobel's message. They fill Damon in, as well, and he's annoyed that his numerous questions can't be answered because Alaric never thought to ask. Confirming that a killing spree is not okay with the rest of them, he tells Elayna she doesn't have to meet Isobel if she doesn't want to. But Elayna does want to meet her birth mother, even if she is a heartless vampire bitch.

While Damon and Alaric wait outside, and Stefan keeps a watchful eye in the bar, Elayna meets Isobel. Not interested in answering too many of Elayna's questions, Isobel does tell her that her father was "a teenage waste of space" (name not important). Of course she also has to comment on how Elayna looks exactly like Katherine, admitting that she does know Katherine, after all (but how does that fit with Damon's statement that if she or John actually knew Katherine they would have also known that Pearl was her closest friend? I sense an oversight...) And just in case there's a risk Elayna might get comfortable with her, she takes a second to ask why Elena chose Stefan over Damon--or, like Katherine, is she enjoying them both? Interestingly, Elayna doesn't respond.

Isobel seems weirdly intent on convincing everyone, particularly Elayna, that she's all bad all the time. She claims human life means nothing to her, and then later that she doesn't possess any redeeming qualities. It's definitely believable--she is one icy vamp. She informs Elayna that both she and John want Johnathon Gilbert's invention ASAP, but when Elayna protests that Damon won't give it to her, Isobel retorts that the blood will be on her hands. Those are some decisive negotiating skills. Again, much like her maker.

And Damon doesn't disappoint. Not at all. When Isobel returns to her lair she finds Damon waiting. Actually she finds him playing strip poker with Cherie, one of Isobel's compelled humans. And he's losing. Yeah, we nearly got to see Damon take his pants off. But his shirt is open, so I guess that's something. (I actually wish there were more vampires like Eddie from True Blood, who don't have looks to rely on, and so draw you in slowly. When they have fangs and are ridiculously hot it's just way too easy. Um, not that I'm complaining.)

Damon asks Isobel what she's doing with John, and she claims they dated a few times back in high school, but that currently they share a mutual goal. She then tells Damon she doesn't know why he's fighting her since they're on the same side--Katherine's. That gets his attention. Apparently Katherine wants Johnathon Gilbert's invention more than anyone. After some sparring, during which it's apparent Isobel doesn't stand a chance against Damon, they start reliving the good old days when they were lovers as well as fighters. Ian Somerhalder must have girls (and probably more than a few guys) lining up around the block to get to him, if his onscreen charisma is any indication. His chemistry with the women on the show is amazing. I've mentioned it before, but damn--it's impressive. Rare is the actor who is that... attractive (never mind the piercing eyes and chiselled jaw, I'm just talking about his acting skills). Damon is definitely up there on my favourite vampires of all time list.

But I digress... just as Damon and Isobel seem to be getting lost in each other, Damon pins her to the ground. He lets her know in no uncertain terms that she made a big mistake showing up and threatening people--especially Elayna--and if Katherine wants the device "tell the bitch to come and get it herself." Suddenly Isobel doesn't seem quite so scary anymore. And is it just me or is Damon over Katherine? I can't wait to see those two meet up again. My prediction: he ultimately chooses Elayna (probably killing Katherine in order to save our heroine).

Back at home Elayna, still upset after the disastrous introduction to her birth mother, answers a knock at the door and finds Bonnie there. Apparently Bonnie is guilt-ridden after seeing Elayna in tears and walking away rather than supporting her. The girls make up and Elayna brings Bonnie up to date. Deciding to make herself useful, Bonnie shows Elayna the spell book that belonged to Emily. It turns out poor Johnathon Gilbert never invented anything useful. Loyal to Katherine but also opposed to vampires and their ways, Emily sneakily fought back by endowing certain objects with magic and then letting Johnathon think he'd invented them. The device Katherine, Isobel, and John want so desperately is some kind of powerful anti-vampire weapon (what it does isn't clear). Why would vampires want a weapon like that? And what does Katherine have against the tomb vampires (her main targets) anyway? Wasn't she the one who escaped at the last second, leaving them all behind to rot for a couple of centuries? Remember when vampires were simple monsters that only wanted to suck your blood (and maybe tempt you into a little illicit naughtiness)?

Just as Elayna is pondering all this at another fun-filled Founders' Day event (putting together floats for the parade), Isobel shows up with minions (her compelled humans) in tow. Distracting everyone by dropping a car on Matt (he's more or less okay, but had to be taken to the hospital), Isabel tells Elayna that she'd better get the device to her before Jeremy ends up dead. And this is where we wonder why Damon didn't just kill Isobel rather than give her a chance to regroup and cause more trouble. Sigh.

John isn't doing any better handling Isobel. Although he can't stand her now, John apparently once had something of a crush on Isobel. So when he sees she's kidnapped his nephew, he pleads with her to let him go, saying the old Isobel has to still be in there somewhere. In response she gets her minions to beat him up before she takes his immortality ring. (Another aside: shame on Canadian Mia Kirshner for her horrible French accent. I couldn't even tell what she was saying.) Anyway, at least John and Jeremy now have some uncle-nephew bonding time. John tells Jeremy about the device and lets him know that vampires are bad people. Jeremy's not quite so sure, but then John invokes his brother (Jeremy and Elayna's beloved dad), claiming he believed all vampires should be eradicated, so that should mean something to Jeremy. Do we have a future zealot on our hands?

Meanwhile Elayna, Stefan, and Bonnie are trying to convince Damon that it's possible to de-magic the device so that they can hand it harmlessly over to Isobel. Damon's not so sure, especially since he really doesn't trust Bonnie. But when Elayna says "But you can trust me," Damon's face softens and he hands it over, pressing his hand against hers for a beat too long. Anyone paying attention notices, including Stefan. Bonnie then performs a ritual and claims the device is deactivated.

