Trailer & Clip: The Bleeding

Oh, Michael Madsen--what have you lowered yourself to? Playing second fiddle to DMX and (gag) Kat Von D. Even I can't use the vampires as an excuse to watch this movie, which seems to aspire to being a hybrid of Buffy, From Dusk 'til Dawn, and John Carpenter's Vampires (and from what little I've seen of it, utterly fails). But judge for yourself (and don't say you weren't warned).

THE BLEEDING: Movie Trailer. Watch more top selected videos about: DMX, Michael Madsen

The Vampire Diaries S2 E14 "Crying Wolf"

Spoilers Ahead

Well, "Crying Wolf" was an episode for surprises. At least for me, which is partly why I have come to love this show so much (it rarely goes where I think it's headed). But if you've been following season 2 (and I'm not sure why you'd be reading this if you haven't) then settle in and get ready for what's coming.

First of all, someone should tell those werewolves that campfires are not capable of completely consuming a body (unless the body happens to be made entirely of marshmallow). But once again we find them doing precisely that (this time disposing of their buddies killed last episode by Stefan and Damon). As they work, one particularly twitchy little were shares that he's figured out the moonstone is the curse-breaker. Hearing this, Brady decides that they can't let the vampires break the curse, even if they have to kill every last vamp in Mystic Falls (no surprises here).

The first surprise comes courtesy of Damon. Newsgirl Andie lives! I thought for sure she was a goner last episode--way to hold off on the homicide! Of course he compels her not to tell anyone about the bite (they need to find a way to heal those things--jaunty scarves tied around the neck are getting old). The next surprise--not as good--happens when Damon compels Andie to fall in love with him. That was a definite WTF moment. I can't figure this one out: does he really need to be loved that badly, or is he planning on taking out some of his Elena frustration by breaking Andie's heart? Or maybe he thinks he'll make Elena jealous? Strange.

Speaking of Elena, after her slumber party with the gals she asks Stefan to take her away from it all. Again I have to ask--does she even go to school anymore? I'm fairly sure it's not summer vacation. Whatever. They finally break out Stefan's gorgeous vintage car and head up to Elena's secluded family lake house. Is anyone else expecting some guy with a chainsaw (hockey mask optional) to come out of the woods?

Back in Mystic Falls Alaric and Damon occupy themselves with a visit to the Lockwood mansion for a tea party being held in Elijah's honour (in his guise as historian researching local history). Alaric is sidetracked by John, who is acting his usual charming self. He "suggests" that Alaric should no longer spend nights at the Gilbert residence and threatens to tell Jenna about all of Alaric's extracurricular activities (I'd like to hear that conversation. John: Your boyfriend hangs out with vampires. Jenna: Excuse me while I give the nice men in white coats a call...) He also informs Alaric that he wants "his" immortality ring back (uh, maybe you shouldn't have given it to Isobel in the first place).

Meanwhile, I think Damon missed his calling as a diplomat. Yes, I am being sarcastic. Don't get me wrong--I love straightforward, to-the-point characters (probably because I can relate to them, although I tend to be far less successful with it than they usually are). But attacking Elijah--who is not only older and stronger but is also an Original--is just plain stupid. I guess Damon figured he had nothing to lose by trying, although the high likelihood of being killed maybe should have occurred to him. In any case, Elijah has no trouble putting Damon in his place (with a pencil in the neck--ouch). The fact that Damon is still of use to Elijah is the only thing that keeps him alive.

At Damon's later, he and Alaric talk about the impending difficulty in killing Elijah. Neither of them are particularly convinced they can trust John's dagger and ashes. As Alaric is letting himself out Damon suddenly hears crashing sounds. Going to investigate he sees Alaric stumbling with a knife in his stomach. Before Damon can help him the twitchy werewolf jumps out and manages to empty a syringe of sedative (I don't think it's vervain as Damon and Stefan have been dosing themselves with the herb to build an immunity) into Damon's neck (again with the neck. And we aren't done yet). Damon doesn't go down without a fight but things aren't looking good for him.

He ends up regaining consciousness chained to a chair with a spiked collar around--duh--his neck (the spikes turn inward, and another chain is attached to it like a leash). The twitchy were is a little too proud of himself as he describes how he was inspired to create the torture collar. The weres proceed to use it on Damon as they try to get him to tell them where the moonstone is.

Elsewhere Bonnie, Caroline, and Jeremy drug and kidnap Luka so that Bonnie can entrance him and find out more about Elijah's plan. When exactly did people finally decide that the ends do justify the means (I'm guessing sometime post 9/11)? It's one thing for adult weres and vampires to cross moral boundaries but I find it a little creepy when human teens are regularly doing it. You've got to wonder what Bonnie will do when she wants to get her way in a relationship (Jeremy should watch his back).

Luka tries to resist but Bonnie eventually wears him down. He finally admits that he and his dad are working for Elijah because Elijah wants Klaus dead and Klaus has kidnapped Luka's sister (another powerful witch whom he is using to try to break the curse without needing a doppelganger). Elijah has promised to free the sister if they help him. When Bonnie presses him on how to kill an Original, Luka finally admits that their only chance is to get Klaus when he's vulnerable--which will be after the sacrifice of the doppelganger (i.e., Elena). Seems a little fishy to me--there's got to be another point of vulnerability. Either that or it's all a little too convenient. Also convenient is that Luka won't remember anything of his time with Bonnie beyond passing out.

