Upcoming Events; Slay-a-thon & Blood Vengeance

Want to watch episodes of Buffy and Angel for a good cause? Sign up for this year's Slay-a-Thon (21 June, in Chicago IL) and raise money for the Make-A-Wish Foundation® of Illinois. You'll also get to participate in games, Q&A, a raffle and an auction. Best of all, the special guest is James Leary, aka Clem the demon. Somebody needs to challenge him to a poker game (or at least a round of D&D). Just leave the kittens at home.

More info here.

On the other hand, if you find yourself in Glasgow, Scotland on the weekend of 19 to 24 June, you might want to check out Blood Vengeance. This unofficial Vampire Diaries, Supernatural, & Twilight convention features meet & greets, photo ops, workshops, and themed parties. The event will be hosted by Jamie Christlow, known as Ian Somerhalder's doppelganger. Guests will include Nathaniel Buzolic, David Alpay, Trent Ford, and Alex Meraz.

More info here.

Eventful

It's been a while since I last posted on Blood Lines, but fear not, faithful readers; things are about to pick up around here, starting with some info on upcoming Cons.

For Vampire Diaries fans, there are three unofficial TVD-themed events to look forward to.

If you're lucky enough to be in Rome, Italy, on the weekend of 30 May to 1 June check out Love & Blood ItaCon 2.0, a Vampire Diaries & The Originals fan gathering. Guests include Paul Wesley, Steven R McQueen, Matt Davis, and Nathaniel Buzolic.

More info here.

On the other hand, if from 31 May to 1 June you're in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, you might want to attend Vampire Attraction Con. I don't speak Portuguese so I couldn't read the info (hint, guys: include a translation option on your site), but I did gather that the featured guests are Ian Somerhalder, Kat Graham, and Rick Cosnett.

More info here.

Lastly, from 13-15 June, Insurgence 6 is taking place in Birminham, UK. Guests include Paul Wesley, Steven R McQueen, Rick Cosnett, Zach Roerig, Todd Stashwick, and Michael Malarkey.

More info here.

Each of these cons offers its own unique activities but you can generally count on photo ops, meet & greets, and autograph opportunities. Also be aware that the scheduled guests are subject to change.

Anyone looking for an event with a wider scope should definitely plan to attend Terror Con, taking place in Providence, Rhode Island, from 7 to 6 June.

Terror Con features tons of guests from all branches of horror, sci fi, fantasy, and the paranormal (and for some reason professional wrestling), but the vampire-specific ones include Nicholas Brendan (Buffy), Fred Williamson (From Dusk Til Dawn), Vincent M Ward (True Blood), and Bobby Campo (Being Human).

A highlight of Terror Con has to be Karaoke with Nicholas Brendan. How perfectly Xander is that? The Scoobies would definitely approve.

There are also going to be psychic readings, panels, a costume contest, a live sideshow, and a film festival.

More info here.

The Vampire Diaries S3 E9 "Homecoming"

Spoilers Ahead

It's weird: I keep hearing from other people about how great this season of TVD is and I keep wondering if we're watching the same season. I don't know--I'm just finding it overwhelmingly lacklustre. The pacing is rushed, the writing is uninspired, the acting is meh (even from Ian, which sucks as much as it is surprising). As I'm watching I keep checking the clock to see if it's almost over. Not a good sign. That being said "Homecoming" wasn't bad. It wasn't great, but it wasn't horrible, either. Although, in the end, isn't that just another way of saying it was disappointing?

If you'll recall last episode Michael showed up and promised Stefan that he would kill Klaus--if Stefan could lure him back to Mystic Falls. And if Stefan couldn't manage the task? Then Michael would kill him instead. Death threats--the ultimate motivational tool. Anyway, this episode starts off with Stefan giving Klaus a call. The Original Hybrid is off in Portland making himself a group of hybrid playmates. Stefan informs him that Michael has been daggered (anyone else bothered by the use of the word dagger as a verb?) Of course Klaus is going to have to come back to see this for himself and to finish daddy off while he's there.

Klaus's return coincides with the Big Event happening this episode: Homecoming. Okay, do we really need to have an event every single episode? As a plot device it's getting old, and it wasn't that interesting to begin with. You know, things can happen within a story even without a large gathering. Anyway, our heroes decide to take advantage of the dance to trap and kill Klaus. While Elena stresses that too many things can go wrong with their plan, Damon comes up with a secret contingency plan of his own.

Elena is right to worry. Things start going awry when the school gym floods and the party has to be moved to Ty's house. Right away Bonnie notices that there are a lot of people there who they don't know. We find out why a moment later as Ty chats with Stefan. It turns out this isn't Ty's party--it's Klaus's. And it's not Homecoming anymore, it's a wake for Michael. The strangers are Klaus's new hybrids. I hope Damon's contingency plan took all this into account.

Klaus tells Stefan that as soon as Michael is permanently dead it'll be time to reunite the family. He's confident none of his siblings will mind being staked and stuck in coffins for years/decades/centuries. He also promises Stefan that as soon as Michael is dead he'll free Stefan from the compulsion he's under.

Back at Salvatore central, Damon and Michael are preparing for the big moment. When Stefan shows up to tell them it's time, Damon lets him know they have a plan--but it doesn't involve him. At that point Michael pounces on Stefan and drains him. I guess being drained of blood doesn't actually kill a vampire, which--now that I think about it--makes sense since the tomb vampires survived for more than a century with no blood. Damon's still shocked, though, having expected Michael to do something simple, like break Stefan's neck. Doesn't stop him from leaving to kill Klaus, though.

Speaking of, as Klaus waits for Stefan to get back with Michael's body he has a chat with Ty. He starts off by telling Ty that he compelled his mother to go to church and pray for Ty's friends. I found that pretty funny (just the image of Carol Lockwood on her knees in a church...) Ty's more confused than amused. Klaus then goes on to point out all his hybrids, who also all happen to be sired. He lets it be known that if Ty's friends make any move whatsoever against him, his hybrids may feel "obligated to retaliate." Then he urges Ty to warn his friends.

Ty starts with Caroline. She insists she doesn't know anything about what might be happening that night but even if she did she wouldn't tell him because he's "sired to Team Klaus" and can't be trusted. So he shoots her up with vervain and gets Matt to get her and everyone else out of there. Must be fun to be Matt: when you're not in danger from all the paranormal beings around you, you're stuck running errands for them. He's got to be at the top of the useless characters list.

Klaus also has a chat with Elena, letting her know that whatever she's got planned to give it her best shot because she won't succeed. Elena spends the conversation acting twitchy, which certainly doesn't tip Klaus off that something's in the works.

After Ty takes care of Caroline he heads back to the party only to be intercepted by Damon. I'm not even sure why they start fighting but Ty tries to bite Damon. Just as Damon is about to stake Ty (with Michael's super special stake, no less) both of them grab their heads in pain. That would be Bonnie interfering. She stops before Damon passes out but Ty is now out of the equation. Damon tells Bonnie he's there with the stake because he's the only one who could get into the house. At least that makes sense.

When Klaus is told he has a visitor at the door named Michael, he doesn't seem at all surprised. He orders his hybrids to all move out back and then goes to the door, where it turns out Michael really is waiting. So much for the element of surprise (by the way, since it seems Originals can't enter homes without invitations I have to ask again how Rebekah waltzed into the Salvatores' place a couple of episodes back. Anyone remember her being invited?) Klaus is careful not to cross the threshold as his hybrids surround Michael. Not at all concerned, Michael mocks and taunts Klaus, and points out that his hybrids are still half-vampire and can, therefore, still be compelled by him. Looks like the hybrids are backing up dad.

Hybrid Mindy steps onto the scene holding on to Elena. Michael then threatens Klaus to come out and face him or else Elena--and his ability to make hybrids--dies. Michael doesn't just like to stick the knife in, he also likes to twist it. Some of his taunts to Klaus are downright cruel. Michael might have a point but you can see why Klaus is so damaged, having been raised by someone like that. I also have to give kudos to the actor and director for having Klaus cry without it being cheesy or trite. Without naming names I have seen the single-tear-rolling-down-the-cheek bit way too many times and at this point it just makes me laugh. But this show seems to get it right so good on them. Anyway, Klaus calls Michael's bluff and the next thing we know Elena is getting a knife in the back.

As Klaus stands stunned, Damon shows up behind him and drives the stake into his gut. The heart is a little to the north, my friend. But just as he is about to stake Klaus properly Stefan shows up out of nowhere and holds Damon down. Klaus takes the opportunity to grab the stake and use it on Michael, who screams and promptly burns to nothing. So, that's it for Michael, huh? The huge threat who's been hunting Klaus for 1000 years and who--if woken--would kill them all because he's such a badass. Colour me underwhelmed. This show has a problem with massive build-ups and anticlimactic resolutions.

As for Elena, it turns out she was actually Katherine. She gets up after the stabbing (surprising Michael, who thought it really was Elena and stabbed her anyway), tosses a couple of wolfsbane grenades at the hybrids, and promptly disappears. Damon also disappears. But Klaus is satisfied and grants Stefan his freedom.

