25 September 2009

The Vampire Diaries S1 E3 "Friday Night Bites"

Spoilers Ahead

Football-playing vampire. Need I say more?

Maybe not, but I will anyway.

Damon glamours Caroline into submission so he can use her as a steady source of blood (and presumably sex). Meanwhile he attempts to woo (or possibly annoy--it's hard to tell) Elayna, managing to finagle an invitation into her house, as well as some sympathy, from her but not much more.

Bonnie is now convinced of her psychic/witchy abilities, having visions and predicting things left and right. Elayna mentions to Stefan that Bonnie comes from a lineage of witches (from Salem, of course--where else?) and Stefan mentions that a group of "Celtic Druids" migrated to Mystic Falls in the 1800s. I'm still not positive I heard it right, but we all know 19th century America was knee-deep in Celts and Druids. They hung out with the Romans, Babylonians, and Vikings. Probably all playing football. Seriously? Note to the writers: you might want to at least try to keep things within the realm of believability.

Elayna decides that four months is long enough to mourn her parents, and plans to break out her old, fun self by joining the cheerleading squad. When she realizes she's just not that person anymore she quits again.

Brokenhearted over Vicki, Jeremy decides to become the world's mopiest stalker. Tension between him and her new guy, Tyler, leads to an inevitable drunken confrontation in which Stefan (who steps in to stop it) gets his hand sliced open by a broken bottle. By the time Elayna gets a look at it, the wound has healed. But she saw him get cut? Or did she? Asking Bonnie about the vision she had when she touched Stefan, Bonnie admits it was a cold feeling, the way she imagines death is.

Stefan joins the football team because Elayna says he should. The coach/history teacher/only teacher in the entire school decides to let him try out only because he wants to see Stefan fall on his ass (because, you know, Stefan showed him up in class). Stefan turns out to be the starriest star player they ever had, making an enemy of Tyler but bonding with the coach, as well as with Elayna's ex, Matt. If only he can win over his brother so easily. He does manage to protect Elayna from Damon by getting her to wear a vervain-filled protection amulet "for luck." His attempt (in the form of yet another earnest speech) at reminding Damon of the humanity that still lurks deep down inside him, however, ends up failing when Damon proves he's all monster by killing the hapless coach. Really, I just think Damon couldn't take anymore of the coach/teacher's douchy behaviour (I know I couldn't). Stefan realizes there's nothing human left in Damon and that "he must be stopped." Except that there is something still human inside Damon and it seems to be falling for Elayna (as well as still holding a torch for her doppelganger, Katherine).

Okay, so the teen melodrama (and cheesy writing) has gone into overload. I didn't like this crap when I was a teen, so I'm not exactly impressed with it now, particularly the new focus on sports. I realize football is big at a lot of schools, but no vampire aficionado wants to watch their favourite monsters succumb to the mundane. Why not get Stefan a job at Old Navy next? He's trying to blend in, right? I think The Vampire Diaries needs to decide whether it wants to be a show about vampires and the paranormal, or a show about normal teens in their normal (for TV anyway) world. Because right now it's confused and the result is less than fascinating.

Fang Files

Strengths: Quick healing, control over animals, super strength, fortitude, fast reflexes. The ability to suddenly and silently appear and disappear. Hypnotism.

Weaknesses: Vervain protects humans from being hypnotized by a vampire.

Mythology: Vampires need to be invited in.

Sound Bites


Bonnie: I don't want to be a witch. Do you want to be a witch?
Elayna: I don't want to be a witch.

Damon: I'm sorry if I make you uncomfortable. That's not my intention.
Elayna: Yes it is.

Stefan: (writing in his diary) There must be a shred of humanity left inside my brother. Somewhere. But how do I make him see it? And how do I protect her?

Damon: (after killing the coach) Anyone. Anytime. Anyplace.

The Vampire Diaries, Season 1 Episode 3 "Friday Night Bites." Written by Barbie Kligman and Bryan M. Holdman. Directed by John Dahl. From The CW.

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