Ty meets up with Jules and the other weres, where he's informed that they need his help to find the moonstone. They fill him in on the curse details (like how if they break the curse they can then control when and if they change into wolves) and also mention that they need to find Mason's vampire girlfriend "Kathy." When they show Ty a photo of Kathy he accidentally lets slip that Elena is the doppelganger. The hunt is on. After Ty not-so-stealthily steals Caroline's phone he uses it to text Elena, who then lets "Caroline" know she's at the lake house. So maybe not so much a guy with a chainsaw coming out of the woods as a bunch of rabid werewolves. I think I'd prefer chainsaw guy.

But before the weres show up Elena and Stefan stumble across a secret weapons room in the lake house--full of vamp-hunting supplies, as well as the missing Johnathon Gilbert journals. Too bad--I was hoping for treasure. Or at least a trapped vampire. I'm sure the journals will ultimately prove more useful, though.

While Elena pores over the journals Stefan heads out to collect firewood (he's so manly). That's when chainsaw guy comes out of the woods. Well, okay, it's actually Brady with wooden bullets. He puts Stefan down and leaves Ty to guard him while he goes after Elena. Desperate, Stefan asks Ty to help him and Ty responds by shooting him in the knee. Seriously--WTF is up with the teenagers of Mystic Falls? And Stefan must have the patience of a saint. Instead of threatening to tear Ty apart, as anyone else would be doing, he instead takes a moment to inform Ty of the consequences of his actions (in other words, what the weres are really planning on doing with Elena).

Elena, meanwhile, is starting to realize that something's up. Sensing danger, she's prepared when Brady appears, stabbing him and running. There's a bit of a chase through the house, which ends when Elena runs outside. Brady follows and Stefan is waiting just outside the door. A moment later Brady is missing his heart and all is well again. Ty apologizes, claiming he had no idea what the weres were going to do to Elena; he just wanted the lycanthrope curse lifted. Verging on saintlike herself, Elena gives Ty a comforting hug.

No hugs for Damon, though; he's still being tortured. But he's nowhere near breaking. I knew he'd find a way out of the situation but I wasn't expecting Elijah to show up. He teases the weres with the moonstone before killing them one by one (except for Jules who skulks away). Damon gives a fantastic impressed look as Elijah easily kills the weres; I get the feeling he's suddenly got a whole lot more respect for Elijah. Once the weres are done, Elijah releases Damon and leaves. Alaric eventually returns to life, while Damon catches up on everyone else's news and cleans up (has anyone else noticed that it's always Damon who cleans up after attacks? Ladies, he's hot and domestic!) The upshot of all the drama is that Damon and Stefan agree to keep Elena at the relatively safe lake house a while longer.

There's also a fair bit of relationship upheaval this episode. Things start out rocky for Matt and Caroline as he gives her a particularly frosty shoulder and informs her he knows she was lying about spending time with Bonnie the night before. He then takes out some of his frustration on Ty, snapping at him that he (Ty) and Caroline shouldn't lie about the relationship Matt believes they have. Oh, Matt--you know what happens when you assume.

Stefan and Elena start out sickeningly lovey and end up strained when Stefan finds out that Elijah's plan all along has been to kill Elena...and that Elena knew and accepted it. The fact that Elena is so willing to give up her life upsets and disgusts Stefan. Looks like things are going to be tense around the lake house.

Making good on his threats to Alaric, John decides to stir up trouble for him and Jenna, making a point of mentioning what a liar Alaric is and telling Jenna she should ask him what really happened to his wife. By the end of the episode things are still okay between the two of them but it's clear Jenna is starting to have doubts.

Bonnie and Jeremy finally kiss! Woo. As this particular relationship holds no interest whatsoever for me, I don't care one way or the other. But I do like how Bonnie decided to give Jeremy a chance only after Caroline pointed out that the two of them (as a vampire and a witch) can't really be picky about who they date. Classy.

The episode ends on a "Ty" note (ha ha). He actually does leave a note, though--for his mom, no doubt explaining why he's running off with Mason's annoying friend Jules. Before he leaves he also stops by to see Matt, where he tells Matt to be good to Caroline because she loves and needs him. Ty takes a final moment to watch Caroline from a distance, although he doesn't approach her. And then he elicits a promise of "no more lies" from Jules before they drive off together into the night.

So that kind of sucks about Ty leaving, although I have the feeling he'll be back. I wonder if Damon and Stefan are ever going to get tired of bailing Elena out of one crisis after another. And is Alaric going to come clean to Jenna about Isobel and vampires in general? Also, is anyone else kind of hoping Elijah will stick around after Klaus is killed? After all, you can never have too many vampires around (I should stitch that on a pillow).

Fang Files

Appearance: Pale humans until the vampire emerges; then dark/red eyes, dark facial veins and long, curved fangs. Vampire bites are vicious looking.

Strengths: Ability to compel/hypnotize humans. Super strength, speed. Ability to withstand pain. The older the vampire the stronger they are.

Weaknesses: Wood. Heavy sedation.

Mythology: Vampires need an invitation to enter a private residence. The way to (supposedly) kill an Original is to dip a specific dagger in the ashes of an ancient tree and then plunge the dagger into the vampire's heart.

Sound Bites

Jeremy: What kind of witch roofie was that?
Bonnie: A strong one.

Elijah: [to Damon] The moment you're no longer of any use to me you're dead. So...you should do what I say. Keep Elena safe.