Elayna and Isobel meet again; this time they both bring backup (the minions and the Salvatores). Elayna demands the return of her brother but Isobel tells her to call home, where lo and behold Jeremy and John are safely ensconced. Okay, that was a little anticlimactic. Elayna tells Isobel she took a risk going after Damon the way she did, but Isobel doesn't think so, seeing as how Damon's in love with Elayna. At last it's out in the open, although no one seems to know what to do with it. Elayna hands over the invention and tells Isobel what a monumental disappointment she is. Isobel retorts that as long as Elayna has a Salvatore on each arm she's doomed, which is precisely why Katherine got out. But then, she's not Katherine, is she? (Ooh...burn. Kind of.) I'd like to know what this is all about--how can the Salvatores be such bad news that they drove even Katherine away in fear? So far it's always been her labelled as the troublemaker. I'm curious to see where they're going with this.

After Isobel leaves, Elayna hugs Stefan in relief, taking a moment to look at Damon, who returns her gaze. When Stefan then looks at him, Damon finally turns and walks away. Ah, love triangles--see how much fun geometry can be?

At home again, Elayna tries to talk to Jeremy but he's apparently had enough of her and her lies. Elayna's stricken but he has no problem shutting her out. And then Anna shows up. Jeremy's been trying to get hold of her for days but she's been too busy grieving for her mother. She tells Jeremy what happened and tells him she has nowhere else to go. Um, okay. Sure--why would a centuries-old vampire be able to fend for herself?--of course she's going to need to stay with her human teenage boyfriend. Makes perfect sense. And it should be fun to see how sharing a roof with John Gilbert, vampire hater and mother killer, goes.

Before leaving town Isobel pays Alaric one last visit. I don't know why every mortal onscreen feels the need to prove something to the resident vampire, but in his anger Alaric decides it's a good idea to take off his immortality ring and the vervain he carries before urging Isobel to kill or compel him because, gosh darn it, he just doesn't believe his wife is all gone. She pushes him up against the lockers and goes on about how she wanted and needed to be a vampire but it's her mistake and she'll regret it forever. So we've got a self-hating vampire on our hands. She compels him to get over her and to forget about this encounter, then she places the ring back on his finger and takes off.

There are more confrontations as Stefan has a word with Damon about his feelings for Elayna. I think this might be the first time Damon is intimidated by Stefan, seeming nervous and moving away. But he claims he and Elayna are just friends (in fact, he thinks she's his only friend) and anyway, he'd much rather Stefan have to be the one to tell her. Tell her what, you ask? Damon's apparently the only one in Mystic Falls who figured out that which I put forth back in my post about "Miss Mystic Falls": that "Uncle" John is actually *gasp* Elayna's biological father! Cue dramatic music! Then Damon adds that, as her friend, should Elayna need someone to talk to about anything--anything at all--he's there for her. Who else is hoping she needs a good, long talk?

The last we see of Isobel she's calling John as she drives away, to tell him she left the device for him, as well as his ring. She reiterates that Katherine wants the tomb vampires dead but adds that she'd like to add two more to the list: Damon and Stefan. They agree that they don't want "this life" for their daughter and that they owe Elayna that much. Good thing the device is useless. But wait! The last scene is of Bonnie and Caroline as Bonnie confides that she promised to do something for Elayna but never did because it was wrong. She claims that once Elayna realizes what she did (or technically, didn't do) she'll never forgive Bonnie. Troubling indeed. But then, her statement is vague enough that she could be referring to something else. More likely is that Damon, who never felt comfortable with the deactivation plan in the first place, has already anticipated Bonnie's deception and has made a counter-move. Hope so, anyway.

So the soap opera definitely continues, but it's managed to suck me in at last. And don't you all feel sorry for people who don't get the appeal of vampires?

By the way, once the season ends, The CW is going to be airing Moonlight on Thursday nights at 9, after Vampire Diaries reruns (or "encores" if you're into euphemisms). I haven't seen this show but I'll be watching and reviewing it. It was cancelled by CBS but there's apparently a chance The CW might resurrect it. But if they don't, I'm not sure it's any big loss; judging by the description you'd be just as well (or better) to watch Forever Knight or Angel instead. But I'm willing to give Moonlight a shot--maybe it'll surprise me (and can you really have too many shows about vampire detectives?)

Fang Files

Appearance: Pale humans until the vampire emerges, then fangs, dark eyes and dark facial veins.

Strengths: Super speed, strength, hearing. Ability to compel humans. Ability to hatch diabolical schemes.

Weaknesses: Vervain. Other vampires, if they're older (which also means they're stronger). Arrogance.

Mythology: Vampires can switch off their emotions at will, and most do as it's the easier route to take. Magically charged jewellery (rings, Isobel's necklace) protect certain vampires from sunlight.

Sound Bites

Alaric: (responding to Damon) I was too upset by my dead vampire wife to ask any questions.

Damon: (to Isobel) I do believe in killing the messenger. You know why? Because it sends a message.

Elayna: He'll kill you before he gives it up.
Isobel: Is that before or after I kill your brother, Jeremy?

John: You can't kill a kid.
Isobel: I'll kill him just to prove you wrong.

The Vampire Diaries, Season 1 Episode 21 "Isobel." Written by Caroline Dries and Brian Young. Directed by J. Miller Tobin. From The CW.

True Blood S2 E6 "Hard-Hearted Hannah"

Spoilers Ahead

Warning: If you like your vampires de-fanged (i.e., sensitive and pretty), then this episode is not for you. The rest of you feel free to keep reading.

"Hard-Hearted Hannah" was genuinely frightening and disturbing, not least because of Bill's singing debut (he can sing, but there was definitely a feeling of disconnect watching Mr. Compton seated at a piano, belting it out). Between the creep factor, the unapologetically graphic details (you know--what that warning at the beginning is all about), and the deepening storylines and character development, TV was brought to a whole new level with this episode. Thanks, HBO!

We start with Bill's maker, Lorena, heading to the hotel's lobby, where Eric is latched on to the neck of a woman, looking bored as ever. This scene really epitomizes why I don't like Eric. Not only is he emotionless (his near-constant state of being), but he tells the woman that feeding on the willing is no fun. She tries to pretend she doesn't want it, but he's still not impressed. Hello, sociopath. Granted, this makes him scarier, but it sure doesn't make him interesting. But at least he promises to tell the woman's manager that she was "magnificent."