Back at his place, Damon is Pissed. He has no idea what went wrong or why Stefan double-crossed them. Elena is a calming influence, reassuring him that they'll survive this. I wish these two would just get together already--they're clearly stupid for each other. If I were Elena I'd grab Damon and take off, far, far away from Mystic Falls. It's not like she has any reason to stay there. But I guess that's why no one would make a TV show out of my life. At least she agrees that Stefan's not coming back and they have to let him go.

As they're talking Damon gets a call from Katherine. She's just calling to say goodbye because she's going back into hiding. Is Klaus really still pissed at her? Anyway, after they hang up she tells someone sitting next to her that Damon doesn't know where it all went wrong. It turns out to be Stefan next to her and he replies that Damon doesn't need to know. She drops him off at the side of the road and we're treated to a flashback to the party. When Klaus was talking to "Elena" he tells her something we didn't see before: if he dies, Damon will die along with him. His hybrids have orders even after he's gone.

From there Katherine revives Stefan and tells him what's happening. She's counting on him to care enough to save Damon. That's a big risk she's taking there. She insists it's their only option because if they call off the plan entirely they'll have to deal with Michael's wrath. But...didn't Michael compel the hybrids? He couldn't have compelled them not to kill Damon? Uh, Vampire Diaries, your plot hole is showing.

Back in the present again Katherine informs Stefan that she wanted to save him as well, or rather, to save his humanity since she liked the old Stefan better. She also claims that no matter how much vampires try to shut their humanity off it always tries to fight its way back in. Stefan says he doesn't want to let his emotions back in, not after everything he's done (*cough*coward*cough*) but Katherine needs him to feel so that he can do what she needs him to do next: get mad.

If you're wondering where Rebekah's been through all this, she's having an epically bad day. Not only has she recently found out that her beloved brother Klaus is the person actually responsible for killing their mother, but now she's going to help kill him (let's just say she's having mixed feelings). On top of that she has some major daddy issues (she blames Michael for turning them all into vampires and destroying their family). And it gets worse. As she's getting ready for her first ever high school dance Elena shows up with Rebekah's necklace (aka Elena's necklace/the first witch's necklace/the necklace that wouldn't die). More emotional upheaval for poor Rebekah (even I'm starting to feel sorry for her). On the bright side she doesn't have a chance to wreck her makeup crying because a moment later Elena shoves a dagger through her back and into her heart. Elena had good reason (she couldn't risk Rebekah turning on them and helping Klaus) but still--that was cold.

Ty and Caroline are also on the emotional upheaval train. She's (rightly) upset that he's spending so much time with Rebekah, not to mention the whole sired by Klaus thing. After he knocks her out and she regains consciousness in her own bed she has serious trust issues with him. Ty tries to explain that it's worth it for him to be under Klaus's control because his life is better now. Thanks to Klaus he doesn't have to go through the pain of turning at the full moon (or at all). And he doesn't want Caroline to give up on him. Unfortunately for Ty, Caroline just can't deal with him anymore. High school love--so fickle.

The episode ends with Klaus getting a call from Stefan, who lets him know that since he took everything from Stefan, he's returning the favour. As Stefan is saying this Klaus discovers that the coffins containing his family are gone. Klaus's instant response is to threaten to kill Stefan and everyone he knows. Stefan's not too concerned, though, because if Klaus kills him he'll never get his family back. Then he asks Klaus whether, since he spent the entire episode talking about how he's been one step ahead for the last 1000 years, he was prepared for this.

Like I said, not really a bad episode but that plot hole--along with other lesser issues--ensures it's not a good one, either. And I feel that this describes the entire season. A few bad episodes are understandable and forgivable but I think we've passed that limit on TVD. Come on, guys--bring back the inspiration of season 2.

Fang Files

Appearance: Pale human until the vampire emerges, then dark/red eyes, dark facial veins and prominent fangs. Hybrids' appearances change depending on which aspect is dominating (wolf or vampire).

Strengths: Ability to compel humans. Originals can also compel other vampires. Can feed on human, animal, or vampire blood. Resistant to most ways of being killed. Fast healing. Ability to turn emotions/humanity on or off at will.

Weaknesses: Werewolf/hybrid bites. Witchcraft. Vervain. Stakes. An Original vampire can be temporarily killed only by a special dagger dipped in the ashes of an ancient white oak tree. An Original can be permanently killed only by a stake made from that oak tree. A regular vampire can't use the dagger on an Original without dying themselves.

Mythology: Michael basically invented vampires by using magic to make himself and his children immortal (the blood lust and other drawbacks were unintended side effects). These are the Original vampires. To be "sired" means that a vampire has an unusually strong connection and loyalty to their maker, putting their maker's needs above their own. Vampires need an invitation into a private residence.

Sound Bites

Klaus: [on the phone to Stefan] Portland is fantastic--once you get over all the whiny music and healthy-looking people. [Side note: isn't Seattle the place for whiny music?]

Elena: We can't trust Rebekah not to turn on us.
Damon: Oh, really? 'Cause, you know, vampires are usually so reliable.

Ty: [to Caroline] I'm here hanging streamers and I have glitter all over my hands. If I'm sired to anybody it's to you.

Damon: Do you trust me?
Elena: Yes.
Damon: Then you have nothing to worry about.

Damon: [to Michael] Why feed on vampires? Don't tell me it's for the smooth aftertaste.

Doorman: Invite only, vampire.
Damon: Here's my RSVP, [rips out the guy's heart and tosses it on him] hybrid.

The Vampire Diaries, Season 3 Episode 9 "Homecoming." Written by Evan Bleiweiss. Directed by Joshua Butler. From The CW.

The Vampire Diaries S3 E8 "Ordinary People"

Spoilers Ahead

This just might be my most-hated episode of The Vampire Diaries. I don't know what they were thinking when they put this hot mess together. Here's some free advice for the writers: Vikings don't have English accents and they do not have Biblical names. Furthermore you're telling us there's no archeological evidence for an entire Viking village in the US from only 1000 years ago? Congratulations on coming up with one of the stupidest story premises I've seen in a long time.

So "Ordinary People" starts off with Alaric, Elena and Damon in the caves under the Lockwood estate. Alaric shows Elena the glyphs and explains that they tell a story before he points out that the Viking runes (which he can apparently read) include the names Rebekah, Elijah, Michael and Niklaus. See, I'd have no problem if the characters ended up changing their names over time but the fact that their names appear in runes means those are their original names and how can you expect me to believe any of this stuff if you can't get something as simple as names right? You show me evidence of a Viking named Rebekah or Elijah and I will give you a million dollars. Seriously. But Alaric, Elena and Damon have other things on their minds. Alaric's managed to interpret that werewolves lived in Mystic Falls long before there was such a thing as Mystic Falls, while Damon figured out that Michael is the Original dad.

We're also treated to a series of flashbacks, starting with one of Rebekah and Klaus in the cave as she carves the runes. Why? Who knows? I guess there wasn't much to do back then. We also find out that they and their siblings are all afraid of their father. We get a sense of why when we later see the miserable bastard chewing out Klaus for nothing.

Back in the present Alaric takes photos of all the glyphs so he can study them at home. As they're discussing their next move Elena spars with Damon (let's just say she's no Buffy). Elena finally decides they need to talk to Rebekah to find out more about Michael and the Originals. And after a few threats Rebekah is more than willing.

Rebekah tells a truly ridiculous tale. Apparently her parents, back in the land of the Vikings, lost a child to plague and decided they needed to take their family someplace safe. That safe place was the new world (already populated by werewolves) where everyone was healthy (they apparently travelled there with the help of a witch.) First of all, you don't get plagues in sparsely populated areas. I don't think plague was a real issue for the Vikings. Second of all losing children was commonplace back then. Yes it was sad but people were used to it. Running away from the dangers of life wouldn't occur to anyone. Thirdly I can't believe a Viking would run away from anything. But Rebekah goes on. She adds that her family lived in peace with the weres, retreating once a month to the caves while the wolves did their thing. That was, until the night Klaus and youngest brother Henrik decided to go out and watch and *gasp shock* Henrik ended up dead. Well, that was it--no more friendly relations with the weres. Because, you know, it was their fault the kid got himself killed. And the family couldn't go anywhere else because Michael was too proud to run (except from disease, apparently). No, Michael decided they had to use witchcraft to make themselves meaner and stronger than the weres so they could kick their collective ass. Really? When their witch refused to do something so against nature, mom Esther (another fine Viking name), also a witch, stepped up.

Although it goes against everything witches stand for Esther agreed to work a spell to change her family into the first vampires. She didn't include herself in the spell, however, because you can't be a witch and a vampire. Of course now that they've said that unequivocally you know a vampire witch is going to show up at some point. By the way, Esther was also the Original Witch. Once the spell was out of the way Michael fed his kids blood and killed them. Then when they woke up he brought them fresh blood in the form of a girl to complete the transformation. Of course there were consequences, being the weaknesses we all know about (see Fang Files).

