True Blood S3 E11 "Fresh Blood"

Spoilers Ahead

I have a confession to make: I'm not in love with Season 3 of True Blood. I don't know if it was a weak season or if it's been tainted for me by the generally disappointing Sookie Stackhouse books or if I've simply become too critical. But other than a few standout scenes throughout the season I don't feel any burning need to go back and watch again. In fact, watching episodes a second time has left me overwhelmingly...bored. Considering I'll happily sit through Forever Knight marathons, that's just plain sad.

Anyway, the big news in "Fresh Blood" is Eric's plan for Sookie. After being chained in Fangtasia's basement, Sookie is quickly rescued by a bitter Yvetta (who is somehow pissed off because Eric didn't leave anything to her in his will). Meanwhile Bill is upstairs fighting with Pam, who is weaker than he is but is holding her own by spraying colloidal silver into his eyes. Sookie manages to overcome Pam with a silver chain and then threatens her with the colloidal silver in order to get information. Considering how much of the Magister's torture Pam withstood, she crumbles pretty quickly in the face of a little water and silver cocktail.

Eric, meanwhile, is busy confronting Russell and convincing him not to kill them all...yet. Russell is skeptical but the possibility of being able to walk in the sun (after drinking fairy--aka Sookie--blood) is too tempting to resist.

After getting away from Fangtasia Bill and Sookie have a relationship talk as she drives. Sookie claims she no longer trusts Bill or Eric. She also admits that she does have some feelings for Eric, although she doesn't believe they're anything to do with love. She and Bill then play a game of 'what-if', where their life together would be completely different (she'd be a real estate agent and he'd teach third grade). Just as Sookie declares their ideal life would be Eric-free, Eric and Russell appear in the road ahead of them. Sookie slams on the brakes and Russell brings the car to a complete stop. So much for their happy thoughts.

Back at Fangtasia, Eric has Bill start a fight with him in the parking lot while Russell escorts Sookie inside. Once they're alone Eric lets Bill in on his plan. Inside Bill is restrained while Eric informs Russell that drinking Sookie's blood will allow him to walk in the sunlight. Sookie did say she no longer trusts Bill but the way she's always so quick to think the worst of him--and even Eric--is just annoying (and senseless). Despite Bill trying to signal her with his eyes she decides the vampires are clearly sacrificing her and reacts like a bratty teenager, screaming at the top of her lungs that she hates them. I was never a huge fan of Sookie but season 3 has just killed her for me. Since killing her off isn't an option can she please be put under some kind of personality-altering spell to make her less whiny and stupid?

Anyway, Russell buys Eric's story and agrees to take Sookie's blood--if Eric will go first. Bill reminds them that if they drain her their first taste of fairy blood will also be their last. There's a sweet moment between Eric and Pam where you really get a sense of the bond between them. I'd love to see more of these. Then he approaches Sookie. Eric at least tries to be gentle, and there's another lovely moment when he caresses the side of Sookie's face. Russell of course has no patience for this and just grabs Sookie and chomps down. Eric hesitates for a second as though he wants to pull Russell off her but then his fangs come out and he bites alongside his enemy. A minute later, as everyone else watches on the security monitors, Eric steps outside into the sunlight. A look of amazement crosses his face as he steps into the light and then he turns and beckons to Russell. What Russell doesn't see is that Eric has started sizzling and is praying that Russell won't notice.

Russell is crying in joy as he walks into the light while inside Pam is crying with sorrow, knowing that her maker is about to die. Meanwhile Bill shouts at her to let him go so he can give blood to Sookie, who is now unconscious. As Russell approaches Eric, the younger vampire turns so that his scorched face comes into view. In an instant Eric has cuffed them together with silver handcuffs. Then he tells Russell to be brave: they're going to die together. Eric is kind of awesome.

In other news this episode, after his V trip with Jesus, Lafayette starts hallucinating demons; Jason decides Crystal being a werepanther is okay by him; Hoyt and Jessica resurrect their romance with a bite (good scene); Sam is drunk and angry and pisses off or alienates everyone in the bar, including Tommy who he fires and kicks out; Holly and Arlene perform a magical ritual but Arlene still doesn't lose the unwanted baby; Tara confronts Andy about lying over who shot Eggs; Tara and Sam connect emotionally and physically; Tommy breaks into Sam's office safe; and Summer and Maxine scheme to get Hoyt away from Jessica. Despite so much else going on, none of it is really that relevant this episode--although it's all clearly setting up future conflicts and storylines. Just keep the point form in mind and you'll be caught up.