Alaric: Just don't kill her [Andie]. Please.
Damon: Who would report her death if I did?

The Vampire Diaries, S2 E14 "Crying Wolf." Written by Brian Young. Directed by David Von Ancken. From The CW.

Moonlight S1 E15 "What's Left Behind"

Spoilers Ahead

"What's Left Behind" features monsters, war, miracles, regrets, family, and a really nice Victorian house. And unlike the last couple of episodes (read more) it's not disappointing. In fact, I really liked it. And since the series is approaching the end, it's nice to see it concluding on at least one high note (and hopefully another one in the finale).

The episode starts at night with a frightened little boy lying awake in bed. He hears strange noises around him and it seems as though someone is creeping around in the hallway. The next thing we know the boy is grabbed out of his bed from above.

The next morning Beth meets with Ben (his request). Apparently the previous year she covered two similar kidnappings and Ben wants to use her expertise and fresh eyes to help in the investigation. Since the boys in the previous kidnappings were found dead within a week, finding this boy (Jacob) is imperative.

Mick, meanwhile, has spent a night out with Josef...window shopping for couches. (We shall never speak of this again.) On returning to Mick's place he is transfixed by the TV that's tuned to the kidnapped boy's father pleading for his return. The next day when Beth arrives at the crime scene, Mick is already there. It turns out he grew up in the neighbourhood.

Through flashback we find out that the house the boy lives in used to belong to Mick's best friend since childhood, Ray, and Ray's wife, Lilah. We also find out that Mick and Lilah betrayed Ray. So when Mick goes inside and sees a picture of Ray and Lilah he realizes that the kidnapped boy's father (Robert) is their son. Or is he? In the age of paternity melodrama (thank you, Maury Povich) my first thought was that Robert is more than likely actually Mick's son.

Mick has the same thought and even manages to scrounge up some pre-vampire DNA for a test. But that comes second to finding Jacob alive and well. He is possibly Mick's grandson, after all.

As he and Beth investigate the kidnapping he tells her about him and Lilah. It turns out that when they hooked up they both thought Ray had been dead for months (so not sure where Mick's sense of guilt is coming from). Mick left them both alone after Ray's miraculous return from the war, and he'd had no idea that Lilah was pregnant. But the fact that Ray was partially paralyzed and not expected to be able to father children, as well as the fact that Robert was born seven months after Ray's return definitely point to Mick being the baby daddy.

Meanwhile he and Beth have figured out who the kidnapper is. Unwilling to wait for a search warrant, Mick goes after the guy. The kidnapper is as creepy as you would expect, monologuing about his twisted philosophies. He then tries to shoot Mick. But when he sees that Mick is completely unaffected he tells him it's his fault that Jacob will die afraid and alone in the dark. And then he blows his brains out. Things are looking grim for Jacob--until Mick hears a faint heartbeat. It turns out psycho kidnapper bricked the poor kid up into a wall (is anyone else completely freaked out at the thought of that?) Mick breaks down the wall with his bare hands and saves the day.

Later, as Mick and Beth sit in his car outside Jacob's house, Beth hands him the results of his DNA test. For a second I thought Mick wouldn't even look but he does. He's not Robert's father. It turns out Robert really was a miracle baby for Ray and Lilah. Mick is happy for his friend but he never realized how much he wanted a family of his own.

As this is happening outside, inside the house Robert is astonished when Jacob points out Mick in an army picture on the wall. Robert (aware that Mick is just outside) grabs the photo off the wall and runs out as Mick is pulling away. As Robert watches Mick leave he drops the photo. On the back we see Mick's name written (you'd think he would've changed it in 60 years). But thinking about what must be going through Robert's mind gives me shivers. Ghost stories involving a dead person coming back long enough to help someone in trouble are my favourites, so this episode really appealed to me on that level. But the acting was also good, the emotion was real, the house was enviable, and the story compelling. Even though there was no real progression of Mick and Beth's relationship, I (surprisingly) didn't miss it. Overall "What's Left Behind" is an episode I would go back to and watch again, something I can't say about too many shows.

Fang Files

Appearance: Pale human until the vampire emerges; then ghostly white, bruised-looking eyes and long, elegant fangs.

Strengths: Heightened sense of smell and hearing. Ability to see clearly in the dark.
Super strength. Ability to heal quickly. Not affected by being shot. Menacing growl.

Mythology: Vampires give off a distinctive odour of decay. Vampires love children's blood: it is purer than that of adults and some believe it tastes better. Vampire DNA is fundamentally changed from the original human DNA.

Sound Bites

Mick: Should I be jealous of him?
Beth: Of course. Even if I have no romantic interest in him your jealousy makes me feel desirable.

Josef: I hope you get the kid back. Your last contribution to the human gene pool.
Mick: Yeah, I guess he is.
Josef: Unless you and Beth rewrite the rules of vampire love and figure out how to procreate-- [sees Beth] Hi, Beth. [stage whispers to Mick] Beth's here.

Beth: Family's not only about DNA.

Moonlight, Season 1 Episode 15 "What's Left Behind." Written by Jill Blotevogel. Directed by Chris Fisher. From CBS?The CW.

The Vampire Diaries S2 E13 "Daddy Issues"

Spoilers Ahead

Damon fans, prepare to be happy. Not only does he have some great moments in "Daddy Issues" (Ian Somerhalder seems to be particularly on top of his game this episode) but he even looks especially good--and he gets two bathing scenes. The television gods have smiled upon us this week.