But wait, the worst was yet to come. When Klaus killed his first human it triggered his werewolf gene. Of course that made him Michael's greatest shame. So Esther put the curse on him and turned her back on him. But Michael still couldn't deal. He slaughtered half the village and then killed Esther in front of Klaus. From there the family was scattered, although Klaus, Rebekah and Elijah stayed long enough to bury their mom and vow to always stick together.

Elsewhere Damon has decided to amuse himself by releasing Stefan from the cell. He's not a big fan of the Lexi rehab plan so he's going to try another way. It's not a particularly subtle way as they head to some random bar where they indulge in whiskey, blood, and dancing on tables. Damon claims he wants Stefan to remember what freedom feels like so he'll get mad and fight back against Klaus. Before they can really explore that idea Michael shows up. How he found them considering they don't even really know where they are, who knows? He starts questioning Stefan about where Klaus is but because Stefan is compelled he can't give anything away. So Michael decides to motivate him by shoving his hand into Damon's chest and threatening to rip out his heart (by the way, this counts as impaling if you're playing my drinking game!) At first Stefan still insists he can't tell Michael anything but just when Michael is about to perform amateur heart surgery Stefan suddenly admits he can lure Klaus back to Mystic Falls. Good enough--as soon as Klaus shows up, Michael will kill him. And if Stefan can't get Klaus back then Michael will kill him.

While Elena is busy with Rebekah and Damon is busy with Stefan, Alaric has Bonnie bring him the necklace that wouldn't die. With the necklace he can confirm that one of the recurring glyphs is the symbol for witch. Once Elena is done with Rebekah she joins Alaric and helps fill in the blanks in the glyphs. And--OMG--she realizes that it wasn't Michael who killed Esther--it was Klaus!!!!! When she runs back to Rebekah with photos and a breathless revelation the vampire first gets angry and then starts crying. Because somehow it never occurred to any of them that Klaus might have been lying about Michael killing their mom. I can sympathize with Rebekah, though--this episode made me want to cry too.

There is a satisfying moment, though, when Stefan mouths off to Damon and Damon handily kicks Stefan's ass. As Gordon Ramsay would say, well thank fuck for that. The episode ends with Damon waiting on Elena's bed as she's about to settle down for the night. There's an amusing moment as she's pulling on the blanket, trying to budge it so she can get under it while Damon ignores her and keeps talking. But then she slides in anyway, tells him they might have Rebekah on their side, and mentions that she thinks Damon will be the one to save Stefan from himself--not because Stefan loves Elena but because he loves Damon. Aww. Then she falls asleep under Damon's watchful eye (you know, when the Angel[us] would watch Buffy as she slept it was considered creepy. Now it's the romantic thing to do...)

I really can't stand shows that make it up as they go along. Yeah maybe that helps with the element of surprise but mostly it encourages the element of idiocy. Come up with a long-term story outline, makes sure it all makes sense, execute. How hard it that? At least this show still has Damon. He's the only thing that keeps me coming back.

Fang Files

Appearance: Pale human until the vampire emerges, then dark/red eyes, dark facial veins and prominent fangs.

Strengths: Difficult to kill, quick healing. Super strength and speed. The ability to compel humans (Originals can also compel other vampires).

Weaknesses: Sunlight (unless wearing a piece of daywalker jewellery). Magic. Pointy objects. Blood lust. Need an invitation to enter a private residence. Vervain. Heightened emotions.

Mythology: Originally there was no way to permanently kill an Original (especially Klaus) but now it seems there might be a way (involving a stake made from the white oak tree). Vampires can turn off their emotions/humanity at will. In order to be turned a human needs to die with vampire blood in their system; to complete the transformation they need to feed from a human.

Sound Bites

Damon: [re: the cave glyphs] Yeah, it's the Lockwood Diaries, Pictionary style.

Rebekah: [to Elena] If you wake Michael we are all doomed.

Elena: [re: Stefan] How does he look?
Damon: Pasty and pouty.

Stefan: Damon, you are worse than Elena. Getting me drunk, brotherly bonding. What, you think I'll break down and you can pull me back from the edge, is that it?
Damon: I happen to like the edge, Stefan. Your problem is your inability to resist falling over it. You're all or nothing, man. You can't just be. Although, who am I to judge?

Rebekah: A witch is nature's servant. A vampire is an abomination of nature.

The Vampire Diaries, Season 3 Episode 8 "Ordinary People." Written by Caroline Dries and Julie Plec (based on a story by Nick Wauters). Directed by J. Miller Tobin. From The CW.

The Vampire Diaries S3 E7 "Ghost World"

Spoilers Ahead

I propose a new drinking game: every time Damon gets impaled this season you take a shot. Hint: if you play make sure you have a designated driver on hand.

At the end of the last episode the ghost of Mason Lockwood showed up and knocked Damon out. "Ghost World" starts off with Damon strapped to a chair with a fireplace poker stuck in his chest (echoing what he did to Mason to make him a ghost in the first place) and his daywalker ring on the floor. As Damon slowly regains consciousness he immediately blames Stefan for his predicament but although Stefan is amused by the whole thing he assures Damon that he had nothing to do with it. Stefan removes the poker and releases one of Damon's hands but then walks away. Mason, seeing Damon's about to get free, throws open the curtains so the sun streams in. Crispy fried Damon ensues.

The weak excuse for a plot device this episode is the Founding Families' Illumination Night (blah blah big historical significance that's really all about vampires blah). I hope there aren't any actual towns that are this obsessed with their founding families--it must be really fun for everyone else who lives there who isn't part of that particular group. In any case as everyone helps set up for the big event Damon arrives and lets Bonnie know she screwed up the anti-Vicky spell because Mason Lockwood is apparently back and really pissed (then he leaves to tell Alaric, even though Alaric still can't stand him). Luckily Bonnie's grimoire opens on its own to the spell she needs (maybe her spells would work out a little better if she didn't keep waiting for the books to tell her which ones to use). This particular spell is to reveal "veiled matter" aka ghosts (but not to get rid of them).

Meanwhile Elena has decided that if ghost-whisperer Jeremy would talk to Lexi and find out how to help Stefan that'll solve all her problems. But never having met Lexi, Jeremy's not sure he can do it. He's probably also a little distracted by Anna, who seems permanently attached to him now (not that he's complaining). In fact, as soon as they have a minute to themselves Jeremy seizes the moment and kisses Anna, which ends up being way more romantic than anything he's ever had with Bonnie. Yay for ghost love!

Speaking of, Bonnie and Caroline end up going back to the witch house to perform the spell (even though the witches are all gone Bonnie decides the house is a good place to work in peace). As Bonnie gets into the spell suddenly her Grams appears. But she's not the only ghost who shows up. Elena walks in on Anna and Jeremy (and sees Anna); Mason confronts Damon and Alaric; and Lexi arrives to kick Stefan's ass. Grams tells Bonnie that when she sent Vicky away the witch helping Vicky on the other side decided to take advantage of the situation and wedge the door between worlds open. Now any ghost with unfinished business can get through. Grams is there to help Bonnie restore the balance (witches and their balancing) by destroying the other witch's talisman aka Elena's necklace aka Rebekah's necklace. That way the ghosts will be sent back and the witch won't continue to be able to work magic on both sides.

Caroline calls Elena to find out where the necklace is. Elena tells her Damon has it and then tells her about Jeremy and Anna kissing. So Caroline tells Bonnie. Ah, teenagers, truly the souls of discretion. Anyway, after Elena hangs up and leaves Jeremy and Anna she runs into Lexi who's there to pick up Elena for Ripper Detox 101. Suddenly Elena isn't so eager to get rid of the ghosts. It turns out Lexi's got Stefan locked up in the vampire jail cell (where Caroline's dad tortured her). This time Lexi purges the blood lust from Stefan by somehow getting into his head and making him hallucinate that he's been starving for years (wouldn't that just make the blood lust worse, though?)

Conveniently Caroline and Bonnie can't find the talisman/necklace anywhere in Damon's room (did they actually talk to him before barging into his house? And where's Rebekah during this? Doesn't she desperately want the necklace back?) Elena asks them to hold off on sending the ghosts back so Lexi can fix Stefan. Unfortunately it turns out the tomb-vampire ghosts are also back and they still want revenge against the Founding Families (get over it already). If only they had a big Founding Families event to infiltrate so they could easily wreak their vengeance on all the gathered founders' descendants...oh wait... Jeremy and Anna are the ones who call Caroline to let her know about the tomb vampires and Caroline immediately accuses Anna of having stolen the necklace (again...Rebekah?) Anna denies it, which causes a fight between Jeremy and Caroline.

Meanwhile Lexi is telling Elena that they need to make Stefan feel something--anything--to make him see past the blood. Once they do that they can start bringing him back. Lexi's method of making Stefan feel is to stab him repeatedly with stakes. Well, that's one way to do it. It's a bit much for Elena, though, so she runs outside and meets up with Jeremy (minus Anna this time). He admits that he doesn't want to send Anna away and that he loves her and always has. But Elena tells him it's not real, that he can't love a ghost. At this point Anna reappears along with the necklace. Elena tells her she's holding Jeremy back and Anna returns the necklace. You know, this all would have made a lot more sense and been a way more interesting storyline if Rebekah had stolen the damn necklace. Once again TVD rushes the resolution.