Anyway, as he and Lorena chat it's no surprise that he's the one who invited her to the hotel, hoping she would get Bill out of his way. Apparently he's interested in Sookie (if he didn't keep saying so, we'd never know). He also reiterates that Sookie is something more than human, although he--like everyone else--doesn't know what.

I took an instant dislike to Lorena. I'm not sure if it's because she's obviously going to cause trouble for Bill and Sookie, or if it's simply personal prejudice (she reminds me way too much of someone I know and can't stand in real life). In any case, it's clear she loved and still loves Bill. We get a good look at their relationship via flashbacks to a clandestine party in prohibition-era America. This is the scene of Bill's big musical debut (where he performs the titular song of the episode). Meanwhile Lorena charms their hosts with a really bad French accent and a suggestion that the four of them indulge in "European" activities after the other guests have left. Seeing Bill and Lorena together, he obviously feels for her as much as she feels for as him. That is, crazy intense--emphasis on crazy.

We next see Bill and Lorena covered in the blood of the terrified human couple, and revelling in it. As Lorena holds the man down and forces him to watch, Bill viciously feeds on the woman. This is definitely a new side of Bill; not so much the scary vampire, but his whole flippant and cruel attitude about what they're doing. If Sookie could see him now... Anyway, as the man screams, Lorena finally snaps his neck. Bill drops the wounded and dying woman, then takes the necklace from around her bleeding neck and gives it to Lorena (she'd been admiring it earlier), telling her he wants her to have it. Lorena tells Bill she loves him, and then they push the still-alive woman aside so they can have sex on the blood-soaked sheets. It's brutal, just the way vampires should be. Cut back to the present and Lorena is still wearing the necklace. Looks like she won't be letting go of the past anytime soon.

Let me take a second to ask if anyone else has noticed that the vampires on the show are getting paler and paler? Originally they had the complexion of your average goth, but lately they seem to have a more death-like appearance (not unlike your average hardcore goth). They look downright stark, and their eyes are more prominently red. Makes you wonder how people don't instantly pick them out of a crowd, especially in the south, where it's a safe bet that most denizens are some kind of sun-toasted shade. It also makes me wonder (although I'm glad they don't) why the vampires wouldn't just go get spray tans. Yes, I think about these things.

Anyway, blissfully unaware of Lorena's presence Bill and Sookie are still in bed, enjoying each other's naked company. A knock at the door (reluctantly answered) reveals Isabel and her human, Hugo. Realizing how worried Bill is about Sookie infiltrating the Fellowship of the Sun, and not willing to let Bill take all the risk for her Sheriff, Isobel has decided to send Hugo along with Sookie. It's clear that Isabel and Hugo are sickeningly in love, confirmed by Sookie after she reads Hugo's thoughts. But apparently it's not all sunshine and rainbows. When Sookie asks Hugo what his relationship is like with Isabel, he claims that every time he brings up the subject of being turned she shuts down. Then Buzz Killington goes on about how old and frail he and Sookie will one day be, while the vampires stay the same and certainly won't be able to still love them. Sookie suddenly sees the up-side of the mission going wrong and her ending up dead.

In other depressing relationship news, Sam and Daphne start off well enough, contentedly lounging on the pool table. He asks her about the scars on her back, but she's not sure what did it. All she knows is that she was running in the woods when she was attacked, and then she was "real sick" for weeks afterward. The doctors said she was lucky to be alive. Sam is totally smitten, telling her she's the most amazing person he's ever met. In turn, she tells him he shouldn't be ashamed of what he is and that he needs to share himself with people (aww...) Later they skip out of work and go running together (surprising a drunk Andy Bellefleur, who recognizes Daphne as the pig he saw). As soon as I realized that Daphne had turned into Maryann's pig, all hopes for some happiness for Sam went out the window. Alas.

Tara and Eggs also have some creepy bonding time. When Sookie's ancient water heater breaks, Tara and Eggs undertake the two-hour drive to pick up the needed part (meanwhile, Maryann is pitching a fit because she doesn't have hot water for a shower). Along the way, Eggs suddenly realizes he knows the area even though he's never been there. Getting Tara to pull over, he starts walking into the woods, somehow knowing exactly where to go. Eventually, and just as Tara is really getting freaked, they come to a clearing. Clothes are scattered around, the remnants of a fire remain. A circle of stones with strange carvings surrounds the area. Eggs realizes he has been there before, although he has no idea when. Approaching one of the stones, Tara and Eggs see that the indentation on top is stained with blood. Knowing something horrible has happened there and having no logical explanation for any of it, Eggs breaks down crying, terrified and confused.

When they get back to Sookie's place, they find it a mess. Empty bottles and cans, upturned furniture, and strewn clothing everywhere. Following the trail of clothes, Tara and Eggs suddenly hear eerie screams. And then they see the orgy. Not the previous orgy-like shindigs Maryann has thrown, involving lots of drinking and naughty behaviour. Nope, this is a full-out give-the-Romans-a-run-for-their-money animalistic frenzy. And might I add, the producers did not skimp on detail in this scene; you don't often see a fully nude three-way (among other things) on mainstream (okay, mainstream-ish) TV. Not for the conservative among you. Amid all the activity we see a bronze bull head resting nearby, and then Tara notices Maryann at the forefront, flickering and buzzing. She almost looks like she's feeding on the energy of what's going on around her. She notices Tara watching her but doesn't stop.

Meanwhile, at Merlotte's Hoyt confronts his mother for deactivating his cell phone, worried that Jessica will be upset with him for not returning her messages. Overbearing Maxine is fine with that, since clearly any girl who would call a boy so late at night must be a money-grubbing tramp. Hoyt tells her to reactivate the phone, or else. And if Maxine wasn't shocked enough at her son actually standing up to her, he then turns around and tells her and her pal Benita Lou that the reason his girlfriend has been calling so late is because she's a vampire. Mom is so horrified she's shaking. Hoyt ends up driving to the hotel in Dallas, where Jessica is anything but mad at him. Their relationship (for now, anyway) is the one little bright spot in all the messed up True Blood universe.