I did enjoy most of the vampire scenes this episode and a couple of the human-only ones as well. But I can't get excited about any of it. There's no moment that's so fantastic it has me riveted to the screen (or anxious to watch it again). There's nothing that makes me scrutinize it from every angle and annoy all my friends with constant analyzing (actually, that's probably a good thing). I'm not saying that True Blood has been bad this season; I guess I'm just saying meh. Maybe that's worse.

Fang Files

Appearance: Super pale humans with red-rimmed eyes and snakelike fangs that descend or retract at will. They cry blood.

Strengths: Super strength, speed, fast healing.

Weaknesses: Silver. Sunlight. Staying awake during the day.

Mythology: Vampire blood (V) is used as a powerful drug and aphrodisiac by humans. It is believed that consuming fairy blood will make a vampire immune to sunlight; in reality it only offers temporary protection.

Sound Bites

Pam: Don't leave me alone with this idiot immigrant!
Yvetta: Idiot? [laughs] In Tallinn I was cardiologist.

Russell: [after Eric tells him why he killed Talbot] My my--to lose the one man I ever loved because you miss your mommy and daddy, well that is a kick in the pants.

Tommy: [to Sam] Look at you all drunk and yelling. You're nothing but Joe Lee in a Sam suit.

Russell: Soon there will be anarchy and then there will be me.

True Blood, Season 3 Episode 11 "Fresh Blood." Written by Nancy Oliver. Directed by Daniel Minahan. From HBO.

He's a doll

Literally...
I'm not generally one for these kinds of collectibles (the exception being my Kill Bill Go-Go, which is just too awesome not to have) but this Damon doll looks pretty good. Not quite as smouldering as the real thing but it does come with a sun-protection ring and an intense stare. Tempting...

To find out more and pre-order your very own, click here.

Moonlight S1 E13 "Fated to Pretend"

Spoilers Ahead

Woo hoo--Mick is human and Josh is gone--the stage is finally set for romance between Mick and Beth! Only, not so much. Prepare to be disappointed.

Despite it being only temporary, Mick is thoroughly enjoying being human again (see last episode), sleeping in a real bed instead of an industrial freezer, spending time in the sun without getting sick, and eating all his favourite foods. He even gets to enjoy a sunny picnic at the beach with Beth, who informs him that she's had feelings for him for a while. Mick still seems reluctant to do anything about it, though.

While Mick ponders the consequences of mortal-vampire relationships, Mo (Beth's boss) puts a damper on Beth's night by calling her into work (a hot story is about to break). But Beth's night gets worse when she finds Mo dead from a gunshot wound to the head and Mo's ever-present computer missing. She and Mick discover that Mo was in the presence of a vampire before she died, although she wasn't drained of blood. The mystery gets even more complicated when they find Mo's USB drive and discover she was working on three stories, one of which involved Josef and a charity scam. In order to find Mo's killer they're going to have to investigate the key players in all three stories, starting with Josef.

I was thrilled to see the lovely Ksenia Solo (Kenzi on Lost Girl) take on a role as a politician's daughter in one of the stories being investigated. We also get to meet the new DA, Ben Talbot (Eric Winter, The Mentalist), who starts out as kind of an ass but ends up being okay. I just hope he's not being set up as competition for Beth's affections. More likely that was the long-term plan before the show was cancelled.

The three mysteries are actually pretty interesting, particularly how they intertwine and relate to Mo's murder. Unfortunately, things really fall apart at the end with an unbelievable and clumsy conclusion. It turns out the murderer is a vampire, who--for no good reason--proceeds to vamp out in a particularly non-subtle way, kidnaps Beth and the new DA, and leaves Mick for dead. There might be an argument for kidnapping Beth, but the DA? Why not just kill the guy? And why wouldn't he check to make sure Mick was dead? How did Mick not bleed to death as he lay unconscious for two hours with a huge chunk of glass embedded in his thigh? What was the murderer doing for the hours it took for Mick to wake up, take care of his wounds, go back to his place to get weapons, and argue with Josef (including convincing Josef to turn him again since he obviously can't fight a vampire as a mortal)? Why wouldn't Josef do his best friend Mick a favour and fight the murderer on his behalf (something that would be a piece of cake for an ancient vampire like Josef) rather than turn Mick (wasting more time) and robbing him of his hard-won and much-loved humanity? Why would the killer bother blindfolding the DA (so that he doesn't end up seeing any of the vamp action that ensues when Mick and Josef eventually show up, of course). And why did it take all this for Mick to finally see the disadvantages of being human--what, he didn't already know that humans are weaker than vampires? Too many questions and no satisfying answers.