After Elena leaves, Anna tells Jeremy that she is holding him back. She also apologizes for taking the necklace and claims that when she saw the tomb vampires she was hoping she'd find her mother. She doesn't know where Pearl is and she doesn't want to be alone anymore. Jeremy assures her he won't let her be alone--right before he runs off to give the necklace to Bonnie.

Bonnie has nothing but scorn for Jeremy when he shows up but she takes the necklace and starts the spell to destroy it (with Grams helping). It doesn't take long and then the ghosts start disappearing. Lexi tells Elena that Stefan is still in there--she just has to break through; Eleni assures Lexi she can go be at peace now. Anna finds Pearl and they have an emotional reunion before they disappear together. And Grams tells Bonnie she's proud of her before she also goes. Once they're alone Bonnie tells Jeremy to get lost--she's done with him (well, she doesn't exactly say that but it seems to be the case). After he leaves, though, a shower of sparks fly out of the fireplace and suddenly the necklace is back and in one piece. What's that wacky original witch up to now?

Once Lexi is gone Elena tells Stefan he has to fight to come back, to feel something again. Because if he doesn't he'll lose her forever (the thing is, does Stefan really care?) But in an echo of what she said to Jeremy she tells Stefan that she won't love a ghost for the rest of her life. Then she leaves him locked in the cell.

While all this is happening, Mason claims he just wants an apology from Damon. So, I guess he's had enough vengeance? Once Damon offers a halfhearted sort-of apology Mason accepts it before sharing that he might know of another way to kill Klaus (he wants to help Ty by breaking the bond between him and Klaus). Mason tells Damon to meet him at the old Lockwood cellar with a shovel. Once at the cellar they break through a wall into a secret tunnel and start looking for the supposed secret way to kill Klaus. As he's walking ahead Damon stumbles into a trap and--get the alcohol ready--gets impaled by numerous flying spears. I guess the Lockwoods really didn't want anyone to find out this secret. Because why would they want people to be able to defend themselves against unkillable vampires? Makes no sense.

Once Mason frees Damon (depales him?) they continue forward until Damon is stopped by a magical barrier. Since he can't pass through, Mason has to go on alone. Just when Mason is about to tell Damon what he found he goes poof. So Damon has to call the only human he trusts besides Elena: Alaric. He's still pissed at Damon but once Damon apologizes (Ian does an excellent sheepish grin) Alaric finally relents and forgives him. I think if you're going to be friends with Damon Salvatore you have to be willing to overlook some psychopathic tendencies. Just saying. Anyway, once Alaric goes through the barrier he finds what Mason found: a room covered in glyphs. How long has it been there and how do they know it pertains to Original vampires? Also, what the hell does it mean? We don't know but neither does Alaric--I guess the fun will be in figuring it all out.

I don't know what to think about this episode. It wasn't quite as bad as some of the others this season but it was also kind of pointless. The show still doesn't have the hang of pacing and the writers take too many shortcuts. On the other hand if you played the drinking game you should be buzzed enough by now not to notice these issues. Excited about the next episode? Wish I could say the same.

Fang Files

Appearance: Pale human until the vampire emerges, then dark/red eyes, dark facial veins and prominent fangs.

Strengths: Difficult to kill, quick healing. Super strength and speed. Apparently some vampires have the ability to get inside other vampires' heads and make them hallucinate (but it's not compulsion).

Weaknesses: Sunlight (unless wearing a piece of daywalker jewellery). Ghosts. Magic. Pointy objects. Blood lust. Rehab.

Mythology: Originally there was no way to permanently kill an Original (especially Klaus) but now it seems there might be two ways: vampire vampire-hunter Michael and a mysterious Lockwood secret. Vampires can turn off their emotions/humanity at will.

Sound Bites

Damon: Yeah, well, I don't have time for vengeful Lockwood. When I kill someone they're supposed to stay dead.

Lexi: Hi.
Stefan: You're dead.
Lexi: Yeah, well, technically so are you.

Damon: [apologizing to Mason] You're right--I didn't have to kill you. I do a lot of things I don't have to do.

Damon: Aren't you supposed to be all-knowing?
Mason: I'm a ghost not God.

Alaric: I was your friend, Damon. You shouldn't have done it in the first place.
Damon: Well, sometimes I do things I don't have to do.
Alaric: You're gonna recycle that same crap-ass apology you gave Mason Lockwood?
Damon: Yeah, well, I didn't mean it with him.

The Vampire Diaries, Season 3 Episode 7 "Ghost World." Written by Rebecca Sonnenshine. Directed by David Jackson. From The CW.

The Vampire Diaries S3 E6 "Smells Like Teen Spirit"

Spoilers Ahead

This season definitely smells like something but I don't think it's teen spirit. And may I just thank the writers for appropriating my generation's anthem of ultimate apathy and using it for the title of an episode that revolves around a lame high school's even lamer "Spirit Squad." Kurt Cobain is rolling in his grave (then again he already does that every time Courtney Love opens her mouth). But I digress.

"Smells Like Teen Spirit" (shudder) starts with Elena and Alaric getting up at an ungodly hour in order for him to teach her how to fight vampires. I don't know who she expects to be defending herself against exactly since all the vampires she knows are either her friends, in love with her, compelled to protect her, or too strong even for other vampires to fight. But best to be safe I guess. The fact that she's too weak to trigger the staking device strapped to her hand isn't exactly a promising start, though.

Damon, meanwhile, wakes up to a house of dead and/or bleeding girls and his Ripper brother thinks it's all a big joke (or at least nothing to get riled up about). Damon's annoyance only increases when Rebecca shows up on their doorstep and invites herself in (literally--isn't the house still in Elena's name? How did Rebecca just walk right in?) It seems Klaus was in such a hurry to leave town that he left her behind (or he left her to keep an eye on Ty; both explanations are given). So she's decided to crash with the Salvatores even though neither of them wants her there. And she calls them rude.

But Rebecca isn't the only one making herself at home where she doesn't belong. It's the first day of school and while all the girls are preoccupied with their boyfriend troubles (Bonnie's upset that Jeremy sees his ghost exes; Caroline is worried about Klaus-sired hybrid Ty; and Elena...well, you know...) Stefan decides to show up and play student again. After all, he does have to keep an eye on Elena. And woe to anyone who gets in his way (Alaric, various random students).

While Elena is dealing with Stefan Caroline is having the worst first day of school ever *pout*. First Ty is somewhat out of control. He comes to school with blood on his shirt--from a blood bag that Rebecca hooked him up with. He's also super stoked that he's Klaus's first successful hybrid, not to mention one of Klaus's assets (along with Elena). He's not too careful about compelling teachers in front of other students, either. Even worse Rebecca has decided to become a student as well--and she makes it clear she wants Caroline's life, including her boyfriend. But before she steals Ty she takes over Caroline's beloved Spirit Squad. Oh noes--now it'll never be the bestest year ever!!

Elena's already figured out that this isn't going to be a great year so she starts working out as a way of getting strong enough to fight the bad guys. You can see why Damon would be amused when he walks in and finds her lifting a barbell. With barely any effort he pushes down on it so Elena can't lift it. Yeah, she'll be ready to fight vampires any minute now. Giving up on the weights she tells Damon that she wants to lock Stefan up until Michael kills Klaus and the compulsion is broken. Damon does what Elena hates and points out reality: in this case that even without the compulsion Stefan is hooked on human blood. So Elena breaks out her default response: do it for me, Damon. Ugh. Anyone else sick of the way she uses and manipulates him? Yeah, taking advantage of someone who loves you is definitely the right way to go. But, of course, he gives in and even shows her (all sexy like) how to properly stake a vamp.

Damon, Elena, Alaric, and Caroline get together to work out a plan for capturing and containing Stefan. They want to ask Ty to raid his mom's vervain supply for enough to keep Stefan down for awhile but it turns out Ty's not on board. Why? Because putting Stefan out of commission isn't in Klaus's best interests. Rather than attributing Ty's weird behaviour to compulsion (the reasonable conclusion), Damon figures out he's been "sired." Siring is apparently really rare and involves excessive loyalty to a vampire's maker. Ty is putting Klaus's good ahead of his own and there's no cure.

Once they get Ty out of the way our heroes put their cunning plan into action. At the bonfire party while Damon distracts Rebecca (with somewhat over-the-top marshmallow flirtation), Elena gets drunk and makes sure Stefan knows it. He then spends the night following her around to make sure she doesn't get hurt. (He also calls her a lightweight, which is weird because I seem to recall a road trip with Damon where she nearly out-drank him.) There's a vaguely interesting bit when Elena watches Damon flirt with Rebecca and is definitely jealous (although she completely denies it).