Speaking of messed up, Lafayette is in worse shape than we thought. When Andy confronts him about where he's been and accuses him of killing Miss Jeanette, Lafayette doesn't seem bothered. But when Andy threatens to lock him in a cell to rot, and then starts yelling at him, Lafayette ends up cowering in the corner, hallucinating Eric's face where Andy's should be. Luckily Terry steps in, ordering Andy to leave and then helping Lafayette through the panic attack. Clearly, Terry has been through this before. When Lafayette later gets paid a visit by Pam, he's not sure at first if she's really there or not. Apparently hallucinating vampires has become a regular thing for him. She is there, though, and with a bottle of V. She orders him (on behalf of Eric) to start dealing again. As Lafayette asks: what are vampires doing selling V? The plot coagulates.

Heading over to the Light of Day Institute, Jason and Luke are separated from the rest of the group and given the task of building a platform with a cross on top. When Jason questions if they're being punished, Sarah shows she's not above double-entendres when she tells him to stop sulking and be grateful for the "job" he's been given (see last episode). She then hurries on to remind him that Jesus was a carpenter. Oblivious as ever, Steve doesn't catch the subtext, but in any case he's way too excited about what's going to be happening. Ignoring Sarah's protests, Steve lets Jason and Luke in on a secret: the platform is for a ceremony called "Meet the Sun." If you haven't already guessed, this fun-filled ceremony involves chaining a vampire to the cross just before dawn and watching him burn as the sun comes up. Family-friendly entertainment for the whole congregation! Jason seems initially horrified (as he should be) but gets over it pretty quickly. He's preoccupied thinking about his indiscretion with the Reverend's missus. Luke, who's suddenly over his jealousy, insists Jason share what's bothering him. Jason doesn't get a chance to tell Luke about him and Sarah, but they do end up talking about sinning and adultery and abstinence, with Luke urging Jason to go abstinent too. Jason doesn't seem quite as enthused about it as Luke is.

While Jason is deep in philosophical discourse, Sookie and Hugo (or "Holly" and "Rufus") begin their infiltration of the Fellowship of the Sun by being greeted in the parking lot by Sarah herself. They claim to be an engaged couple looking for the right church in which to be married. Sookie, despite having promised Hugo to keep quiet, starts talking non-stop as soon as she meets Sarah. She admits to Hugo that sometimes, when she's nervous, she talks too much. No kidding.

Sarah brings the happy couple inside to meet Steve, who seems to buy their story as he talks to them about their upcoming nuptials and the inappropriate behaviour of their last pastor (he was a 'sympathizer'). Meanwhile he's thinking about bringing the vampire up from the basement and watching him finally brought to glorious justice. Sookie plays along, probably pushing it a little too far as she goes on about what vicious monsters vampires are. As they're given a tour of the truly beautiful church, Steve asks Sookie if she's ever been to a lock-in before. She's obviously never even heard of a lock-in, and Steve's thoughts reveal that he's on to her and Hugo. Sarah is getting agitated too, thinking and hoping that Steve will let Sookie go because obviously the vampires are making her do it. Sookie's having trouble maintaining her composure as she tries to convince Hugo, who seems weirdly unperturbed, that they need to leave. Suddenly Gabe arrives to join the tour. I'm not sure why Sookie doesn't just run at this point.

Steve is insisting the happy couple absolutely has to see his father's tomb in the basement, in order to get the full tour of the church, of course. Sookie's still desperately trying to get away and finally even Hugo shows reluctance to keep going (he claims they're both a touch claustrophobic). Steve stays pleasant for another few moments before he and Gabe grab the infiltrators and start dragging them down the stairs. Sookie is fighting like hell, prompting Steve to call her a few choice things (the nicest of which is [fang] banger). Sarah is shocked and looks stricken. For a minute there's hope she might help Sookie, but then she says she's sorry and leaves, closing the door behind her.

Sensing Sookie's fear, Bill suddenly wakes, alert. At which point he has a not-so-happy reunion with his maker. She pins him down, telling him his blood knows hers and that he'll never be able to physically overcome her. Then she kisses him. He looks like he'd rather be eating silver.

Back in the church, Jason is looking for Steve and Sarah to let them know the platform is finished. He finds Sarah up in the balcony, crying. He asks what's wrong and she claims that Steve isn't the man she thought he was. Jason tries to defend him and doesn't seem convinced even when she tells him that Steve is only using the soldiers to start a war. Trying to keep him from leaving, she tells Jason that even as a girl she knew she had a calling to be the great woman behind her great man, but now that Steve's lost his lustre she realizes Jason is the one she was meant to be with. Jason tries to protest, saying it's wrong and that she's married. Ever prepared, Sarah responds that she's not married in her heart anymore and, oh yeah, God is commanding her to have sex with Jason. God wants them to do it. Who can argue with God's will? Not Jason.

The episode ends with Daphne leading Sam through the woods. They hear drums and Sam stops, not wanting to go on. Suddenly a couple of people from the set of One Million Years B.C. show up and grab Sam. They drag him to the orgy (where Tara and Eggs have now become black-eyed participants), and Daphne picks up the bronze bull head and puts it reverently on Maryann's head. Maryann starts chanting and Karl brings her an elaborate dagger, wrapped in red cloth. Scared, Sam screams 'no' as the camera pans out, shooting the scene from above. Cut to the credits and we hear "Hard-Hearted Hannah" (the vamp of Savannah) again, this time performed by Dolly Kay.

So this is the point where things are looking worst for the heroes. And the problem (well, really it's a good thing) with True Blood is that you never know who's going to be offed (other than Sookie, who we know is not going anywhere). The bigger problem is that you can't wait to see the next episode and yet are forced to endure a week or more of torturous waiting before you get to. TV sucks.

Fang Files

Appearance: Pale humans with red-rimmed eyes and snakelike fangs that descend at will. Vampires cry blood rather than tears.