The episode starts with Ty approaching Caroline after his "illuminating" conversation with Jules last episode. When he tells Caroline they need to talk, she thinks he means about the kiss they shared. After they agree that they can't go there (Caroline still has feelings for Matt), Ty bluntly asks her what happened to Mason. He also mentions that he knows Stefan and Damon are vampires. Caroline is shaken and she apologizes for hiding things from him. His anger flares (kudos to Michael Trevino--he does rage well) but he keeps control and walks away.

But you'll soon forget all about Caroline and Ty as we cut to Damon in the shower. When I saw this scene I tried to be mature about it, commenting about the shower enclosure itself (nice...um...tiles). While it really is a great bathroom I don't think I was fooling anyone. This is a pure eye-candy scene--enjoy it while it lasts. Too soon his attention is grabbed by the TV in the next room. He gets out of the shower to watch a news report about the group of missing campers (courtesy of Jules), three dead people (Rose), and a missing girl (Damon). The town is planning on holding a memorial service later that day.

From there we go to Elena (also looking particularly good) as she exhibits her version of the episode's title. She and John are not getting along, which isn't exactly anything new. But it doesn't help that he refuses to tell her why he's there or what exactly he's going to do to help. And poor Jenna--first she suffers the shock of seeing John in the house when she never expected to see him again; then, just as she's about to exert her authority as Elena's legal guardian to kick him out of the house, he pours the cold water of biological fatherhood all over her (the first time she's hearing about it). Mind you, in reality I still think Jenna would actually have final say but it's a trifling point.

Elena isn't the only one who distrusts John; Damon's right there with her and he's beyond irritated at Stefan's decision to bring John back. Stefan, on the other hand, thinks they're too desperate to be picky. Since they can't trust or kill Elijah, and John can apparently help them with the latter, it seems John is the lesser of evils. Kind of like how I feel during elections. Nevertheless, John hasn't told Stefan how he can help any more than he's told Elena. Can you really trust an ally who keeps you in the dark? Damon decides to go have a chat with John.

After Damon leaves, Stefan suddenly has a whole new set of things to worry about when Caroline tells him what's going on with Ty. She begs Stefan to talk to Ty and convince him they're not his enemies. They both agree not to tell Damon about it as his response would be to simply kill Ty--something he wants to do anyway given Ty's werewolf status. Caroline is anxious not to lose her friend, though, and she thinks Stefan will say the right things to reassure Ty.

Meanwhile Jules is busy telling Ty that all vampires are their enemies. She's also trying to convince him to leave town with her. Something about pack loyalty and it being her duty and honour to help him. Whenever Jules is onscreen I just spend the time hoping one of the vampires will come along and kill her. She's one of those characters that seem to have a natural gift for eliciting revulsion. Meanwhile Ty is just confused about who he can trust.

Maybe it would help with Ty's trust issues if vampires weren't so sneaky and menacing. Stefan shows up without warning in Ty's house and proceeds to threaten him into listening to what Stefan has to say (but in a nice way--more or less). Yeah, that'll convince him you're not the bad guys.

Speaking of bad guys, it turns out Jules's werewolf boyfriend Brady (fellow Torontonian Stephen Amell, Heartland) has been hiding out in a trailer in the woods. And he makes Jules seem positively vamp-friendly. While she claims she wants the boy (Ty) more than vengeance for Mason's death, Brady decides he wants both.

Back in town John's not exactly getting a warm welcome. After finding out from the mayor's wife that Damon is now head of the (anti-vampire) Council, he gets told off by Jeremy for his anti-vampire sentiment. Then he pathetically has to ask Jenna and Alaric if he can sit with them at The Grill (they're less than enthusiastic). And finally he has to deal with Damon, who informs him that if he doesn't start talking about Klaus he will kill John in his sleep. At least John manages to stand up for himself, telling Damon he won't talk until he knows he can trust him.

John's not the only reject around. Luka's father gets the (very) cold shoulder from Bonnie, who informs him she wants nothing to do with either of them since he and his son are working for Elijah and are clearly not to be trusted (it's all about trust this episode). He attempts to defend himself and Elijah but gets shut down by Jeremy, of all people, who checks that Bonnie's okay and then walks away with his arm around her. Some days it just doesn't pay to even try.

Back to Stefan, who is still trying to convince Ty that the whole werewolf-vampire enemy thing is just an antiquated idea. He believes they can all get along fine and that Mystic Falls is their home. Ty nods as if he agrees, but when his cell suddenly rings he lunges for it, yelling "help" as he answers. Of course it's Jules on the other end, who proceeds to inform Brady that they have a problem.

The trouble begins as Caroline is getting into her car. Jules approaches from behind and starts talking to her sweetly. Caroline's not stupid but she is a little over-confident. As Jules starts getting nasty, Caroline vamps out and turns on her. Unfortunately Jules is ready and sprays Caroline in the face with vervain. Caroline turns away, her face burning, until she heals. When she turns back--really pissed now--Brady is waiting. He shoots Caroline point blank. She drops. When Caroline wakes up she's in a cage and she's in a hell of a lot of pain. She manages to get the wooden bullet out of her forehead but Brady's waiting. He shoots her again. Why? Why not?

Meanwhile Stefan is still trying to get through to Ty when he gets a call from "Caroline." It's Jules with orders to bring Ty to the woods within twenty minutes or Caroline is dead. In the background Brady continues to torture Caroline.