As for the rest of the gang, Matt is preoccupied with his ghost sister instead of actually taking part in any school-like activities. He's happy that he gets to talk to her again and she uses that to her advantage, telling him that he can help bring her back. She won't be alive exactly but she'll be able to come and go as she pleases instead of having to rely on Matt to pull her across. All he needs to do is perform a ritual while a witch Vicky is in contact with on the other side works some magic from her end. But oops--Jeremy overhears and hurries to tell Anna all about it. Anna is distressed, insisting there's darkness around Vicky and that if she crosses over it'll upset the balance of nature. Next step: talk to Bonnie.

Bonnie is pissy because Jeremy spoke to Anna before he spoke to her, especially when she realizes that Anna is still there with them. She storms off to find Matt and deal with the Vicky situation. By then it turns out Matt has already successfully performed the ritual. What started out as a happy reunion with his sister goes bad fast when Vicky explains that part of her deal with the witch involves her restoring balance to the world. She informs him that Klaus's hybrids can't be allowed to survive and since they need doppelganger blood she's going to have to kill Elena. When Matt finally confesses everything to Bonnie she decides to try a magic-blocking spell to keep Vicky from crossing over.

Back to Elena's sidekicks, Caroline is busy having a talk with Ty about his obnoxious behaviour. After he swears he doesn't want to be his old jerkoff self again and promises to be good he and Caroline end up getting naked. Damon gets put out of commission with a marshmallow-roasting stick through the gut when Rebecca realizes he's trying to distract her. But even though she's pissed that he's trying to distract her and she leaves--where does she go? She disappears. You'd think she might try to find out why Damon is distracting her--especially since Stefan is nowhere to be found.

Stefan is still following drunk Elena and she's now hanging out by herself at the top of the bleachers. This leads me to an(other) issue I have with this episode. The bonfire everyone is attending is the "Spirit Squad" bonfire. Which makes it a school-related event. The bleachers would indicate it's even on school property. So (a) where are the teacher chaperones and (b) how are all these students drunk? I love how everyone on the show is negative about drug use and looks down on the school stoners but binge drinking among underage kids is just fine. I guess drinking is just cool. And Elena shows how cool it is when she climbs over the railing on the bleachers. Even Stefan asks if she's 5. Of course she falls like an idiot (what's worse is she does it on purpose) and Stefan bolts to catch her. When he does they have a moment ("I knew you'd catch me"--well, yeah, because he's compelled to!) A second later Alaric shoots Stefan full of vervain.

As they load Stefan into Alaric's car and Elena gets in after him we see Vicky standing nearby. We also see a gas can and the cigarette in her hand. Sure, she has to kill Elena--why not kill her in the most horrible way possible? Vicky throws the cigarette and the car is quickly engulfed. The doors and windows are also stuck shut. As Alaric fails to break the window Vicky materializes inside the car. At least she has the decency to apologize to Elena, even if she can't hear it. Meanwhile Bonnie is trying to work the spell to stop Vicky. Elena manages to rouse Stefan long enough for him to kick out the back panel of the SUV. Just as Vicky is about to prevent Elena from escaping she disappears and reappears in the room with Matt and Bonnie. Matt finally says goodbye to his sister and Vicky disappears for good. Wow, anticlimactic. Once Elena gets out of the car she and Alaric drag Stefan away as well. Then the car blows up. Just another day in Mystic Falls.

Back at Damon's he insists on putting burn lotion on Elena. I think it's silly but whatever--it gives them an excuse to continue their ongoing romantic tension. Elena comments on his flirting with Rebecca and he responds that he thought she was too drunk to notice. She says she was faking most of it and he responds with "So was I." Yes, very sweet. And yet she's still obsessed with Stefan. There's really no accounting for taste.

As Elena and Alaric are leaving, Stefan is up and recovered. He points out to them that they need him and are better off with him around. Sure--it's not like Elena is friends with any other vampires. He asks Elena why she saved him from the fire and she responds with a speech about hope and not giving up. He calls her pathetic and she finally manages to trigger those hand stakes right into his stomach (seems to be the favourite non-lethal area for staking). Apparently she's all strong now. After a whole day of working out. Maybe I should run around the track and lift weights for 10 minutes.

Caroline and Ty have missed all the action that didn't directly include them but Caroline refuses to stay the night. The second she's out of there Rebecca shows up with a compelled girl as a present for Ty. He tells Rebecca to leave but when she bites the girl on the wrist, he's there a second later helping himself to neck. So much for his promise to Caroline.

I should also take a minute to mention vampire vampire-hunter Michael. Katherine has been trying to revive him with the blood of various humans and animals with no success. It seems he's not interested in eating anything. Katherine's about ready to give up but after an "encouraging" phone call from Damon she agrees to give it another shot. She grabs the nearest person and force feeds Michael, partially reviving him. He then becomes rather insistent that Katherine take the blood away, which she reluctantly does. Later Michael apologizes and tells her he's denied himself human blood since he was turned. He also tells her he can and will kill Klaus. Katherine removes his chains as he claims he doesn't feed on living things. So guess what he eats. Apparently Katherine is dumb as dirt because she has to ask and, surprise, he grabs her and bites. A few moments later she goes limp.

As the episode winds down Bonnie is still avoiding Jeremy. But then he admits to Anna that he can't stop thinking about her (Anna, not Bonnie). Anna says she feels the same. As they reach over to hold hands they're shocked to find out they can actually feel each other. They have no idea what it means. Meanwhile as Damon is cleaning up at home a vase falls over and breaks while someone/something streaks by. Of course Damon assumes it's Stefan but a second later he's thrown across the room and knocked out and it turns out ghost Mason is in the house. Okay so bring on the angry ghosts.

You can probably already tell how I feel about this episode. Not loving the ghosts, the plot holes, the overwhelming lameness of it all. It's extra disappointing because we know how great this show can be. Maybe it'll pick up. I hope so because I have better things to do than watch shows that bore and annoy me. Even if they do star Ian Somerhalder.

Fang Files

Appearance: Pale human until the vampire emerges, then dark/red eyes, dark facial veins and prominent fangs.

Strengths: Ability to compel humans (Originals can also compel other vampires). Super strength, speed and gymnastics abilities. Unsurpassed skill at taking liberties.

Weaknesses: Stakes, vervain, blood lust, fire. Siring (excessive loyalty by a vampire to their maker).

Mythology: Vampires can turn off their emotions and humanity at will. Originals can only be temporarily "killed" by a certain type of dagger plunged into their hearts; when the dagger is removed the Original returns to life (only now it turns out there is some way to kill them permanently).

Sound Bites

Damon: [to Elena] Yeah, so you might not want to come around here for awhile. We have a new housemate: Barbie Klaus.

Elena: Who are you?
Stefan: I'm the guy who's been assigned to protect the human blood bag. I mean, no offence or anything.

Elena: Which is why it's your job to keep her [Rebecca] away.
Damon: How? She's an Original. Last time I checked we're out of daggers.
Elena: So then preoccupy her with your charm.
Alaric: You might have better luck finding the dagger.
Damon: You ever not going to be mad at me, Ric?
Alaric: Doubtful.

Elena: [As Damon presses down on the barbell she's trying to lift] What are you doing?
Damon: Helping you out.
Elena: Damon!
Damon: Come on, Buffy.

Ty: [to Caroline] Everything I like about me is you.

Ty: You should go.
Rebecca: You sure? I think my brother would want his hybrid to indulge in everything life has to offer.

The Vampire Diaries, Season 3 Episode 6 "Smells Like Teen Spirit." Written by Julie Plec and Caroline Dries. Directed by Rob Hardy. From The CW.

The Vampire Diaries S3 E5 "The Reckoning"

Spoilers Ahead

Before I get to the episode I have to ask: these people are 18--why are they still in high school? High school is still only four years long, right? Did they all get held back? And their idea of wacky fun times is setting up pranks throughout the school? Sadly, that's only a taste of this season's lameness. I think TVD has lost the plot. I'm officially depressed.

Anyway, "The Reckoning" starts off with Matt (who looks about as much a teenager as Damon does, which is to say not at all) is working out in the school gym late at night. Sure, why not? Hearing a noise he goes to investigate and discovers his classmates embroiled in setting up pranks (mousetraps all over the floor! Honey on the doorknobs!) for Senior Prank Night. Um, yeah. Well, they have been looking forward to this since they were freshmen. Besides, Caroline insisted they need to get involved and create memories that they'll remember for the rest of their lives. Sure, when Caroline is 200 she'll be looking back fondly on gluing down toilet seats when she was 18. Do any of the writers actually remember that she's a vampire? Hopefully they will soon because she's gotten to be as useless and annoying as she was back in the first season. Hint: it's called character development--look into it.

When Elena takes off on her own to glue Alaric's desk shut she runs into Klaus. He's not too happy to see she's still alive and he takes it out on two random students, compelling one to hold up her leg and the other to beat her to death if she lets it drop.

Elsewhere Stefan wakes up and finds Rebecca guarding him. It turns out Klaus has been breaking his neck all afternoon, which is strange since Klaus claimed he wasn't angry at Stefan. Maybe he changed his mind. Or maybe it's one of those (many) things the writers let slide. Rebecca has also changed, from an apparently sensible woman in the 1920s to a bitchy, jealous brat in 2011. Her jealousy, of course, is aimed at Elena and Stefan's feelings for the doppelganger, which Rebecca expresses by staking Stefan in the gut with a crowbar and repeatedly voicing her desire for Elena's death.