Strengths: Super strength. Seductiveness. Makers have control over their progeny.

Weaknesses: Sunlight, silver, their makers. Vampire blood (V) is a powerful drug for humans; they'll often hunt and kill vampires just to get it.

Mythology: A vampire can never physically overpower their maker. Vampire society is hierarchical, with Sheriffs controlling specific geographical areas.

Sound Bites

Sookie: (re: Sarah Newlin) You know, in person, she looks like vanilla pudding.

Bill: Say 'au revoir.' Say it! Au revoir.
Woman: Why are you doing this?
Bill: Well, because we can. [Bites her]

Hoyt: You're not mad at me?
Jessica: No. I'm so happy I could cry, but I don't want to because it's really gross when I do.

Daphne: What? You don't like drums?
Sam: No. It's just that, in my experience, no good can come from drum music. Follow it and all it ever leads you to is hippies and cults.

True Blood, Season 2 Episode 6 "Hard-Hearted Hannah." Written by Brian Buckner. Directed by Michael Lehmann. From HBO.

The Vampire Diaries S1 E20 "Blood Brothers"

Spoilers Ahead

Spike has mommy issues; Angel has daddy issues; and Damon and Stefan--well, they have daddy issues too, but mostly their issues are with each other. And at this point, I don't know who to feel sorrier for.

"Blood Brothers" starts out with Stefan still locked in the basement room (see last episode) and looking like he's going through some serious detox (or he could just be expressing his inner turmoil--this is Stefan, after all). He flashes back to 1864 (not positive on the year--speak up if I'm wrong) and the vampires being rounded up and taken to the church for their imminent immolation. As he and Damon try to free Katherine (slowest rescue ever), the human hunters return and shoot, first Damon, then Stefan. Damon dies instantly, but it takes Stefan a few minutes. As he lies there dying, he and Katherine stare at each other, and Stefan suddenly flashes between her face and Elayna's. As Katherine tells him she loves him, Elayna says the same thing back in the present so it's not clear whether Katherine ever did really say it.

We switch briefly to the present, where Damon continues (from the previous episode) to insist he couldn't care less about Stefan--he just doesn't want him running around "chewing on people" while the Town Council is on the hunt for vampires.

Back to the past, Stefan wakes up with a blood-stained shirt and a ring on his finger. The ring, in fact (no, not the one true ring dumped into molten lava by a couple of hobbits--the one he still wears in order to tolerate the sun), which Emily soon informs him Katherine had her make for him and Damon weeks ago. She lets Stefan know that Damon is fine too, and that they're both transitioning; not quite vampires yet, they either need to consume human blood or permanently die. Stefan's confused, claiming he couldn't have vampire blood in his system, but Emily informs him that Katherine had been compelling him to drink her blood. Damon, on the other hand, didn't need any compelling.

At this point I had to ask why, since Katherine went to so much trouble to ensure the brothers would become vampires (even giving them magically charged rings like her own), did she simply abandon them? Why not catch up with them again, or at least contact them in the many years since she turned them and left Mystic Falls? Hopefully the show will eventually clarify this.

I also want to point out that the bloodstain on Stefan's shirt in this scene looks like a particularly beautiful flower set against the white backdrop. I don't know if it was intentional, but if so--nice touch.

Back to the show, Damon tells Stefan he woke up earlier and watched the church burn down with Katherine in it. He believes Katherine is dead so he plans on just letting himself die as well. Now that's love (that, or pathological stupidity--six of one...). Stefan still isn't sure what he's going to do. Really, you'd think one or both of them would want revenge against the people who killed Katherine and, oh yeah, shot them both. Hey, if someone killed me, I'd want to get my vengeance on.

Getting tired of dealing with an "extra broody" Stefan (and once again claiming he doesn't care about him), Damon decides to leave Elayna on her own while he heads out with Alaric to check on a house that may be Isobel's. At the house Damon finds he can enter without an invitation ("no permanent resident") but they find bags of blood in the fridge. Before Damon can tell him, Alaric is attacked. Luckily he has a handy pair of "brass" knuckles with mini stakes on them (they're very creative with the weaponry on this show). Before the fight goes too far, though, Damon steps in and realizes the vampire is one of the ones from the tomb. Henry says he met John Gilbert shortly after he escaped the tomb, and that John has been teaching him about the modern world (match.com!) in exchange for watching (spying on) the other vampires and making sure they stay out of trouble. Henry claims he doesn't know Isobel, and then suddenly John calls. Pretending to be John's friend, Damon asks to answer the phone and then hesitates, and hesitates, and hesitates some more. Henry realizes he'd been had, but before he can do much about it he ends up on the receiving end of a stake (courtesy of Alaric). Too bad--I kind of liked him. Over blood and beer, Alaric realizes he's wasted too much time looking for Isobel. He decides it's over and it's time to move on (come on--guess what happens next...)

Meanwhile Elayna's been trying to get through to Stefan, cajoling him to drink some blood. He just wants to be left alone to wallow in the misery of everything bad he's ever done. He claims he never should have taken the step to become a vampire. When she enters the room and won't leave even after he goes all scary vamp on her, Stefan finally breaks down and tells her how he was turned. In another flashback we see Stefan secretly listening to his father discussing the official story (versus the real one) about the events at the church with Johnathon Gilbert, who's recording it all. They decide to make the vampires human Union sympathizers, and Giuseppe insists that his sons be remembered as innocent victims. When Johnathon leaves, Stefan enters the house (oops--how did he get invited? Or does a transitioning human not need an invite?) and asks why even in their deaths Giuseppe only feels shame.

I think it's apt to say that Giuseppe is shocked and appalled at seeing Stefan. Stefan tells him he only came to say goodbye, that he's going to let himself die, but that's not good enough for dad. Giuseppe tells Stefan that not only did he approve of his sons being shot, but he himself pulled the trigger. He says both of them were dead to him the moment they sided with the vampires. Giuseppe is clearly not a nice man. (I think my own parents' reaction to me being turned would be more along the lines of them asking if I can't just stop being a vampire, and then fretting that I couldn't eat real food anymore. What can I say--they're Greek.) Anyway, despite Stefan saying he was planning on letting himself die, Giuseppe decides he can't wait that long. Grabbing a stake, he tries to finish Stefan off. Stefan, despite being suicidal, decides to fight back and ends up accidentally throwing Giuseppe hard against the wall, where he ends up staking himself. Stefan initially tries to help him, but the blood is too hard to resist. Stefan drinks and completes the transition.