I did, however, immensely enjoy the scene where Josef turns Mick. Strange that with all the vampire shows and movies to choose from, we so rarely get to see any actual biting (often we see the lunge or the blood or the aftermath, but not the bite itself). I happen to enjoy it when vampires act like vampires and a good bite is a big part of the appeal (drinking blood out of a glass, while probably a necessity for the good guys, is just too... domesticated).

But speaking of unsatisfying, the end of the episode brings us full circle with Mick and Beth sharing another picnic, only this one is on a rooftop at night. The conversation comes around to their G-rated relationship. Mick claims he doesn't want Beth to get hurt but she turns it back on him, pointing out that maybe he's the one who doesn't want to get hurt. She calls him on using vampirism as an excuse for keeping them apart. As she stalks away he grabs her and finally kisses her. It's a good kiss too, and it looks like things are at last moving forward. Except that when it ends he tells her he still needs time to figure things out. Huh? I'm so not a fan of people (or characters) who over-think emotions (seriously, who believes you can weigh the pros and cons of love? If you feel the need to do that you're not in love). The show has officially gone from tantalizingly stretching out the tension between Mick and Beth to coming up with lame excuses to keep them apart. Fail. There are three episodes left and I'm starting to worry that Mick and Beth will never get together. So much for romance.

Fang Files

Appearance: Pale humans until the vampire emerges, then ghostly white eyes with reddish bruised-looking circles around them and long, elegant fangs. Prone to growling and eerie screeches when fighting.

Strengths: Heightened senses. Super strength and speed. Ability to easily jump great heights. Ability to move silently.

Weaknesses: Sunlight (makes them increasingly sick). Stakes (paralyze).

Mythology: Cold is soothing to vampires. Vampires can eat food but it is flavourless to them. Animals are instinctively frightened of vampires. The Cleaner takes care of scenes of vampire carnage in order to keep their existence secret from humans. A blood exchange is needed to turn a human.

Sound Bites

Mick: I... am in love with her.
Josef: Yeah. Yeah you are. Now go do something about it before it's too late.

Mick: People always hide things in the last place they think anyone else is going to look.
Beth: Tampons!
Mick: Excuse me?
Beth: I always hide my nice jewellery in a box of tampons.
Mick: Yeah, okay. I'll admit that's the last place I would look.

Josef: [being questioned about Mo's death] Well, was her body found in the La Brea tar pits?
Beth: No.
Josef: That was the only person I killed this week.

Beth: How long since you've had a donut?
Mick: 1952.
Beth: Two words: Krispy Kreme.

Moonlight, Season 1 Episode 13 "Fated to Pretend." Written by Gabrielle Stanton and Harry Werksman. Directed by David Barrett. From CBS/The CW.

Pinocchio:Vampire Slayer and the Great Puppet Theater

Minor Spoilers Ahead

Those of you who are familiar with this blog know that I'm a huge fan of Pinocchio: Vampire Slayer (words such as 'genius' and 'fantastic' may have been applied). So you'll have a pretty good idea of how excited I was about the sequel (hint: very). I even got a pdf review copy this time (thanks, Van!), although I'm going to have to go out and buy a hard copy too. Not just because I'm obsessive about my book collection; it was that good.

I was immediately drawn in by the cover artwork of Pinocchio: Vampire Slayer and the Great Puppet Theater (henceforth referred to as P:VS 2). The cover of the original was good but this one just blew me away. I get excited that way about art, especially when it includes a wooden puppet in a classic Shakespearean pose holding a smoking vampire skull. If that doesn't entice you to delve into the book, you probably shouldn't be reading a blog about vampires.

P:VS 2 starts off with a clever re-telling of not only the first P:VS, but also Carlo Collodi's original story. Finally--a recap that's creative and interesting rather than merely annoying exposition. From there the sequel begins and, much like P:VS, the story is full of all you would expect and more: drunken debauchery, fortune telling, armed puppets, magic, ghosts, romance, adventure on the high seas, use of the word 'vainglorious,' daring rescues, family bonds, The Merchant of Venice, and a fire eater. The further in I got the more engaging I found P:VS 2, and toward the end I was scrolling through the pages as quickly as I could to find out what would happen next. I had to go back a few times to take in the artwork as well as the action. Ultimately it ends on a cliffhanger leaving the impatient among us counting the days until the next volume comes out (no word on that yet).