Once Stefan is immobilized Rebecca goes and finds Caroline and Ty. She knocks Caroline out without any problem and drags Ty to Klaus. When Matt and Bonnie arrive ready to TP the place Klaus is elated to see Bonnie. He explains his hybrid problem (they die when he tries to turn them) and orders Bonnie to find a solution. And just to add a little more pressure he feeds Ty his blood before breaking his neck, forcing Bonnie to find a solution before Ty wakes up and dies. By this time Stefan has regained consciousness and makes his way to the gym to join the party. After a scuffle in which Stefan badly tries to pretend he doesn't care about Elena (did he really think telling Klaus he would do whatever he wanted would actually work?) Klaus ends up compelling Stefan to do whatever he says without question, starting with killing the previously mentioned random teenagers. Then, because there wasn't already enough pressure on Bonnie, Klaus decides to start a 20-minute countdown at the end of which--if Bonnie hasn't come up with the solution--Stefan is to kill Elena. Of course the fact that he doesn't bother telling Bonnie this makes it that much more fun or something.

Bonnie and Matt, meanwhile, have taken off to figure out what to do. Bonnie is stressed because the curse is ancient and none of her grimoires go back that far. But then in a flash of inspiration she realizes she can get formerly dead Jeremy to talk to her dead witch contacts (who won't talk to her anymore because she repeatedly used them) and find out from them what to do. The only problem is she can't find Jeremy. Rather than worrying about what might have happened to Jeremy (it's not like no one's seen or heard from him for at least a day or anything) Matt gets the brilliant idea to kill himself by drowning in the pool and have Bonnie bring him back with CPR. That way he can see Vicky again too. Of course it all works out perfectly and Vicky has a message for Bonnie from the Original Witch: Klaus's hybrids are failing because...wait for it...the doppelganger is still alive! Gasp, shock. Pretty sure we already knew that.

Klaus overhears this, however, and seems to think it's valuable information. While this is going on Elena is back in the gym reminding Stefan of their love and urging him to fight the compulsion. Stefan spends the time trying to convince her he's now a psycho killer, telling her that even though she's the only thing that's kept him from shutting off his emotions, if he gets near her blood she's dead. Just what you want to hear from the person you love! By this time Ty has also woken up and is not looking so good.

As the timer runs out Stefan tells Elena to run. He holds himself back as much as he can but he can't entirely stop himself from chasing her, although skewering himself with a broom handle seems to help a lot. As she's making her escape Elena runs into Klaus. He drags her back to Stefan where he pulls the makeshift stake out of him and then compels him to shut off his emotions/humanity. Then he offers Stefan a drink from Elena's neck.

Of course he doesn't let Stefan kill Elena. No, in a fantastic leap of logic that Fox Mulder would be proud of Klaus has decided that the Original Witch hated him so much that he should do the opposite of whatever she says. So if she claims the doppelganger needs to be dead he thinks what he really needs to do is feed Elena's blood to Ty. And success! Ty makes the transition to hybrid. See, Klaus figured out that the witch's failsafe was to require the doppelganger to be killed for the curse to be broken, but that hybrids couldn't be made without the doppelganger's blood. That way she would ensure that even if Klaus ever did break the curse he would always be alone. It turns out that so many people have had to die because all Klaus wants is some company and the Original Witch just wanted him to suffer. Yup. So Klaus takes Elena to the hospital, where he compels a nurse to keep Elena sedated as she takes (and bags) even more blood. His plan is then to take his doppelganger and his hybrid and get the hell out of Mystic Falls.

Side Note: Is it just me or is this the worst curse/failsafe ever? First of all, why keep making doppelgangers if the Original Witch really wanted to curse Klaus? Why keep giving him chances to break it? As for making sure Klaus is alone forever, wouldn't he just have to wait until the next doppelganger comes along? Sure he'll be alone for awhile but what's that to an immortal being? Looks like someone didn't think this one through too well. Back to our regularly scheduled review...

Meanwhile Damon and Katherine's big road trip involves driving aimlessly. According to Katherine it's so they can get far enough away that Damon won't go running back. Even though he insists that won't happen he still pulls over and throws away the keys, refusing to go any farther until Katherine tells him what's going on. The one thing that redeems this scene is the kiss between Damon and Katherine (he just thought he'd give it a try). Very hot although too brief. It would be totally worth risking a car wreck to get to lock lips with Damon (or Ian) for a moment. Hey, I never said I didn't have issues. It's probably good that they didn't wreck the car, though, as it turns out Jeremy is unconscious in the trunk.

It seems Pearl and Anna knew how to kill Klaus but since they were both dead Katherine never mentioned it before (it was Pearl's leverage, yet Katherine still let her get entombed so she could continue running from Klaus. Maybe saving Pearl instead would have been the smart plan...) Now that it turns out Jeremy is a ghost whisperer Katherine wants to use him to talk to Anna to find out what will get rid of Klaus permanently. At first Anna refuses but after Damon smashes Jeremy's head against a rock (really?) she tells them they're looking for Michael, a vampire who hunts vampires (is she sure she didn't mean Angel?) She also lets them know they'd be stupid to wake Michael because he'll kill them all.

After finding the car keys Damon discovers that Bonnie's been texting him about Klaus. He leaves Jeremy with Katherine (really??) to find Michael while he returns to Mystic Falls--despite insisting he wouldn't go back--to help Elena et al. This is where we get the only other decent moment in the episode. Katherine can't believe Damon is going to risk his life for Elena and she shouts after him that the Damon she knew would never be so stupid. Damon pauses and replies that he wouldn't have done this for her. The line and the delivery are pretty devastating and it's a rather satisfying moment (although he did do it for her when he tried to free her from the tomb and ended up getting shot and killed, but we'll overlook that oversight this time).

When Damon gets back to Mystic Falls he finds Klaus just in time. As Klaus is about to kill him Damon mentions Michael, telling Klaus that he and Katherine found him and that Michael knows where Klaus is. That shuts Klaus up. He ends up taking off without Elena or Ty. That leaves Damon free to rescue Elena from the hospital, carrying her out all heroic-like.

As for the rest of the gang, Matt is happy to finally get a chance to talk to Vicky and (theoretically) say goodbye. Ty insists he feels phenomenal, although Caroline looks worried. And no one seems to remember that Jeremy is missing.

Back at his place Damon gives Elena bourbon (although I really think she could use some plasma after all that blood loss) to help her forget. He also offers to compel her but she refuses, claiming she needs to remember everything. He then tries to give her back her necklace, which he re-stole from Katherine, only Elena doesn't take it. Instead she laments that Stefan is really gone this time and then whines that Damon wasn't there (sure, complain when he acts like a vampire but when she needs his help suddenly he's obligated to be her vampire saviour). Still he's her bitch so he promises that he'll never leave her again (it's actually a rather romantic moment but I'm too irritated with Elena to care). Just then Stefan saunters in and gets himself a drink. Apparently Klaus has compelled him to watch over and protect Elena until he comes back for her. So basically this is season 1 all over again with Salvatore role reversal. This should be dull.

The episode ends with Jeremy and Katherine finding the crypt in which Michael has been entombed (a witch did it in the 90s). He's chained and looks dead but as soon as Katherine pushes the cover aside he opens his eyes.

After all the drama of Klaus finding Elena and taking over the school the whole thing ended with a whimper. The episode felt anticlimactic and uninspired. Events were resolved way too easily, there was no sense of tension, and definitely no real surprises. The writers almost seem to have given up (or maybe they're just really lazy). All I know is we're five episodes in and I've been consistently bored and annoyed. Come on Vampire Diaries--it's not too late to turn it around (you've done it before).

Fang Files

Appearance: Pale human until the vampire emerges, then dark/red eyes, dark facial veins and sharp fangs.

Strengths: Ability to compel humans (Originals can also compel other vampires). Super strength (the older the vampire the stronger they are) and speed. Fast healing.

Weaknesses: Stakes. Compulsion by Originals. Vampire hunters.

Mythology: Vampires can turn off their emotions if they choose to. In order to turn into a vampire a person must first die with vampire blood in their system; to complete the transition they need to feed on human blood (in the case of Klaus's hybrids they need to feed on the doppelganger's blood). Originals can only be temporarily "killed" by a certain type of dagger plunged into their hearts; when the dagger is removed the Original returns to life (only now it turns out there is some way to kill them permanently).

Sound Bites

Klaus: [to Elena] You are supposed to be dead. What are we going to do about that?

Elena: Don't, Klaus--you don't have to hurt anybody.
Klaus: Come on, love, of course I do.

Rebecca: So this is the latest doppelganger? The original one was much prettier.

Katherine: What if I told you there was a way to kill Klaus? And not dagger dead. Dead dead.
Damon: I'd say you were desperate and lying. Or drunk. Or desperate lying drunk.