Damon and Elena are at The Grill; she's playing pool and he's drinking at the bar when Jenna brings over her friend Andie who wants to meet him (what--only one friend?) He turns down her offer to buy him a drink and walks away. As he passes her, Elena comments on his indifference. He says he's staying away from women at the moment, which is in the best interest of women everywhere. Just then she gets a call from Stefan telling her about the situation with Ty and Caroline. Elena begs Damon not to hurt Ty (when did everyone get so protective of Ty?) but Damon's not interested in playing nice anymore. She tries her usual tactic of guilting Damon into doing what she wants and I'm happy to see him call her on it. He also orders her to stay behind while he goes and takes care of things. No wonder Damon is stressed--he's the one who always has to clean up everyone else's messes, whether he wants to or not.

Brady continues to torture Caroline, both for fun and to try to get information about the vampires of Mystic Falls. Even screaming and writhing in pain Caroline doesn't give in. This character has done a complete 180--from whiny and useless to, frankly, awesome. And I have the feeling she's going to get even better. But back to the episode: as Jules waits outside the trailer she suddenly senses something nearby. Stefan walks out of the shadows with Ty in tow. He wants to be civilized about the situation, telling Jules it doesn't have to get any messier and that she should leave town. A moment later Damon arrives. As the latecomer he graciously allows Stefan to try it his way before he switches to his own methods, which--according to him--are a little bloodier.

I guess overconfidence is a general vampire characteristic because as Damon points out that Jules is outnumbered and overpowered she whistles and several weres come out of the woods, one of them carrying what looks like an industrial strength flamethrower. I like how the weres are disgusted with how vampires have "overrun" Mystic Falls (never mind that all three of them are natives--Katherine doesn't count as she's trapped in the tomb and it's not clear where Elijah is) but they have no problem showing up and causing all sorts of mayhem and violence. Reminds me of the idiot out-of-town "protesters" who showed up for the G20 summit last summer and smashed up local businesses.

Trying to remain confident about their chances, Damon tells Ty to go on back to Jules. Then the fight begins. It is quite an impressive melee, with--among other things--Damon ripping one were's heart out in an instant and Stefan catching a stake mid-air and whipping it back into the thrower's neck. The guys are kicking were ass but the wolves' greater numbers start overwhelming them. Crap.

As this is going on, Ty creeps inside the trailer and finds Caroline trapped and wounded. She begs him to unlatch the cage and at first it looks like he's not going to. But then he relents and releases her. As they head back outside Damon and Stefan are down and Jules is quick to put a gun to Caroline's head. Ty does nothing to help any of them--he doesn't even say anything. As Brady is about to stake Damon, the weres (all except Ty) start screaming and clutching their heads. Before long they're unconscious. It turns out Luka's dad has arrived to work some mojo and uphold Elijah's word to Elena. He tells the vampires to get out of there and then he tells Ty to inform the other weres that it's time for them to leave. Ty looks even more confused than usual. Meanwhile, I'm kind of wishing the witch had exploded all the weres' heads instead of just knocking them out for a while.

Stefan makes sure Caroline gets home okay and offers to stay with her if she wants. She insists she's okay, that she can handle herself now and just wants to take a shower. He acquiesces and leaves.

Meanwhile, John has showed up at the Salvatore mansion to talk to Damon. He claims that he believes Damon and Stefan will do anything to protect Elena, which puts them on the same side. He's brought along something that can kill Original vampires: a dagger and a bottle of ashes from a particular ancient white oak tree. To kill an Original the dagger needs to be dipped in the ashes before being plunged into their hearts. Rather ritualistic, I'd say. According to John, Isobel is the brains behind the operation and he claims that if she accomplishes what she's trying to do, Klaus will never step foot in Mystic Falls. This seems like a whole lot of effort. You'd think the witches could cast a protection spell on Elena or even over the entire town. But I guess since everyone seems to have ulterior motives of their own a simple spell would be counter-productive.

Back to Caroline appearing (understandably) traumatized as she's painfully digging splinters of wood out of her flesh. Suddenly she gets a call from Matt, whom she was supposed to meet. Shaken Caroline tells him she's helping Bonnie with something. Matt looks over at Bonnie and Jeremy looking pretty cozy at a table in The Grill. He goes along with Caroline's story but things aren't looking so good for those two right now. As soon as she hangs up Ty comes knocking. He actually has the audacity to ask if she's okay, claiming he had no idea they would go after her (it's so embarrassing when your wolf buddies attack and torture the one person who actually cares about you). He also whines that he doesn't know who to trust. Caroline is beyond angry at him. She informs him that she only lied to protect her friends and to protect him (she can't believe he doesn't understand that). Then she tells him it's too late for apologies as they're no longer friends. What happened that night will never happen to her again and she makes sure to tell him to let his pack buddies know.

Over at Elena's there's a fun echo of the scene from "Founder's Day" where John closed the fridge door and "Elena" (actually Katherine) was standing there. In this episode it's Elena who closes the fridge door and finds John standing there. John gives a sappy speech, claiming he knows he's not her real parent but he does care about her and wants to protect her and the family. He gives Elena a peace offering in the form of a charm bracelet that used to belong to her mother, Miranda. (I have the sudden notion that there might be some kind of actual magical charm attached to that bracelet.)