Back in the present, Stefan is filled with self-loathing but Elayna thinks he needs to talk, to tell her these things and work out his issues (how twenty-first century). She gives Stefan back his ring and leaves the door unlocked, urging him to join her upstairs for more sharing. A little while later Damon returns and asks how Stefan's doing (not that he cares). For some reason, Elayna thinks this is a good time to tell Damon that he's at least partially responsible for Stefan's misery because of all those years he spent blaming Stefan for what happened to Katherine. Damon is not impressed (Ian Somerhalder also does righteous anger very well; he's one of my new favourite actors). He demands whether Elayna got the rest of the story, at which point she pleads with him to tell her.

Another flashback and we see new vampire Stefan return to still-transitioning Damon with a compelled girl to snack on. Stefan goes on about how fantastic it is to be a vampire, how strong he is, how unbelievably fast he can move, and--best of all--he can turn off all the guilt and pain inside him like flicking a switch. Damon's still not interested, Katherine still being dead and all (at least as far as he knew). But Stefan won't let him die. He bites the girl and ultimately Damon can't fight the urge for blood. After a moment of drinking, the monster comes out and we see the Damon we know from the early episodes of the show. When he comes back to the present, Damon claims that from the moment Stefan first drank human blood he was never the same person (he could have been saying that about himself, as well). And then he reminds Elayna that he doesn't care if Stefan dies (anyone else catching a whiff of 'protesting too much'?)

Elayna then goes back downstairs to fetch Stefan and discovers he's gone. And he left his ring behind! Oh noes! It turns out Stefan's hanging out by the Falls (where he convinced Damon to turn), brooding about the past and presumably waiting for the sun to rise. The next flashback takes us to the moments after Damon became a vampire. He tells Stefan that he got what he wanted and now they can explore the world together, for eternity. But, dear brother, he's going to make sure it's an eternity of misery for Stefan. After that, Stefan talks to Emily, who isn't happy that they decided to become vampires (which is why she never told Damon that Katherine was actually still alive). She tells Stefan that what seems like a gift now will soon feel like a curse, because even in death she can feel that his heart is pure. So, basically, sucks to be him.

Elayna manages to find Stefan, where she proceeds to give him a pep talk about what a good person he is, despite whatever happened in the past, etc., etc.,. He begs her not to say those things. He says that every person who's died or been hurt since the night he and Damon became vampires is because of him. He claims that being a vampire hurts him, that it hurts to know he could snap at anytime and the next time it happens he might hurt her. All things considered, Elayna is pretty understanding about everything (and possibly has a bit of a death wish). She tells him she knows he won't hurt her, then she gives him his ring, kisses him, and tells him it's his choice what to do next. Ooh--dramatic. For a second, as she's walking away, it looks like Stefan might still let himself fry, but then he calls her name, puts on the ring, and kisses her. Countless teenage girls just sighed contentedly.

Back at home, Damon is indifferent about Stefan's renewed interest in life (he said earlier that Stefan's "typical martyr stuff" would pass, as it always does). They chat a bit and then Damon tells Stefan that he hated him--and still does. Not because Stefan forced him to turn, but because Katherine turned Stefan too: it was just supposed to be Damon. On the one hand, Damon's grudge seems on the extreme side of petty. On the other hand, I can understand it. The love of his life betrayed him. So why doesn't he hate her instead of his brother? Or maybe he does (he could have a stake hidden away somewhere with Katherine's name on it, for all we know).

Anyway, as if that all wasn't enough, there still more going on in Mystic Falls this week.

Things are progressing well between Anna and Jeremy. She likes him enough to enroll in high school just to be near him. The feeling seems to be mutual, and in between talk of Johnathon Gilbert's journals and Uncle John's vamp hatred, we get to see Anna and Jeremy get smoochy in various stages of undress.

Speaking of John, he confronts Elayna about her relationship with a vampire. After a moment or two of denial, she just can't be bothered to hide her scorn anymore. And since he struck out with one woman, he decides to keep the ball rolling by setting up a meeting with Pearl. She's not happy to be there but she wants to know what he wants. He asks her about Johnathon Gilbert's invention and assures her he's going to convince her to give it to him. How is he going to do that, you ask? By promising to use his influence with the Council to make sure she gets the quiet life in Mystic Falls that she wants. Oh yeah, and also telling her that Johnathon Gilbert loved her until the end of his life, and then mocking her when she believes it. Uh, good plan there--way to get her onside. Then again, Pearl still ends up helping him (always get the villain monologuing) Disgusted with him, she gets up to leave and, not sure why, tells John she gave the artifact to Damon and that he should talk to him about it. Maybe she thinks John will be more scared of Damon than her, never mind that she's far older and stronger. Someone please tell me why I keep analyzing these shows?

When Anna gets home again she discovers Pearl hurriedly packing. She insists it's not safe there anymore, but Anna doesn't want to go. Pearl--for the first time treating Anna as the adult she actually is--tells her it's her choice whether to leave Mystic Falls or not (besides brotherly hate, making choices is the other big theme this episode). While Anna disappoints by going to Jeremy's and saying goodbye (even though he's asleep and doesn't hear it), Pearl answers a knock at the door and is greeted with a stake through the chest. When Anna returns home she finds both Pearl and Harper dead. She's distraught, shaking Pearl and begging her to wake up (regressing, as she always does, to a child-like disposition when it comes to mama). Meanwhile, John is tossing his weapons into the trunk of his car and calling the Sheriff to tell her he's got an update on the local vampires. Please tell me Anna shreds his ass next week.