Elena: [after Klaus compels Stefan to shut off his emotions] What did you do?
Klaus: I fixed him.

The Vampire Diaries, Season 3 Episode 5 "The Reckoning." Written by Michael Narducci. Directed by John Behring. From The CW.

The Vampire Diaries S3 E4 "Disturbing Behavior"

Spoilers Ahead

I don't know if it's me or what but I'm less than impressed with this season of TVD. It just seems so...predictable. And dull. Where's the tension? Where are the twists? Where's the Damon that was a force to be reckoned with? Maybe he's too busy helping Elena get her boyfriend back and getting his ass kicked. Please tell me this season is building up to something good. Eye candy alone does not a watchable show make.

Anyway, "Disturbing Behavior" starts off in Chicago with the newly awakened Rebecca trying on clothes and getting up to speed on modern-day fashion. Stefan decides he needs some fresh air and while outside sees Katherine. They have a quick chat in which we find out that Katherine knows about Elena/Rebecca's necklace, that Stefan thinks he has it all under control, and that Klaus is smarter than everyone (according to Katherine, at least). Informative.

Meanwhile Damon is helping Elena get ready for the Founders' party at the Lockwoods'. Well, mostly he's giving her a hard time about making chili ("everyone brings chili") and for still wearing the necklace Stefan gave her. (Side note: isn't that necklace full of vervain, which is why Stefan gave it to her in the first place? And wouldn't it be a good idea to keep wearing it for that reason?)

Once Damon's had enough of Elena he meets up with Liz. It turns out she's been keeping Bill detained while the vervain leaves his system and now she wants Damon to compel him. Oh sure--now she appreciates his vampirism. Anyway before Damon can re-write his memories, Bill gives what I hope was meant to be an ironic speech about how the mind is so strong it can be trained to overcome the basic nature of a vampire. I kept waiting for Damon to ask him if he thinks he can train his mind to be straight instead of gay but he never did. No one did, which I thought was kind of ridiculous given the circumstances (come on, doesn't Bill sound exactly like those extremists who send their gay kids to be retrained to be straight?) Damon does at least compel Bill to leave town immediately, remembering only that he went shopping with Caroline.

While Damon's away Elena hangs out with Bonnie and Caroline. They (well, mostly Caroline) also give her a hard time about the necklace, as well as about all the time she's spending with Damon. Elena can't win. And as if to drive that point home her necklace suddenly burns her. When Bonnie takes a look at it it's clear the thing is rife with magic.

It turns out the magic is coming from Gloria, who is trying to locate the necklace through Rebecca. After performing her spell Gloria claims she knows where the necklace is! Oh, but not really (I hate it when writers use a line for dramatic effect even when it doesn't make sense). She then tells Stefan, Klaus and Rebecca that she needs some alone time to keep working on it. Stefan leaves with the other two but returns to find out exactly what Gloria knows. She admits she heard Elena and the others talking about Stefan but she has no interest in helping Klaus. Before Stefan can breathe a sigh of relief she informs him that the necklace is a talisman of the original witch and that she wants it for herself. Then she threatens Stefan before immobilizing him with her magic. Looks like it's torture time for Stefan as Gloria looks to find out what he knows the old-school voodoo way. Strange, though, that she's not worried about Klaus walking in on them. Then again it turns out Klaus isn't the issue. Just as Gloria finds out all about Elena, Katherine shows up and kills her. Guess she's not all bad.

After Stefan thanks Katherine and tells her to get lost (come on, dude--maybe you should get over it) he meets up with Rebecca at the warehouse. He asks her why she doesn't un-dagger the rest of her family and she claims that if she did Klaus would hunt her down and kill her. Which tells us that Klaus's family is a bunch of cowards. As if they couldn't have put him in his place if they'd all worked together. Anyway, Stefan then asks a bunch of clumsy questions about who Rebecca and Klaus are running from (she can't tell him because Klaus would be furious). Then she kisses him and realizes he's been lying (she has extra special powers of vampire-woman's intuition). When Klaus returns, Rebecca immediately tattles on Stefan, claiming she doesn't think he's with them. Stefan tries to protest but a second later everything goes black as Klaus attacks. So much for Rebecca and Stefan's great love.

It turns out the Founders' party is the main event this episode. While at it Alaric decides it's a good time to tell Damon to back off from Elena. Before Damon can properly respond he's called in to the Council meeting. He, Liz, and Carol Lockwood all claim the town is vampire free and the rest of the Council buys it. And then Bill shows up. It turns out that Damon's compulsion didn't take (he's got quite the trained mind, after all). Bill demands to be head of the Council and also wants vervain put into the town's water supply (woe to any humans with an allergy). Damon is furious about it but when he tells Alaric and Elena he doesn't exactly have their support. Elena is even stupid enough to suggest the vervain will help keep him in check. Rightly pissed off he makes sure Alaric is wearing his immortality ring before snapping his neck. Then he takes off to kill Bill.

Damon finds Bill where he left him and stops to have a quick chat with him. Then Damon bites him. I do have to say it's nice to see a vampire acting like a vampire on this show. The problem with having vampires as the good guys is that they act like good guys. Call me crazy but I want to see fangs and blood. Unfortunately it's over too quickly as Caroline, warned by Elena, shows up and puts an end to Damon's (and my) fun. For whatever reason she still loves her dad (you'd think the torture would have put a major damper on that) and her anger makes her stronger than Damon. See what I mean about him not being himself? Even Caroline gets the better of him. She does quit while she's ahead, though, and takes off with her dad while she still can.

Damon then has a confrontation with Elena in which she whines at him that he *gasp* acts like a vampire! He finally comes to his senses long enough to snap at her that he is a vampire and he's not Stefan, a concept she doesn't quite seem to grasp. At least she finally kinda-sorta admits to Caroline that she maybe could be attracted to Damon. We'll see if this actually ends up going anywhere.

When Alaric finally revives he's also pissed off at Damon. It's like everyone just noticed that Damon isn't a choir boy. Alaric's response to his newfound knowledge is to go to the Council and insist he gets a spot on it as the Gilbert family rep. He does have a point that Carol, Liz and Damon aren't entirely unbiased. And that supernaturals look out for themselves so the humans should do the same. But I'm getting the icky feeling that Alaric is on the road to anti-vampire fanaticism. Damn. Damon has his own--not quite sensible--reaction to all the flak he's been getting. When Katherine shows up at his door (with Elena's necklace, which she scammed off Bonnie) he agrees to go on a road trip with her. Yeah, okay, he could use a break but Katherine? Really? Sigh.

While all this is going on Jeremy is having some awkward time with his girlfriend (back in town at last) and his ghost ex. It seems Anna has been trying to get his attention for days but he's only just suddenly been able to hear her. From what Anna can determine, for Jeremy to actually see and hear her she needs to be pushing (from her side of reality) to be noticed at the same time as he's pulling--in other words he has to want to see her. Interesting that he keeps wanting to see her while he's with Bonnie. Anna tells him that she's alone and lonely where she is. She also mentions that she feels a darkness whenever Vicky is involved and that Jeremy has to be careful not to let her in. Sure if you can trust one ex's word against another's. It doesn't matter too much in any case. After Anna shows up at a rather inopportune moment Jeremy decides he's better off without her in his life. Even as she's begging him not to do it he shuts Anna out. Then he goes and finally tells Bonnie what's been happening since she brought him back from the dead while Anna cries and tries to get his attention to no avail. Sucks to be a ghost.

The episode ends with Stefan waking up in what turns out to be the back of a truck. Klaus is there too and surprisingly isn't mad at him. But he is wondering what Stefan's been hiding. So he figured it made sense to go back to the source. Welcome back to Mystic Falls, Stefan!

Maybe I'm still the only one not loving this season but you've got to admit that when the most interesting plot development is a road trip with Katherine the show's low on ideas. Maybe things will pick up in the next episode. If not it's a long time to wait for True Blood to start up again.

Fang Files

Appearance: Pale human until the vampire emerges, then dark/red eyes, dark facial veins and sharp fangs.

Strengths: Ability to compel humans, except for Caroline's dad. Ability to heal human wounds with their blood. Super strength and speed (the older the vampire the stronger they are--unless the younger one is really, really pissed off, apparently). Witty repartee, mad chili-making skillz.

Weaknesses: Vervain, magic.

Mythology: Original vampires can't be permanently killed, although they can be put into a death-like state with the use of a particular dagger. They return to life as soon as the dagger is removed.

Sound Bites

Rebecca: So women in the 21st century dress like prostitutes, then? You know, I got dirty looks for wearing trousers.
Klaus: You wore trousers so they could wear nothing.

Caroline: [to Elena] If my own father, who I love dearly, can't change me no one's changing Damon. Not even you.

Elena: Where have you been?
Damon: Managing Bill Forbes. Apparently he's impervious to compulsion.
Alaric: How?
Damon: I have no idea. But he threatened to out me! Don't get me started on the irony of that.

Bill: I knew what I was risking when I didn't leave town but I figured you're not self-destructive enough to kill the Sheriff's ex-husband.
Damon: Makes you the third person to underestimate me today.