As John leaves, Stefan is there and he and Elena embrace. She tells him she doesn't believe John. When she asks how Caroline is doing Stefan says he needs Elena's help. They head back to Caroline's, along with Bonnie. The BFFs are ready and willing to offer some slumber party therapy, which--surprise--is exactly what Caroline needs. As the girls all hug, Elena looks over at Stefan and mouths "I love you" and he mouths it back. My romantic side thinks it's sweet, while my cynical side is gagging.

Back in the woods the weres are awake and dejected. Ty arrives and asks if it's always like this but Jules claims it's not, and Brady says it's only because Ty is in "vamp country." I guess Ty decided he can trust them because he tells them about the moonstone. They perk right up when they hear about it. Too bad Ty has no idea where it is (his exact words: "I couldn't tell you where it is," which may or may not be significant).

And finally we get back to Damon, this time sharing a bubble bath with Jenna's eager pal. Suddenly he says he has a problem he needs help with because it's really messing with his mind. He's in love with a woman he can never have. You have to wonder what it is about Elena that makes her so damn irresistible to vampires (and how do I get it?) Anyway, not being in control is driving Damon crazy. Yup, love can do that to you. Unfortunately he takes the confession a little too far when he admits he's a bad man who kills people. He compels her not to be afraid and she asks why he kills people. He says he kills because he likes it, because it's his nature. But Elena wants him to be a better man so to make her happy he can't be who he is (a killer). Thus his problem.

Andie suggests that maybe he is a better man now, that love changes you. The anguish on Damon's face and in his voice is just so perfectly executed (someone please give Ian Somerhalder a raise). He tells her to stop talking and to just be his distraction, which she's only too happy to do as they start kissing. Then there's a beautiful shot of Damon's fangs extending and a moment later he bites into her neck. The camera cuts between her face and the blood running down her back as Damon drinks. The whole thing is just so well done from the acting to the cinematography. It's also dead (no pun intended) sexy. And people don't get the appeal of vampires.

The episode ends with John paying a visit to Katherine. I'm sure no one had any doubts that Elena was right when she said John's motives weren't trustworthy. Now he proves her right. Katherine wants to know why Isobel didn't come since it was her she told Stefan to contact. John replies that Isobel got the message and was busy so she sent him instead. It seems John's real purpose for coming back to Mystic Falls is to get Katherine out of the tomb. Dumbass. I hope she finishes him off this time.

So this was quite the enjoyable episode: good story progression, vamp action, character development, and plenty of Damon awesomeness. I think we can now safely say that The Vampire Diaries stands up to (and even surpasses) all the other vampire shows currently out there, not to mention the fang-free shows. I'd even go so far as to say it's almost up there with Buffy and Angel, which is high praise indeed since they are the gold standard of all things vampire. Best turnaround ever; they've done themselves proud.

Fang Files

Appearance: Pale humans until the vampire emerges, then dark/red eyes, dark facial veins, and long, curved fangs.

Strengths: Super strength, speed, creativity. Heightened senses. Quick healing. Ability to compel humans (Originals can also compel other vampires).

Weaknesses: Vervain, wooden bullets, fire, stakes. Blood lust.

Mythology: Original vampires can only be killed by a dagger dipped in the ash of a specific ancient white oak tree. Stefan and Damon are now regularly consuming vervain in order to build up an immunity to it, as well as to make it impossible for an Original to compel them.

Sound Bites

Damon: [to Stefan] You brought back John Gilbert? That was your big 'save Elena' move?

Damon: [to Stefan] Better watch your back because I may just go out and get a hero hairdo of my own and steal your thunder.

Elena: Please don't do anything stupid.
Damon: Yeah, but stupid is more fun.

The Vampire Diaries, Season 2 Episode 13 "Daddy Issues." Written by Kevin Williamson and Julie Plec. Directed by Joshua Butler. From The CW.

Clip: Iwai Shunji's Vampire

Courtesy of Sundance (where it was screened), a short clip of Iwai Shunji's Vampire, a movie about a "new" kind of vampire, as well as an interview with Shunji about his movie. I've read some negative comments about Vampire, but I think it's probably still worth checking out. It can't be worse than some of the other movies I've seen (I hope).

Death's Excellent Vacation

Spoilers Ahead

It's been awhile since I've read any short stories. I'm not generally a fan of the genre--you have to be Alice Munro to really pull it off (if you haven't read her Open Secrets, I highly recommend). But when Penguin sent me a review copy of Death's Excellent Vacation, a collection of paranormal short stories, I was excited to get into it. Unfortunately, I ended up disappointed.

First things first: out of the fourteen stories included, only five involve vampires (and in one of those there's only minor vamp action). Nevertheless, it's worth reading some of the other stories as well even if you're in it mainly for the vampires (particularly "The Innsmouth Nook" by A. Lee Martinez and "Meanwhile, Far Across the Caspian Sea..." by Daniel Stashower).

The first vampire story is "Two Blondes" by Charlaine Harris (who is also one of the editors of the book). Yes, it is a Sookie Stackhouse story (previously unpublished). Too bad it's also awful. The story revolves around Pam and Sookie (the two blondes of the title) spending a weekend in Tunica, Mississippi. What's supposed to be a vacation turns out to be a dangerous errand. Besides the preposterous premise, Harris spends way too much time on exposition and--worse--novel recaps. Given the limited number of pages you'd think it would have been obvious that more time should have been spent on story development. While the majority of "Two Blondes" is simply boring, the conclusion seems like it was created for (or by) skeezy high school boys with overwrought masturbatory fantasies. It's just bad. Harris didn't just phone this one in--she texted it.