The artwork is just as good as it was before (although still only in black and white), and Higgins makes good use of the page, although panels are occasionally cramped. There are some particularly nice panels--a streetscape divided into four rectangles (like a triptych, only four rather than three sections--is there a word for that?); vampire slaying displayed jaggedly; insets highlighting details. Higgins also plays with perspective, approaching scenes from different angles with much success. And of course, some of the best artwork is of Pinocchio himself (his facial expressions especially are great). It's amazing how much personality can be imbued into a character who really is wooden.

Other characters are successful to varying degrees. Some stand well on their own and are strong enough to carry the story when Pinocchio is occupied elsewhere. Others aren't well-enough developed--by the time they start getting interesting they're gone. More attention could have been paid to some of the lesser characters, given there were 177 pages to work with. The vampires also have a tendency to blend in with one another rather than having distinct personalities, although that's probably deliberate and, in any case, works in the context of a plague of bloodsucking fiends.

None of the few weaknesses I've mentioned detract from the overall awesomeness of the book. It's disappointingly seldom that a brilliant concept is well executed. I'm happy to say P:VS and P:VS 2 are exceptions to that. Hats off to Jensen and Higgins for making me root for the slayer. Let's just hope they don't make us wait too long to find out what happens next. [EDIT: According to Van it looks like P:VS 3 will be out around mid-2012. Doh.]

Fang Files

Appearance: Undead human, with ragged claws and pointed teeth. Cloaks (similar in appearance to monks' robes) are favoured attire, although they will branch out when the occasion calls for it.

Strengths: Subterfuge, strategy, blood lust, magics.

Weaknesses: Stakes, pointy wooden objects (they burst into flames when staked, then turn to dust).

Mythology: Vampires are cursed beings robbed of their humanity; they need blood to remain immortal. One drop of cursed blood will turn a mortal into a vampire. All vampires seem to owe allegiance to (and work for) "The Master."

Text Bites

Vampire: We are too many, puppet. Our master will be so pleased with a gift of your dismembered corpses.
Minion 1: Please the master!
Minion 2: Corpses!
Minion 3: Yay, it's dismembering time!

Pinocchio: I love your outfit. It's so sparkly.
Vampire: Why, thank you. I wanted something that took away from the whole morbid undead thing.
Pinocchio: [taps his elongated nose]
Vampire: Oh...

Read my review of Pinocchio: Vampire Slayer.

Pinocchio: Vampire Slayer and the Great Puppet Theater; drawn by Dusty Higgins and written by Van Jensen. From SLG Publishing.

Cold Blooded Vampire Ice Cube Tray

"Build it and they will come." Never a truer word spoken when it comes to the people who make the reams of vampire merchandise available to purchase. Apparently they operate under the philosophy that slapping a pair of fangs on something or using vaguely goth-esque packaging will, as the Brits say, have the punters lining up. In principle I'm not opposed to fun merchandise (hell, I'd kill for a Wolfram & Hart t-shirt or a neon Fangtasia sign) but these ice cube trays leave me cold (har har). First of all, how many of these things are you going to need to make enough drinks for you and your vamp-loving friends (one tray makes two sets of fangs)? Secondly, the result is not 'cool ice fangs' so much as Dracula's dentures in a glass of cleaning solution. Meh. But hey, if you're into them, that's all that really matters.

Cold Blooded Vampire Ice Cube Tray, $US7.99. Available here.

Trailer: Midnight Son

I've got to say, of all the trailers I've seen and posted lately, Midnight Son stands out the most. From what I can tell the story looks well developed, the acting is decent, and the production values are high. And the "Midnight Son" of the movie's title is easy on the eyes, which is not always a given when it comes to vampires (although always much appreciated). Even less common in most vamp flicks are interesting human characters, which (again from what I can tell) seem to be in abundance in this movie. Definitely high on the must-see list.

Want to find out more (like how to get this film into your local theatre)? Click here.

Trailer: The Death of Alice Blue

So many vampires, so little time. But I think it'll be worth fitting in The Death of Alice Blue. It's indie, it's Canadian, it's got a great tagline ("And you thought you had a dead-end job"), and it co-stars one of my favourite actors Kris Holden-Ried (currently playing Dyson on Lost Girl, but I've been a fan since I first saw him on Riverdale...) What more could you ask for?

Alice Blue website.