Damon: [to Elena] I am not Stefan--how about you stop trying to turn me into him?

Caroline: Daddy, I'm gonna be okay.
Bill: You're a vampire, sweetheart. I don't think you'll ever be okay again.

The Vampire Diaries, Season 2 Episode 4 "Disturbing Behavior." Written by Brian Young. Directed by Wendey Stanzler. From The CW.

The Vampire Diaries S3 E3 "The End of the Affair"

Spoilers Ahead

I don't know what it was about the third episode of this season but it was lacking. Maybe it was a matter of too many flashbacks. Maybe it was the somewhat unbelievable storyline. Or the anti-climactic resolutions. But just when it seemed the season was starting to progress it goes and takes a step back. I need to start looking up new ways to say "disappointing."

"The End of the Affair" starts off back in Mystic Falls after Elena, Damon and Alaric's field trip to the Smoky Mountains. Damon's morning drinking is interrupted by a phone call from Katherine, of all people. Damn--her again. She won't tell Damon how she knows but she informs him that Stefan and Klaus are in Chicago. Damon immediately retrieves Elena and prepares for yet another road trip. Hint: there are these newfangled inventions called airplanes and they happen to move a lot faster than automobiles.

Anyway, Stefan and Klaus are indeed in the Windy City. Both have been there before but Stefan claims he blacked out most of his Ripper days. Our first flashback takes us to Prohibition-era Chicago, where Stefan dresses like a member of the Rat Pack and hangs out at a speakeasy imbibing illicit alcohol and draining innocent women. He also meets an intriguing blonde vampire lady named Rebecca. She has an English accent so it's instantly obvious she's...spoiler alert...Klaus's sister. I hate it when something is that transparent before the big reveal. It's quite disenchanting. But whatever happened in the past Klaus is in Chicago now to pay a visit to his "favourite" witch in order to find out what went wrong with his hybrids.

It turns out the witch--Gloria--was the singer at the speakeasy. The club is still there and Gloria, thanks to some anti-aging herbs and spells, runs the place. She tells Klaus that since they can't ask the first witch about the curse (she's the one who placed in on Klaus) they'll just have to get his sister Rebecca's help. Convenient. Meanwhile Stefan's found a photo of him and Klaus back in the day and he's completely confused because he has no recollection of ever meeting Klaus before he showed up in Mystic Falls. Hmm...mysterious. But not really.

Once they get to Chicago Damon gives Elena a quick tour of Stefan's previous depravity so she'll be prepared for seeing him at his worst. Besides giving her Stefan's diary he takes her to Stefan's old apartment where he has the names of all his victims written in a secret compartment. It's a long list. Then Damon does something completely stupid: he leaves Elena alone in the apartment while he goes out looking for Stefan. I feel so let down.

Elsewhere Klaus has taken Stefan to a warehouse where he proceeds to tell Stefan a bit about their past and we're treated to another flashback. It seems Klaus and Stefan didn't get along at all at first, mainly because Klaus didn't like that Stefan was dating his sister. But over time Klaus came to appreciate Stefan and even learned some of his favourite tricks from him (like compelling an angry husband to drink his wife's blood). I should probably also mention that in the flashback Rebecca was wearing the necklace we've since seen Elena wearing and that she claimed it was given to her by the first witch. See where this is heading? So dissatisfying. Anyway, back in the present Klaus locates Rebecca's body and removes the dagger from her heart. Despite their past romance Stefan doesn't recognize her. Since Rebecca is taking her time reviving, Klaus decides to take Stefan to his old apartment for more reminiscing.

Of course Elena is alone at the apartment when she hears Klaus and Stefan approaching. She decides to hide in the secret cupboard, which is precisely where Klaus takes Stefan in order to show him the "secret" list of names. Stefan sees Elena there but basically ignores her, instead choosing to distract Klaus with a bottle of 1918 single malt scotch. After they've gone Damon finally returns, uncharacteristically unconcerned about what happened and how much worse it could have been. Instead he's come up with a cunning plan to distract Klaus while Elena deals with Stefan.

Back at the club Klaus and Stefan reminisce some more, along with more flashbacks. It seems they really were BFFs back in the day (Stefan is even the one who gave Klaus the idea of becoming the hybrid king of the paranormals). But then one fateful night the speakeasy is raided (not uncommon) and the police are shooting wooden bullets (very uncommon)--time for Klaus and Rebecca to book. In the melee Rebecca drops her necklace. But Klaus takes a moment to compel Stefan to forget them both. Best to tie up loose ends, as Klaus later tells Rebecca before stabbing her in the chest for choosing Stefan over him.

As Stefan listens to the story he notices Damon off to the side motioning him to follow. Making an excuse that he needs a "real" drink he follows Damon outside where they have yet another confrontation (how many times can Stefan tell Damon to stop following him?) But Damon steps aside so Elena can talk to Stefan. She asks him to come home and then tries to stab him with a syringe. Sigh. Stefan snaps at her that it's over, he doesn't want to come home and he doesn't want to see her again. Basically he's a total selfish whiner. Meanwhile Damon is inside being stabbed with a drink umbrella by Klaus and nearly staked (Gloria steps in and tells them to take it outside). Stefan returns to Klaus and Damon returns to Elena ready to leave town. But wait--why didn't Klaus stake Damon? He wants him dead--was it really too much of an effort to step outside of the club to do it? Lame. And lazy.

Back in Mystic Falls Caroline is still being held captive by her dad. I believe the word you're looking for right now is creepy. Besides keeping her restrained in a steel chair, daddy is also using atomized vervain to keep her weak. He gets her to tell him how she walks in the sun and then he removes her ring. It turns out the room she's in was built expressly for vampire torture. Behind her is a shuttered window and daddy seems to have no problem opening the shutters and burning Caroline repeatedly. It's for her own good, you know. He plans on teaching her to associate blood with excruciating pain until she finally represses her vampire urges. And if that doesn't work, well, he'll just have to kill her. But he only does it out of love. You know, the world really needs more psychotic parents.

At least Caroline's mom no longer falls into that category. She's looking for Caroline when Ty shows up on her doorstep. As Bill leaves Caroline for the night (the sun has set so his fun is ruined) Liz shows up, gun drawn. Bill tries to convince her that what he's doing is the best thing for Caroline but Liz isn't buying it. She sends Ty in to get her daughter while Bill watches helplessly. It totally sucks to have someone ruin a perfectly good father-daughter torture session. Whoever came up with this storyline is not at all a twisted individual with serious issues. Even better--Caroline spends the rest of the episode crying that her daddy hates her now. Wow. That's what you're upset about? Granted that would be an awful feeling but you'd think she'd be a little more concerned that he kidnapped and tortured her and was willing to kill her, if "necessary." I don't know but if that had been me I think I'd be planning a little payback, vamp style.

The episode ends with a return to the warehouse and a reunion with the revived Rebecca. She is pissed at having been staked by Klaus but forgives all when she sees Stefan. Klaus compels Stefan to remember them again so it's a reunion all around. And then Rebecca realizes her necklace is gone. One more flashback and we see Katherine at the club watching Stefan as he picks up Rebecca's lost necklace curiously (never mind why he's still at the club when wooden bullets were flying around). Suddenly a vaguely familiar cop shows him a picture of Klaus and Rebecca and asks if he's seen them. Of course he hasn't.

So who is this cop chasing after Klaus and Rebecca--and why? Why has Katherine been stalking Klaus all these years when he's wanted to kill her? What is Stefan really up to? Why was I so bored throughout this entire episode? I think maybe the writers need to tone down the melo in the drama. Being a little more realistic with characters' motives, actions, and responses wouldn't hurt either. Most of all give the fans a reason to care. The real trick to keeping the magic going is to stop the audience from being disillusioned. This episode did not measure up.

Fang Files

Appearance: Human until the vampire emerges, then dark/red eyes, dark facial veins, and prominent fangs.

Strengths: Super speed and strength. Ability to compel humans (Originals can also compel other vampires).

Weaknesses: Vervain. Sunlight (unless vampire is wearing magical sun-protection jewelry). Stakes, piercing wooden objects.

Mythology: Originals cannot be killed. The only thing that can be used on them is a special silver dagger dipped into the ashes of a particular oak tree and plunged into their hearts. Once the dagger is removed they return to life as if nothing happened. As the hybrid, Klaus is immune.

Sound Bites

Damon: Is that what you're doing--looking out for my brother?
Katherine: Maybe. Maybe not. I'm conflicted.

Elena: [re: Stefan] He's in Chicago? How do you know?
Damon: Came to me in a dream. I was naked. You would have loved it. Start packing.

Bill: [to Caroline] Blood controls you, sweetheart. This is how I'm going to fix you. (Burns her.)

Elena: Stefan could live anywhere in Chicago and he chose this?
Damon: There used to be an all-girls high school around the corner but it shut down for attendance issues. Weird.

The Vampire Diaries, Season 3 Episode 3 "The End of the Affair." Written by Caroline Dries. Directed by Chris Grismer. From The CW.