Fang File: Pale humans with fangs that extend or retract at will. Sleep during the day and can't tolerate sunlight. They greet one another by nodding (no hand shaking). Elf blood is toxic to them.

Text Bite: "Pam put on her blinkers (she was an excellent driver) and following the signs, we pulled up in front of the casino/hotel where we had a reservation."

The next vampire story, "One for the Money" by Jeaniene Frost, is--thankfully--much better. In fact, it's my favourite story of the bunch. An offshoot of her Night Huntress novels (which I think I'll need to be checking out soon), "One for the Money" has vampires Cat and Bones teaming up with Cat's mom (a recently turned vampire) protecting a spoiled brat heiress from the various nasties out to kill her. This is one of the better-paced stories in the anthology, which is probably a big reason why it's also one of the better stories. It also doesn't hurt that it's an interesting story with decent tension and engaging characters. Clearly Frost can work as well in shorter form as in her longer pieces. Buffy fans might get a kick in seeing Ohio described as a "supernatural hotspot" (of course it is--there's a Hellmouth in Cleveland). And although I didn't get a real sense of it here, on her blog Felicia Day has described Bones as a Spike-like character (works for me).

Fang File: Heightened senses, super strength and speed. Ability to compel humans. Ability to see ghosts. Different vampires have different skills (Bones can fly, Cat can shoot flames from her hands). Sun, crosses, and stakes don't affect them. To kill you have to destroy a vampire's heart with silver.

Sound Bite: "Right. And we shrink back from crosses, can't travel over water, can't enter a home unless invited, and always get staked in the end by the righteous slayer. Really, who'd be afraid of a creature like that? All you'd need is a Bible, a tanning bed, and some holy water to send us shivering to our dooms."

Story number three, "Safe and Sound" by Jeff Abbott, isn't the most creative story I've ever read. It's about an obnoxious reporter named Nancy Grace Nora Dare who works for CNC ("Constant News Channel") and is obsessed with the case of a college student (Jason Kirk) who disappeared one night while on vacation on a Caribbean island. She's determined not to drop the story until Jason is found. None of the characters are exactly believable, especially when they're so exaggeratedly good or bad. It also seems to go on for too long and then rushes to the conclusion. But at least, unlike poor Natalee Holloway, Jason Kirk's story ends on a somewhat more positive note.

Fang File: Vampires only come out after dark. They can feed on animal or human blood. Ability to hypnotize humans and alter their memory.

Text Bite: "Nora had to decide whether to play that comment as a hurtful blow to the Kirk family or as an exciting, intriguing new twist in the story's worn fabric. She tilted her head again--she was known for the beauty and forcefulness of the head tilt--and decided the audience was hungry for a bit of the inspector's flesh."

"The Heart is Always Right" is an intriguing concept--the life of a gargoyle--marred by a poor execution and a predictable, cheesy ending. At least our hero (a nameless gargoyle) is interesting and sympathetic. Vampires make only a brief appearance.

Fang File: Vampires are minions of the "Big Bad" and are always found in the presence of kolthulu (squid demons). They can't speak when their fangs are out so they emit a whistling hiss instead.

Text Bite: "The lights were out here in the corner of the lot. That was the first wrong thing. The next was the thickness in the rainy air, like rancid soup. Last was the shadows crowding around, and the red pinprick lamps of eyes blinking on and off. What the hell? I dropped my plastic bags and my trueform shredded out through the mask of disguise."

This brings us to our final vampire story, "Pirate Dave's Haunted Amusement Park" by Toni L. P. Kelner, the other editor of Death's Excellent Vacation. The story, which does in fact feature an amusement park and a Pirate Dave, revolves around a newly turned werewolf visiting the amusement park of her childhood vacations and discovering a whole lot of sabotage going on. Teaming up with Pirate Dave (who turns out to be a vampire) they solve the mystery and find romance. There are no real twists to the concept and the pacing leaves something to be desired. The introduction is all right but everything after that is way too rushed, with no tension or build up of the story. It is, however, nice to see vampires and werewolves getting along for once. I think Kelner and Harris's stories serve to prove that editors should not include their own work in anthologies.

Fang File: Human appearance. Ability to glamour humans. Super speed. Can only come out at night.

Text Bite: Joyce: I thought we could go out for a bite. And for dessert we can come back here for a bite.
Vampire Pirate Dave: Prepare to be boarded.

Overall this is a book with a few decent stories and a lot of poor ones. If you're a diehard fan of the paranormal (there's a bit of everything to be found here, from squid monsters to gargoyles to leprechauns and even super heroes), borrow it from the library. The rest of you can feel free to give it a pass.

Death's Excellent Vacation, edited by Charlaine Harris and Toni L.P. Kelner. From Ace Books (Penguin).

Moonlight S1 E14 "Click"

Spoilers Ahead

Welcome to "Click": Mick and Beth don't kiss. She spends the night at his place...on the couch. And he spends a good chunk of the episode chasing after another woman. Can you feel the romance yet? Somebody should have told the writers that by episode 14 the significant looks between Mick and Beth were getting old. Unfortunately, the best part about Moonlight is the relationship between our hero and heroine and if that's going nowhere then so is the show (not to mention my interest in watching). I don't feel so bad anymore that it was cancelled.