The last shot is of Alaric, having a drink alone at the bar. Remember how he said he was done with Isobel? Yeah, not quite. With the uncanny timing inherent in TV land, Isobel shows up! Cue dramatic music.

Okay, so overall not a bad episode. It's clearing up mysteries and setting up more for the future. You also can't go wrong with deep psychological trauma. And I have it on good authority that Damon will be spending quality time shirtless in the next episode. As Damon says, all is right with the world.

Fang Files

Appearance: Human until the vampire emerges, then dark, red-rimmed eyes; dark facial veins, and subtle fangs (not too long or sharp--very natural looking). A dead vampire leaves an extra-veiny corpse behind.

Strengths: Super speed, strength, hearing. Can see in the dark. Ability to compel (hypnotize) humans.

Weaknesses: Vervain, sunlight, stakes.

Mythology: If a human dies with vampire blood in their system, they will return to life but they'll be in the process of transitioning. The revenant needs to make the choice whether to consume human blood and become a vampire, or allow themselves to die permanently. A vampire needs an invitation by the owner or a "person of entitlement" in order to enter a private residence (in other words, there are loopholes).

Sound Bites

Stefan: I'm not hungry.
Damon: Yes you are. You are eternally hungry.

Damon: I'm not going with you--you tried to kill me.
Alaric: You did kill me!

John: What do you think your mother would say if she knew you were dating a vampire?
Elayna: Which mother?

Elayna: How was the errand?
Damon: Futile. Although I think I witnessed a history teacher having an existential crisis.

The Vampire Diaries, Season 1 Episode 20 "Blood Brothers." Written by Kevin Williamson and Julie Plec. Directed by Liz Friedlander. From The CW.

True Blood S2 E5 "Never Let Me Go"

Spoilers Ahead

There are three major storylines going on in Season 2: Sookie and Bill in Dallas, Maryann in Bon Temps, and Jason at the Light of Day Institute--not to mention several subplots. It's amazing they can fit all this into a mere 12 episodes. Not only that, but they do it all extremely well. If TV were to suddenly disappear tomorrow, True Blood is the only show I'd miss (well, maybe that and Hoarders). Okay, on to the episode...

Bill and Sookie in Dallas

Between Sookie and Jessica, Bill's got his hands full. Although Jessica barely tolerates being told what to do, Sookie won't stand for it at all. The thing is, Bill is terrified she's going to end up hurt or dead. He's less than impressed that she told fellow telepath Barry about her ability (to be fair, she didn't exactly tell him), claiming that the more people know what she can do, the harder it'll be for him to protect her. She doesn't think it's an issue, but she does promise she won't do anything stupid. And, of course, she does. Despite her assurances that she'd take extra care around the Dallas vamps, it doesn't take her long to offer to infiltrate the Fellowship of the Sun for them, to see if she can find out anything about Godric. Bill is completely opposed, arguing that none of them can help her during the day, but Eric insists she go ahead. When Bill presses Eric about why he cares so much about Godric, we get a flashback to when Eric was still human, dying of battle wounds. Suddenly a teenage boy appears. He calls himself Death but offers Eric eternal life. Godric is Eric's maker.

I have to say, I really liked the flashback. Eric actually had a sense of humour at one time, and a personality, and he showed some emotion! Actually, he is pretty emotional throughout "Never Let Me Go," which is probably why I actually kind of like his character for the first time. And I loved Godric. From the way he was introduced to his gorgeous tattoos and awesome hair. What can I say--I'm a sucker for cute Celts.

Bill's quite the hottie himself this episode. Lying pale and shirtless in bed, with red-rimmed eyes, and looking all wounded and sad. I particularly liked the way he holds his mouth, as though the fangs are there even though they're not showing. Where do I get me one of those? Anyway, Sookie promises Bill he will never lose her (which in TV land means it'll happen soon), and then his worries and stress are assuaged as she initiates lots and lots of sex. It would all be pretty sweet if Bill's maker (Lorena) didn't suddenly show up, striding down the hotel hallway before stopping outside Bill and Sookie's room and showing her fangs. Just what they needed.

Maryann in Bon Temps

The morning after Tara's big birthday bash last episode she's surprised to find that Maryann and Karl are still at Sookie's. Tara's even more surprised when Maryann tells her they're planning on staying (apparently the last house they were staying at belonged to one of Maryann's "clients," and he's back so they're homeless). Tara at least has sense enough to tell Maryann she can't stay. Maryann's not happy about it. But after a lecture by Eggs about what family is, and then a really bad night at Merlotte's (secretly instigated by Maryann), Tara's resolve is on shaky ground. And when she gets back to Sookie's and finds Maryann looking distinctly grandmotherly (not at all unlike Sookie's Gran, who was the closest person to a mother that Tara ever had), Tara practically begs Maryann to stay.

We're no further along in the "what the heck is Maryann" mystery, but she's clearly manipulative and vengeful. And don't forget the magics and the Minotaur alter-ego. Whatever she is Maryann is up to no good, and Tara is following blindly.

Jason at the Light of Day Institute

Speaking of following blindly, Jason's well ensconced in his newfound anti-vampire fanaticism. He acquits himself so well during the Soldiers of God "boot camp" (showing up Luke yet again, and then offering a Nazi-like salute as he praises God's light) that he's rewarded by both Steve and Sarah Newlin. Reverend Steve tells Jason he's rising to the next level, before taking him to the Light of Day Institute Research and Development department: a roomful of weapons. Steve tells Jason that the Institute is trying to find all possible ways to kill vampires, and so far they've armed themselves with wooden arrows, both wooden and silver bullets, silver bullets with holy water (if they'd bothered to ask any friendly vampire, they would have known holy water doesn't do anything), silver throwing stars in the shape of crosses (crosses also not an issue for vampires), a flamethrower, and a guillotine (on order). Both Jason and Steve are like kids in a toy store. Sarah's reward *ahem* comes later, while Jason's taking a bath. After rambling on about Mary Magdalene and God wanting Jason to feel joy, she overcomes his minimal resistance and pleasures him manually (I can't believe I just wrote that, but I've got to keep this blog at least somewhat respectable). I guess the preacher's wife really was looking for something on the side.