The episode starts off promisingly, with a car chase through Beverly Hills in which Mick is an amusingly anxious passenger. It turns out the driver, Tierney Taylor (Peyton List, Mad Men, Smallville) is a popular actress being pursued by paparazzi. This is where it gets a whole lot less interesting (for me, anyway). It turns out Mick has decided to join the rest of the world (by doing things like taking on high-profile clients and getting a Facebook page). His client, Tierney, is being hounded by paparazzi everywhere and at all times--someone is clearly tipping them off. The car chase ends with them pulling up at a restaurant where Beth just happens to be lunching with the new ADA, Ben. What're the odds?

Ben apparently still needs to talk about being kidnapped by a psychotic vampire plastic surgeon (see last episode). He also wants to get to know Beth better, although it's not entirely clear whether this has potential to turn into romantic interest (I really hope they weren't planning on going there with it).

In between fending off the paparazzi (including one particularly creepy specimen), having lunch with Tierney, chatting with the producer of Tierney's big upcoming movie ("Lusitania"), and shadowing Tierney's every move, Mick manages a few moments with Beth. They chat about work and there's even talk of--gasp--going on a date!

In the meantime Mick's making the news as Tierney's new hottie, which makes him the newest target for the paparazzi. That's going to cramp his vampire style. Particularly when he captures the attention of Tierney's creepy photo-stalker, Dean Foster.

Beth's going through her own work-related issues. Her new boss wants to take BuzzWire completely tabloid, adopting the position of 'scoop first, retract later'. He wants Beth to use her connection to Mick to find out about the "curse" of Tierney's movie Lusitania, which seems to be plagued with production problems. He orders her to go to a party in honour of the movie.

Mick, of course, it also at the party (a reference to the Poseidon Adventure is the best part of the entire episode). He and Beth spend some quality time together chatting about work (again) and discussing their upcoming date. Mick admits he hasn't been with a human since he was turned (it's kind of sweet). And just as he and Beth are about to kiss...they get distracted by Tierney and her real hottie, Scott, having an argument. Mick abandons Beth to check on Tierney, something I wouldn't have been too happy about but Beth apparently doesn't mind.

When Mick catches up again with Beth they're interrupted once more, this time by screams. Several people are looking over the railing of the ship. When Mick and Beth look they see Tierney in the water below. Mick jumps in after her. One bad cut later and the police are taping off a perimeter and getting Tierney into a body bag. Blaming himself for her death, Mick takes off to her State Room and quickly finds the murder weapon (an anchor that's been wiped but still smells of blood). Now comes the fun part of figuring out who killed Tierney: her seemingly greedy business manager, the creepy paparazzo, her shifty-looking boyfriend...or someone else entirely...

As Mick and Beth investigate, Mick is hounded by the paparazzi (somehow he's the story now). In a rare moment of not being surrounded, a car suddenly comes careening out of nowhere straight for Mick and Beth. He pushes her out of the way but ends up badly hit. Being a vampire he's okay, but neither of them realize that Dean Foster got photos of the entire thing. It doesn't take Beth long to find out, however, when Foster emails the pictures to her and blackmails her. He wants the exclusive rights to BuzzWire's hot leads or else Mick will become his new priority.

After they find the killer (about five minutes ahead of the DA's office) the paparazzi decide that Mick is old news. Except for Foster, of course. Instead of saying anything about him to Mick, Beth goes to see Josef with the photos. She asks him to handle the situation so that Mick won't be exposed. She wants to protect Mick the way he's protected her, which is fine except that it turns out Beth isn't above murdering a human being if they're annoying/threatening. Josef agrees to help but points out that as long as Beth works at BuzzWire Mick's secret will always be in danger.

The episode ends with Mick and Beth on their dinner date. She tells him she quit BuzzWire (it's okay--the place was going downhill anyway). In the shadows outside Dean Foster is taking photos. Until he gets jumped by a couple of teenage vamps who quickly put an end to his career as a professional scumbag. The big surprise comes as we see ADA Ben watching Beth's last BuzzWire broadcast. As it wraps up he looks down at Foster's photos of Mick getting hit by the car, which he then slips into a file labelled Mick St. John. This is not good.

Overall this was an underwhelming episode. There were a couple of good moments and it was nice to see that Mick and Beth at least managed one date. The situation with Ben could be interesting but, with only two episodes of the series left, I doubt it has a chance to go anywhere. All we can hope for now is a satisfying conclusion to Beth and Mick's story. But I have a bad feeling that's not going to go anywhere either.

Fang Files

Appearance: Pale humans until the vampire emerges, then bruised-looking ghostly white eyes and long, elegant fangs.

Strengths: Heightened sense of hearing and smell. Ability to jump great heights (including jumping straight up). Quick healing. Ability to survive major trauma without injury. Super speed and strength.

Weaknesses: Sunlight sickens vampires.

Mythology: Before digital photography photos of vampires always came out blurry because of the silver in the emulsion.

Sound Bites

Mick: Right, we go out, get to know each other--
Beth: You've known me since I was four.
Mick: Okay, it's weird when you say it like that.

Josef: I'm not your sire.
Mick: Kind of a step-sire, though.
Josef: No.

Mick: [to a teenage vampire paparazzo] Give me the camera, lost boy.

Logan: You know Tierney spends a thousand dollars a month on cat grooming? Cat. Grooming.

Moonlight, Season 1 Episode 14 "Click." Written by Erin Maher and Kathryn Reindl. Directed by Scott Lautanen. From CBS/The CW.