This episode offers us the first glimpse of cracks in the Newlins' shiny happy facade. Before Sarah's indiscretion with Jason, he walks in on her and Steve arguing about how Steve is shutting his wife out of things she should know about. She warns Steve that she doesn't approve of what he's doing and tells him he's taking it too far. Steve then goes off with Jason, telling Sarah there's no reason for her to join them. After that, Steve cracks a few jokes about how he can see how some people think divorce is acceptable, and how he's stuck with his wife whether he wants her or not. Guess the honeymoon's over, although I doubt anyone is really surprised.

Subplots

Sam and Daphne: The episode starts off just after the end of the previous one. After Daphne tells Sam she knows what he is, they go for a walk into the woods. Sam tries to pretend he doesn't know what she's talking about, but she's not buying it. She's also stripping as they walk, and the next thing he knows she's turned into a doe. Sam is absolutely shocked. I'm not sure why his reaction is so extreme--he had to know there were other shapeshifters out there (although he apparently had never met one). It doesn't take long for him to realize the advantages of the situation, not to mention how good it is not to be alone. They end up being interrupted by Terry and Arlene (themselves under the effect of Maryann's influence at Tara's birthday party) and Daphne takes off. The next night, after Merlotte's has closed and only Sam and Daphne are left, they finally get a chance to bond. On the pool table, no less. And bonus points for turning an innocent conversation into foreplay! It looks like Sam is finally catching a break in love.

Sookie and Barry the Bellhop: Sookie spends the episode following Barry around and trying to convince him that they need to talk about their mutual gift. He wants nothing to do with her or his so-called gift (he considers it a curse). He does admit that he can't be glamoured (he fakes it), he can't hear the thoughts of vampires, and that he's never met another telepath. But mostly he doesn't even want to acknowledge what he is, much less talk about it. He doesn't even want her help in teaching him how to shut out others' thoughts to keep from being overwhelmed. He begs her not to tell anyone about him and takes off. By the end of the episode, he's quit and left the hotel. But it seems unlikely that that's the last of Barry.

Jessica and Hoyt: After being banished to her room, Jessica decides to look up Hoyt's number and call him. She's worried he's forgotten who she is, but not only has he not forgotten, he's thrilled to hear from her. Aside from being briefly interrupted by his mother--who wants to know what kind of indecent girl would be calling so late--they spend the night on the phone, talking about Hoyt's comic books and watching TV together. I think these two are beyond cute together. I hope it works out for those crazy kids!

Tara and Eggs: Their relationship is rapidly progressing; if they're not in love yet, they soon will be. She tells him this was the only good birthday she ever had, and it was because of him. He promises it's the first of many. Tara still doesn't completely trust him, but she's getting there. I'm still wondering if Eggs might be a little too good to be true.

Lafayette: Lafayette shows up at Merlotte's, much to the delight of Arlene and Terry. Sam's not quite as pleased to see him, and tells him as much in the privacy of the office. But Sam quickly relents when Lafayette asks for his job back, admitting the place isn't the same without him. It's pretty obvious that Lafayette's not the same as he once was, either. He looks like his old self, right down to the eyeliner, but he's quiet and withdrawn, almost shrinking away from human contact. He doesn't say anything when Sam asks him what happened. I think this storyline is fantastic. I've lost track of how many times I've seen characters on other shows go through horrific and traumatic experiences, and then are fine within a couple of episodes (if not by the end of the original episode). That's just unrealistic, not to mention lazy. True Blood writers and producers clearly know what they're doing. And you just know it's going to get worse before it gets better for Lafayette.

Possible future storyline: Bill mentions in passing the vampires' "international political agenda." Could be interesting...

The show actually ends with Lorena's appearance and a cut to the credits and the titular song by Katie Webster. The appearance of Bill's maker is especially troubling, and I can't help worrying about how she's going to affect things between Sookie and Bill (she's the ultimate 'other woman'--one that never goes away). The choice of song only emphasizes the trouble that's imminent. Looking back, "Never Let Me Go" is all about relationships, true love, and family. Built on a foundation of sand (not that we get to see that quite yet, but we know it's on its way). The next few episodes are bound to be illuminating.

In Season 3 news, click here to go to HBO's 12 collectible promo posters (new one each week, leading up to the season premiere). Or, if HBO doesn't cooperate with your computer, as it doesn't with mine, click here to see the posters as they're released. Enjoy...

Fang Files

Appearance: Pale humans with red-rimmed eyes and snakelike fangs that descend at will.

Strengths: Super speed, super strength. Ability to glamour humans.

Weaknesses: Sunlight, silver, stakes. Compelled to do as their maker tells them.

Mythology: Vampire society is hierarchical, with territories ruled by Sheriffs, as well as Kings and Queens. What humans refer to as vampires "coming out of the coffin" (when they revealed their existence to human society), vampires call the "Great Revelation."

Sound Bites

Barry: Dallas vamps are serious and scary as shit.
Sookie: Mine are too, thank you very much. I had to learn pretty quick how to handle myself around them.
Barry: If they knew what we could do, they'd suck us dry.
Sookie: They'd do worse than that--you think I don't know?

Jessica: [After being told by Bill she's only to have Tru Blood] You are going to be so sorry when I get an eating disorder!

Jason: [Woken by the sound of an air-horn blast] God--
Gabe: God--that's right. Rise and shine for God!

Bill: Well, here I am, responsible for you and Jessica, and yet no decisions are mine. And it makes me feel...
Sookie: Like a human?
Bill: Like a waitress.

Bill: What we need is a plan.
Vampire Stan: I have a plan.
Vampire Isabel: It's not a plan; it's a movie.
Vampire Stan: It's not a movie. It's a war.
Eric: Idiots.

Sam: [on pool table with Daphne] Well, are you going to say it or should I?
Daphne: Say what?
Sam: Nice rack.
Daphne: Nice balls.

True Blood, Season 2 Episode 5 "Never Let Me Go." Written by Nancy Oliver. Directed by John Dahl. From HBO.